//WARNING: MENTIONS OF SCARS, DRUGS, S3LF H@RM, DEATH//
"Hey, Spencer?" I called from the bedroom.
He rushed in, "What's wrong? What do you need?"
"I just need you to zip me up, it's not an emergency," I laughed, turning around so he could access the zipper.
"Oh, right, yeah," he chuckled and quickly zipped me up, resting his hands on my hips, "You look beautiful."
I turned and kissed him, "Thank you, darling. We really should get going."
"Are you sure we can't get out of it?" He whined, kissing me again.
"Spencer, it's a dinner at Hotch's house, it's not that big of a deal." I sighed, turning around, "Besides, Henry's going to be there, he'd love to see you."
He smiled, "Okay, you can't play that card, it's not fair."
"It's totally fair! You get to hang out with Henry and Jack, you don't have to be an adult." I kissed him, "My adorable baby."
He blushed, "Fine, let's go."
I took his hand and grabbed my purse, kissing him one more time before we walked out the door. I drove with one hand on his thigh, it was a short drive to Aaron's house. I parked and took Spencer's hand as we walked to the door. I knocked. We heard hushed voices, footsteps, and the door opened, revealing Jack's beaming face.
"Hey, Jack!" I smiled and knelt down to high-five him, "How are you, buddy?"
"I'm good!" He high fived me, then waved excitedly to Spencer, "Hi!"
"'Sup, Jack?" Spencer grinned.
"Hey, you two," Aaron walked to the door, "How are you?"
"Good, thanks for having us over," I stood and gave him a hug.
"Of course!" He gave Spencer a hug, too, then welcomed us in, "Do you want anything to drink?"
"Just water for us," I said, "Thanks."
Hotch nodded, pouring us glasses of water, "Everyone else should be arriving soon, make yourself comfortable."
"Reid, can I show you what I'm making?" Jack was practically jumping with excitement.
Spencer glanced up at me, and I just smiled and nodded.
"Sure, buddy, lead the way!" He said, walking off with Jack.
I smiled at Hotch, who nodded with a knowing smile.
"How are you, Aaron?" I asked.
He sighed, leaning against the counter, "About as well as can be expected. The case load is shitty."
"You know you can always send any cases to me, I'm happy to do a little extra work if it means you can relax." I reminded him, "Don't stress yourself out unnecessarily."
"I'll try," Hotch smiled gratefully.
The doorbell rang again and Hotch stood, opening the door to reveal JJ, Will, and Henry. I smiled and waved as they walked in.
"Hey, how are you?" JJ asked, giving me a hug.
"Good, you?" I asked.
"Pretty good," she smiled. "Henry, why don't you go find Jack?"
Henry nodded and ran further into the house to seek out Jack and Spencer.
"Hi, Will!" I waved, "How are you?"
"I'm alright, good to let Henry be someone else's problem for a night," he said, words drawling. "By the way, I heard you're expecting, congrats."
I unconsciously ran one hand over my torso. I wasn't even showing yet. "Yeah, it's kind of scary, but it's happening."
"Enjoy the next few months of sleep, it's the best you'll get for a while," JJ laughed.
"Yeah, I'm not looking forward to that." I sighed, taking another sip of my water.
Over the next few minutes, the rest of the team arrived. I smiled and winked at Morgan, knowing he'd recognize my heels as the same I wore last night, and my chain necklace was similar to the collar he'd worn, just all metal.
"Hi, Derek," I smiled, "How are you?"
"A little tired, but okay," he kept his voice even, "Where's pretty boy?"
"With the kids," I angled my head down the hall.
Emily, who'd arrived a few minutes before, raised an eyebrow at me, noticing my teasing tone during the interaction, but I just smiled.
"(Y/N), will you go find Spencer and the boys? We should sit down for dinner before it gets too late." Hotch asked.
I nodded, walking down the hall, heels clicking. I found the small playroom where Henry, Jack, Penelope, and Spencer were sitting, all playing together with LEGOs; Spencer was explaining physics using different builds as examples. I smiled and leaned against the door, just watching them for a second.
"So, even though there's more weight on this side, these bricks are also closer to the center, so it's even, since the side with fewer bricks has the weight further out." He was explaining. "But if we were to move these out, the weight would be uneven, and this side will drop."
"Hey, boys," I said as he finished, "Dinner time, go wash your hands."
Garcia stood, leading Jack and Henry to the bathroom. I smiled at Spencer, who was deconstructing the LEGOs.
"Having fun?" I asked as he sorted them.
"Mhm! I was explaining leverage and using the bricks to explain, they have a consistent density, so it's easier than using other toys." He explained.
"You're adorable," I walked forward and helped him to his feet, "C'mon, it's dinner time."
"Can I have a kiss first?" He asked, pouting jokingly.
