(Img src: Zerochan/Nero)
Town Algade, Moniyan Empire
Same night
Alucard: "We heard the scream, ran outside and saw the victim, hung by his neck, with a sword stabbed to its chest. I don't think it's a coincidence this took place in the town square during the dinner rush. Someone wanted this to be seen."
Natalia: "Ah yes. But that just raises a bigger question."
Alucard: "Oh and what's that?"
Natalia: "Why do you even CARE!?"
Alucard: "I am sorry, are you asking me why I care that a man was killed?"
Natalia: "No, I am asking why YOU care that a man was killed."
Alucard: "Forgive me but I don't follow."
Natalia: "Well let's see. Most people would, charitably, refer to you as the crown prince of douchebags, long may he reign. Your usual reaction to suffering is to pull up a chair and crack out the popcorn. What's your angle?"
Alucard: "Natalia! I am so shocked and appalled that that is your opinion of me! All I want to see is justice served and to bring that poor girl some closure."
Natalia: "Really? You care that much huh? What's her name?"
Alucard: "I am sorry, what?"
Natalia: "The girl's name. What was it?"
Alucard: "Well, um, y-you know, its,um...stah..dah...Starts with an 'A'..."
Natalia: "Y..."
Alucard: "Right, 'Y', of course! That's close. I mean they are basically neighbors. *Laughing* You can understand my mistake."
Natalia: "Of course."
Alucard: "It's uh... Yo...Yo...Yo... Ya...Yoooooga pants?"
Natalia: "Yolko!"
Alucard: "Okay, fine! God! I just wanted to prove I was right! There is no way that guy is really dead. There is something else going on and I am gonna prove it."
Natalia: "Wow. How noble of you. And you were just going to bang her."
Alucard: "Bang her? What do you mean?"
Natalia: "Don't act innocent. What were you saying to Yolko near her apartment?"
Alucard: "Is that what you call bang? I was just consoling her so she could let me stay at her house, until the smell of those weird plants is gone. I don't want Ezria to worry even more, you know."
Natalia: 'How can this guy be so crafty and so innocent at same the time?'
Alucard: "So what's the plan?"
Natalia: "First, we should appraise the sword. Any recommendation?"
Alucard: "There is a axe wielder who runs a general store here, we can ask him."
Natalia: "Oh Theo right? Okay Gotcha buddy."
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Arriving before the shop, Alucard opens the door and steps in the shop.
Alucard: "Hey, Thunder lion! How's it hanging?"
Theo: "Alucard? Well, if it isn't my least favourite customer."
Alucard: "Aw, you just say that because I'm not dumb enough to buy any of your crap."
Theo: "No, I say that because you bring the most repulsive disemboweled corpses of monsters to sell...."
Shopkeeper's admonishment faded out as he caught sight of the one standing next to him. Panicking, he pulls Alucard in and hide behind the counter.
Alucard: "AH! What's the matter with you?"
Theo: "Why would you bring her here?! I thought we were friends!"
Alucard: "What? I don't understand. What's the problem?"
Natalia: "Hey, T-dawg. What is up in dis hizouse?"
Hearing that, Alucard starts to quietly cry the tears of joy.
Theo: "Are you crying?!"
Alucard *Sniff*: "There's just so much beauty in the world."
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Natalia: "So dat's da sitch. Think ya can scope da deets on dis gat for us, homey?"
Theo: ".......Sure thing, Alucard. Anything for a friend."
Natalia: "Um, but I'm da one dat asked you, Chocolate Rain."
Theo: "....."
Natalia: "T-Pain? Why you ignoring me, bro? You got cotton in your ears?
Alucard: "Natalia, you're accent."
Natalia: "OH GOD! I-I didn't mean it like that! I am so sorry!"
Alucard: "But seriously, how the hell you managed to learn that accent? I tried but always failed."
Natalia: "I didn't want to learn it! It's just ingrained in me to talk like this whenever I am with a Dark elf."
Theo: "I am a human!"
Natalia: "But your skin tone similar.."
Alucard: "I'm really sorry, Theo. Grand assassin Natalia here's not what you'd call a 'people person'."
Natalia: "Um, excuse me?! Mr. Kettle? Mr. Pot called. HE SAYS YOU'RE BLAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... ck."
Theo "What? It's a turn of phrase. It has nothing to do with race."
Natalia: "I'm sorry! It's just, you look like a very angry black man."
Theo: "Okay, now you see dat? DAT was racist."
Alucard: "Ah, this is great. See? We're learning stuff. But in all seriousness, Theo, could you check out this weapon before Natalia starts a full-on race war?"
