The hours were flying by, and still no sign of Angel waking up from his medically induced coma. It was nearing 4am and I was currently the only one awake in the waiting area. Charlotte insisted that I stayed put out here until progress was made. I could've easily booked a hotel room, but who knows what'll happen. I wanted to be here whenever Angel woke up, at least.
Sitting up from the uncomfortable pad I had made myself, consisting of two chairs and a blanket the nice nurse Mercedes had given me, I stretched my limbs and let out a small yawn. I could smell the coffee from the nurses' pantry, which they made clear it was okay for me to use. Needing something to wake me up, I headed in that direction and made myself a small cup of coffee.
I lingered around in the pantry area a little longer just to finally enjoy a little bit of peace and silence. These past few hours has been overwhelming for the most part. Everything was becoming hard to digest, leaving me to feel so many different emotions that I wasn't prepared for.
After enjoying my cup of coffee, I stepped out of the pantry and headed for Angel's room. Charlotte was stuck on me not seeing Angel just yet, so she instructed for me to knock on the door whenever I needed her. I was beginning to do that when I caught a familiar face coming around the corner.
Josh's eyes met mine and I could see the confusion and angriness in his face. Even though I'm sure he was feeling like shit that I was keeping something from him, he still embraced me with a hug and asked if I was okay.
"I'm fine," I mumbled with a nod, "You got here faster than I expected."
He looked around the hospital and then stared me directly in my eyes. It seemed as if he was staring me deep into my soul. Josh has always been a man that was in tune with his spirituality and the universe, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was reading right through me.
"What's goin' on B? You not telling me something and I don't know why because I've always told you that you could tell me anything. Are you visiting a family member or something? Why are you here?"
I sighed knowing that the truth will have to someday come out. Now would be perfect timing to tell Josh about my teenage pregnancy that I've lied and hidden from him for years, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything just yet.
Shrugging my shoulders, I stared at him wishing I could say more but no words were able to form. I gripped onto his arm, feeling the tears threatening to fall. I didn't want to seem dramatic, but this could really harm or help our relationship. I didn't want to lose Josh, but I also didn't want to forget about Angel. It would be nice to have both, but I knew Josh all too well. I wouldn't be surprised if he left me because of this.
"It's a long story that I'm not ready to explain yet."
He rubbed his hand over his face, "I respect that, but I'm here with you. I need to know something. You suddenly appear at a hospital in New Orleans don't seem fishy to you? You can't leave me out of the loop Beyoncé."
"You right," I was able to say after a long pause, "But it's so much going on right now baby. I'd rather tell you in a different scenery."
I took a seat in one of the chairs of the waiting area while Josh stood in place staring down at me. There's no telling what was going through his head, but I knew my man. I'm sure Josh already knew the answers to his own questions but would rather I speak up instead.
"How long has it been since you've eaten?" He finally asked. Being here in this hospital removed all of my desires to eat. It brought back memories to when I was a teenager, all alone in the hospital about to give birth to my child that's now fighting for his life.
I felt so much guilt as I thought about Angel. I'm not sure of the life he had with Charlotte, but it was my job to raise him and make sure he made the right decisions and I wasn't there. I'm unsure how he really feels about me, but I hope that he's willing to listen to my side of the story. There's no telling what he has been told about me so far.
"I am a little. I guess a shower would be nice too."
Josh pulled his phone out and nodded, "It's a hotel walking distance from here. I'm gonna book us a room and get you something to eat."
Before I could respond, he had walked out of the lobby and back outside with his phone to his ear. I knew without a doubt that Josh was upset with me, but he was keeping his feelings under control. As always, he thought about me and my well being first and that brought tears to my eyes. He's a great man and the last thing I want is for him to leave me over this so I needed to tell him the truth very soon.
As I folded the blanket and cleaned my sleeping area, the door of Angel's room opened and Charlotte was walking out. I could see the inside of the room but couldn't see Angel. Judging by Charlotte's agitated facial expression, I could tell there wasn't any progress made.
"How is he?"
She sanitized her hands and rolled her eyes, "Well he's still sleeping and no one has updated me. Have you seen Mercedes around here?"
I shook my head, "Nope. The shift changed not too long ago so it may be someone new."
