for the past few weeks , i have been preparing for four major events. one , the event in which i speak with the 'people' on youtube to show what bight is all about.the speech is finished i have prerecorded it already. the second is just weekly , or often daily , meetings on covid 19. these meetings range from how we continue our work to how we deal with staff to what will happen with award shows.the third is dynamite and working with columbia records , despite how much i despise their disgusting ass. and the fourth at the moment , is what will happen with my schedule.
the issue with my schedule is that , i have a lot of things going on in my personal life , i literally cannot balance a comeback and running the company because there is so much more to do now a days and a million more meetings. but even if i could do that i am not in the best place , mentally. i am mentally and emotionally drained , tired and abused. me mental health is declining but i literally just run away from my problems because i dont have the time and capability to deal with it.on top of that i am still waiting for my exam results and its all such a mess because i am in korea and the examination board is in the UK.
19th july 2020
today i had arranged to do my nails with seolhyun but she cancelled on me because of her grandmother , i didn't mind it. i got dropped off by yoona at 'unistella' nail salon. it was closed but as soon as they saw the car pull up , they opened the door and let me inside , they locked the doors behind me and i paid upfront for the service.
Park Eunkyung is the owner and founder of unistella , it is worldwide famous and leading nail salon with designs that create all the trends.i have gotten my nails done by her for a few years now and we have developed a fairly close mutual friendship.
me: its been so long since i got my nails done , i was going to come with my friend but she cancelled as i told you about on the phone earlier
she spoke a bit and then sat me down.the was only one other staff in the room and she was setting up for the day and cleaning up a bit.
Eunkyung: i heard everything about what happened to your house, what happened? your left hand please
me: well its as you read , my roommate brought her friend in and he was an old sassing that went off the grid a few months ago.he saw her leaving and entering the estate and realised what was going on , so he applied to her school , he is really smart , got in and became friends with her...grooming her i assume , and she invited him over a few times without my permission and the rest is all over the news.
Eunkyung: i saw the video from the live stream event , i never realised how scary you were when angry.
me: yup hahaha...i haven't been very patient and calm recently. everything is falling apart...soo...whats happening with the nail salon?
Eunkyung: dont worry it will get better , okay?its insane , popularity is soaring and there are more and more customers everyday. but also , one of my designs got patented in the USA , even though i made it?!
me: no way! that's crazy !
she carried on talking about about her business and her life and whats happened recently.then my phone began ringing.one hand was still untouched so i picked up the phone and answered it.
david: hey , we got word that news reporters and paparazzi have figured out where you are staying at the hotel and saw you getting dropped off by yoona.also the summer package was released and deliveries are starting this morning , everything is as predicted.
i rolled my eyes and sighed.
me: okay , i see.i will deal with it here....did they follow us?
david: i think so...do you want me to send guard 2 , fun , for you? she signed the contract yesterday and has begun this morning.
me: she did?! great , not yet , maybe in half an hour send her and we will let her in and i will speak to her. tell her to park the car in the back alley so i can take the back exit and no one sees me.
david: the back alleys been blocked off for construction work for the shop down the road.
me: bruh. well there is nothing to do then , send her to the front of the story seconds after i call you later to tell you that i am leaving.right now , there is no one outside and we have all doors locked, wait there is a white van pulling up. we have the curtains closed and we all have masks on too.i will call you later.bye.
he ends the call and i put my phone on the table .
Eunkyung: they know you are here?!
me: yeah , i guess it got leaked that i was at the hotel and that white van followed me here or something.
Eunkyung: this is insane! hey , please turn on some music so we won't here their shouting and the fans coming.
me: its fine dont worry , im just a bit sad that , the one time i actually come to the store rather than getting you to come to the office/house/hotel....this happens.its a bit , disappointing.im sorry , i really am.
i was there for an hour doing my nails, once its done i called david and he sent 'fun' here with her security team. the parked right outside the store and guarded a path for me to walk straight into the van.it was about a ten second walk. Eunkyung unlocked the door briefly and screams echoed across the room as 'fun' walked in.she was wearing a mask and a suit with her hair tied up
me: your hair looks so nice today.im glad you took the job. how many out there?
she briefed me and i realised something.
me: we have two vans right?one for me and one for the guards. how about , we have that massive black blanket too. well me and you are getting in the one with day, the driver, and i was meant to go shopping. lets get that blanket and i will cover myself from head to toe whilst holding your blazer so that you can lead me into the van. then me and you can go shopping whilst no one notices and we can trick them into thinking i got into that van when really i got into a different van.
