The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

12

TW's:
-Internalised homophobia
-Mentions (child) abuse

George's POV

Clay had painted my nails and ten minutes later we were done. It didn't look quite as good as normal, but we had a lot of fun so I didn't mind at all.

We ended up kissing again and we filled our time with hugging and kissing until we had to eat. Clay had been preparing himself to go downstairs with his nail polish for twenty minutes and he finally came with me.

My mum, dad and sister all immediately looked at us and they smiled.

'Clay, that looks amazing on you,' my mum said.

'I kind of like it too,' Clay said shyly, sitting down on a chair next to the table.

'You should really wear that to school,' Maddie said enthusiastically.

I shook my head. 'Just let him decided what he wants to do with it.'

'They are really good at painting nails,' Clay giggled, looking at me.

'They are, they have been painting their nails secretly since they were twelve. George only started wearing it to school at fifteen, I think?'

I nodded. 'That's right.'

'What else did you two do?' my dad asked.

Clay's face heated up completely and so did mine. I looked at my hands and sighed softly. 'Nothing actually. We just talked and chilled a little.'

I saw my parents both grinning and I looked at my food, acting like I was really concentrating on that now. Clay did the same and we both ate our food in silence.

'Talked and chilled,' my dad repeated with a weird voice.

'Yeah, just shut up, dad,' I said embarrassed.

'Aren't you forgetting a part?'

'Stop, you're embarrassing both of us,' I said. 'Clay and I just uh- chilled.'

My dad smirked and ate his food further, but then Clay looked up. 'George, you don't have to lie to your parents,' he said.

I smiled at him and nodded slowly. 'I'll tell them someday,' I giggled.

My dad laughed even harder now. 'It's priceless to see those red faces of yours. I walked in with some laundry, George. I didn't expect to walk in on what I did walk in on.'

'We can discuss this another time, please.'

'Fine,' my dad grinned.

We all ate our food quickly and Clay had to leave after that. I had told him to immediately come here if something went wrong at home and he said he would. The only thing worrying me is that he got a little over confident and he didn't take off his nail polish. I didn't know how his uncle and aunt would reply to that.

My dad grabbed my hand when I sat down on the couch and he looked at me. 'You know I'm just teasing you, right? I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.'

'It's fine,' I said. 'I'm sorry that you walked in on that, it's uh-.'

'Do you like him?'

I nodded slowly. 'I like him a lot, I think I fell in love with him. He only still says he isn't gay and that's a little hard for me.'

'Did he kiss you or the other way around?'

'I kissed him first and then he kissed me like three times.'

'Well, he's definitely part of the LGBTQ+ then. Just really closeted.'

'Do you think we can ever like uh- be a thing? As in like uh- he would be my boyfriend?'

'Would you like that?'

I nodded shyly and looked at my hands. 'I knew I was gay already, but I never fell so hard for a guy,' I whispered.

'It's fine, George. You can like him, he's a really nice guy if he's himself.'

'I think he will never be the real him besides when he's with me in my room. In school he will probably always be a bit mean, I just don't know if I can trust that enough.'

'He needs to learn how to accept himself first, as soon as he does that, he will be an amazing boyfriend for you.'

'Is he ever going to accept himself?'

'He's trying, he even wore the nail polish.'

'True, I hope so, because I'm really in love with him. It would break my heart if he just kissed me for fun or something.'

'I don't think he did, I have seen the look in his eyes when he looked at you. He's in love with you, but he just doesn't dare to say that.'

'I'm sorry for falling in love,' I whispered.

'Why are you sorry?'

'It's just so complicated. I knew I liked him, but after we just like kissed and such, now I'm sure I'm in love. I just don't really want to.'

'He's going to be okay, I promise you. If not I'm a few weeks than in a few months or years.'

'But after a few years I won't even see him ever again.'

'Well, I think he's definitely your friend, right? You can keep friendly contact until he's ready for more.'

'But what if my feelings have faded when he's ready?'

'You can also just tell him this. Tell him that you're down to wait for him to come out.'

'He didn't even come out to me, he still says he's straight.'

'Yep, really straight, kissing someone who is gay and the same gender as you. That's the definition of straight, of course.'

'Well, I know he's not straight, but he doesn't or doesn't want to believe it.'

'Just give it some time, see how he acts in school tomorrow.'

I nodded and stood up. 'Thanks, dad. It means a lot to have supporting parents like you.'

'I'm straight, so I might not know that much about boys, but I know they can be really complicated. You should ask your mum about that.'

My mum looked at me and giggled. 'Your dad has always been difficult, but I still love him.'

'Is Clay worth waiting for?' I whispered, scared to ask my mum this question.

'He is, George. You're in love and so is he. You can't just throw away this chance. Just give him some time, okay?'

I nodded softly and kissed my mum's cheek. 'I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted after today.'

'That's what you get for-.'

'Stooooop,' I giggled.

'Fine, sweetie. Good night.'

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