It was now Friday, another night of the dates. Since I first threw up, everything had just been a downward spiral. Each day was the same.
I pretend to eat my breakfast, drink some water and then go to the gym until around two. I would then go on a run outside after I threw up, have a shower, eat some bread and chuck the rest of my meal and then either read, watch a movie or hang out with Rory for the rest of the evening.
Right now, I was at the stage of my day where I went down to the gym. My outfit consisted of a tank top, tucked into some navy blue sports leggings and a pair of white trainers. My water bottle was really my only source of food, and I was already feeling a little queasy.
The headaches I used to get when I was bulimic were back but even worse. I couldn't even step outside without my brain feeling like was about to explode.
I swung open the door but then froze as my eyes took in the sight before me.
Hardin was shirtless, lifting weight, with sweat pouring down his body, his hair dripping with it, tiny droplets trickling down his chest and disappearing into the wristband of his shorts.
Fuck me.
I quickly clenched my thighs together to try and stop the wetness from forming a puddle in my pants. I bit my lip and then walked in, my breath getting heavier with every step closer I took.
"Hey stranger," He placed down the extremely heavy weight and strolled over to me, swinging a towel over his bare shoulder.
I smiled and waved back in response, setting my water bottle down and trying to focus all my attention onto his face, rather than his hot, delicious, sexy..
Okay, stop. Focus on the face, not the abs, or the extremely sexy v-line that lead to his..
"I've noticed that you've been in here a lot lately." I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest.
What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
"So, I can't go to the gym like the other girls. Why not? I'm just like them. Do I not seem like the type of girl who likes to stay fit and healthy?"
"I didn't mean anything by it, I swear." He was quick to defend himself.
Maybe I was getting a little too riled up by this whole thing. The hunger certainly didn't help though.
"Are you alright?" He spoke carefully now, as if the wrong word would set my anger off and truthfully, it probably would.
"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry, I'm just a little on edge."
"Aren't we all?" He laughed quietly, the sound like music to my ears and I smiled at the sound.
"I'm going to pick Ivy tonight. Are you okay with that?" He eyed me cautiously, watching my every move.
Like he wanted me to be jealous? Wanted me to demand he pick me, but no. I wasn't going to react, I wanted to win fairly. He could pick whoever he liked.
"Of course, you don't need to ask my permission. It's a competition, your choice." I stated the facts clearly, I wasn't going to beg.
"How could I forget?" He muttered, and then the awkward silence set in.
"Anyways, I better get going enjoy your workout." He offered me a small smile, before leaving the room. Then it hit me.
We were completely alone, with full privacy. He normally had to drag me into a closet to get that but he didn't now. We could do whatever we wanted, yet he didn't try anything.
He didn't shower me with flirtatious comments like usual, he didn't hint at suggestive things, he didn't try to hug or kiss or even touch me in anyway.
That whole conversation was weird too. We were never like that.
Our conversations usually flowed, and they're filled with witty and smart banter. We thrived off challenging each other, flirting and having fun. Yet right then, there was nothing.
I felt like I was talking to an old neighbour I just happened to bump into.
Is it the throwing up? Does he notice? Do I smell weird? Do I look fatter, skinnier? Does he not like me anymore? Why did he choose Rory again? He could have chosen me again, we've all been on a date with him? Why did he kiss Astrid and Rory? Why has still not admitted it to me?
"Uh, get over yourself. He's a Prince, he can do whatever he goddamn wants to do Arabella." I mumbled angry at myself for getting so worked up.
Even angrier that I looked the same except my skin was paler, there were heavier bags under my eyes and my temper was always on the edge.
Screw this.
Storming back up to my room, I walked straight to the bathroom and stuck my fingers down my throat. I gagged and writhing seconds I was retching up water and bread. I went for it a second time, before cleaning up and splashing my face with cold water.
I walked back out and Flo was already in my room, probably prepping for tonight. She paused when she looked up, her eyes scrutinising my appearance and then she stepped a little closer.
"You look different." That was all she said.
"Good different, or bad different." I prayed for good. This whole thing had to be for something.
"Hmm, I'm leaning more towards bad Ari. What's going on? You look...pale, sick, super frail and skinny." Hope filled my eyes at that word.
Skinny, I finally achieved my goal. Now was the hard part, maintaining it.
I left the room with a smile and went on my run. When I finished, my headache was even worse than earlier. I chucked down a couple of painkiller and chugged them down with a bottle of water, before stepping into the shower.
I didn't feel very energetic tonight so I just told Flo to leave my hair down in my natural state. For my make-up, I told her to go all out.
