"Liana, pili ka nga... Leanne or Jane."
"It's up to you... we already decided that you'll be incharge of the names if the baby turns out to be a girl."
"Alam ko... pero ikaw yung may taste 'e."
Tumingin ako sa kaniya habang nagluluto siya. "E'di sana ako nalang ang pumangalan."
"Hindi!" natataranta niyang sabi. He lowered the fire and looked at me. "Ako na... I just want your opinion."
"Leanne sounds pretty."
He nodded. "Leanne it is." he said as he neared me. Bigla bigla niya nalang akong niyakap. He's been really clingy lately. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako ang gusto niyang yakapin... kundi ang baby namin.
"Liana..."
"Hmm?"
"Mag mamaternity leave ka?"
I shook my head. "I'll resign."
He immediately withdrew from the hug. Nakakunot ang noo niya. "Resign? From med? Liana-"
"No," I cut him off. That was absurd! Titigil ako sa pagiging doctor? Walang kawala iyon sa akin! That was the dream. That still is the dream. I'm living it. "What do you feel about going back to the Philippines?"
Lumaki mata niya.
"Yeah... my parents can't touch me anymore as far as I know. They may be cruel but they wont lock me like they did before now that I have a baby with me. T'saka 'di naman tayo pupunta doon. Kahit sa condo ko muna tayo tumira. Or sa condo mo. Or we could also visit sila tita Lina at Lucas. I know you miss them."
Julian has never complained. But I know he misses his family. I know he gets homesick weeks after we transfered here. He has never said it aloud but I knew.
Now, I think, it was time to come home.
"Think about it. I would like my child to grow up in the Philippines... surrounded by her family. Plus, doon nalang din ako magtatake ng PLE siguro."
"We are her family."
"People are waiting for us there, Julian. Maybe... it's about time to come home."
•
The bulge on my tummy was growing a bit. But not to the point na kitang kita pa ng lahat. Pumasok ako sa loob ng office ng director. A kind man. He ushered me in as I sat on the couch. Inilabas ko ang puting sobre na naglalaman ng resignation letter ko.
"Sir, I would like to resign..."
The director seemed baffled. "Wh- What? Why? Did another hospital offer you a higher salary? We can do that as well-" he seemed determined to let me stay.
Umiling ako kaya napatigil siya ng kusa sa pagsasalita. "It's nothing like that, sir."
"Then do tell me the reason. Ms. De los Santos, you're one of the best doctors here in this hospital, pushing aside the fact that you are still an intern. What happened? Is it Doc Hills? I'll tell her-"
"Sir, I'm pregnant."
"Oh. We'll still accept you after. We're not pushing you to the curb just because you want an early maternity leave, Ms. De Los Santos..."
I gave a small smile. "I appreciate the thought, sir. But I'm also getting married. And we have plans of raising our child in our hometown at the Philippines."
"Oh... That's too bad..." he nodded. "But it's fine. I wish you happiness on your marriage and family life, Ms. De Los Santos. Safe trip back to your home country. I'll write you a recommendation letter if you have plans on working in a hospital over there."
I bowed, very thankful. "Thank you, sir."
•
"Girl! You're leaving?! Why?!" Gea shrieked. I laughed. "Why're you laughing?! Pa'no ako?!"
"I'll keep in touch, Gea. You chat like every other hour every day, partida nasa isang state lang tayo. What more if we're continents apart! Baka 'di mo ako tatantanan niyan." I said the last part quietly.
"Huh?" ngumiwi si Gea. "I didn't hear but sige nalang. Wait..." she paused. "You still didn't tell me the reason! Does Julian want to go back?"
I shook my head. "The three of us want to go back..."
Sandaling nagisip si Gea. "Three...?" Her mouth shaped into an o. "Don't tell me-" she stopped when she saw the look on my face. "Putangina!" she screamed. We were the only ones in the room as I gathered my things and placed them inside a small bag. Paborito talagang Filipino word ni Gea ay iyon. Kasama ng iba pang mura. May mga combinations pa nga 'yan 'e.
I laughed as she screamed inside the room. The look on her face was priceless. She sat beside me and looked at me intently. "Can I touch your tummy?"
I nodded, "Does he kick?- Ay wait... Boy or girl? How many weeks na ba? You're still so thin! If you didn't tell me, I would not even know!"
"Girl... 15 weeks na... We're getting married, you know... Julian and I."
"Fuck! Gosh, what was the phrase again? Sana all? Ugh, I hate this life." her accent was thick as she said that.
Nilakihan ko siya ng mata. "You have to come, ha. Ninang ka."
"Yes, of course! I'll start buying clothes na nga 'e!"
I opened my arms. Though, I'll atleast finish one more week of internship here (to complete it), mamimiss ko si Gea. She was there during my last two years of med school, during clerkship, and after graduation as soon as we started interning. She has heard my rants and seen my hardship throughout the years...
