The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

11

TW's:
-Internalised homophobia

George's POV

Clay sat down on my bed next to me and I looked at him. I saw him looking at my nails and the nail polish on my desk. I giggled and he startled. 'Uh-.'

'Want me to paint your nails?'

'Uh- I guess-.'

I giggled and stood up. 'What colour?'

'Uh- black maybe?'

'Okay,' I said, grabbing the black nail polish. 'Lay your hand on my desk and I'll paint them.'

'You're an expert, I see.'

'I paint my nails really often.'

Clay giggled softly and he smiled at me, laying his hand down on the desk.

'I don't dare to wear it somewhere else than here,' Clay whispered.

'That's fine, we can take it off after. Are you going to have dinner with us?'

'I would like to.'

'Do you dare keeping it on with my parents and my sister?'

Clay nodded slowly. 'I think they won't judge me.'

'They won't, they will literally love it.'

Clay giggled and I started painting his nails. It took me five minutes and he giggled softly, looking at it. 'It does look kind of great.'

'I'm an amazing nail painter,' I giggled.

Clay started laughing and looked at my nails. 'But you didn't even paint them yourself.'

'Because I'm colourblind,' I giggled. 'Do you want to paint my nails now?'

'Uh- sure, but that's going to look like absolute shit. I did uh- paint my nails before actually and it looked so bad.'

'Oh, I see. Saying my nail polish is ugly, but secretly painting your nails yourself,' I said, teasing him.

He blushed slightly and nodded. 'I have always liked it.'

'Why would you not be able to wear it and girls are?'

'Because it's uh- I don't know. It's a girl's thing?'

'It's not, makeup is actually meant for boys in the past.'

Clay nodded slightly. 'Fine.'

He grabbed my hand to paint my nails too and started off with taking my nail polish off. He was giggling loudly and looked up at me. I saw a small spark in his eyes. In the eyes which always stood deadly, now stood a little happier look. He was comfortable with me and that made me really happy.

We suddenly got a little lost in the moment of staring at each other and both our cheeks started heating up a little. I smiled shyly and suddenly had a little bit of confidence.

Clay was holding my hand and he didn't even notice he was rubbing his thumb over the top of my hand. He smiled at me and I moved a little closer, leaning in slightly. He looked at me a little confused and scared, but he didn't move away. I smiled and leaned in even more as soon as I realised he didn't move away.

I pressed my lips very shortly on his, it was really just a second. My stomach was filled with countless of butterflies and my face was completely red, just as Clay's face.

He looked at me for ten seconds and smiled really softly. I saw him getting a little more confident and he grabbed my shoulders, softly pushing me down on my bed. I heard him giggle really softly before he pressed his lips on mine.

He started kissing me really passionated and I started sweating because of how warm my cheeks were at this point. He cupped my face and crawled on top of me, resting his knees on each side of my hips.

Our lips seemed to move in sync and I wrapped my arms around his waist now. I cupped his face with my other hand and felt his cheeks burning.

After a while we broke apart because we ran out of air and Clay looked at me.

'I'm so sorry,' he started. 'I shouldn't have uh- kissed with you. I mean, uh-.'

'Shut up, I kissed back. I kissed you first actually.'

'Did you uh- like it?'

'Well, I mean- yeah. You?'

He looked at his hands in shame. 'Yeah. I'm uh- not gay.'

'You don't have to hide it, Clay. I won't tell anyone that you're gay.'

'I'm not,' he whispered.

I giggled. 'Sure.'

He stood up and looked at his feet. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's fine, idiot. Now paint my nails.'

Clay giggled slightly and I stood up to walk to my desk, but suddenly Clay grabbed my shoulders again, pushing me against the wall.

'I don't freaking care anymore,' he whispered and he pressed his lips on mine again.

I giggled a little through the kiss, but soon got lost in the moment again. Clay and I kept kissing passionated and we filled a long time with constantly kissing, breaking apart for air and kissing again. We had sat down on my bed now and Clay let himself lay down on top of me, still kissing me.

At first the way we kissed was careful and nervous, but now Clay dared to and it ended up being way more confident than I had Clay ever seen in my life.

A long while later we broke apart, Clay giggled softly and he smiled. 'I'm still not coming out, I'm not gay,' he said giggling.

'Oh yeah sure, just made out with a guy but I'm not gay at all.'

Clay rolled his eyes dramatically and crossed his arms. 'Guess I'll never kiss you again.'

'Oh sure, I totally believe that.'

'Ugh, you're still annoying,' Clay giggled, as he shortly pressed his lips on mine. 'But uh- George?'

'Yeah.'

'Can you please tell no one I kissed with you?'

'I won't, why would I even? Like YO DUDE, I made out with Clay yesterday! Have a great day.'

'I don't know, you're a weirdo.'

'I'm not telling people private things I did with someone, that's weird.'

'Fine,' Clay giggled. 'I trust you then.'

'As you should.'

'Okay, now I will try and paint your nails without kissing you again.'

'I wonder how long that will last.'

'I give myself five minutes.'

'You're so dumb,' I laughed.

Clay laughed even harder and I saw a real happy look in his eyes. It made me really happy to see him happy.

1029 words