The foundation, bronzer and contour was piled on. I wanted to look like...Ivy. I wanted to have her perfect clear bronze skin and her naturally defined cheekbones.
Maybe if I looked like her, he would pick me instead?
"More." I demanded when Flo set down the makeup brush.
"Ari, I don't think..."
"More." My voice was sterner this time and she complied, caking in more makeup and making me look almost unrecognisable.
My outfit was a simple yellow gown that fell to the floor. It was boring and bland but tight. That was my one request. I wanted it show off my curves and when I looked in the mirror I thought everything I sort to achieve would have been completed, but it wasn't. I didn't look better, in fact I looked worse.
I wasn't me anymore.
It was too late though, the show started in less than five minutes and there was no time to fix myself. This would have to do. I would just have to deal with this monstrosity.
"Hey, we have to get going. You are going down first today. Oh my god, what..what happened? Why do you look like that?"
Great boost for my self-confidence.
"Let's just go." I snapped, pushing past him and heading straight out. A wave of dizziness and nausea washed over, forcing me to cling onto the door.
"Are you.."
"I'm fine." I shouted, standing up straight and brushing my dress down.
I'm fine.
We walked down in silence and I was desperately trying to ignore the intense stare Xander was giving me. His eyes were mainly fixed on my makeup and my hands were already starting to clam up.
"Miss Arabella." By now, this process had become the norm for me. I walked down, my head held high, as I took long elegant strides down to my seat.
Hardin was there, dressed in gold and black, his crown sparkling atop his heads and the light the beaming off the small red rubies encrusted into it.
He met my gaze and smiled, then he frowned. His eyes narrowed, as if I had food stained at the corner of my mouth, which was virtually impossible since I hadn't eaten.
I hurried off and quickly sat down, staring straight at my lap as the rest of the show commenced. One by one, each of the other girls made their ways past me but all I saw were their feet.
Looking up at them, seeing how beautiful and perfect they looked, would have probably destroyed me.
I couldn't even look at my best friend without feeling ugly. What the hell was wrong with me?
Then Flicker called Hardin to pick his date. I straightened up, my spine standing in a perfect line and I made sure to have a smile on my face, no matter how fake it may have been.
Hardin walked towards us, his face showing off nothing. He just had a plain bored expression on his face and his eyes hardened once they landed on me.
He looked confused, upset, disgusted even?
The smile dropped when he asked Ivy. What was I expecting? He told me that he was going to choose her so why did I have my stupid hopes up?
Idiot.
The votes were shown and I was third, behind Ivy and Rory, but for some reason that still didn't satisfy me. I felt weak, hot and dizzy. My head was spinning and my forehead was dripping buckets of sweat.
Flicker announced the end of the show and I scrambled up to leave, when the pain overtook and I fell.
I was plunged into an icy darkness where I could do nothing but stay there. I was stuck, and then nothing.
**
I could feel a strange wetness on my forehead. The tiny droplets of water dripping down my face and onto my chest. It was removed and then placed down again.
I blinked my eyes open, they squinted underneath the harsh light shining down onto me. A figure came into view. Wyatt. His golden brown hair acted as a halo and his smile brightened up the room even more.
"Hey stranger, welcome back to reality." I blinked a couple more times, before I was able to fully open my eyes.
Everything hurt, my head mostly. I noticed that I was no longer dressed in my earlier attire and instead in a simple cotton nightie.
I was on my bed, in my room. No-one else was present expect from Wyatt, who was now staring at me with a sad smile playing on his lips.
What the hell happened?
The last thing I remembered was Hardin choosing Ivy and then nothing. Just total darkness.
"You fainted. I carried you up here and the doctor has been. He said that you were malnourished, he said that you were weak because you had hardly any food in your system. Why would you do that to yourself Arabella?"
Now that was the million dollar question. Why?
"I don't know. Ow, my head hurts." Wyatt helped ease my body up into a sitting position. He reached over and grabbed a plate full of hot food. My stomach growled at sight but I felt sick. I shook my head and turned my head away like a petulant child.
"Arabella, you have to eat. What you did was very dangerous. You could have killed myself." He sighed but I continued to ignore him.
Childish, I know but I wasn't risking gaining the weight back.
"Arabella, please." The door opened on cue and Flo and Xander walked in. Flo's face was holding a worried expression whilst Xander's held anger and rage.
Rightly so, I was his little project and in risking my life, I risked his future.
"She's refusing to eat." Wyatt look tired and drained. I instantly felt bad.
How long had he been up here with me? How long did he wait?
