The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

15

TW's:
-Bullying/homophobia

Clay's POV

George smiled at me as we broke apart and they grabbed my hand. 'Do you dare saying those words to me?'

I looked at my hands and smiled softly. My grip onto their hands tightened and I nodded softly.

'I am gay,' I whispered. 'Even though I don't want to and I hate myself for it, I'm gay.'

'I'm really proud of you, saying those words is already really hard, okay? It took me three years to come out too, that's normal.'

'Three years?'

'I knew I am gay at my twelfth and I came out at my fifteenth.'

'I knew I am gay at my fourteenth or fifteenth, because you made me fall in love with you,' I said quietly, giggling shyly. 'Can I ask you something?'

'Of course.'

'When uh- did you fall in love with me?'

'I have always liked you a little, but since you bullied me, I didn't want to fall in love. But as soon as you started being nice to me, I fell in love with you.'

'I uh- bullied you because I was really jealous of you,' I whispered. 'You are just so handsome and you are the way you want to be. I'm just a stupid guy who is mentally totally unstable.'

'You're really handsome, Clay.'

I smiled shortly and pressed my lips on theirs really shortly, smiling meanwhile. 'I'm so sorry for everything I did,' I whispered.

George smiled at me and kissed my lips a few times in a row. 'I don't mind, okay? I'm happy to be here with you, kissing you.'

'I'm happy to be with you too. You always calm me down, it's just so confusing. It's so confusing to have your stomach fill with butterflies as soon as you look at a boy.'

'That's cute,' George giggled. 'We should go to our classes now.'

I nodded and we stood up. I grabbed George's hand and kissed the top of it, smiling at them. They smiled back and I let go of their hand. We walked to our class and I sat down in my chair, behind George.

I noticed myself constantly staring at George, they were so handsome and beautiful, I was so incredibly in love them. George turned around as if they felt me staring and they smiled at me.

I suddenly heard some people softly giggling in the classroom and my face heated up. I looked around me and startled as I saw people looking at me. I quickly looked away from George and looked at the teacher, I was really scared suddenly. Why were they laughing? Because I was staring at George? Or something else? It made me paranoid.

It suddenly felt like everyone in the classroom was staring at me and I felt myself getting angry.

'Can you all look somewhere differently?' I yelled.

The teacher looked at me. 'What's going on, Clay?'

'I don't know, they are all looking at me and laughing and it's annoying me.'

'Guys, just concentrate on my class, please.'

'Clay is staring at him,' someone said pointing at George.

'They,' I corrected him immediately. 'And I can look at whoever I want to look at. And if that's George, I'll look at them.'

'Gay.'

'I'm not gay,' I whispered.

Someone laughed loudly. 'You not gay? Tell me a better joke.'

My face dropped and I looked at my hands. 'Why am I suddenly gay?'

Some people started giggling loudly and I felt really uncomfortable. 'What?' I asked.

'Next time don't kiss guys in a school if you're so closeted.'

My face heated up immediately and I felt like crying. 'I didn't kiss a guy, you just must have seen someone else.'

'Someone else kissing George, don't think so.'

'I didn't kiss with Clay,' George now said. 'I kissed with someone else than Clay. I'm not telling you who, but it wasn't Clay.'

'You don't have to try lying for Clay. We made pictures of it and it's such a coincidence that Clay is wearing the exact same outfit.'

I jumped up. 'I'M NOT GAY,' I screamed and I ran away, slamming the door shut behind me.

The door opened again and George ran out. They sat next to me and they grabbed my hand. 'Now you have to remember that I'm always on your side, Clay.'

'They all know, they all know I'm gay. I didn't want to come out ever except to you and my parents. George, you don't understand, I can't be gay.'

'Clay, listen to me now. You are gay and you will forever be, it's not changing. You can better try and accept yourself, okay? You won't solve anything with this internalised homophobia.'

'But everyone will hate me forever.'

'The people who are really worth it will never hate you. I like you a lot and I will never leave you, okay? The ones who really care about you will never leave.'

'No one cares about me.'

'I do.'

'You're the only one then.'

The door opened suddenly and a boy named Sapnap, came in. He smiled at us and sat down on the bench. George who had their arm around my shoulders, let their arm slip away and I scooted away from them.

'You can just hold each other,' Sapnap said.

'What?' I whispered.

'I stood up for you both just then. I'm sick of this homophobia, it's just so disgusting to swear at someone because they like they like the same gender.'

Sapnap had never really participated in the bullying and I was glad he came up to us.

George cuddled up with me again and I grabbed their hand.

'Are you love with each other?' Sapnap smiled.

I nodded slowly and insecure, but George nodded way more secure. Sapnap smiled and he looked at me, I hid my face a little and looked at George's hand in mine.

'Are you gay or something else?' Sapnap asked me.

I shrugged. 'Gay.'

'That's cool.'

I nodded slowly and stood up. 'I don't want to be here anymore. I'll rather die than go back in that stupid class,' I whispered as I ran off.

1025 words