[ Chapter two] (edited)
I don't own wizarding world.
The peace of library welcomed her as she dumped her bag in the table and sat down her mind wandering.
She was not being able to really concentrate today, she had no idea what was wrong with her today. Shaking her head, she took out a new parchment and her quill, and she began scribbling on the crisp parchment. She had to write a thirteen foot essay on wolfs transformation process, transformation. Her mind went to Lupin, and the memories of the horrible war began. The bodies lying lile anything, blood, curses flying everywhere, and that errie, errie atmosphere.
Calm down Hermione. she told herself. Take deep breaths.
Inhale
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
She closed her eyes, calming her thumping heart down. Her brown eyes brimmed with tears, the memories of the war threatened to take over her, threatened to cross out the days and replace it with horror, replace her every good memory so that horrors unfolded instead of days, but she refused. Refused to let the past take her down.She wouldn't answer the calls of the past, her life was different today, the horror was over, it was now time for the light.
After finally calming her heart down, she went back to her assignment with one last sigh.
~•~
Draco clenched his fists, barely being able to supress his rage. He wouldn't allow it. Wouldnt allow them to provoke him. If he acted out of anger, things were bound to get worse.
People who were less understanding, those who hated him for his deeds were always trying to anger him, searching for an opportunity to provoke him and make him lose control but he wouldn't . He had learned, learned not to behave on impulse, the war had done one good thing, that was making him mature.
He sighed. He'd missed his patrol duty the day before and in the morning he saw Hermione giving him a death glare. He didn't know why she'd be angry though, he instead thought shed be happy to not have to do patrolling with her.
Especially, with their history. His actions made him ashamed of himself.
Shame
It was an intensely painful feeling. Perhaps, shame was a companion to death. His past actions never left him, sometimes he wished he could forget, it was past afterall, there was no point thinking about what was already done, but it was impossible, the energy it took to unknow his past was exhausting. So all he could do was wallow in guilt and shame, being aware that it was slowly weighing him further and further down towards the unknown suffering of voidness.
Draco felt his blood run cold as he finally climbed at the tallest tower of Hogwarts.
The Astronomy Tower.
The same place where he had almost committed a murder. He stood frozen at the door, staring at the spot where he stood that night with his wand aloft, his steely eyes slowly gazed to the spot where Dumbledore had stood, fearless to death, kind and wise untill his last breath. Draco remembered how he had been blasted up in the air after being hit with the killing curse, how he had fallen from the height, leaving the school forever.
His breath stopped. His heart thumped like he was running from death, sweat broke down in his face and he turned and stumbled down the stairs.
He needed to leave.
He couldn't bear to stand there, in the place that haunted his nightmares.
He couldn't.
He was a coward.
He could do nothing except sit and wallow in self pity and shame, couldn't go and apologize, didn't have the guts, couldn't do it.
Yes, he hated himself. Slef loathing, it was the kind of numbness that felt like psychic death. It was only fair for the people to hate him when he himself hated his wretched self.
Nothing could take him out from the ocean of self loathing he was drowning into.
He knew no one would ever come close to him. Sometimes he wanted desperately for someone to tell him that he wasnt as terrible as he thought he was, but would get no one.
He exhaled, once, twice, thrice.
And he walked down towards the cold dungeons.
▪︎▪︎
"Ginny, relax, I do know when you are trying to hide something." Hermione said causing the red head to smile sheepishly.
It was the end of the day, they were inside the Gryffindor common room, and Ginny had come a bit late. When Hermione asked why she was late, Ginny had begun to ramble as if she was trying to hide something.
"Alright, Alright, Zabini held me off" She finally said crossing her hands across her chest.
Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"I'm sorry, but did you say Zabini? As in Blaise Zabini?" questioned the brunette.
"Who else? he, is an arrogant asshole." She stated.
"What exactly happened?" Hermione asked crossing her hands herself. It was weird, Ginny going on with her about a guy; usually she would just hex and not even talk about it, like it was a normal thing. But today, she actually looked annoyed, and kind of distracted. Harry and she tried being together after the war, but they didn't know what happened. They decide to break it off.
When she asked she told that maybe the war changed them. Hermione was happy for them, at least they didn't decide to stay in an incompatible relation. They still were good friends and things weren't awkward so Hermione was happy for them.
"Its nothing really, he was just being smug about something, honestly with that big ego of his, I don't know how he fits through the door. The idiot thinks, he is some sort of a Greek god. Humph, as if" she finished with an eye roll. "Okay, lets just forget about all these, tomorrows a Hogsmead weekend, you got any plans?"
