where do i begin...the first two days of november was just me at home going over and over work.ocasionally i would do school work , but it was mostly just work. the reality show has begun its publishing too. it is only one hour episodes to sum up a week worths of content. we filmed since five weeks ago so we have enough content for five weeks of release. but we are still filming for another two weeks.
the first episode that was released had a main bit for each day. the monday showed me running in and out the house every few hours because i had different schedules and then me late at night reading and laying in bed. tuesday showed me doing art and school work , the stuff that i wrote and looked at was blurred for privacy reasons but the art showed. a clip went viral on tuesday , it was when i had finished spending three hours on a canvas , holding it up and saying ( it looks horrible what is wrong with me).people used it as a meme.wednesday had a small clip of me coming in at 4am after a whole day of schedules and then staying on the phone with someone until 5am.thursday showed me not going to sleep the night before and leaving early in the morning for a shoot and coming back the next day , not sleeping and going to work again. friday showed how i took a shower and just slept. saturday showed me in the kitchen have five kiwis in a row and then watching tiktoks.sunday was not filmed.
3rd november 2020
i got up early in the morning and got changed
me: wow i look like i haven't seen sleep in years...a very acccurate description to be honest.
the camera turned to keep up with me as i went down the corridor.snow ran up to me and i picked her up
me: shall we go? today you are going to hang out with seolhyun , i have a very busy day and i might not make it home.okay?
i turned back to go in the closet room. i covered the camera , i didn't go to the changing room but i weighed myself.
me: oh my god...
i unblocked the camera and went downstairs. i grabbed my bag , put on my mask , hat and went into a car that was waiting for me.
i spent a few hours in the office and then i met up with yoongi after he held his live video and we went to the hospital.i was so nervous , oh my god i can't even begin to explain it.i was not the one getting surgery myself. i sat in the car with him as he was on the phone with his mother.i began pulling at the skin around my fingers , biting my lips , pulling at my hair and scratching my scalp.he noticed because as he was talking to her he grabbed my wrist, pulled it away from my peeling my other hand and let go. he shook his head and put up his fingers , as a reminder that habits can be beaten. i nodded and looked outside the window , but i pulled my left hand out of his view and began unconsciously scratching my thumb with my pointer finger.
we arrived to the hospital and before he was put in surgery i stood looking at him in the bed.
me: you will recover and be better than ever. i wish you told me sooner , before it got to this.but hyung , even though you are practically guaranteed to recover. if you theoretically end up not , i will literally kill myself and have my shoulders given to you.
he smiled and nodded
yoongi: i will recover , don't worry.i get to look after snow whilst i recover right? you promised!
me: yeah , i did and you better recover.you are about to get taken , but i have told you already i won't be able to be here when you wake up because i have a recording and no matter what i do , it won't get moved anytime else. but i will be there when you are taken home , i will be there and everyone else will be there.
yoongi: i will be fine on my own , dont worry too much about me .besides now we are all on a break and you are the busiest , so dont stress yourself out.
the conversation briefly ended after that and he was taken away.i sat closest to the room as possible and waited with a few people. his parents were there and they eventually went to sit in the cafe , a manger was here and so was a few guards. two were mine and one was yoongi's.i waited hours and hours before the surgery ended.i was meant to have left one hour ago to get lunch before the recording but i rejected the mere thought of leaving without knowing how it went.time went by so insanely slowly i nearly lost my mind.
it finally ended and the head surgeon came out from the doors , i got up and woke up from my life crisis as i overthought about how time was a social construct and not real after hours and it not moving.
head surgeon: the surgery went perfectly , he will recover very easily .
my heart began beating again and my shaking hands calmed down a bit.the surgeons over went everything that i needed to know and said more information would be given to the company and managers as they arrive and when he leaves. i bowed 90 degrees and thanked them for their hardwork. when they left , i called yoongi's parents and informed them, then i called his brother and told him too. i was dragged out the hospital after that by my guards and taken to my schedule which i arrived to five minutes late.
i got through the rest of the day and finished at around 4am. i was driven home after that and i just sat on the sofa for an hour or so before falling asleep unaware of where i was.i hadn't even changed or taken off my makeup or mask. i just sat there and fell asleep.
4th november 2020
Yoona: eunha, GET UP!
i opened my eyes unwillingly and was brought back to life.
i sat up and realised i had slept on the sofa the entire day.
me: oh my gosh , hey , morning. oh my god what time is it?
yoona: 7am. why are your eyes so dry , they are literally bright red.
me: the lack of sleep , really just that.
yoona: well i came to drop off your food , the supermarket ones that you asked me to buy cause of your schedule and i thought i may swell drop you off this morning , but lone said she couldn't wake you up.
i locked behind yoona and saw lone sitting on the sofa behind her.
me: right , yeah , i see. hey , sorry i didnt wake up.i will go upstairs , get changed and come right back down in fifteen minutes and then we can leave. because i know i have rehearsals today for the award shows right?
yoona: yeah.please tell me you know which.