I pulled him close to me, kissing him, "Always, baby."
"Ew!" Jack yelled dramatically from the doorway.
I turned, putting my hands up jokingly, "Okay, sorry, I know, cooties. Let's go have dinner."
He nodded and led us to the dining room, where everyone else was already sitting.
"Sorry, everyone, we were sharing cooties," I joked as we sat.
"We never would have guessed," Rossi said dryly, "Not like you're pregnant or anything."
I shook my head and sighed as we all began digging into the feast Aaron had prepared. Spencer made sure I avoided anything with alcohol, double-checking with Hotch about everything. He'd avoided alcohol in every dish, though, so I reminded Spencer to calm down. I helped Hotch clear the table and put everything in containers, then helped bring out dessert: ice cream, tiramisu, and cake (iced wonderfully by Jack). The two kids ate quickly, then ran back to the playroom. Spencer followed soon after, at their insistence.
"Coffee, anyone?" Aaron asked, walking towards the kitchen.
I raised my hand, "If you have decaf. Spencer would smack me if I had regular."
"Pretty boy has pretty strict rules, huh?" Morgan teased, "What's he going to you, punish you?"
"Watch your mouth, Derek," I growled.
"Or what?" He teased.
I started playing with my necklace, "You really want to go there?"
"Are you threatening my sweetie?" Garcia teased.
"Anyways, let's talk about something else," JJ cut in. "I'll have decaf too, Hotch."
By the time we finished talking, JJ, Will, and Henry had already gone home, Rossi decided to have an early night, Jack was tucked into bed, and we were all sipping coffee and finishing the remains of dessert. Spencer was leaning on my shoulder, playing with the hem of my dress.
"Okay, I'm going to bite, what did you and Morgan do?" Garcia asked, looking between him and I. "There's no way that was an idle threat."
I looked at Morgan. I didn't care if they knew, but I didn't know how he felt.
"I hung out with the two of them last night, and that's all we're saying about that." He said firmly.
"Oh, my word!" Garcia said, dramatically fanning her face. "Well, I never."
"Is there anyone on the team you haven't done it with yet, you two?" Aaron asked, sipping his drink, one eyebrow raised.
"Only Morgan, Emily, and you, Hotch," Spencer piped up, "Not Garcia, JJ, or Rossi."
"I'm sorry, what?" Penelope said loudly, "How did I not know about this?"
I shrugged, "You didn't ask."
"Details, please," she leaned forward.
I sighed, looking around the table. Hotch looked resigned, Morgan was amused, and Emily seemed like she'd be eating popcorn if she could.
"Not my place," I said firmly. "If they want to tell you, I'm okay with that, but I'm not disclosing personal information without permission."
Emily looked at Morgan, then raised her hand as if asking permission to speak, "Me, Derek, and the two of them. That's all I'm saying."
"Also, the three of us separately," Morgan added.
Hotch chose not to say anything.
"Well, damn," Garcia laughed, "Okay, then."
I sipped my coffee, hiding a smile.
***
"Hey, I'm sorry about the comments earlier," I said as Spencer and I got ready to leave, the last two to do so.
Aaron shrugged, "I did ask if there's anyone you hadn't done it with. My mistake."
"I'll be more careful about that in the future," I assured him.
He nodded, "I appreciate that, but really, it's okay. It's just the team."
I kissed him on the cheek, "Have a nice night, Aaron."
I took Spencer's hand and we left. I stumbled a little, leaning on his shoulder.
"I love you," I said, kissing him.
Spencer blushed, "I love you too."
We drove home in silence, walking in quietly. I closed and locked the door, then pulled Spencer into a deep kiss, hand trailing over his hips. I pulled his hair a little, making him gasp, allowing me to slip my tongue into his mouth. When I pulled away, his eyes were closed, his breathing heavy. I walked over to the island and sat on it, making me a little taller than him, and pulling him into another kiss. I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, managing to get it off and dropping it onto the floor.
"Can I take your dress off?" Spencer asked, kissing my neck.
I nodded, shifting so the skirt wasn't trapped under my legs, allowing him to unzip the dress and pull it off over my head. I reached back to undo my bra and threw it to the side, then kissed Spencer again as I worked to get his pants off.
"Mistress," he moaned against my lips, "I want to be inside you."
I stroked him as we kissed, using my other hand to awkwardly slip my underwear off. I shifted so I was on the edge of the counter, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Fuck me," I ordered, kissing and marking his neck.
Spencer pushed into me as I sucked a dark hickey on the sensitive spot behind his ear, fingers catching in his hair as I moaned. I wasn't thinking about anything but how he felt inside me and how badly I wanted him as I covered his neck in marks. Spencer had one hand braced on the counter, the other one sitting on the small of my back.