Theo: "I'll try. But appraising a weapon like this ain't gonna be easy."
He says as he stare at the sword intensly.
Alucard: "....."
Natalia: "....."
Theo: *Staring at the sword*
Alucard: "....."
Natalia: "....."
Theo: *still staring*
Alucard: "......."
Natalia: "......."
Theo: *Changes the sword's angle and keeps staring*
Alucard: "....."
Natalia: "....."
Finally Theo keeps the sword backs on the table, saying.
Theo: "Okay, I am done."
Alucard: "Wait that's it? You are just going to stare it?"
Theo: "The metal of the blade indicates this is a magic sword. There are two names inscribed on its hilt - 'Guilty Thorn' the name of the sword and 'Myrna Schmitt' the name of its owner."
Alucard: "Magic sword? Mages use swords too?"
Natalia: "Some do. The name of the owner and the guy turning into ash, we are dealing with a Cinere magic user."
Alucard: "Cinere magic?"
Natalia: "It's a rare magic with which the user can turn anything into ash with a single touch."
Alucard: "That's awesome, I could kill all the demons with that."
Natalia: "Sorry sweetheart, but cinere magic is bloodline magic, only people of schmitt clan can do it."
Alucard: "That some piece of schmitt magic."
Theo: "Pffft...hahahaha."
Natalia: "This is weird."
Alucard: "What!? I thought the joke was good."
Natalia: "No, not your stupid joke. I was talking about the sword."
Alucard: "Something wrong with the sword?"
Natalia: "Magic swords cannot be infused with bloodline magic, but still the man turned into ash."
Alucard: "Your point is?"
Natalia: "I am not sure if the sword is infused with cinere magic or not. Because if the knowledge I have is correct, the magic user need to touch the target to turn it into ash."
Alucard: "Hmm... Well, only one way to find out."
Saying that, Alucard picks up the sword and charge it to stab himself. But Natalia grabs his hand, stopping the sword before it touches his body.
Natalia: "Holy moniyan Alucard! What the hell are you doing?!"
Alucard: "Well, clearly, I'm stabbing myself with this sword to see if it kills me-"
Natalia: "Are you an idiot!? What if it is actually infused with cinere magic!? You could die! Care about your life a little more!"
Alucard: ".....sorry."
Natalia: "This things too dangerous for you to screw around with!"
She says as she takes sword from Alucard's hands.
Natalia: "Here, T-Fizzle, YOU take it."
Theo: "Ah, handing the black man a murder weapon. Tale as old as time."
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Next Morning
Alucard: "Oh, wow. Restaurant. I haven't been here in... hours! Glad to see the old place hasn't changed."
Natalia: "Do you really hate this place that much, or do you just love the sound your own voice?"
Alucard: "It's my gift to the world."
Natalia: "Hate to break it to you sweetie, but the world wants a gift receipt."
Alucard: "No refunds or exchanges. Only store credit."
Yolko: "Uh, I'm sorry. D-Didn't you want to ask me some questions?"
Alucard: "Shhhhh. The grown-ups are talking."
Natalia: "Alucard! *Sighs* I'm sorry, Yolko, but have you ever heard of a person named... Myrna?"
Yolko: "Y-Yes, we used to be in the same squad."
Alucard: "Well, according to our investigation, she's owner of the sword that was used in the... incident."
Natalia: "Murder."
Alucard: "Really? Then show me the body!"
Natalia: "There IS no body!"
Alucard: "I rest my case."
Nataila: "I explained you last night! It's the cinere magic!"
Alucard: "You later contradicted yourself."
Yolko: "C-can I just jump back in here?"
Aluacrd: "Yes, please! Maybe you can clear this up. Was there any reason Kains would've wanted to... fake his death?"
Yolko *Panicked*: "What?! F-Fake his death? You mean... *Slightly scared* Kains isn't dead?"
Natalia: "No, of course he's dead."
Yolko: "Oh. Uh... right."
Alucard: "Now now Natalia, you can't prove that he's dead. Let me give this poor girl some hope."
Natalia: "Oh, don't even PRETEND that's what you're doing!"
Alucard *Groans*: "Fine Natalia. I'll humor you. Yolko, why would Myrna have wanted to make sweet love to your friend's chest with the business end of a broadsword?"
Natalia: "Holy Moniyan, Alucard!"
Alucard: "What? I asked her! Jeez, I just can't win with you."
Yolko: "Um... well... She is actually dead."
Natalia: "...what?"
