The Way I Am (DreamNotFound)

26

TW's:
-Heartbreak
-Mentions bullying/homophobia

George's POV

I actually started crying harder than I had ever done and I pulled up my knees, hiding my face between my arms and my knees. I was sobbing loudly and I was completely heartbroken. We were just in a relationship and he already broke up with me, even though I was so in love with him.

Niki walked passed me and she had ran towards me, sitting down next to me to comfort me, but I was so incredibly sad that I couldn't calm down anymore.

I cried for minutes long as I suddenly felt another hand on my shoulder. I looked up slowly and looked in the face of Sapnap. He smiled at me and sat down next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

'What's wrong?' he asked me with a calm voice. I rested my head against his shoulder and sniffed loudly.

'Clay broke up with me.'

'I'm so sorry, do you know why?'

'He just doesn't dare showing who he truly is and he got bullied. I guess he cares less about me than the bullies.'

'He cares a lot about you, he's just extremely scared. And I understand that, because showing how you truly are with this many homophobes around you, that's scary.'

'But I love him so much, he just broke up with me. We had so much fun yesterday and he was really confident this morning.'

'Confidence is weird. When you haven't experienced something before everyone is always like: oh easy, I'll just do that. But as soon as it happens, it's way different than expected. For example I thought I could ask someone out easily, but when it came to that point, I absolutely didn't dare to anymore.'

'You're completely right, but he really just broke up with me and ran off.'

'He's so extremely scared, George.'

'He lives with me now and that's going to be so awkward.'

'He lives with you?'

'Yeah, I don't think he will allow me to tell the story, but he couldn't live at home.'

'Okay, I understand. That must be really hard for him too.'

'He's mentally not okay at all and it feels like it's all my fault.'

'I think he was mentally not okay before he even talked to you.'

'I guess.'

'It's not your fault at all. You made him feel confident enough to go to school being a little more like himself. The fact all of his confidence went away because of the bullies, is not your fault at all.'

I nodded slowly and I looked at my nails, I saw Sapnap looking too. 'That looks so cool, George. I'm thinking of painting my nails too and show everyone that you can paint your nails as a boy.'

'Really?'

'Yeah, I don't really have any, but I mean. Would you like me to come over once?'

I nodded slowly. 'Sure.'

'You need some distraction. Do you have black nail polish?'

I nodded. 'I have all colours.'

'Great, I'm counting on you. Are you free after school?'

'Yeah, I was supposed to surprise Clay, but I guess that's not happening.'

'Clay is going to be alright, he just needs some time, okay? We are going to your place after school and I'll distract you a little from the pain you're feeling at this moment.'

'Thank you so much, Sap. This means a lot to me. I never care about what anyone tells me, but I guess it still hurts a little to always be discriminated because you're gay.'

'I understand, but there's nothing wrong with being gay. Actually, do you want to meet my friends? They are all really accepting. And you too, Niki?

'Can I?' Niki and I both asked.

'Of course, come with me. I know where they are.'

We started walking towards a little more silence place in the school and there was a group of people sitting down. They looked at me and smiled. 'Hi!'

I smiled shyly. 'I'm uh- George,' I whispered.

'And I'm Niki,' Niki said shyly.

'Hi, I'm Darryl.'

'I'm Zak.'

'I'm Wilbur and this are Tommy and Toby.'

'Hi George, ma friendddd, me gusta.'

I giggled a little and looked at a boy with a beanie on.

'Me perdonas.'

'What's he saying?' I giggled.

'He's just weird, that's Alex. He's originally from Mexico and he speaks Spanish a lot to confuse us.'

Alex started saying a very quick Spanish I guessed a prayer and I bursted into laughter.

'Don't mind him,' Sapnap said. 'Guys, can I tell something about George. I have heard that George likes to be called they/them. So don't use other pronouns for them, just they/them.'

I smiled shyly to hide my tears and giggled. 'Thanks, that means a lot to me. No one really respects my pronouns, but my parents, Niki and uh- Clay.'

'Oh my gosh, are you and Clay a couple by the way?' Zak asked.

'Don't,' Sapnap immediately said.

'He broke up with me,' I whispered.

'I'm so sorry for asking. Are you alright?'

'I don't really want to talk about it now.'

'That's fine, we won't talk about it,' Darryl sat. 'Do you have class in a minute?'

I shrugged. 'I do, but I'm just going to be crying all day.'

'Aww, come here.' Darryl stood up and I walked towards him, not knowing what his plan really was. He firstly grabbed my hand and looked at my nails. 'Epic!'

'Thanks,' I whispered.

Then he hugged me tightly against his body. It took me a while to hug him back, but I still did a while later. It took me a short while to burst into tears while I got hugged tightly.

'I miss Clay,' I whispered. 'He broke up with me and I'm so in love with him still.'

'I understand, George. Heartbreak feels very bad, but it will heal with some time, okay? I promise you,' Darryl whispered. 'You need to give it some time and look for distraction until it has healed.'

I nodded slowly. 'Thanks,' I whispered. 'I just miss him so much and we only were together for one day for real. It already hurts so much.'

'That's normal, it's normal to miss him a lot, because you still love him. I promise you that it will get easier and we are all going to help you with that.'

1063 words