Monday, January 18, 2021
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Police sirens keep echoing pass my house and I'm not loving it.
An ambulance came through too.
Firstly, it doesn't make me feel safe it makes me feel like someone's about to start shooting in the area.
Secondly, it makes my scared about what news I'm going to wake up to.
I don't really have a point I'm just not happy about it (yes I understand that it's for the safety of the community but DEAR GODS IS IT NOT FUN TO HEAR THEM DRIVE PAST, AT LEAST TEN WITHIN AN HOUR)
Anyway I've reached the cramming point of my studying and it's panic time kids
*starts screaming into the void*
I just have to be ready to write an entire English essay in an hour and answer a 60 question social studies test with literally hundreds of words/phrases that I haven't retained.
I also have to go back to the English essay (because I get to prepare my evidence ahead of time but for 2 essays because the day of the exam time when we write is when we draw numbers to find out which essay we write) and make sure I can use the evidence I have to the best of my abilities. Because I can bs my way through a paper, but I normally am doing that at night when I'm high on sleep deprivation and can then edit it in the morning.
But technically I did it already, because I did a debate using some of the same evidence and built an analysis on the fly, without an arguing partner or someone who was the opposite of my argument might I add! The dude never showed up so I had to argue against people who's arguments kinda line up with mine but not really. That! That is a nightmare! And I was doing it in front of a another group who was watching us debate! And a teacher who was grading us!
Basically I'm panicking and yet know I'll most likely be able to be my way through the whole thing because even if I don't understand English class, I can use it's knowledge enough to twist everything so it fits and works. And if I use some of my writer-learned skills of reading characters to get into their heads, I should be able to do the essay.
.
.
.
*cries in writer who is meant to write stories not analyze other people's works in a professional way*
Also my mom reminded me of the girl who accused me and my friends of telling her to commit suicide and wow mom, you bring up high stress events that happened in my life like them were nothing! Sure I don't really let myself feel anything about it because I gotta compartmentalize- wow. Someone get me a therapist because I just realized I don't feel a lot about really traumatic events because I don't let myself dwell on them because if I do it'll throw me off and I won't be able to continue my self destructive burn out plan of academic success.
Stay safe kiddos and remember to punch Nazis in the face.
Love you all <3<3<3
~Ink