me: uhhh , we have done the AMA'S already , i just need to record that. we know the disney sing a long...we have gone through the basics of the mma , now we need to learn the MAMA's.right?and next week is new years eve thing....right?
yoona: yeah , today you have finish the MMA and the MAMA.also the fact awards too.
i nodded and went upstairs as yoona headed to the kitchen. i trudged up the stairs and unlocked the closet room before going in.i got changed and did my hair , teeth and removed my makeup.
i said goodbye to lone as she went about her day after finsihing her shift of making sure i dont end up attacked and went into the car.snow was at with jimin today.i fell asleep in the car and was woken up once we arrived at the parking.
i went up to the rehearsal rooms and walked into the wrong one and saw Gfriend rehearsing. the continued as the waved during their choreo at me. i bowed to them and watched from the back as they finished.
i greeted the staff and then them. they took a brief break as i spoke to them, we had a 'normal' conversation and then i spoke to them about improvements.
me: eunha unnie you were not controlling your arms so they were flapping around during the second chorus , but you noticed which was good. sinb unnie , dont straing your voice too much during your moment , especially during rehearsal because that will ruin it. just run through it calmly for now , but during 'official rehearsal or dress rehearsals' do it properly.sowon unnie , there is that moment when you bend down right? to make sure you are in line with the others so the arms stick our and everything , you go too low and its distracting , work on going at the right length and use squats to help you with that. it builds muscle and makes it easier for you.yerin unnie , during rehearsals tie your hair back because it was bothering you a lot right now and i dont want you to get your eyes hurt or trip.umji unnie , focus on giving more power to moves.i need to go to my rehearsals now , but you guys did well , those who i advised , focus on those points. see you later, bye
i said goodbye to them and briefly spoke to the mangers and staff to go easy on eunha because of her eye. they nodded in agreement and i left as they continued.i went into the right rehearsal room and began rehearsals. there were cameras around the room and i kept my face mask on
we spent four hours going over the AMA choreo with props and then we took a 30 minute break.i went into a corner and grabbed a blanket from the shelf and put it over my head and slept. i was woken up when we had to start again and we went four hours again with rehearsals. it was almost 4pm now. we had an hour break and i spent fifteen minutes sleeping and then woke up and asked for one of my guards to go to starbucks to buy us all drinks. she took orders and went with two helpers , i ordered from my phone on the app and gave them the code and screenshot to collect it . they were off and came back about 45 minutes later.
they had to collect over twenty drinks and come back with it not spilling. they handed out the drinks as i finished up the last dance. i fell to the floor gasping for air.we took a five minute break as everyone grabbed their drinks.i lay on the floor trying to catch my breath. the guard placed my drink next to me , a large coffee frappuccino with semi skimmed milk and no whipped cream. i thanked them and got up . i began drinking it and i interacted with the cameras a bit , explaining what we were doing.
camerawoman: are you not hot wearing that?
me: extremely , but i would rather wear this than something else. i liked oversized clothes , they hide me and make me feel comfortable.i would wear this on stage if i could.but i cant get what i always want , i rarely do.
before i could continue we began again and we carried on until 8pm. once it reached 8pm , i was sweating and i stank. i was rushed home , as i requested , i took a shower , dried my hair and then went to see seventeen in their dorm with their managers. i knocked on the door as fun stood behind me (the codename for the guard who is in charge of my personal life). the door opened and i entered. i greeted the members and noticed some were away for a schedule.i sat down and spoke to them about their new comeback and what i hoped to achieve with them as a group and personally . i outlined basic goals and aims of the next year and the award shows.after that , i asked them what the thought of it , the speech and plans i had for them was a response to a conversation i had with them earlier in the year about what they wanted. i was not going to force anything on them at all, only what they wanted. once we finished with that i told them that i had ordered takeaway food for them and that it would arrive in a minute or so, but that i was going to leave.
they insisted i stay , but i persevered and told them i had a schedule. as i was leaving with Fun , she helped me , mingyu and the8 take the boxes of food that were delivered into the kitchen for them and their staff to eat.i was taken home and Fun left , i saw lone sitting on the sofa as i entered.
me:hey how was your day?
we had a brief conversation about our days and i sat on the sofa talking to her.
lone: i have bought an apartment and i am expecting to have my things moved their next week. so i will only be here for my shifts at night and when you are formally expected to be here.
i nodded and said that "its perfectly fine , thank you for letting me know in advance.but of course now you know that i will have to revert to the old system of having routine guards from your team here."
she nods and hands me a piece of paper, it overlined the plan.
lone: i have emailed you a booklet about how the new system will work , the guards , their history , what david said and when you will get to meet them.
i thanked her and she went to the kitchen to get some coffee whilst i went upstairs to do some work.
i stayed in my office for the rest of the night and caught up with my classwork and tried to do a few of the overdue essays. i procrastinated really badly.i would go onto tiktok or instagram or message people.it got to around 4am and one of my alarms went off. i slapped myself awake , turned my phone off and threw it across the room onto the sofa.i began writing and for two hours straight i managed to do one of the essays , it should only take me 40 minutes in the real exam but oh well.i spent another two hours doing another essay and then i got up , sent then all online to my teachers and shut my laptop.