"You stupid child, stop being foolish and eat. You almost died." Xander spat harshly, making me flinch. He'd never spoken to me like that before.
"Ari, please. For me. I don't want to lose you." My hard exterior cracked underneath Flo's devastion. She looked genuinely upset and that made me happy. Not because she was crying, but because it showed she cared.
She cared and that was all I needed to know.
I grabbed the food off Wyatt and began to eat. My taste buds relishing in every bite I took and I could feel my stomach starting to feel a little better.
"We'll let you rest." They all wished me goodnight, except for Xander.
"You will now be monitored by either me or Flo at all meal times. You will also be having more doctor visits until your body is back normal. This is not to be repeated." I felt like a child being scolded by their parent but I nodded anyway.
Once I left, I finished my meal and then lay down in bed, staring up at my white ceiling. It was just white, no colour no detail, just blank. Then my head turned to my window.
I saw the night sky, the stars twinkling brightly, practically begging me to join them.
So, I did.
Carefully, I crawled up onto the roof barefoot. My feet retracing the steps I took last time, and once I finally made it up, I collapsed onto my bum and stared up.
Beautiful. If I was going to die right now, this would definitely be the way to go.
"You look heavenly." I didn't need to look back to know who it was. The shivers his voice gave me told me that.
"I think you mean the sky." I kept my gaze, firmly fixed on the horizon.
"No, I mean you. You're perfect in every way."
"I don't need your pity." I spat, pulling my knees up to me chest.
"Good, because it's the truth." I didn't respond as his heavy footsteps approached. I felt him crouch down beside me and gently brush my hair over my shoulder.
"You are beautiful Arabella. Beautiful in every way. Here." His finger brushed over my cheek, tracing the contours of my face.
"Here." His hand now trailed along my waist, over my stomach and across my breasts.
"In here." His index finger poked my forehead, referring to my mind.
"And here." He places his warm hand over my heart, and brushed away my fallen tears.
"I'm broken Hardin. So fucking broken." I sobbed, clasping onto his hand as if it was the only thing keeping me grounded.
"Then let me help piece you back together. Let me hold your hand whilst you battle your demons. Let me in."
"I want to. I want to so desperately, but I can't. I can't because you're not mine. I share you. I share you with three other girls and that's fine, that's what I'm here for but don't ask me to let you in when one day you're going to leave."
"I won't Arabella. What if I told you it was you?" I couldn't speak.
"You're the one." My heart clenched at his words. His words were like music to my ears, but it wasn't right. It didn't feel right.
"Hardin, it's too early. You're not thinking clearly." I turned away but he gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him.
"I want you." I couldn't breath, the air around me was being sucked away by an invisible vacuum.
"I want you too, but not like this. Not now. You know yourself that it's too early for the both of us to be together fully. I need to figure out if I can deal with everything that comes with being your wife and you need to see if I'm truly the one you want. There are three stunning girls that all want you too, the difference is, we've just had more time together." He seemed a little hurt and shocked but then it quickly morphed into understanding.
"Time. We only have three months of that left."
"It will be a three month journey for the both of us then."
"Indeed it will." A comfortable silence followed until he was brave enough to speak up again.
"Why did you do it? Please, just answer me that." I swallowed a sob and then looked out at the midnight sky as I spoke.
"I'm bulimic. I mean was, back at the academy, but recently it came back. I used to be like two hundred pounds heavier and the constant bullying, humiliation and pain made me do the only thing I thought I could do, stick my fingers down my throat. The starving part was new and that's what caused me to faint."
"I don't understand why you would do that. You're beautiful." I shook my head, still refusing to look at him.
"No I'm not. When I look in the mirror, I see someone's who's fat and imperfect and doesn't deserve you. I just wanted to be like the others. I wanted to be normal."
"I like you because you're not like the others. I like you because you're different."
"That's not a good thing." I stated and he forcefully turned me around so I had to face him.
"Well, you're the exception then. You're beautiful and smart and talented. I would be lucky to have you as my wife and I don't want to see you do anything like that again. Promise me you won't do it." The ferocity in his eyes was terrifying. His eyes were ablaze with anger and fear, and for once I felt truly scared.
"I promise. I won't." I was sure that with some help, I would be okay. I would get back on track and focus on this competition not my body.
Hardin is right. I didn't have to change for anyone. Not even him.
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A/N: I literally live to write those scenes between Arabella and Hardin. They're so cute!!!
Arabella will now get the right help and I please seek help if you have any of the symptoms that Arabella has, or feel like you want to take to someone about this.
Bring a smile to my face and please press that vote button. Also feel free to write a comment, I love hearing from you guys! ❤️