"Mistress," he moaned, head buried in my shoulder, "Fuck, you feel so good."
"Touch me, Spence," I said in between bites and kisses.
The hand that was on my back moved between my legs, circling my clit, making me moan. Spencer knew exactly how to touch me, and I scrambled for a handhold in his hair as I bucked forward, moaning.
"Don't stop, fuck, just like that," I threw my head back, grinding forward against his fingers faster.
I pulled his hair hard as I came around him, clenching and moaning. I pushed my mouth against his shoulder, trying to quiet my sounds.
"Mistress, fuck, you feel so good," Spencer whined, "Please."
I took a second to process what he was saying, "Please what?"
"Please let me cum," his fingers didn't stop moving against my clit, "Please, Mistress."
I kissed along the marks I'd made, biting gently, smiling at how dark they were, "Wait for me, baby."
Spencer's fingers moved faster.
"F- fuck, Spence," I stuttered, "Right- right there."
His movements were becoming jerky and desperate, and I could tell he couldn't hold back much longer.
"Cum with me, Spencer," I managed.
The hand that was on the counter moved to my hips as he thrust several times, both of us moaning loudly as we reached our orgasms together. Spencer's face was buried in my shoulder, while my fingers were tangled in his hair, my head thrown back as I fought to catch my breath.
"Shit," Spencer panted, hands dropping to the counter, "Fuck, that was amazing."
I pulled him up into another kiss, humming, "You're telling me."
Spencer walked to a drawer and grabbed a towel, wiping himself off and helping me clean up. He kissed up my thighs and stomach, trailed his lips up my chest and neck, and kissed me again. I kept my arms on his shoulders, smiling and enjoying the feeling of his lips.
"I love you," I smiled as he helped me off the counter. "Thank you."
"I love you too," he stumbled a little, "Why are you thanking me?"
"For making me feel good, silly," I helped him stand up straight as we walked to the bedroom.
"Of course, my love," he smiled.
We got to the bedroom and he collapsed onto the bed, while I got nightclothes for both of us. I helped him into a sweatshirt, pulled the covers down, and we settled down. I put my ear against his chest, enjoying the sound of his heartbeat.
Spencer's track marks after he came out of the bathroom.
The patches of scars covering his arms and legs.
Spencer after he'd disappeared, the terror I'd felt when I didn't know where he was.
Our child, their eyes dull, dead from my mistake.
Too many scars.
I woke up covered in sweat in the middle of the night, panting and close to tears. I tried to be quiet so Spencer didn't wake up, but I couldn't get the images from my dreams out of my head. I threw off the covers and paced around the dark room.
"Calm down. Breathe. It's okay." I didn't even believe myself. "They aren't even born yet; you can't know what's going to happen."
Depression is partially genetic. I reminded myself. Is it even a good idea to have this kid?
"Shut up," I said. "Shut up, stop."
You're going to fail as a parent and fuck everything up and it's all your fault.
"Stop it!" I yelled. "Shut the fuck up!"
"(Y/N)?" Spencer jolted up, "What's going on?"
"Nothing, go back to bed," I said, sinking to the floor, shaking. "It's fine."
"Hey, what's wrong?" His voice was soft as he got out of bed and approached me, "Can I give you a hug?"
"Yeah," my voice was a hoarse whisper.
He wrapped his arms around me, and I relaxed against him.
"Talk to me, what happened?" He asked, pulling me close. "What's going on?"
"I had... bad dreams, I guess," I didn't know how to describe it. "You, our kid, the scars."
He was silent for a second, "You're worried that they're going to inherit our shit and we won't be good parents?"
I was shaking with fear, "I can't do that to someone else. Not to another child." I couldn't stop seeing their eyes.
"You can't start doubting yourself already, they aren't even born yet," he kissed my shoulder, "You have to focus on the future, how we're going to help them."
"I-" My voice caught in my throat, "I saw them, their eyes, they were..." I broke down sobbing.
"Shhhh, it's okay, it wasn't real." Spencer rocked me, "It's okay."
I broke down shaking and crying, curling up in Spencer's arms. He kept rocking me and comforting me, waiting until I stopped to pick me up and help me back into bed, letting me lay on his chest.
"We'll talk about this in the morning, okay?" He whispered.
I nodded, "Thank you."
***
"I think we should go to therapy together," Spencer said as we ran around, getting ready for work, "Just to make sure we're ready for this kid."
"That sounds like a really great idea," I said as I buttoned my shirt, "Do you have someone in mind?"
He shook his head, "No, but I'll start looking if you're okay with it."
"Please do, that would be really good for both of us," I smiled and kissed his cheek, "I love you, baby."
"I love you too." He blushed and kissed me.
"Okay, let's go, you pour the coffee and I'll grab our bags."