Throwing my boots onto the floor I flop onto Coltons sofa in his hotel room, exhausted and achy. I had my first meet and greet tonight and it was... crazy, so many people actually turned up and they all wanted pictures with me! I'm honestly still starstruck, some girls started to cry which made me cry, others wanted a hug and some just came to tell me what my music has done for them. As an artist you never realise the full extent to which your music touches people, it makes you value the fans that stand by you even more. That being said, it was tiring too, it takes a lot out of me and leaves me quite withered.
I guzzle the bottle of water I nabbed on the way out of the arena and flick through the channels of the TV. American channels are full of the best programs, three weeks in the states and I'm already addicted to Dr Phil, 90-day- fiancé and I've even been made to watch NFL games much to my confusion of them. After a few moments of channel surfing, I finally settle on watching a re-run of KUWTK whilst I wait for Colton to come up. We're going to watch Endgame, or rather CJ is going to watch me cry at Endgame, but he got caught up in some interview after the show so he told me to head up.
I'm splayed out on the sofa cocooned in with a big fluffy blanket well into Kim and Khloe's fight when my phone rings, I groan pressing the mute button on the remote and digging around for my phone.
Fuck where is it? I wriggle about until I see the caller ID.
"Hey, you ruined my KUWTK episode!" I moan,
"Oo which one?" Sofia asks on the other end in between mouthfuls of crisps,
"The one where Kim buys a Bentley and whacks Khloe on the head,"
"Don't be fucking rude." She imitates in an American accent making me chuckle, I turn the camera around so she can see the screen, " Hold on is that your hotel room? Damn, that's so nice!" She peers closer so I turn the camera back to my face.
"No, it's Colton's." I snuggle back under the blanket yawning, "Anyway you better be disturbing me for a good reason."
"Well, I was going to ask you how your first meet and greet was but I'm more interested in why you're in Coltons room..." She smirks,
"We're watching a film but he got held up back at the arena so I'm just waiting for him."
"Ah I get you, a little bit of Netflix and chill," she wiggles her eyebrows.
"Oh my god no. Sof shut up." I groan trying to hide the blush creeping up my neck.
"Ugh, Gigi!! Come on!!" She pouts through the screen, "At least admit you want it to happen..."
I bite my lip, of course, I want it to happen, you'd have to be insane not to. Everything he does at the moment seems to turn me on. I literally walked into the studio the other day and he was tuning his guitar, it created the most unbearable ache in my lower stomach.
"See! You want it, I'm sure he wants it... so you know just go for it. Stop being prudish, its just sex." She leans on her perfectly manicures nails, I sigh and roll onto my back staring up at the ceiling.
"It's not just sex though is it Sof. It can't just be sex... I... I really like him."I slap myself in the face frustrated.
"Then don't be so closed off, talk to him."She sympathises.
"I can't, I can't be in a relationship. There's nothing to talk about." I rush bluntly.
"Can't or won't? I understand it's hard but you deserve to be loved properly and unconditionally, that's never going to happen if you don't allow yourself too. Talk to Colton, trust him, Gigi, because you can! Talk to him about -"
The sound of the door opening has me bolting up,
"Can we uh not, look I've got to go." I look around the corner for Colt as Sofia visibly deflates.
"Sure I'll talk to you later but as RuPaul would say, If you can't love yourself then how the hell you gonna love somebody else?" She snickers to herself and ends the call leaving my head like a minefield, one wrong thought and It'll explode.
Colton waltzes around the corner and launches himself onto the sofa making me squeal. He puts his head on my lap and grabs the remote switching on Endgame as I play with his hair. It could never just be sex, I sigh to myself.
"You're disgusting! Get up fatty."
Pain ripples through my skull as I'm yanked off the floor by my hair.
"Stop Hayden please, "I beg, my voice barely a whisper. Its horse from the screaming and crying.
"Pathetic." He laughs after he spits on my face. He throws me into the dishwasher that's still half full, shards of glass from broken cups pierce into my arms and legs. "Well if you'd have put them away before I got back that wouldn't have happened would it?" He snarls, grabbing my hair again and forcing his fist into my face. He's already been to the gym today but can still find that energy to beat me to a pulp.
"I'm sorry, I was going to do it but I've only just got home from work..." I cough out.
"Aw you just got home from work baby?" he mocks, his face pressed up against mine, I nod weekly.
"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? Lord only knows why they'd employ a little tramp like you? They do know where you live right?" He forces me back to the ground, ripping my shirt open, "What kind of favours did you have to do to get yourself in there?" He starts to pull my clothes off, much to my protest he knees me twice in my ribs finally landing another punch on my cheekbone. I try and push him off me but he's too strong, traping my weak body against the floor.
I need to get out
Help
I can't breathe. Grappling at the floor as he towers above me.
"Gigi!! Open your eyes!!"
My eyes fling open, my body trembles in the embrace of Colton, his worried eyes pierce mine as they dart about the room. We're still in Colton's suite I must have fallen asleep. Sweat trickles down my forehead, mixing in with my tears that stream down my cheeks. I can't catch a breath, I can only hear the erratic beats of my heart.
"Take a deep-" I'm going to throw up, I jolt off Colton's lap to the bathroom, I clutch the toilet as I empty the contents of my stomach. I feel a hand soothe my back, pulling my hair. I try and swat them away, I look disgusting and never would I want anyone to see me like this, but he stays rubbing my back. Once I've finally finished heaving I fall back against the bronze bathtub wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Colton crouches down beside me and places a cold flannel against my forehead.
"Don't..." I whisper unable to gather volume from my acid coat throat.
"What?" He whispers back still pressing the flannel to my head in short dabs,
"I look disgusting." Having just sweat all my makeup off and nearly thrown up down my hoddie no doubt I look horrific.
"You've never looked more gorgeous." He smiles, placing a kiss on my sweaty forehead. He scrapes a strand of hair back and ties my hair up, "I'll be back okay?" he gets up and walks out of the bathroom.
I pull my knees to my chest and sob uncontrollably, they're getting worse and the more I ignore them the more they come back to haunt me. I can't cope with this, I'm not strong enough. I feel like I'm back there drowning under him, swimming around in my black hole of a head. I'm so stupid. So so stupid.
I bash my head against my knees,
"Hey, hey, hey," I feel Colton drop beside me and wrap his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I sit in his arms, holding me securely, on the cold bathroom floor for what feels like hours. I don't want to move, I feel completely checked out struggling to keep my mind at bay. I want to scream, punch something, direct the pain elsewhere, do anything. But I don't I just sit next to him, his hand tangled in my hair dragging his fingers across my neck. We don't say anything until he uncaps a water bottle and passes it into my shakey hands.
"Thanks," I mummer as the liquid soothes my raw throat. I lean my head against his shoulder, "I'm sorry,"
"Don't say sorry." He smiles, "Do you want to talk about it? Because I know this isn't the first one, was the one back at mine in LA about the same thing?" He says into my hair.
Do you want to talk about it?
I do.
I can't.
You've got to trust.
No, you've got to focus, don't look weak.
You trust Colton, like Sofia said you've got to talk to him.
You can't be in a relationship
'You deserve to be loved properly and unconditionally'
Don't be so closed off.
"Okay." I squeak, barely audible. Colton turns his head to look at me slightly dazed, "I want to talk about it."
Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
Have any of you started your Christmas prep yet 😋
I just spent the last three hours decorating my Christmas biscuits! There are pictures on my Twitter if you follow me!
Please vote and follow me on my socials if you want a chapter a day until Christmas! 🖤
Thanks for reading!
Iz x