The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

17

TW's:
-Death threats (knife)+kicked out
-Suicidal thoughts (mentions starvation)
-Mentions tantrum/panic attack (aggression)

Clay's POV

'Please let me go,' I whispered. 'I promise, I'll leave forever. I'm never coming back anymore, okay?'

'HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU KISS THAT GUY?' my uncle screamed at me.

'I don't know,' I whispered. 'A few times.'

'HOW MANY?'

'Around five to ten times,' I whispered, trying to hide how scared I was. I wanted to cry and scream, but I was paralysed because of my fear.

'HOW LONG IS THIS GOING ON FOR?'

'We kissed yesterday for the first time, please let me go, please.'

'HOW LONG DO YOU KNOW THIS FOR?'

'A few uh- years.'

'You know Clay? You aren't even worth going to jail for. You are worth to die, but I don't want to go to jail for someone's who is worth nothing.'

'O-okay, I'll leave.'

I grabbed the photo frame, my phone and the pictures George had printed. I stood up and ran away, hoping I could still turn my phone on. I kept running and running until I was so out of breath that I collapsed on the ground.

I was breathing heavily and I had to wait for a little to start running again. I just wanted to disappear forever, I would never go back to anyone anymore.

I suddenly thought back of George softly speaking to me, talking about the beach. I started walking a little slower and I walked to the beach, it was a long while away from my house and no one would find me here.

I sat down in the slightly cold sand and I looked at the setting sun. I smiled softly as I imagined George's voice speaking to me, as I imagined them holding my hand, rubbing their thumb over it.

How we locked eyes and both blushed a lot. How they started leaning in and how I felt their soft lips on mine. I imagined them being next to me, kissing their lips softly, laying down in the sand.

How we would both giggle and hold each other tightly, kissing meanwhile. It was a dream of mine, I really hoped it would have never passed, but I had to. I could never see them again, even though they were the love of my life. I at least had to feel their lips on mine a few times.

I noticed myself smile as soon as I thought about George and I laid down in the sand. I missed them, I really missed George. They always calmed me down, helping me whenever I needed someone to help me. I was so mentally unstable and I didn't know if I was going to be okay.

It was cold outside, the sun was setting and I was shaking a little because of the cold. I was extremely tired, but I couldn't sleep at all. I curled myself up like a ball, laying down in the sand. I had secretly hoped for someone to come and look for me, but no one did.

I had to be honest that I also kind of lost the way, I just ran into the beach sort of, but I didn't know the way back home. I couldn't even go home, I had no home anymore.

It took me a few more minutes before I bursted into tears. I was alone, I had no one and I pushed the only person I had away. I pushed away George, the boy I loved so much. I grabbed my phone and tried turning it on, it turned on but I saw I had only five percent battery. I decided to spent the time I had, looking at the pictures of George I had.

I scrolled through all of them, smiling slightly as I started sniffing even louder. They were so extremely beautiful and I was so sad that I would never see them again.

Hours kept passing, my phone had died already and I had cried for all these hours. I missed George, I was extremely scared about what happened to me and I had lost everything. I didn't have my room anymore, I didn't have a house and a bed. I had nothing.

I looked down at the broken photo frame I was holding and I started crying even harder. This was one of the only things I managed to save out of my burning house.

I cried and cried and cried until it was fully dark outside. To make everything even worse it also started raining, I started feeling extremely cold and I got scared by any sound I heard. I had a tantrum earlier and I hit my hand really hard in the sand.

I ended up having bruised hands again and I had cried so hard that I had been hyperventilating for a while. I was breaking completely, I wished I could be gay and accept myself, I wished I could be gay and get accepted. I wished I was straight and I fell in love with a girl, but I didn't. I had to fell in love with a boy and I had to be different again.

I looked at my nails, most nail polish was gone, but I could slightly see some left, it make me smile a little. It made me remember yesterday, how we laughed together and how we kissed passionately. How I felt like living again for that afternoon and the evening.

I could feel their lips on mine again, I could remember the taste of their lips, I could see us kissing in front of me completely again. I wished to do it again, I wished to kiss them again, but all hope was lost.

I would never see George again, I would never see anyone ever again. For my part it was just waiting for me to die now. I had no food, I didn't have anything to drink, I was extremely cold. It was just waiting now, waiting for me to die. Honestly the thought was comforting, I would love to have peace. It sounded so relaxing and nice.

1009 words