The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

5

TW's:
-Mentions bullying
-Mentions homophobia (usage f-slur)

George's POV

Niki had left hours later and I went to my room. I stared at the pride flag on my wall and I suddenly felt a little sad. I didn't care about getting judged, but still. Of course I didn't wish to be gay, I also wished to be straight and not to be bullied.

I heard my phone softly buzz and I opened it, looking at the text I got.

Clay
uh hi, sorry for texting but ig u offered
sorry this is weird, ill leave u alone

You
hii, dont leave its fine

Clay
uh well how r u, ig

You
oh good, hbu

Clay
im good, had a nice day?

You
yeah, definitely

Clay
what have u done?

You
well- painting my nails

Clay
i see, nice

You
u can say u hate it and whatever idc

Clay
nah, its all good. what colour?

You
rainbow

Clay
nice, sounds good

You
want a pic of my nails?

Clay
sure

I sent him the picture of my nails and waited for a little for his reply.

Clay
kinda looks really epic

You
come over and ill paint ur nails too ;)

Clay
*rolls eyes*

You
*laughs in pity*

Clay
why pity

You
u dont dare to, do u

Clay
*sighs*

You
*giggles*

Clay
ur such an idiot

You
ur an idiot, u cussed the shit out of me

Clay
im different in school ig

You
u are idiot xD

Clay
ur different too

You
how

Clay
less annoying, more gay ;)

You
*stares at their gay pride flag*

Clay
u actually want me to come over once?

You
ye, that sounds like fun. if u dont hit me or cuss at me

Clay
i wont, ur chill but uh dont tell anyone i said that pls

You
i wont, but why not

Clay
just because

You
fine, i wont tell anyone idiot

Clay
when r u free?

You
friday after school?

Clay
ok, im free then

I smiled and laid my phone down on my bed, but the sad feeling came back. I didn't want to be discriminated anymore just because I fell in love with boys. Always when I was sad I went to my mum to get comforted by her.

I walked downstairs and I walked to my mum, sitting next to her. I didn't even have to talk about my feelings and my mum already wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to her body. She rubbed through my hair and put her phone away to hug me tight.

'What's up, sweetie?'

'I just don't want to be discriminated anymore.'

'I understand, sweetie. I love you, George.'

My dad was sitting on the other couch and he sat next to me too.

'Your nails are looking great, George.'

'Well, I like it. But I'll probably get beaten up for it again. I just really don't want it anymore.'

'I understand, sweetie,' my mum said, rubbing my hair. 'I wish the same.'

'I am gay, I can't help it. I didn't choose for it. The only thing that's different about me is that I fall in love with boys.'

'Nothing is wrong with you, it's them being wrong,' my dad said.

'Why can't they just like my nail polish?'

'Maybe they do, but they will never say that. They are scared of being judged too.'

'At least respect my pronouns,' I whispered. I never let it hurt me, but today was too much. 'My teacher rolled his eyes at me when I said I wanted to be called they and my classmates call me she now, because I act like a girl with my nail polish.'

'You're not a girl, you're just a boy who likes nail polish and likes using they/them pronouns more than he/him.'

I looked at my nails and shrugged. 'I might take it off, I mean I like it a lot, but others don't.'

'George, you have never cared about what people said about you, why are you insecure?'

'I- okay, I'll tell you, but don't get mad.'

'We won't, we are never mad.'

I nodded slowly. 'I guess I have some feelings for a guy in my class and he swore at me. He texted me today and we had a really chill conversation, but I'm just sort of a little scared of what he thinks of me.'

'Are you falling in love?'

'I just find him really attractive. It's stupid, I know. I shouldn't care about what he says and he said he likes my nails, but I'm not allowed to tell anyone he said that.'

'He's scared to be judged for liking nail polish as a guy.'

'But why?'

'Maybe he's doubting his sexuality.'

'He's really homophobic though, he has called me by real name once.'

'What does he call you?'

'Faggot.'

My dad hugged me tightly and grabbed my hands, looking at my nails. 'I like it.'

I smiled shyly and looked at my sister walking in. 'Oh my gosh, George. I LOVE YOUR NAILS.'

I giggled. 'Thanks, Maddie.'

She grabbed my hands and looked at it. 'I love it.'

'Shall I wear it to school?'

'Yeah, you should. Why would you care about what others say? It's amazing and I bet everyone secretly thinks the same. They are just losers for not daring to say that.'

I smiled at her and she sat down on the couch.

'I asked Clay to come over once though, even though he has always been mean to me. I don't think he is okay, he has extreme anger issues and he seems really broken.'

My mum kissed my cheek. 'You're too good for this world, George. Even though everyone keeps hurting you, you still look at how everyone is feeling and put yourself second for them. You can think about yourself for once too.'

I nodded and shrugged at the time. 'I guess, but I kind of also like him a little. I just want to chill with him. He's coming over Friday.'

'Okay, sweetie. That's totally fine, but if he is being a idiot again, just kick him out.'

I giggled and nodded. 'I will.'

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