-The bartender by lilchenette [Rev. Nola]

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Title :: The Bartender

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Title :: The Bartender

Author :: lilchenette

Reviewer :: Nola ( @SURREALGGUK )

Reader Interaction :: 1/5

There were little to no comments on your book expressing their views on the story. Perhaps it’s because there aren’t that much reads?

Title :: 6/10

Although it’s pertinent to the story, it’s pretty common. 

Description :: 4/5

It was just right for me to understand what the story was going to be about. The choice of the last sentence was extremely on point and useful, as I definitely had an impression of the story afterwards. 

Cover :: 3/10

The cover would be considered aesthetically pleasing if it was some icon you’d find on tumblr. However, this is a cover, and the author’s username isn’t clearly seen either. Your cover needs to have more of the aesthetic feel in order to allow readers to get the vibe of the story. Currently, it doesn’t look like a cover at all. Maybe our graphics shop can help with that? 

Plot :: 8/10

It’s a light-hearted story, and I really enjoyed the interactions between Kira and Jungkook. I was actually pretty bummed that the story ended so quickly, but I guess all good things have to come to an end, right?

Grammar/Vocab :: 16/20

Your grammar was exceptionally good for a fanfiction writer, and I have to say that I’m really impressed! There are some mistakes however, such as when you didn’t put a comma in the sentence when it was needed. This interrupts the flow of the story as it throws people off. When you read the sentence out, it’ll also sound like you’re reading everything in one breath. 

Dialogue tags should never be capitalised as well. I’ve been seeing mistakes like these pop out in your writing. Furthermore, if the dialogue tags come after the dialogue, please end the dialogue with a comma (,). This is an essential rule for punctuating dialogue. If there are no dialogue tags, which I don’t really recommend, please end it with a period (.).

As for vocabulary, I believe that can be improved on. I see you have quite a lot of descriptions for your scenes, and adding complex words that show off your word bank would definitely attract readers and keep them interested. 

Attraction :: 8/10

The 10 Questions segment definitely spiced up the story and kept me interested throughout. It’s a oneshot, but I was able to gain some sort of understanding on the characters and enjoy the story. 

Characters :: 8/10

I enjoyed the 10 Questions segment between Kira and Jungkook, it was definitely successful in allowing readers to gain a deeper understanding on what kind of people Kira and Jungkook were like by giving us some sort of backstory behind the characters, and allowed us to see the development of the relationship between Jungkook and Kira as well.

Writing Style :: 7/10

The paragraphing was appropriate, and the flow of the story was just right for the reader to digest too. I liked that you have scene descriptions that allow readers to immerse themselves into the story, as this would greatly enhance the reading experience. The reason why I gave you a 7 is because I feel like those descriptions you have can definitely be improved on. You’re mostly using plain English to write your descriptions, so you could work on other ways to express yourself that would give off the impression that your English skills are pretty exceptional. An example of doing so would be to play around with the endings of the chapters by adding cliffhangers, or by using similes or metaphors. 

To improve on your descriptions, I suggest that you use the dialogues to your advantage, by adding descriptions of how exactly your characters are reacting to the dialogue. This would improve the readers’ perspective on your characters as well. 

Opinion :: 9/10

The story definitely has the potential to win some awards. I really enjoyed it!

Total Score :: 70/100

Total Score :: 70/100

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