She walked directly passed me to the nursing station, making me roll my eyes. We're cordial, for now, but something told me she was sneaky and definitely no friend of mine. I wanted to stay close just because I know Charlotte's intentions may be to not inform me on Angel.
I looked towards the exit to see Josh still on the phone. His 6'3, perfectly built body frame always did something to me. Knowing he was upset added the cherry on top because he always looked so good when he was angry.
Hearing new voices broke my attention away from him and in the direction of Charlotte. She was communicating with the nurse on duty, but seemed to be getting upset that no one has came by to check on Angel.
The nurse, who I now know as Hannah, informed Charlotte that she had six other patients she was passing out medications to and sent out a profound apology for her lack of attention on Angel. Without another word, Charlotte walked away, rolling her eyes at the young brunette nurse and met back up with me.
"I'm so over this shitty hospital!" She yelled out, "No one has came in, not even to fill the fucking ice and my son has yet to get the blood transfusion that they swore he needed!"
Hearing that phrase once more made me grit my teeth. I wanted to respond out of character, but had to realize this wasn't the time nor the place to have an altercation about who's more of a mother to Angel. I know I won't win that battle seeing that Charlotte has been the one raising him, and I didn't have his acceptance just yet.
Besides, the presence of Josh completely changed the focus of our growing conversation when he made his way towards me.
"I booked us a room. We can leave now, if you're ready." He said, awaiting my hand. I stood to my feet feeling Charlotte's eyes staring a hole into me.
"Leaving?" She repeated. If I wasn't mistaken, I could sense a hint of excitement in her voice. I know me being here trying to see the child my parents made me abandon didn't sit right with her, but I wasn't leaving until I saw Angel. Her attention was now on Josh as he pondered internally who Charlotte was.
I sighed, "Yeah, I'm going to a hotel not too far from here to shower and change. I'll be back in a few hours! And could you please, keep me updated?"
I know so many questions was running through Josh's mind as he looked back and forth at Charlotte and I, but the fact that he was still here with me gave me a little confidence that maybe he'll be more understanding than I thought.
"Sure. And this is?" Charlotte asked, holding her hand out to formally greet my man. Josh took in her palm and gave her a generous headnod as I began the introductions.
"Charlotte, this is my fiancé, Josh. Baby, this is Charlotte. Are you ready?"
My quickness to end this awkward situation made Josh chuckle underneath his breath and begin leading the way out of the hospital. Not being in the mood to walk, even though it was pretty short distance, Josh called for an Uber and we quietly journeyed to the hotel.
So many thoughts were running through my mind that I eventually grew a headache. I couldn't stop thinking about how I would tell Josh the news. For years, I've served him lies such as, I'm not ready for a baby or I'm afraid of childbirth to cover up the fact that I indeed had a child of my own already. There is no telling how he'd react. Josh and I never really had big arguments, so I'm hoping things doesn't get out of hand whenever I told him the truth.
We arrived to our hotel room and I wasted no time sitting my belongings down and turning on the shower. Still, Josh and I didn't share words but I could see him staring off onto the busy New Orleans streets from the balcony.
Instead of saying anything, I took care of my hygiene and changed into something much more comfortable. I decided to go without shoes for now since we didn't have plans of going anywhere just yet.
Josh remained out on the balcony and I respectfully interrupted his peace and quiet with my presence alongside him. Holding onto his arm, I traced over his apparent veins and nearly faded tattoos until he finally looked down at me.
"Nothing to say, huh?" He murmured. I let out a heavy sigh as I tried to form the right words to say next.
"I wasn't suppose to tell you like this," Already, tears were forming and my vision became blurry, "I don't know how you'll take this, but it's time I finally be honest with you."
Still, his eyes stayed glued to mine and I broke our intense stare by staring down at his hand that was still locked with mine. I glided my thumb over the back of his palm and silently prayed things didn't turn for the worst.
"So, I was dating this guy in middle school. He had just moved to Houston from New York, and we had several classes together so we eventually formed a friendship. We ended up being in a relationship for three years.... until I learned that I was pregnant."
Josh's expression to me finally announcing that I was once pregnant broke my heart into pieces. He looked disappointed but he never stopped me, so I continued.