Eunkyung: yeah , we planned this out. i will be the one getting into the van and you and her will walk out of the back exit into the alleyway. whilst its closed for cars , its opened for people to walk through. i will hide behind the blanket and you guys go and get a taxi to wherever your shopping.
me: yeah , tell everyone over the walkie talkie and get them to pass the blanket through
she was confused , but did as i said.the other guards followed the plan and i escaped through the exit. there weren't any fans and just three different paparazzi guards.but still , the photos went viral and it took over the internet.me and fun got out through the back exit and took a taxi to the lotte department store.
i was scrolling through my phone in the taxi as i saw a post from a fan saying that person under the blanket wasn't me. the fan noticed that the right hand that was holding onto the back of a guard couldnt have been me as it didnt have a scar on my finger.i refreshed the post and saw it had gotten thousands of likes and retweets.
fun: we are here, lets get off. i will pay with the company card.
i got out and put on my hat.we entered the department store and looked around.
fun: we have got a different security team , three people , on standby in the van in the parking and they will come upstairs now to help with the shopping .
me: thank you so much, but tell them to take a break or something , no one will notice me here.
we looked around some stores and then i returned to prada to buy two pairs of shoes.i also stopped by louivuitoon to by two bags and a few bracelets. last we were at gucci where i bought a necklace. i was holding five bags and fun held the one gucci bag.
fun: please , miss let me hold these bags , its my job
me: not even , your just here to make sure i dont get killed or mobbed hahaha.also , lets go and get a drink , there a cafe on lounge F.
we took the escalators and headed to the cafe. i handed her two bags whilst i paid for our drinks , i bought three other lemonades for the guard in the car too.
i held the drinks in one hand and took the bags back from her in the other hand.
we went down to the parking and found the car , i put the bags in the back and gave the drinks to the guards in the car. i sat in the back for a bit and finished my drink whilst fun read through a few emails and i read through messages.
we went back upstairs and i looked through more stores before buying some clothes. i ended up having to call the guards in the car to help us carry the bags. i carried like five and didnt let them carry more than 2 each.they took the bags to the car whilst i asked fun to help me choose a wedding gift for jin's brother.the guards came back upstairs after dropping off the shopping into the car and i persuaded them to go and eat upstairs whilst i sit and call jin asking him what to get them. fun said she ate before coming to the salon so i just let her stay by me.
jin: hello?
me: hey , it's me. i was wondering, im shopping right now because its my only day off and i was wondering...what do i get for your brothers wedding? i literally dont know what they have and dont have
jin: they have everything , dont worry about it.
me: stop the bullshit , please. i dont know what they have do they have all the necessities like , i dont know appliances and stuff or like...what?
jin: thank you so much , but they really do have everything , we are just happy that your coming to the wedding.
i heard someone say ' seokjin we need you for the photoshoot please'
me: okay i will send you pictures later on of what i got them and tell me if they will like it.bye.
jin: dont go all out like you usually do , okay! i know you will buy something so just make it small and simple nothing big and expensive.byeee
i saw down for a bit and thought to myself.they probably have all the appliances and money isn't a suitable gift. im just going to buy them a few stuff here and there.
i bought them both watches , matching pens and a centre piece (whatever that it).
i left after that , i knew if i stayed i would have emptied my bank account sooner or later.
this time i got in the car and called jin's mum.
she greeted me and i told her that i would love to see her and the couple sometime this week.
jin's mother: well acctually we are all together right now , we have a few appointments later this week and i am sure you are busy so you can come see us now if you are free.
