"Come on Lila, they're here," Sarah says
I run down the steps, and we walk outside to Zack's car, I get in the passenger seat and hug him tightly, "Happy Birthday Zack,"
"Thanks, Lila,"
"Happy Birthday," Sarah says
"Thanks, Sarah,"
"Ready to go to Cesar's Point?" Luke asks
"Yes! I can't wait to go down the water slides and get in the lazy river,"
"What about you Lila? are you excited?"
"I've never been to Cesar's point,"
"It's so much fun!" Sarah says
"I just wish it was closer, and not an hour drive," Luke says
"Me too, I hate long drives,"
"It's not that bad, and I'm with my friends, so that makes it even better," Zack says
"Guess I'm invisible,"
"You're more special than just my friend,"
"How was your guys' anniversary?" Luke asks
"We celebrated it a few days late since we were coming back from camp, but we had an amazing night, we went out to dinner, and went back to my place and spent the evening together watching movies and stuff,"
"I liked having a simple anniversary, especially since Zack surprised me with the promise ring last year, it was nice to have a simple anniversary this year,"
"I wanted to show you how much you meant to me, especially since I know I'm going to marry you next October,"
"Wait you already know when you're getting married?" Sarah asks
"October 24, 2020. My dad's birthday,"
"Aww,"
"That's about 15 months away, are you sure you're going to be ready in time?" Luke asks
"Yeah, I have most of it planned out in my head, We'll probably get married and have the reception at the church, Pastor Evan will marry us, I have my wedding party picked out, I know what I want to serve for food,"
"Wow, you really do have a lot figured out,"
"Whose in your wedding party?" Sarah asks
I smiled, "Grace, Cara, Addy, Josie, Sophia, and obviously you're my maid of honor,"
"That's a lot of people, how am I supposed to match that?" Zack asks
"Well, you've already got two, Asher and Luke, you just have to pick four more people,"
"I don't know who to pick,"
"You still have time to figure it out,"
"I guess you're right,"
"I can't wait to watch you guys get married, I love how you've grown as a couple over the last few years," Luke says
"Me either, Lila is going to be the prettiest bride," Sarah says
"I think that's something we can all agree on,"
"I know she will be, and I'm excited it's me you'll be walking down the aisle to,"
"I already know what I want my dress to look like and everything,"
"You're way ahead of me," Sarah says
"You guys still have time,"
"We've talked about getting married in the summer of 2021, but we haven't fully decided yet," Luke says
"We'll have started our church plant by then," Zack says
"I know, if everything goes right, by next summer, or early fall we'll be able to start it,"
"They've already got the building, and they're starting to fix it up," Sarah says
"I've been inside, from the moment I walked in, it felt like home, I could strongly feel the presence of God," Luke says
"I could too, there was a moment when the three of us just stood there and prayed and I felt like God was standing there with us," Zack says
"That's really cool," Sarah says
"I haven't felt that since the first year we went to camp, Ever since I got saved I've really struggled with my faith,"
"What's making you struggle so much?" Luke asks
"I guess I've been struggling with the past and questioning where was God when it all happened,"
"God was right there with you the whole time Lila," Sarah says
"You shouldn't be living in fear either," Luke says
"It's hard not to when you've been raped, abused, and dealt with everything I have, How do I know that nobody else will do the same thing?"
"Well, you have us now to protect you,"
"He's right, I'll hurt someone if they hurt you," Sarah says
"You know I would never hurt you right?" Zack asks
"Are you sure?"
Zack looked hurt, "Yes, I'm sure Lila, I would never do anything to harm you,"
we pull into the parking lot and Zack parks the car, Sarah and Luke get out, and walk toward the entrance to give us some space, Zack stares blankly off into space as we sat there in silence
"I'm sorry, I'm just scared something will happen,"
"Are you having nightmares again?"
"Yes,"
"You can't think about all of the negative experiences, think about all of the good things that have happened with me, the night I asked you to be my girlfriend, our first kiss, giving you the promise ring, every date I've taken you on,"
"You're right,"
"I'm trying to right every wrong that he committed against you,"
"There's still one you haven't been able to do,"
"I know, and I won't until you're ready,"
"I want to try it at some point, I don't care if we're married or not, I trust you,"
"If that's what you want, then I'm okay with that, just don't think too much about it, it'll happen when it happens,"
"I guess we should catch up with the others,"
"Yeah, we should,"
We walked up to the entrance where Luke and Sarah were waiting for us, I kept thinking about everything we had just talked about, wondering if I was making the right decision
"Are you okay Lila? you've been staring off into space for a while now?" Sarah asks
"Yeah, I'm just thinking,"
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, we talked everything out,"
"What's bothering you then?"
"He talked about righting the wrongs that Conner did against me, and I mentioned that there was one that he hadn't done yet,"
"Are you ready for that?"
"I told him I want to try at some point, that I don't care if we're married or not,"
"I think you're trying to push yourself so you have a good experience with him,"
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It can be if you aren't ready,"
"I guess I just want to experience it with someone who loves me, then maybe the negative experiences won't affect me as much,"
"Just be careful, whatever you two decide,"
"We will, I promise,"
Zack's POV
"You okay dude? ever since you and Lila talked you've been quiet,"
"I'm just thinking about what Lila and I talked about,"
"What did you guys talk about,"
"I think she's trying to push herself beyond what she's comfortable with, she mentioned not waiting until we're married to have sex and wanting to try it, but I don't think she's ready,"
"I don't think she is either honestly,"
"I'm not saying it'll happen soon, but if it does, I want to make sure she's ready and not just doing it for me, or to get a positive experience out of it,"
"I think that's why she changed her mind all of the sudden,"
"I don't know what to do,"
"Talk to her, I know she's supposed to spend the night with you tonight, I'd talk to her and let her know where you stand,"
"I will, I just don't want her to get mad,"
"She should understand,"
"I hope so,"
Lila's POV
I sat on the edge of the pool conflicted, after talking to Sarah, I didn't know if I was making the right choice or not
"Hey Lila, can we talk for a minute?" Zack asks
I nod, "Is it about earlier?"
"Yeah, I just don't think you're ready yet, I can tell that you're conflicted by it,"
"I know, I just want that positive experience to remember,"
"You'll get it, how about this, we'll wait until a few months and see how you feel then,"
I nod, "That sounds good,"
"Feel up to going down the waterslides with me?"
"I don't think my ankle will let me do all the stairs, so I'll sit here by the pool,"
"I'm going to stay with you then,"
"I don't want to ruin your birthday,"
"There's nobody else I'd rather spend my birthday with,"