The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

18

TW's:
-Mentions missing person
-Mentions bullying/abuse

George's POV

I went home after school, hoping Clay would still have came back and texted me, but he didn't. I knew he needed time, so I would wait till tomorrow, even though I was extremely worried and scared.

I was upstairs till almost night and I went downstairs. I was really sad and I looked at my parents and Maddie watching some sort of show on the television. I smiled at them slightly and wanted to walk away, but my mum paused the television.

'Are you alright, George?' she asked.

I wanted to nod, but instead of nodding I bursted into tears. My mum stood up, hugged me tightly after she made me sit down on the couch in between her and my dad. My dad held my hand and my mum kissed my cheek.

'What's wrong, sweetie?'

'It's a long story and I think I messed up.'

'Just start from the beginning.'

I nodded slowly and sighed deeply. 'Clay got really mad at me this morning, he screamed that he hated me because he fell in love with me. He screamed how he didn't want to be gay and how his uncle abused him yesterday when he got home with nail polish.'

I felt my hands shaking slightly and I looked at the ground.

'He got so mad that he hit me, but I calmed him down and we kissed after that,' I said, sighing.

'What's wrong then, George?'

'Some homophobe went so low that he made pictures of us kissing and spread those everywhere. Clay got bullied in class and everyone was just laughing at him, calling him gay and a faggot and such.'

I heard my dad sigh softly and he grabbed my hand tighter.

'Clay snapped and ran away. I ran after him and we hugged for a little. Sapnap, a pretty nice guy, came up to us, saying he supported us, but Clay left after coming out to Sapnap. I went after him after I talked with Sapnap for a little and I saw him completely beating up someone. I stopped him, helped the guy stand up and he walked off.'

My parents and sister were still listening carefully and nodded.

'After I calmed him down, he said he needed time. We kissed shortly, he even said: I love you and he walked away after that. I'm so worried about him, he got abused by his uncle and I don't know where he went. If he went home, he's in a lot of trouble. But if he didn't go home, I have no idea where else he went.'

'George, I understand that this is really hard, but he needs to calm down for a little. He's totally not alright and he needs time. If he isn't in school tomorrow, I will go to his place to ask his uncle if he's at home. If not we will call the police, okay?'

I nodded slowly and I bursted into tears. 'At least I got to kiss him one last time,' I whispered.

'I bet that must have been amazing.'

'I'm so in love, why do I have to be in love with someone who is so scared of everyone around him. I would never leave him for that, but it's so hard.'

'Try and focus on the positive things. He did come out to Sapnap, he came out to you. He made some progress.'

I nodded slightly. 'He kept the fact he's gay hidden for two to three years, I made him speak out the words: I am gay. He seemed a little relieved after saying that.'

'Is he actually gay or does he also like girls?'

'No, he's gay.'

'It must be awful to have your uncle and aunt absolutely not support you.'

I nodded slightly and looked at my nails. 'Clay painted them,' I whispered. 'I miss him, I'm scared he's gone forever. It seemed like he was saying goodbye to me. What if he's outside right now? It's cold, it's raining, maybe he will get sick. I want him to be okay, mum please tell me he's going to be okay.'

'I don't know, sweetie. I think he is, after one day outside you won't immediately get really sick. We are going to call the police if he's not at home tomorrow.'

'Can't we check now?'

'George, sweetie. It's almost midnight, we can't just go to their house now.'

I nodded slowly. 'I guess I'll try to sleep, but I don't think I'll be able to. I really love him, what if he dies?'

'He's not going to die, don't worry. He won't die after one day and we will find him quickly.'

'Okay,' I whispered, standing up to go upstairs. Maddie jumped up and grabbed my hand.

'Do you want me to talk to you again, just as yesterday?'

I nodded. 'Please.'

Maddie smiled and we walked upstairs together. I laid down in my bed and she started rubbing my hair. 'Let's just imagine everything you want to imagine, okay? It's a dream, you can think of everything.'

'I want to be with Clay.'

'Where do you want to be with him?'

'The beach together.'

'Okay, you're with Clay on the beach, okay? Do you want him to hold your hand?'

I nodded heavily.

'Is the sun setting or is it down? Or up?'

'It's down, it's dark outside and we are together on the beach.'

'Are you walking or sitting down?'

'We are laying down, because I'm kissing him.'

'Okay, imagine you two laying down, kissing each other.'

I nodded slowly and started feeling a little more tired.

'Can you imagine it?' Maddie whispered.

I nodded slowly. 'I can feel his hand on my cheek again, his lips on mine.'

'Great, keep imagining that. And now George, now you've gotten both tired. You have gone home together, cuddling in bed.'

I nodded and softly started dozing off.

'Imagine yourself cuddling with Clay, him rubbing through your hair. Imagine him being with you and kissing you softly before falling asleep.'

I was too tired to nod and it took me ten more minutes to fall in a deep sleep.

1028 words