me: that would be great thank you , tell the new engaged couple to stay there, i will be there soon . please dont make any food i have bought takeaway for us all.
we said a brief few words then the call ended.
me: okay , lets go to my house , in the crystal.im going to get changed and then go to a family friends house.
the driver turned around and headed straight to my house. i entered to see a few builders and loads of guards surrounding my house. i greeted them and was escorted to my closet. i went inside and locked the door behind me. i found a formal outfit and got changed after wrapping the gift in a white/gold polka dot wrapping paper. i found a black ribbon and tied it around the presents,
i left the room and locked the door behind me . i put the key in my pocket and got back into the car. we picked up a large takeaway order from a well known restaurant, from there i was driven to jin's parents house.they live in hannam the hills and jin bought them the house a few years ago. i stood in front of the door with my hands full and bags on the floor. i waved off my driver and security team before knocking on the door.
the door opened and i smiled , still wearing the mask.
me: hello , how are you?
the welcomed me inside and i helped taking the items to the kitchen. i left the gifts , still in a bag , by the sofa where i was sitting. i sat around and ate with them on the dining table. the entire family was there , the couple the father and mother.
jin mother: its a shame jin has a fitting today , he would have enjoyed the food.
me: yes he would have. i will make sure to clear his schedule next time, hahaha.
after dinner , i helped clear the table and clean up. once we sat down in the living room i got straight to the point.
me: i was recently invited to your wedding , which congratulations by the way . as a guest and family friend , i wanted to buy gifts for you guys. but i came across a few problems. one , i am bad at choosing wedding gifts since it is my first time where the gift wasn't something the couple specifically requested.two , i am really indecisive. three , i have a fully booked schedule until the wedding day. meaning i either give the gifts on the day or today.
j father: it really isn't necessary , we were just hoping you would enjoy the wedding and come along.
me: no , please. i am honoured to be invited , but i am really hopeful you guys enjoy the gifts. when i was speaking earlier to you , i wondered if you guys had a free day so i could change my schedule around that , but it turns out you were just as busy , so we both rushed to today to meet up.
i handed the couple their individual gifts , the watches, and the unified gift , the pens. then i turned to the parents , i handed them the centre piece.
me: i didn't want to give the gifts during the wedding for multiple reasons. fans might see me or the gifts and they'd go missing , or it becomes a big spectacle on social media that i am there..which i don't think i can mentally keep up with anymore.also , on the day , as i am sure jin hyung would have told you , i will be coming in and leaving straight after the main ceremony. i am really sorry , but after the past wedding of my head hair stylist, its not ideal for me or anyone to be trending or followed around during a wedding. i dyed my hair , to reduce the risk of being noticed and i will be coming in like a regular guest. the bts members , will be more easily recognised than me so we are trying our best to increase security around them on the day. jin hyung , of course has an empty day that day.but anyway , i think today would be the best day to give the gifts to each of you.im sorry , it is so early , but then again is anything in our lives regular at this point?hahaha
the thanked me for the gifts and opened it , before i could respond to them , my phone rang
me: sorry , i must pick this up.
i picked up the call and listened to david explain how there was a situation at the office.the smile on my face dropped and the family became noticeable aware.
david: i had sent your security team there and 'day' will collect you.
i got up and looked out the window, peaking through the curtains.
me: ah , i see them entering the estate.okay i will be there soon , i dont have much of a choice anyway. just get the meeting room ready for me.bye.
i ended the call and saw them facing me.
me: well that was a short visit. something has happened at the office and they need me there , even thought its my only day off this year.
j dad: please come again soon after the wedding , we love having you around.
my heart shattered , that was the first time someone ever said that they liked my presence.
me: ah thank you so much.
after a few more minutes saying my goodbyes , i left and went into the car.i drove out of there and was taken to the office. we had a meeting about a few issues with mnet and i land.i have always hated the idea of shows like i land and the produce series, with a passion. it wasn't even my idea nor my jurisdiction to have the show , but we ended up in the disgraceful mess and we can't quit half way.
the meeting ended after two hours and i just went to my office. after an hour or so , jin knocked and entered.