"I was 15 at the time and well, I hid my pregnancy until I couldn't anymore. I had only told him and my best friend, Kelly the news and of course he gave me the speech that he wasn't ready, but I never believed in abortions so I wasn't having one. I simply asked for his support and we stuck it out for a few more months until I had to break the news to my parents.
"Once I told them, my life changed immediately," I was trying my best to hold back the tears as I reflected on this hard moment in my life. It was always hard reliving those moments in my nightmares, but it was even harder trying to explain this to the man I love so deeply, "My parents knew I was too far along for an abortion, so they took me out of school to save myself the embarrassment from my peers. My boyfriend at the time eventually dumped me and showed me his true colors. He expressed how he couldn't take care of a child and dismissed himself of all his fatherly duties.
"And at this point in my life, I had no one. I was homeschooled, my parents hated me, and the only person I had to lean on was Kelly. My parents wanted nothing to do with me so my entire pregnancy was like living in hell. When it was finally time to have my baby, Kelly and her mother was the only one there with me."
I paused for a second and wiped away my tears that wouldn't stop falling. I could already feel myself getting sick due to my boohoo cries, but this was exactly what I needed — to relive that moment and let it be. I already felt a little weight off my shoulders.
"Basically, I had my baby and I named him Angel. After that long, dreadful pregnancy I was happy to have a healthy baby boy. I named him Angel because that's how I saw him, but the moment he was laid out on my chest, he was taken away from me just that fast. I had no clue my parents was going through the entire adoption process. They told me it was best for me, and being fifteen with a baby was simply unacceptable in their household.
"My life haven't been the same since, and I'm sorry I'm just now telling you this, but I need you to understand how traumatizing that was for me. I haven't had a goodnight rest since, and though I have somewhat of a good relationship with my parents now, I would never forgive them for that. Even at my big age, they haven't given me an apology. It's like they act like it never happened."
I took a deep breath once I was done and noticed Josh still had his hand in mine. His jaws clenched and he eventually broke away from my touch to pace the balcony. His quietness scared me because I had no clue how he felt.
"Baby, please.. You have to say something." I begged with tears in my eyes. After a few short seconds, he turned towards me. Seeing a tear roll down his cheek made me cry even harder than before.
"Why lie to me Beyoncé?" He questioned, stepping closer and cupping my face with his hands, "Why would you lie? Why couldn't you tell me this when I specifically asked you to be honest with me! You think I'm going to leave you because you had a child at 15? Fuck no!"
"But I didn't really lie baby. I mean, I wasn't ready for a child when you asked. That moment was traumatizing for me. Giving birth and I couldn't even stare at my son good enough before he's taken away from me. That's terrifying!"
He sucked his teeth, "I know that much, but fuck Bey! You couldn't just say you wasn't ready because your childhood traumatized you? Instead, you give me this stupid ass, extended lie — for what?! I can respect the truth, I can't respect a liar and you know that!"
I wiped away my tears and nodded, "You're right and I'm sorry for lying to you. It was unnecessary and I shouldn't have used that lie for so long. Just please forgive me."
"How can I forgive you? You're a fucking liar! What else is it that you're lying about?"
"Nothing!" I yelled out, "I've been completely honest with you, except for this. I promise baby. You have to believe me right now."
When he failed to respond, I reached out for him and hugged his torso even though he was trying his best to brush me off. I didn't want my baby to be upset with me, but I also knew I needed to give him time. He was such a Gemini man — very stubborn, and could easily hold a grudge.
"Is he sick?" He asked after a moment of silence.
I stared into his eyes and shook my head, "He's in a coma from a car accident that broke his ribs and punctured his lungs. The nurse said his lungs aren't functioning properly, and he has some internal bleeding going on."
"And Charlotte, she's his adopted parent?"
I nodded, "Yes, and she's not that welcoming. She called me soon as I checked into my suite in DC saying that Angel needed blood. I thought I was a match so I came down here, but I'm not so —"
"So, they're trying to get in touch with the father, right?" He asked. I nodded and laid my head against his chest. I didn't want to let him go, but he eventually got out of my grasp.