Tumayo siya at niyakap ako.
"I guess I'll see you in a few months at the wedding."
•
"Hi, Sammie..." I sat down beside her bed. I caressed her hair as she slept. Gea was at my side. Kanina niya lang nadeliver ang good news. Turns out, the chemo was working in miraculous ways. The possibility of Sammie being cancer free was very high and she might be able to go home.
Biglang nagising si Sammie.
"Hi baby... how're you feeling?"
Bigla siyang napasimangot. "I heard you're leaving."
"Who told you that?"
She pointed at Gea. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. I was about to tell her now palang 'e.
"Is it true?"
I sighed. "Yes, baby... I'm afraid so."
"Don't leave..." her eyes watered.
"Shush..." I hugged her. "I'm certain that maybe one day... we'll see each other once again. You being healthy... being able to see the outside world is the most important thing for me and your family."
"I'll come visit you in the Philippines as soon as I can, Ate." I smiled, remembering the times Gea and I taught her words like that.
"You do that, baby. I'll be waiting, okay?"
Lumabas ako sa kuwarto. Napansin kong nakasilid sa bintana ang asawa ng pasyente ko na si Mr. Ponce. Napatigil ako sa paglalakad.
"Sir." I said, catching his attention. The old man was captured by the joyous child inside the hospital room. I saw him smile slightly... then he turned to me. "I'm sorry... I just got reminded of the times my daughter was in that age. Such cheerful kids without a worry in the world."
Nakatingin kami kay Sammie na ngayon ay tawang tawa sa sinasabi ni Gea sa kaniya. A moment of silence. "I would like to thank you for all your efforts, doctor. For taking care of my wife for the past week."
I looked at him. There was a hint of sadness in the way he said it. "Sir?"
"She passed away earlier..."
Napayuko ako. Yesterday, the couple withdrew from the hospital, saying that they want to spend their last moments together inside their home not isolated in a hospital room.
"I'm sorry, sir."
"It's not your fault, doctor."
"Still... maybe I could have delayed it."
"You can not delay the inevitable." a sad smile on his lips. "It's okay. Maybe... maybe death isn't as sad as we make it out to be. We have both lived a fulfilled life..." he paused. "I heard that you're going to your hometown. You're quite the talk of the staff, Doc. I wish you nothing but the best... Live a life with no regrets." he held out his hand.
I smiled and shook his hand. "Thank you, sir. I'll keep that in mind."
•
Maybe our lives are all interconnected.
I once read a book. It states that for every person, there is just one person meant for you. Meant to be your miracle. For the longest time... ganoon nga ang pagkakaintindi ko sa buhay. But then I realize that maybe... it's not really like that. Maybe we meet people in a specific time in our lives because the universe is sending us a message.
It's okay to be dependent on someone. It's okay to not be okay. Take your time.
We got off the plane. Tinutulak ni Julian ang stroller na naglalaman ng tatlong malalaking maleta namin gamit ang isang kamay. Ang isa niyang kamay ay nakakapit sa akin. The silver rings we bought together were shining on our ring finger.
Texts were coming from my phone. They were all here. Julian's family was also here. Lucas and Tita Lina. Balita ko last year na ng highschool iyong bata. Miss na miss na rin ang kuya niya kahit 'di man niya sabihin.
As for my friends, they were also here. Kanina pa nga silang umaga 'e. Ang sabi ko sa kanila... 7 PM kami makakarating. Ang ginawa nila... pumunta sila dito ng 10 AM. Dito na sila nagtanghalian at naghapunan. Masarap naman daw kasi ang pagkain sa airport sabi ni Ysabelle.
"You ready?" Julian asked. We were by the door of the waiting gate. He had his arm around my shoulder now. I had my hand on my tummy. Naging mannerism ko na rin siguro 'yon. Gusto ko maramdaman si Baby Leanne. Medyo makulit din kasi at sipa ng sipa. Pero okay lang. Mahal ko naman siya.
"Ready ka na, baby?" I looked down on my belly. The lousy dress I was wearing cascaded until my ankles.
Nilagay ni Julian ang kamay niya sa ibabaw ng kamay ko. I looked up to him at pecked his cheek. "Let's go, daddy."
Julian's smile widened. The automatic door opened as we stepped forward. The hot, tropical wind welcomed us. Ah, nasa Pilipinas na nga. As my eyes traveled to the front. Everyone was there. We waved. May mga placards pa silang dala na nakasulat ng Future Mr and Mrs. Angeles and baby. Tingin ko ideya ni Maria. O Ysabelle. Either of the two.
When they saw us... everyone came rushing to our place.
"Liana!"
"Anak!"
"Kuya!"
•