me: oh hey, how are you?i was just at your parents house
jin: hey, yh i heard. thank you for the wedding gifts , they are really grateful. they said you were called for a meeting right as you finished handing the gifts over.
me: just my luck, but congratulations . you are the presenter for the night , right?good luck.speaking of presenter , soobin hyung was chosen to be a mc.i should probably visit him on his first day , like i did with the other mc from bighit , whenever you guys get those positions.
he nodded and then went on his phone for a bit. i stared into the distance and lost focus of my surroundings
me: hyung , do you ever want to run away? like forever? runaway and change everything in your life and live alone for ever in a cottage or a hidden palace in the middle of nowhere and just stay there away from all humans?
jin: what?
me: uh nothing. shit i have a meeting in a few minutes. i need to be downstairs.
i went to my meeting, it was a bit boring and i was the only one talking.it ended soon and i went straight back home after that. i was meant to stay at the hotel , but it got leaked that i was there , so i had to go home again whilst all the construction work was going on.
i took a shower and sanitised everything that brought from outside.i lay on the bed , it has been a while scince i was in this bed.my hair was still wet. i wanted to go live for the night, but before i could i received a call. it was my mum.
i picked it up and spoke to her for a bit.she didn't have good news. my aunties husband has corona and he passed it on to my uncle.they are both smokers , my uncle a heavy smoker.
me: did give it to grandmother? did my cousins get it?what about the others?
mother: no , grandmother is in a different city at the moment. they are both quarantined at the moment and the kids haven't got it. your uncle got it from that idiot.
me: who? aunts husband?
mother: yeah , his stupid brother's wife went against everyones advice and held a fucking wedding during the middle of all of this. the problem is that we are not like south korea , here it is far worse and they didnt even wear masks or anything and he decided to go . everyone who was there got it.stupid idiots
me: oh for fucks sake. isn't he a dentist too? shouldn't he have a basic idea on hygiene and diseases?
mother: what can you expect of men?
me: jin hyung's brother is holding a wedding , but there are strict rules on it , we all have to wear masks and there are limited guests.
mother: they didnt have any of that , they acted like corona doesn't even exist. your auntie has been against it and she didnt go , despite the invatation. she is just arguing with him 24/7.
me:this is why i am against the idea of getting married , nothing good comes out from it. but have the media gotten hold of this information?
mother: no , but i don't think our drivers can keep their mouths closed. they overheard me talking to your aunt over the phone as she explained. i bet it is already spreading around the company. anyway i thought it was best for me to tell you before you read it over the news in the morning.
me: okay , sure fine. but i am going to go now , i will talk to you later.bye.
mother: okay , sure goodbye.
if my grandmother gets it , i dont think she will last...and my uncle is a heavy smoker too. i swear to god if anything happens to them i will personally take a plane there and kill my aunts husband myself.stupid piece of shit. good for nothing
i got up and called yoona , i told her about it and warned her of the media scrutiny that would be coming my way.she didnt even know what to say by the time i ended the call.i lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a bit before i answered all my text messages from today.
by the time i finished responding , i got called by iu , I picked it up and she said she hadn't hung out with me in a while and missed me.i agreed and blamed my schedule and our busy timetable.she ended the call soon after saying a few things to me.
i went to sleep , somewhat prepared for the mess that was coming in the morning
20th july 2020
i was up at 6am. i opened my phone and saw numerous articles sent to me. i sighed and began reading them. they all spoke about how i was related to them more than the stupidity of my aunt's husband's family.