i got my phone and went downstairs to get myself ready for the new day. i was so tired , that i felt more energetic than ever before.
i was picked up after that (7am)and lone said she was going to pack. i was first taken to the office for meetings and they were back to backkk. i nearly fell asleep in them , but the constant intake of fizzy drinks made me seem drunk and very energetic.i whizzed through those meetings and it got to around 2pm, then i was told to go have lunch but instead i ordered starbucks into my office. but by the time it arrived , i was off into another briefing. that one finished at around 3pm and then the drink was melted , i still drank it , i dont care anymore. i asked david to drop me at yoongi's so i could see him. we stopped by a flower market and i personalised a bouquet. after that we went to hyundai department mall. i bought him a few jumpers , 2 pairs of shoes and three bags from a variety of brands and rushed back to the car , almost 5pm by now.i ordered a collectable order from his favourite restaurant and after we collected that , we finally arrived at where he was.
TAEHYUNG POV
diamond came in , i watched her enter with bags of takeaway food.i said hello to her and helped her set out he food.the bags under her eyes were darker than jungkook's wardrobe , thats saying something.she grabbed a tray and set out plates to take food upstairs for yoongi.she told me that the rest were for me and the other members. i thanked her and set out the rest. i saw her rush upstairs with the food and go into yoongi's room.
she came out about an hour later, i heard her footsteps go into the toilet.im pretty sure she cried , cause she never spends more than five minutes in the bathroom. about towny minutes later i heard her footsteps down the stairs with the tray and the plates , she went into he kitchen and prepared tea and snacks. she took it straight upstairs again.
about another hour later she came downstairs to the kitchen , cleaning away the stuff that she used.jimin spoke to her for a bit whilst i observed from the living room.
she got a phone call , she looked at the phone , rolled her eyes and answered
diamond: hello....yeah sure...give me like half an hour and then get the team here to collect me.also , could you ensure that the legal team have sent all the paperwork to my office. also i need the marketing team to produce a report on the statistical changes of consumer trends within the past months in the fashion and kpop industry, give them two weeks to research it and send it in....okay i will see you later.
i got up and went to her and jimin.
me: who was it?
diamond: yoona.she was reminding me that i have an event after this.
jimin: what is it?
diamond: my school. i have to do all my classes of the past week and the homework and send it all in to the school as evidence.
she dried the items she washed and then leaned on the counter.
diamond: how's the break?
jimin: good i guess , its just feels weird...not the usual.
i nodded , she looked up at me and then jimin
diamond: spit it out. what are you thinking?
me: what do you mean?
diamond: i know that look , you are focusing on something...what?
me: nothing really. just remember that me you jimin and jungkook are going shopping tomorrow. right?!
she nodded.
her phone rang again , she silenced it.she put it on the counter and as jimin spoke we watched the call end. i watched as an ocean of texts came through from a variety of people.
she began digging her nails into her thumb out of stress and anger , jimin noticed too.she realised we noticed and put her hands behind her back
diamond: by the way ...
she grabbed our attention and made us focus on something else. about twenty minutes went by as we spoke in the kitchen.her phones timer went off and she grabbed her bag and finished up our conversation before saying she is expected to be picked up. we said good bye to her and she left.
DIAMOND POV
i was driven to the office and i entered and saw a meeting room had all my school stuff on it. i sat down before trying to get myself to focus and do my homework and classwork.i was constantly distracted and i would always go on my phone and constantly get distracted.i managed to force myself to finish the classwork that was set within six hours , it was now 6am.i took a two hour nap and was then woken up to go home , get changed and go shopping with the maknae line.
taehyung drove us all to the hyundai department mall. i had my personal security team follow us , but it was not too bad. we came earlier than its opening time and we were the only ones there. they bought quite a few things but i was just focused on not falling asleep.
i didn't end up buying anything because i kept on overthinking on how capitalism has led to fashion brands focusing on commercialisation rather than the art itself. anyway , after multiple life crisis and them shopping i managed to snap out of it and just buy this chanel bracelet , i didnt really buy much else.i browsed over jil sander and JW anderson and bought two bags from them. but i stopped there, i have bought too many things recently.once they managed to finish , we took the bags to the car and put them in there.i looked at my phone and saw the time , this store is about to open any minute , we should head out.
we went to a restaurant and went into one of the private rooms , the restaurant was literally empty , but oh well. we bought spaghettis , pizzas and steaks. we ended up just sharing it all , we took slices of each into our won plates. its just this thing that we always do. but i ordered like then different rose lemonades and downed them all. they just had coke cola.once we finished there , i was driven off to the office with my 3 shopping bags (chanel bracelet , jil sander bag and JW anderson bag). they went their own way.
the rest of the day was meetings, rehearsals , school work and then about four hours of sleep until the next day