Can I just be alright for a little while?

26. Colgate smile

My right side had a beautiful blueish purple bruise on it and I had no clue from where I got it. It hurt and I was sore from all over my body and Jay wasn't giving me any answers either because he was asleep. How did we get here? Did we sleep together again? No clue. My head was killing me but guess that was no surprise and I am not going to say that I'm not going to drink again because I clearly keep fucking up with that promise.

I spent a good amount of time in the bathroom. Emptying everything I had in my stomach and even more. Not my favorite thing to do but guess I had to. I could only blame myself and maybe little bit of Aki, too. Or should I just put all the blame on him so I could feel a little better about myself? That I wasn't completely stupid, for example. That getting drunk because some asshole ex was ok and right thing to do. I could blame him because of my ruined liver, as well as the future cancer and what ever more he is causing me with all these nice new habits I have now.

As refreshing the cold water felt, my headache was still there so I roamed back to bed, where Jay was now waking up.

"How's your head?"he asked quietly. Guess I looked like some queen of hangovers. Only that I had lost my crown..

"Fucking great...Just like the bruise on my side.. What did I do now?" I groaned and laid down. Jay looked at me and sighed deeply. Well shit. That was not good.

"You missed the stool... "

I did what? Well that was a first. I just hope that there won't be any videos on TikTok or where ever... Awesome. Maybe I should cut it down a little... I was going to get myself killed if I kept going like this.

"Heidi.. you know I care about you and all but this is a little too much already... I mean the alcohol" Jay said carefully and stroke my side. I knew it. But I only drink when we were out. It's not like I was drinking everyday, even tho lately I've been doing it more often.. More than usually.

"I know... But it's hard... You know.. Last night went out of hands just because that fuck-face was here... And Joel kicked him out.. " I mumbled into my pillow and then I remembered what he had said to Aki. Jay kept caressing me and I still kept feeling like I was an alcoholic. Maybe I was slowly turning into one? I mean, my drinking wasn't exactly affecting my work and other stuff.. Yet. But he was right. It probably was too much already.

"Thanks... for helping me home..." I sighed and looked at the man next to me. I was just happy that it was him this time and not the guy next door. Or some third guy... Knowing me, obviously.

"Want something to eat?" Jay asked, probably thinking that I needed some greasy stuff into my system.

"Pepperoni pizza... and Fanta... Even tho I'm not sure will they stay in" I mumbled and scooted closer to the hunk and buried my head into crook of his neck. Jay chuckled quietly and reached for his phone to order the hangover food.

It took about 45 minutes for the food be delivered and because I really didn't want to get out from the bed, then we decided to eat there. While sitting there in silence, munching the pizza, I couldn't help but to keep eyeing the man next me every now and then. It was getting harder and harder for me to not to look at him. Why it was so fucking hard to figure out my feelings towards him?

That was a question I struggled to find an answer and it had been in my mind for few days now. It was rather quiet Wednesday at the salon and I was just drinking coffee most of the time. I had two clients today and Carla was working her ass off. It felt a little bad to watch her work that hard while I just kept waiting my last client of the day who was supposed to be Julia. Not really excited about seeing her but she was so willing to have her makeup done by me so she made an appointment and I couldn't say no to her. Money, you know.. I need that for living.