The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

29

TW's:
-Mentions of everything that happened
-Mentions self harm (wounds)
-Bullying (slight abuse+f-slur)

Clay's POV

The day went by fast. Sapnap's nails got painted and we made a lot of fun. George had been holding my hand the whole time and when Sapnap was gone later that day, we had only kissed and cuddled.

The next day was hard, George gave me the choice to take off my nail polish or show what I liked and I choose to wear it to school again. My nails were still rainbow, but I looked at George. 'I know this is late, but can we maybe start with black?'

'Of course,' George smiled, kissing my cheek. 'We have some time for that.'

They started taking off my nail polish and painted my nails black. 'All done.'

I giggled shyly and George kissed my forehead. 'Can I check on your arms and belly? I don't want your wounds to get infected and I need to change the bandage.'

I nodded slowly and let George take off the bandages. They were really careful and I felt loved when they cared for me like this. I noticed myself blush a little by their gentle touch and I looked at George. George smiled at me and I lifted myself up to press a kiss on their lips.

'I love you,' I whispered. 'Even though it's really hard for me, I still love you a lot.'

'It's hard, Clay. Being gay isn't easy at all, but I love you and I don't want to be with a girl. I will forever want to be together with a boy, so I just have to accept it. I just will never turn straight whatever happens.'

'You're right,' I muttered. 'I will be gay forever, but I just wish I wasn't.'

'So did I a lot. I also wished to not be disrespected for the fact I'm gay, but that's why you just don't have to pay attention to it. They never have a valid reason why being gay or whatever is wrong. It's always the same and dumb reason: it's gross. And when you ask why it's gross, they don't have a reason at all.'

'That's true.'

'And I love you, I'm truly in love with you and you're a boy and so am I. That doesn't make it fake love suddenly.'

'I have never been in love with anyone but you. Can I ask you something?'

'Always.'

'How did you figure out you are gay?'

'I never felt any sort of attraction to girls, not even a little. Around the age when people started getting a little interested in girls, I was interested in boys. I have said when I was literally eight years old that I was going to marry a boy, not knowing at all what it meant.'

'Aww, that's so cute. Did your parents know?'

'Yeah, I came out when I was fifteen, but they knew it when I was ten already.'

'How did they reply?'

'I cried,' George giggled. 'It was really scary to come out, but they hugged me tightly and told me that it was totally fine. They said they still loved me a lot.'

'When did you start using they/them pronouns?'

'A few months later, but I called myself always they/them since I was fourteen.'

'George?' I whispered.

George sat down next to me and wrapped their arm around my shoulders.

'I feel a bit weird,' I started. George listened carefully and kissed my cheek. 'I have days where I want to be called they/them too, but I also have days where I want to be called he/him.'

'You can use both and tell me everyday which pronouns you prefer the most.'

'Both?'

'Yes, he/they pronouns.'

'On days I feel confident I like they/them more, but I also like he/him.'

George kissed my nose and smiled. 'That's totally fine. Just tell me however you want me to call you.'

I smiled shyly at them and nodded. 'Thank you, Georgie.'

'Georgie,' George giggled. 'I like that.'

George and I cuddled for a few more minutes and after that we filled up time kissing. We went downstairs, made some breakfast and left to go to school.

As soon as I entered, someone pushed me already and laughed at me.

'Disgusting faggot, have you been touched in the past that you turned out this way?'

George grabbed my hand tightly. 'Squeeze my hand if you want to talk back, but don't say anything.'

'Or have you been abused? All faggots have a past trauma, that's why they turn out this way. Being gay is a disease and a mental illness.'

I was fighting so hard to not say anything back and I started squeezing George's hand tighter and tighter. I felt myself getting really angry, but I started squeezing George's hand even harder.

'I bet your parents hated you too. Do I have to remind you of how they burnt in front of you?'

That was too much for me, I couldn't resist myself anymore and I hit him in his face really hard. He looked at me in shock and he held his hand on his face. I didn't say anything anymore and I quickly walked off. George smiled at me and they held my hand.

'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hit him, I just couldn't resist myself.'

'But you didn't say anything, which I'm already proud of.'

'He was really mean.'

'About your parents really went way too far, but I know for sure your parents love you.'

'They do,' I whispered. 'They accept me being gay.'

'What did they say when you came out?'

'They hugged me and said they were proud of me for coming out to them.'

'How old were you?'

'Fourteen or fifteen. I feel a little more confident today,' I whispered.

'I'm proud of you,' George said smiling.

I grabbed their shoulders and took a deep breath, pressing my lips on theirs for just a second.

George blushed and smiled at me. 'I love you.'

I giggled shyly and hugged them tightly against my body. 'I love you too.'

1015 words