Thursday, December 17, 2020
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Ready for Harry Potter?!!
Now, I'll probably skim on some details, so please bear with me.
Also I'm going to have to turn this into a continuing thing, because I only got through the first book.
Baby boi with lightning bolt scar is orphaned and Old Wizard Mentor(tm) leaves him with abusive aunt, uncle, and cousin. Baby boi grows up in abusive household until his 11th birthday, when letters start coming in claiming he's going to a magic school called Hogwarts. Uncle V is all like "no! We beat the magic out of him!" and denies baby boi the opportunity. Uncle V moves family to island to try to avoid letters, then Tall Boi shows up and is all like "yer a wizard H'rry" and baby Boi is like "???" and Tall Boi's like "get in loser, we're going ✨shopping✨" and Baby Boi's like "aw heck yeah!" and goes with Tall Boi. Baby Boi finds out No-Nose killed his parents and he's the only one who ever survived No-Nose, then Tall Boi gets Baby Boi an owl named Head o'Wigs then abandons Baby Boi at train station. Baby Boi meets the Red Heads(tm) who adopt him and get him on the train with the youngest son, Ronny.
Ronny discovers Baby Boi is Harry Potter, revealing that Baby Boi is famous. BOOK SMARTS pops in to ask if they've seen Underrated Charcter #1's toad. Ronny pulls out Plot Twist and tries to do a spell but the spell isn't actually a spell then BOOK SMARTS fixes Baby Boi's glasses like a Queen. Then the train arrives at Hogwash, where Tall Boi yeets the babies on to boats and they see the #IconicGothicCastle for the first time. It's is 50% towers, 50% windows, 100% West European Gothic, and yes this happens in Scotland, so it's iconic. Babies walk into #IconicGothicCastle and Baby Boi meets Hot Mess and his goons, Crab Cakes and Gargoyle. Hot Mess offers to "show you the world" and Baby Boi's like "aw hell naw Karen" and Hot Mess decides that for the next 7 years of his life, he and Baby Boi will be Archenemies(tm).
Turns out ghosts roam the #IconicGothicCastle and one, Peevies, is bent on chaotic pranks that ruin everyone's lives. He shows up, but then QUEEN MCGONAL THE BEST CHARACTER EVER WHO NEVER LET HARRY DOWN ONCE I SWEAR SHE'S THE BEST I LOVE HER SO MUCH appears and he yeets himself out because he respects 1 teacher and that's her. QUEEN MCGONAL greets the babies. She explains "there's 4 houses, Griffin, Snake, Eagle, and Badger, but you only need to know Griffin and Snake" and Ronny's like "Griffin is awesome, Snake is evil, Eagle is smart, and Badger is everyone else" and Baby Boi's like "I wanna be Griffin" then QUEEN MCGONAL leads them into the Totally Awesome Hall. All ya need to know about the Totally Awesome Hall is that there are 4 tables, one for each house, but the only important ones are the Griffin and Snake tables. Babies gather at the base of this raised area, where the teachers sit. Only important teachers are as followed: QUEEN MCGONAL (Transition teach and Griffin leader), Slimey Boi (Brewing teach and Snake leader), Short Boi (Charming teach and Eagle leader), Plant Type (Plant teach and Badger leader), Turban (Defense teach), Future Lady (Mystical Arts teach), and Old Wizard Mentor(tm).
QUEEN MCGONAL puts a beaten up hat on babies' heads and the hat yells out which house they go to. BOOK SMARTS, Underrated Charcter #1, and Ronny go into Griffin, then it's Baby Boi's turn. Hat goes on his head and they talk telepathically. Hat goes "ay yo boy, Snake isn't evil and you could be powerful" and Baby Boi's like "bruh no, Griffin" and hat's like "fine bitch. GRIFFIN!" And Baby Boi goes to the Griffin table. Then his lightning starts hurting and he looks at Slimey Boi, who's glaring at him, and he immediately thinks that Slimey Boi is EVIL and goes "I've connect the dots" and BOOK SMARTS is like "you've connected shit".