Alucard: "Neat. This is getting complicated."
Yolko: "It happened six months ago. The squad that Kains, Myrna and I were part of received an extremely valuable item - a magic ring which can increase one's speed by wearing it. As we all fought over who will keep it, the squad leader and the Myrna's husband, Grindcore decided to sell it and split the profits. But when Myrna went out to make the sale, she was killed. Since we were the only ones who knew about the ring, we realized the killer had to be one of us, and the guild just... fell apart."
Natalia: "Hm, then Grindcore could be the killer. He might have suspected Kains for killing his wife and decided to take his revenge."
Alucard: "Either that or knowing it has to be one of you, he decided to kill all three of you."
Yolko: *shocked in fear*
Alucard: "Don't worry, I'll protect you."
Yolko: *blushes intensely*
Natalia: "So who's the fifth member?"
Yolko: *Barely hidden disdain* "A lancer named Gawain."
Natalia: "Sounds like you're not a fan."
Yolko: "What? No! We are still good friends actually..."
Alucard: "Gawain, gawain. Why does that name sound familiar?"
Yolko: "You know him?"
Alucard: "I think so... OH GOD NO!!"
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Town Martin, Gawain's Room
Gawain: "I knew it! They're finally coming for me! It was only a matter of time! The walls are closing in!"
Natalia: "Is he always like this?"
Yolko: "Only when he's stressed."
Natalia *Sigh*: "Well that's a relief-"
Alucard: "He's always stressed."
Natalia: "Goddammit!"
Alucard: "He used to had very huge debt from the criminals who were captured, but since they broke out the prison, he's been terrified that they are gonna come for him."
Gawain: "I used to laugh at their threats. You hear me?! LAUGH! But now?! What if they actually DO chop off my limbs, rip out my intestines, and ride me like some sort of meat toboggan?!"
Alucard: "Ya hear that, Natalia? "Meat Toboggan". Try getting THAT image out of your head. Gripping' his entrails like the reins of Santa's sleigh. Streaking through the fresh morning snow on a trail of bile and gore, as his eyes beg the same question as the horrified children in his wake. *Whispered* Why...?'"
Gawain: "OH GOD!!"
Natalia: "Would you just shut up and let her handle this?! Go on, Yolko."
Yolko: "Calm down. No one's going to kill you for your debt, Gawain."
Gawain: "Really? Are you sure? Those criminals... aren't coming for me?"
Yolko: "That's right. But Grindcore is. *Afraid* And he's coming to deliver righteous vengeance upon us."
Gawain starts to shudder.
Natalia: "This... may have been a mistake."
Aluacrd: "I disagree. I think you've got a real flair for this."
Natalia: "That's not helping!"
Yolko: "Wait, no. That can't be it. Kains was turned into ash, Grindcore couldn't be the killer."
Alucard: "Thank you! Finally, a voice of reason. See that man isnt dea-"
Yolko: "IT MUST'VE BEEN MYRNA'S GHOST!!! SHE'S RETURNED FROM BEYOND THE VEIL OF DEATH TO WREAK BLOODY VENGEANCE UPON US ALL!!!!!!!"
Alucard: "Did I say 'reason'? Sorry, I meant the screaming monkeys that live in her brain."
Slowly getting up from her seat, Yolko says,
"She was the only one who could use Cinere Magic."
Going towards the window, Yolko looks up to see vast blue sky. Sitting on the edge, she continues, "It's everyone's fault. Her blood is on all our hands. We should've just done whatever Myrna wanted. There's no stopping her judgement now."
Gawain: "And you're okay with this?! I don't know about you, but I am a knight of order now. I am not gonna die a pointless death!"
Natalia: "Settle down you two! I think we can safely assume a ghost is not the culprit here! Right, Alucard?"
Alucard: "Of course not. Obviously, it was a hit by the Mermaid Mafia payed in Leprechaun gold! But who was the puppet master? The Unicorns? No, they've had a feud going with the Mermaids for years..."
Natalia: "Damn it, Alucard! This is serious! These people's lives are in danger!"
Alucard: "No, they're not! For the last time! I don't see the death strings on any one of them!"
Suddenly a dragger comes flying through the window and hits Yolko, which makes her lost her balance and fall down.
Natalia: "Yolko!"
Alucard rushes towards the window to grab her, but is unable to. The girl hits the ground with the dragger piercing her back and soon she turns into ash, which fly's away with the wind.
Natalia: "Alucard, is she okay?!"
Alucard: "Weeelllllll, I'm not a doctor... but I don't like her chances."