' diamond's uncle who is rumoured to be a heavy smoker is now under quarantine and fighting against the illness.bighit entertainment and diamond are yet to comment on the situation'
' diamond's aunt's husband went to a wedding without wearing a mask. the wedding was of his niece , everyone who went got coronavirus. it is rumoured that diamond was invited and planned to fly to england last week'
' diamonds grandmother who has had numerous heart attacks over the past few years , passed two kidney stones last year.she is known to have numerous complicated health concerns and if she was to have contacted it , it would be fatal for her. diamond is rumoured to have a very emotionally dependant relationship with her grandmother and if her grandmother was to pass away , we would witness diamond have a drastic breakdown.'
some of the articles just made me go 'wtf'
twitter was also trending' diamond corona', 'diamond family ill''diamond dead grandmother'.
as i continued browsing online , i got angrier and more frustrated. i ran to put on jeans and a jumper before called for 'day' to pick me up. she was outside and i ran inside the car. we drove straight to the office where i held an emergency PR meeting. a statement was soon relaeased. it just said that i was supporting my family from korea and ensuring that they are safe. it also said that i had nothing to do with the wedding and didnt know about it until i was told about how the virus spread to my family. that didnt help kill the articles , it boosted articles and arguments online.
netizens began dragging me for not controlling my family's action. there were numerous death threats and people were telling me that i was to blame for the whole situation. how the fuck do i even tell them what to do? i literally never speak to people over FaceTime after my childhood traumas and i only speak to my family when i see them...why are you blaming me? it didnt help that all i did was go through each and every comment.
i went on twitter after a few hours on naver and i saw that fans were supporting me , but other fandoms were dragging me. this is so fucking stupid i can't even.
yoona: you need to get off that phone , you have been sat there for the past four hours , enough is enough.
me: yeah sure , some time soon.
david: how about we go shopping?
me: yeah and get caught out and then articles are written about how i am 'the sole cause for corona' as their comment says. or ' a representation of the stupidity in the country'. HOW?! i wasn't even in england. i have literally listened to every rule and i am so fucking extra with hygiene measures in my personal life and work life. this is so fucking stupid what the fuck.
david: shopping always cheers you up, right?why not?
i got up and said 'i have the VMA planning meeting, i will talk to you guys later' before leaving and going to the meeting room.i left my phone in that room and i was stuck in the meeting for about two hours planning my performance and BTS' performance. we were to hold outdoor performances in different places , promoting korea's culture.they were at the meeting too and were giving loads of suggestions.
me: so to conclude , BTS will be doing dynamite and i am doing my old tittle track and a song from the album i just released?
namjoon: yeah , but have you choose the song?
me: no and i need to get a choreographer to plan something.afterall , it was an unofficial album , I didnt even send it to the other producers or you guys so...but scince i haven't had any new songs or albums, i need to choose a song from there.
members of staff began leaving one by one as the meeting ended. i was still typing paragraphs into my laptop as the members were getting up.
namjoon: i heard what happened, i hope they get better soon.
i stop typing.
me: thanks , i hope they will too
i continued typing, i didnt get to look up at them as they put their jackets on.
yoongi: did you see the articles and what the netizens were saying , they are fucking delusional.
me: tell me about it , not like i have been stuck reading all the comments for the past four hours.
yoona came in and handed my phone as she whispered" you missed a few calls'. she left after that and i looked through the list of missed calls.
i dialed a number and began speaking.
me: yeah , a choreography please. i need it by the end of this week so i can prepare for a performance. please send it in a video and dont post about it thank you....goodbye.
i texted the dance team and told them that it would be here soon.
me: you guys are filming tomorrow? right?
jimin: yeah a full schedule, why?
me: oh okay i see. oh nothing , dont worry.see you tommorow , or whenever your in the office.
i shut the laptop, got up and left the room.they followed after that and headed on their way up to the dance rooms.i was in my office for a few hours after that and occasionally people would come in and hand me files or tell em something. i didnt ever take off my mask.it was around 9pm when hoseok came in and sat on the sofa
me: wassup?
hoseok: nothing much , just a bit tired.
i was typing an email as he was texting someone on his phone.
hoseok: im ordering food to the dance room later on , do you want anything?
me: no its fine , I'm just moving a few stuff around so i will be busy. you know, the new building.
hoseok: are you going there today? to see your new office?
me: i saw a few clips and pictures , but today i am getting all the stuff moved.its why half the current office is empty.
we spoke for a bit longer before he had to go back downstairs to dance.
i spent the rest of the day as planned , moving and reorganising the new office