Can I just be alright for a little while?

18. 90 days to wedding

The situation with Jay remained pretty much just as confusing it had been since Sunday morning, expect we might have slept together some more. So far I did not regret sleeping with him, honestly I was feeling much better after it too. Maybe I needed it more than I thought I would. Eric was still throwing his weird looks at us but I didn't care enough to be bothered by it, yet, but I don't know for how long I can go like this. Yes we might risked the band but we'll see...

It was Wednesday evening and we had been practising every night so far, just like tonight. We were supposed to perform Honey by Luna Aura and Heartkiller by HIM next and I couldn't wait. I loved those two songs and Jay was gonna play guitar so I could focus on singing. The only thing that really made the whole evening extremely uncomfortable was Eric. He did not say anything to the others but I could feel his eyes on me and I did not like the feeling at all tonight. As much as I tried to block it all, I failed and once we were done with the practice and were walking to our cars, I decided to ask what was his problem with me and Jay because I can't continue like this. When we had said byes to Jay and Rob and they took off, only me and Eric were left to the parking lot.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" I asked the man who was just opening his car's door. Eric stopped and leaned against the vehicle.

"I think you know pretty damn well what's going on. I already told you back at your place" I looked him puzzled.

"Come on Eric... "I laughed annoyed and crossed my hands on my chest while moving the weight from my left leg to another.

"No you come on, Heidi.. Don't you remember at all what I told you?" the man was getting pissed. I shook my head and looked at the ground. The conversation was weird and it was about me and Jay but I really can't remember the point he had with the chat. Eric sighed and sat into the car.
"Try to remember" so he wasn't even going to tell me. Great, guess I have to do the thinking again. Not that I enjoyed remembering the things I've done while being drunk and if this was something so important then why he just didn't say it again. Can't be that hard.

I parked my car andmade my way up. I placed my guitar against the wall and started to search for my keys. Once I found them and put them into the keyhole, Joel walked up the stairs. With that brunette I saw the night when Joel loaned the opener. So he was back with that chick...? Did she even know that just some days ago Joel was getting it on with some blonde or that I've been sleeping in his bed twice already? Poor girl. I paid Joel a not too friendly glare and disappeared into my apartment.

"The fuck is the deal with you...?" I whispered and stared at my door for a moment like waiting Joel to answer through it. Suddenly I felt like I needed to shower that feeling off. Even thinking that I wanted to cuddle with him that night made me feel so dirty and now seeing that girl here again, who probably was going to sleep with him.

"Gross... gross...gross..." I quickly made my way to the bathroom, stripped down and turned on the water.

After the shower I made myself a light meal, basically some chicken with fresh salad. I took the plate with me to the sofa and turned on the TV. There was some stupid show going on so I decided to watch it while eating, although in the end I was more focused on my phone than on to the TV. I scrolled through my social media, a lot of new followers mostly because of the competition. There was also message from Julia, the girl with who I pulled out the extra song.

Julia: Hi! We were thinking with the girls that we should collab! What youthink?

They were nice girls but their music was a little too soft to my taste. Before answering I looked at her profile. A lot of revealing photos. But she was pretty. Long, dark brown hair, grey eyes, tattoos. Perfect body. I sighed and looked at myself. I had tattoos too but I lacked at boobs and ass. She looked like she could get any guy she wanted. And here comes the body dysmorphia again...