"I love you Bey, and I'm going to be here for you, but I really do need some time to figure my own emotions out. I wasn't expecting this, and I still can't get over you lying to me. I feel like I can't trust you now."
All I could do was accept his decision to take a moment for himself. He assured me that he was going to pick up food for us and he was okay with going alone. Before heading back inside, he placed a kiss on my forehead and I watched him exit out of the hotel room.
_______________
As expected, Josh was giving me the cold shoulder. He had returned with our food and we ate in silence. Afterwards, I decided to take a nap while he stayed up entangled with his thoughts.
I woke up nearly five hours later to Josh calling my name. My eyes fluttered open and he stood on the side of the bed with my phone in his hands.
"Someone keeps calling you." He said before lending my phone over and going back to watching the basketball game on the television. I immediately recognized the unsaved number as Charlotte's and quickly answered in hopes of good news.
"Yeah?" I answered, sitting up in bed. I let out a yawn and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes with the phone still to my ear.
"Just letting you know that Angel made some progress! He got the blood he needed and maybe an hour ago, he was able to wiggle his toes! The doctor will be coming in shortly so hopefully he'll do a little more movement."
Hearing that brought me so much joy. I softly smiled and silently thanked God for his everlasting grace over Angel's life.
"Great! I'm on the way!"
After ending the call, I took a much needed bathroom break and slid my comfortable Adidas shoes on my feet. Knowing the hospital would be cold, I grabbed my jacket and looked towards Josh.
"So I'm going back to the hospital. Were you coming with me?"
It took Josh awhile to respond, but I guess you can say I knew what his answer would be. "No, I'll call you an Uber so you won't have to walk. I'll walk you out."
I slowly nodded my head, hoping he would change his mind. I would love to have him there with me, but once again, I needed to give him time.
He stuck to his word and walked me down to the hotel's lobby. The Uber arrived a few minutes later and Josh did his usual inspection of the driver before letting me get inside.
"Keep me updated." He mumbled after placing a kiss on my forehead. I nodded and gave him a stiff smile. I was a little salty that he wasn't tagging along, but all of those emotions went away when I thought about Angel.
Like expected, the hospital was cold so I kept my jacket wrapped tightly around me. Nurse Mercedes was back to her usual night shift and welcomed me with a warm smile and friendly hug.
"So I hear progress is being made!" I engaged with a smile. The genuine smile on her face made me light up with excitement.
"Oooh, yes indeed! Thank God!" She praised, "He was able to get the blood he needed, which is amazing. Doctor Barnes want to see a little more improvement before he begins to stray away from the drugs we've been giving him. So far, his vitals are okay but he still has swelling in his brain so we're just going to give him some more time."
I let out a sigh of relief, "Okay, as long as he making progress I don't care how long it takes."
"Absolutely. And oh, I hate to interfere with my patient's business, but I just wanted to let you know that you're a strong woman. I know it's not easy having to give your child away and be called in for an issue like this. I applaud you, seriously."
"You're right, it's definitely not easy but I'm here now and I just want to be here for him, that's all. Thank you for that Mercedes."
She smiled, "No problem, love! If you need anything, just let me know. I know Charlotte can be a pain in the ass to deal with."
I definitely could agree with that one. Now that the nurse could see how hard Charlotte has been on not only me, but the staff as well lets me know I wasn't just making things up in my head. She was being extremely difficult towards everyone.
As Mercedes and I parted ways, I headed in the direction of Angel's room. Passing through the lobby, I instantly stopped from moving forward when I saw a familiar face. A face I've been dreading to finally see. When he looked up from his phone, our eyes met and we both stared at one another like we had just seen a ghost.
Not knowing what to do next, I broke away from his stare and headed to the nearest bathroom to get rid of the sudden sensation that came over me. I vomited the few bites of the burger I had eaten and took a moment in the bathroom to gather my thoughts completely.
It's been nearly two decades since I've last seen the face of the man that helped birth Angel, and he still made me sick to my stomach.
_______________
Thoughts on this chapter? How do you feel about Josh's reaction to the truth?
Angel is making progress! Will Charlotte get in the way of him finally meeting his birth parents?
The man y'all been waiting on is here(finally)! How will the conversation between Beyoncé and her baby father go?👀
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