Anyway, the third eldest Red Head, Bitchy, leads all the baby Griffins to the Griffin Tower, which is the Griffin dorms. Boys and girls are separated into staircases, neither gender can get into the other dorm, it's a plus for trans because now they get validated but not good for genderfluid or anyone outside of the boy or girl gender spectrum. ANYWAYS (jkr is a transphobic bitch, hate you jkr) Baby Boi settles into dorm with Ronny, Underrated Charcter #1, Token Black Character, and Fire Lord. Newsflash, Token Black Charcter and Fire Lord are gay but it's really far into the subtext because ~homophobia~, just letting you know ahead of time.
Classes happen, time passes, Baby Boi learns about Flying Soccer with Hoops, he's good on a Broom(tm), QUEEN MCGONAL gets him into the Griffin Flying Soccer Team. BOOK SMARTS reveals that Baby Boi's father, Deer, was a Flying Soccer legend. Hot Mess challenges Baby Boi to a duel then stands him up.
Time moves on, now it's the Spooky Season. Ronny insults BOOKSMARTS, she hears, good job Ronny you insulted your future wife ya doofus. Fast forward to Spooky Season Feast, Turban rolls up yelling "TROOOOOOLLLLLLL! IN THE DOOOOOOOONE-GOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN! thought you should know" then passes out. Teachers head out to dungeons, student leaders get the students back to their dorms. Ronny and Baby Boi go to the girls' bathroom because BOOK SMARTS was in there and doesn't know about the danger!! Troll walks into the exact bathroom, Ronny and Baby Boi defeat Troll whil BOOK SMARTS tries to not die. Teachers find them, they aren't expelled, and now the trio are friends!
Stuff happens, Golden Trio bops into a room which turns out to be the one forbidden place in the castle, see Cerbus, yeet themselves out. Fast forward, a vault is broken into that was owned by Nick, but Baby Boi saw Tall Boi take something from there before the break in. Golden trio are looking up Nick, Christmas happens.
Baby Boi gets a cloak of introvert dreams, wanders #IconicGothicCastle with it, finds a mirror. He sees his parents, Deer and Doe, then goes off to Ronny and Ronny sees himself winning the Flyign Soccer Cup and being cool. Baby Boi goes to see the mirror and bunch of times, then Old Wizard Mentor(tm) is like "it shows your deepest desire, now stop coming to it before it kills you".
BOOK SMARTS figures out Nick is the dude who fingered out immortality, which is what Cerbus is guarding. Golden Trio go to Tall Boi who admits the whole thing and becomes the mom of a dragon. Hot Mess tattles, which lands all 4 into detention and Ronny's eledest brother, Ace Icon, plus friends sneak dragon out of Hogwash. 4 plus Tall Boi go into Canceled Forest, Hot Mess and Baby Boi find someone drinking the blood of a unicorn and Baby Boi's lightning hurts. They end up alright, then time passes.
Old Wizard Mentor(tm) leaves town for a bit and Golden Trio figure out Slimey Boi is probably going after the Immortality Stone, so they go after him. They go through a bunch of tests, Ronny sacrifices himself in a game of chess, BOOK SMARTS lets Baby Boi take a potion which allows him to continue on, and he confronts Turban because surprise! Turban has No-nose stuck to his head! Then No-nose and Turban use Baby Boi to try and get the Immortality, but Baby Boi lies and has it. No-nose and Turban try to kill Baby Boi but Baby Boi's touch kills Turban and Baby Boi passes out.
Baby Boi wakes up and all the loose ends are wrapped up. Baby Boi leaves Hogwash with 2 friends and magic back to his abusive house.
End of Book One, Baby Boi and The Immortality Stone.
Stay safe kiddos and remember to drink water!
Love you all so much <3<3<3
~Ink