"Not really, me and the boys are paying a visit to three Broomsticks after I've bought some books, they said they wanted to visit the quidditch store, do you wanna come?" Hermione asked.
Ginny nodded. "Sure, I need to buy some quills too."
~.~
"What are you so smug about?" Draco asked the dark skinned Slytherin as the latter smirked.
Draco wondered what had caused Blaise's already inflated ego to swell even more.
"Its nothing that concerns you" he replied "How did the patrol go?" he asked smirking.
Draco rolled his eyes.
"You're talking as if it was some kind of a picnic, it was just the nights patrol Zabini" the blonde replied.
"You know what I mean, Malfoy"
Draco shrugged.
He knew full well what the latter was on about, but he decided to act nonchalant, he knew Blaise would start nagging him again about talking to Granger. He had honestly started to regret telling Blaise the information his mother gave him at the start of the term. Theo was better, he at least acted mature, unlike Blaise who acted like a five year old. Speaking of Theo, he wondered where he was.
"You've seen Theo?"
"Haven't" Blaise shook his head. "He's probably off somewhere in the library reading or caved up in his room"
Ever since they've come back, Theo was rarely around. Normally, he wasn't the one to talk or mingle much but these days he was almost never found. Theo's mother died right after the war, orphaning him totally, with his jerk of a father locked up for good. He never was in good terms with his father, Theo was actually relieved that he was in Azkaban but the Slytherin loved his mother. Salazar, he really did. But with her gone too, he had become some sort of a depressed person. His only guardian was his uncle who lived in France. He had invited Theo to live with him after graduation, but he had declined the offer, choosing to stay in England itself. The only thing Theo hadn't abandoned was his love for reading. Merlin, the boy could read for days and never get bored.
Exactly like Granger!
Draco shook his head, Salazar, she was in his mind. What was wrong with him!
"Sometimes I think Theo and Granger are very much alike, Don't you?", the dark skinned Slytherin asked his smirk still intact in his face.
"Well they both are bookworms" Draco said nonchalantly. "What? Don't give me that look Blaise"
Blaise rolled his eyes.
"Man up and go talk to her Malfoy, you need to do it anyways, so better sooner than later."
"I will, alright, just- I need an appropriate time-"
"You've been saying that for the last three weeks"
"Well, the times hasn't come then" Draco said annoyed that he cut him off. He hated when someone cut him off. "I will, just not now"
"Fine" said Blaise raising his hands. "Just tell her soon mate"
Then he stood up and patted him on the arm before walking to the rooms.
Draco sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He knew his friend was right. But he just couldn't get the guts to approach her; he didn't know what the fuck was wrong with him. Every time he went to her to talk, he would end up either arguing with her or worse, stuttering. All in all, he couldn't do what he was mean to.
~ .~
The next day was cold, unusually cold for an October morning. Hermione slipped into her cardigan and Gryffindor muffler before fixing her mane of hair into French braids. She still couldn't tame her hair properly, wild as always, few stubborn strands stuck out from her braid; she tried fixing them, but eventually gave up when they just kept on coming out.
The brunette walked through the staircase to the Gryffindor common room, smiling when she saw her friends waiting.
"Here you are Hermione, you look awesome" said Ginny grinning upon her.
Hermione grinned back.
"Thanks Ginny. You do too." She complimented. "Harry!" She went up and hugged her best friend.
"Good Morning Hermione, slept well?" he asked hugging her back.
She nodded. "Yeah, how did you sleep?"
"The usual" he shrugged.
He had been having nightmares, terrible ones. When at the burrow, he would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming and panting and it would take him ages to calm down.
"Harry, you need to see a therapist." Hermione said gazing upon him concernedly.
"I'm alright Hermione, they're just nightmares."
"And they are getting worse, Harry listen to me, please, you need to see a therapist."
Harry was graced by Ron entering the common room. The red head, grinned when he saw them, and waved his hand.
"Hey, Harry, Hermione, Ginny. Sorry I'm late" he said and Hermione smiled.
"Its fine Ron. We'll be late, let's get going. I need to watch over third years, explain them the rules and limits."
"They're going to break the rules anyways Hermione, so why bother?" Ron said, rolling her eyes.
"Because it's my duty Ron, now let's go."
And the four of them made their way to the great hall.
~•~
Hope you liked it. Leave a comment please.
Untill next time,
Xx.