Cover: 02.75/05 I feel that the texts were a tad bit too much to the side, like touching the border wasn’t necessary. Also, you could’ve placed it lower, and the 2 layer of texts over the title was unnecessary too. If you need that, you can improvise it a bit- like increasing it a size; because, as of now, it looks like the title is being scribbled over.
Title: 02/05 The title somewhat goes with the book. But . . . it’s so common. I’ve come across half a dozen books named so. You could’ve chosen something more unique, you know? Something that’d describe your book a lot better than the current one.
Synopsis: 04/10 The synopsis wasn’t well written. First off, all the rankings and achievements and the note saying ‘stickers will be added later’ has to be excluded. The reason being, such notes and displays are completely irrelevant in a synopsis. You can add one or two of the best rankings at the end but other than that, you should leave it out. The blurb of a book isn’t meant for that. You can always add an extra chapter at the beginning or end of a book to mention them! Okay now moving on the actual synopsis. You have to improvise a lot. I found the first part of the blurb confusing, actually. You could’ve mentioned that it was spoken by a caller. There were a lot of errors in punctuations, sentence constructions and wordings. I mean, the synopsis had a nice concept- but it wasn’t really presented well. It was just all over the place and untidy, you know? The word ‘too’ was to be in single quotes when it had been repeated in thoughts. And you don’t use tildes in books. Moreover, the dialogues were a bit . . . unrealistic? You could’ve improvised the wordings and sentence constructions; because, to be honest, I felt like two hormonal teens were arguing. The overall blurb doesn’t catch the attention of a majority of people.
Execution: 05/10 It was poor. The synopsis was a mess and so were the other aspects of the book. That includes the grammar, writing style, cover and title- just everything.
Plot: 13/20 It was good, I guess? Now the thing is, I didn’t find a ‘plot’ as such. I mean yes, there was romance, and there’ll be obstacles. But, they’re always there, isn’t it? The elements in this book- under plot of course- could only be considered as sub-storylines. I think you need to add more essence. Or, I might be feeling so because of the writing style. I have mentioned what’s wrong in it, in the next category.
Writing Style: 12/20 You have loads to improve. The writing style was very straight forward, you know? I felt like I was reading out lecture notes. You don’t have that ‘way’ around words. The time skips should’ve been conveyed as a part of the paragraphs rather than being mentioned separately. You should also avoid using abbreviated terms of words- like ‘u’ instead of ‘you’. Be it in direct speech, or indirect, or narration. It’s all the same. The sentence constructions were poor too. I mean, you use the right words, but put it all together in the wrong way. You need to pay more attention to that. Then, the elaboration. You elaborate scenes and even add unnecessary ones. Filler scenes are always appreciated- but I don’t think any of the extra ones were fillers. The same goes for dialogues. A lot of unnecessary ones.
Grammar & Vocabulary: 10/20 Like the writing style, you have loads to improve here. To begin with, the tenses. If you decide to write in present tense, make sure to stick. Changing tenses here and there may not be confusing- but it’s incorrect. Then, the punctuations. The universal value of an ellipsis is three and only three. Using more or lesser than three periods is grammatically incorrect. Also, you use a lot of ellipses- even in places you are to break off sentences with full stops. At some points, you do not use commas when needed. Also, when you end a line in direct speech, make sure to use a comma rather than a full stop, especially when action tags are in use. And, at all means, avoid using extra punctuations marks like exclamation points and question marks. That’s just wrong. When you end a dialogue said by one person, move on to the make another paragraph or line when another speaker speaks. Do not include everything in one paragraph. That’s confusing, and again, grammatically incorrect. Moving on to the vocabulary. You need to expand your knowledge in different words. As of now, the book seems like something that’d be written by an average sixth grader, looking at it vocabulary-wise.
Characters & Development: 06/10 They were good. I don’t really know about the development part but the characters were okay. I feel that you could’ve made them more distinct, characteristic-wise. But otherwise, they’re good.
Total: 54.75/100
Final Note: First off, please do not get offended by anything I mentioned above. This is your first book, and I can see that you make effort to do it right. Keep an open mind and accept them, and work towards improvising! Good luck!
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