James
I stared at her while she was sleeping on my chest. It was 4 in the morning and I couldn't get myself to sleep. I was playing with the tips of her hair.
She looks so precious when she was sleeping. I never want her to be afraid of me but she always is. Why is she with me if she's afraid. She says it's because she loves me. I love her too but I can't keep scaring her.
I have to do what I have to do. I have to let her go. It's going to be hard and difficult but I need to. It's the only way she can live her life without being afraid.
I bought her another phone. I bought it the same day I bought her old one. It's the same phone and same color. I bought it just in case she broke it by her clumsiness. I chuckled at how much she's clumsy.
I need her to set it up and she can go. I can't live without her but I need to. I need to get help. It's the only way we can both be happy without me lashing out and without her being scared.
I feel her move on my chest and she lets out a sleepy groan. while smiling. She opens her eyes and looks at me. Her hazel eyes staring into mine. She smiles. I couldn't smile back.
"What's wrong?" She asks me.
"Nothing." I replied closing my eyes.
"No, tell me." She sits up and straddles my lap.
"Em, I'm not doing this to hurt you." I soon say after a long silence.
"What do you mean?" She asks chuckling.
"We need to break up. And you need to leave." I said.
"What?" She asks. Her smile disappears and she's now frowning.
"Please don't make this hard." I ask closing my eyes.
"James, why?" She asks with tears in her eyes. Her voice crack.
"I need help." I replied. "I can't keep lashing out and hurting you and scaring you."
"But I love you." Her voice cracks.
"I love you too but this is the best for both of us." I said.
"James, no. No don't do this." She then starts to cry.
"Please don't cry." I said.
"James you don't need to do this. I'm not scared." She said.
"You may not be now but I fear that in the future I might actually hit you again and I can't." I said.
"You won't. I won't make you angry anymore. I'll be good. I won't break the rules." She says and my heart breaks.
"See, this is what I'm talking about. Our relationship is toxic and it's all me." I said.
"I'm not okay. Physically, yes but not mentally." I said.
"James, please." She starts to cry. I hold her face in both of my hands.
"In order for us to be happy, I need to do this. I need to let you go so I can get help." I said.
"But I can help you. I can just please don't let me go." She begs. She leans her head in my chest.
"You promised you would never let me go. You promised." She says crying harder and my heart breaks.
"I don't want you scared of me." I say.
"I'm not scared." She leans up and wipes her tears.
"You're telling me you've never been scared." I said. "You had to lock yourself in the bathroom for hours because you were scared of me."
"That was in the past. We can get through this." She says.
"I love you, Em. But we need to do this." I said.
"No you don't." She whispers.
"I don't what?" I ask.
"You don't love me." She says with anger in her eyes.
"Yes I do. Don't say that." I said.
"Then why are you letting me go?" She asks. She starts to cry again.
"You don't love me! You don't love me!" She yells and hit at my chest. I grab her wrists and hold them in front of her.
"Em, stop saying that!" I yelled hurt.
"I love you with all my heart. If I didn't, I wouldn't be doing this." I said.
She looks up at me with tears still in her eyes.
"It doesn't have to be a break up." She says sniffling. "It can just be a break. Until you get better."
"Just until I get better." I said agreeing.
"Can I still keep in contact with you?" She asks.
"That won't be the best idea." I replied. "You'll stay with Axel and Nessa and Axel will contact me."
"I hate this." She cries and leans down into my chest.
"Me too, baby. Me too." I said kissing her head.
She cries into my chest, her tears wetting my bear chest and I frown while holding her head. Of course I don't want this but this is how it has to be for now.
"Will you miss me?" She asks leaning her head up.
"Of course I'll miss you." I said.
She leans in and kisses my lips. I won't get to taste her sweet lips so I take advantage of my time.
I kiss her back way rougher. I squeeze my tongue in her mouth and she moans in my mouth and moves her hips on my lap. I groan.
She pulls away from my lips and kisses my neck, moving her hips faster. She moans once she leans her head up and looks back at me.
"I'll miss you. I'll miss you so much." She says.
"I'll miss you too, baby." I said while grunting, moving my hips along with hers.
She moves faster on my crotch and we both moan at the friction. If only our pants and underwear were off.
She moves faster and her hips start to shake. Her moans gradually gets louder and she soon screams, releasing. I follow after her with a loud moan.
She looks down at our wet fabric and chuckles.
"Let's take a shower." I say and she nods.
~
It's time for her to leave. It's 2pm and Axel has come to pick her up. He's standing at the doorway.
She grabs her new phone and her suitcase which has her clothes and devices. I feel tears come to my eyes at the fact of not waking up to her beautiful smile every morning.
She hugs Maria who's looking sad as well.
"You stay strong, child." I hear her whisper and Emery nods.
She walks in front of me and stands on her tip toes to kiss my lips. I grab her and hug her tightly. Not wanting to let her go.
"I love you." She whispers.
"I love you too." I say.
"Just a break, right?" She asks, her voice cracking.
"Just a break." I say and sniffle. Tears falling out of my eyes.
"Here." I say. I take off my necklace which has my full name on it and place it around her neck.
"James." She gasps.
"A reminder that I'll always love you." I say and she smiles.
She kisses me one last time and goes to the door. Axel nods at me and I nod back and the both walk out the door.
She looks at me through the window and blows me a kiss and I do the same. I see her walk in the car and drive off.
As soon as she leaves, I burst into tears. Sobbing. I walk over to the couch, placing my head in my hands.
Maria sits beside me and pulls my head on her lap, comforting me as I cried. I haven't felt this much sadness from when my parents had died. Emery leaving has left a big hole in my heart.
"It'll be okay, mijo." She comforts.
"I can't live without her." I say sobbing.
"You'll be alright. It'll be over soon and you'll be with her again." She says in a soothing voice rubbing her hands along my hair.
Will it, though? I can't be without my preciosa.
*************
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