Nothing about this is okay.
-Derek Shepherd
Emily and the rest of the gang walked into the lobby where the attendings were waiting. No matter how much she loved working, she hated the night shift. Adjusting her bag on her shoulder, she rubbed her cheek and stretched her facial muscles, still trying to wake up from sleeping eleven hours during the day.
"Did you just yawn? Was that a yawn?" Mark asked when April let out a massive yawn. Blinking hard, Emily stood between Lexie and Meredith as Teddy turned around. Jackson sidled in beside her as she nursed her mug of tea to wake her up without killing her like coffee would at this time of night.
"Don't tell us that you're tired after getting to sleep all day."
"It's not as easy as it sounds," protested the redhead and Bailey turned around, incredulous.
"Not easy? Not e- when I was a resident, I actually worked for a living. I did every other night call for five years."
There were days that I didn't go home for seventy-two hours. I loved it."
"As you trudged through the snow while you whittled your own scalpels." Wrinkling up her nose, she turned to hide her laugh as Jackson snickered.
"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that Karev." Lexie's short-lived laugh faded upon the peds attending's glare as the residents all shared looks before Bailey caught Alex's attention again. As she spoke about fistulas and whatever he had to do on her service, Emily reached behind her neck and unclasped the necklace. Twisting off her ring, she slid it onto the silver chain before placing it back around her neck where it belonged. Looking up, she spotted Mark looking at her and smiled, winking. His outfit with the grey button-up and the dark jacket had her wishing she really didn't have to work.
"Avery and Little Grey, Hunt is waiting for you in the pit." Teddy, phone in hand, went to leave. The residents parted for her as Jackson and Lexie went to head down to the pit.
"Kepner, go with them," Taylor added and the redhead nodded, following after them with a little bounce in her step.
"All right. Moore, just round on my post-ops, make sure pre-ops are stable, all that, you know what to do." Callie handed her a clipboard with a sheet upon it. "These are the patients scheduled for tomorrow, so make them your priority." Running the list over, she nodded.
"Of course."
"Try not to screw up our patients." Callie began to leave and Emily sent her housemate a smile. "Good night," she sang, "and good luck." Mark went to follow and as Emily read, she subconsciously tilted her head for him to kiss her cheek. With two kisses to her cheek, he continued walking.
"Try not to need us."
"Page us if you do need us," Taylor added, following after his friends. Emily sighed, feeling a yawn crawling up her throat. Heading up the main staircase, she took one huge swig of her tea.
Time for the night shift.
.
When she was free, she sat by Kayla's bedside, catching up on charts. The kid was sleeping and Emily had her hand on her own abdomen, knowing that whenever her eyes passed over the child, her eyes softened infinitesimally. But it was there.
Emily wondered if Mark would look at their child the way he looked at his wife.
.
At Joe's bar, Mark smirked when Teddy rested her head against the table, voice muffled in her jacket. As she yelled at Derek, the plastics attending peeled a bar nut and popped it into his mouth.
"You're married! You don't get to have an opinion on my pathetic forays into internet dating."
"You do need a drink." Mark handed her his glass of scotch. Teddy straightened up, thanking him briefly. "You could just date your best friend." The other attendings looked at him and he shrugged. "It worked for me."
"Okay, you managed to make Dr. Perfect Princess fall for your dumb ass, and she made you fall in love with her, and what you have is out of a fairytale or some rom-com so you don't get an opinion either!"
.
"Merry Christmas!" she sang, bouncing up to Mark. "We have an O.B. appointment today at three, so if you could stay out a surgery, I'd love for you to be there." Kissing her quickly, he nodded.
"Of course. And it's not even Christmas. That's three days away."
"So, we haven't gotten each other Christmas presents?" she said and narrowed her eyes at him as he smiled, kissing her chastely. "Mark, three o'clock."
"I'll try my best."
.
She was in the PT room, the parallel bars up as she helped Kayla put on her newly made legs. Making sure the stump was comfortable, she pulled on the sleeve for her knees and smiled up at the girl. "Okay, you ready?" she asked and the blonde child nodded timidly. The physiotherapist came over with the newly made fitted legs and crouched before them.
"Okay, here we go Kayla." He grinned as the doors opened. Standing up, she looked back to see her fathers. Leaving Dr. Handler and Kayla, she approached them.
"Hi, Gale, Jackie," she greeted and they looked over her shoulder to see their daughter. "Uh, she's just getting them fit before we give them a test run. Then we'll determine if they're a good fit."
"Thank you, Dr. Moore. For all you've done for our daughter." Gale hugged her and, surprise, she didn't reciprocate until Jackie joined in too. Smiling, she could feel the relief radiating off of them. "Can we see her?"
"Of course." They returned to the parallel bars where Dr. Handler was carrying Kayla to the start of it. The girl clutched onto the metal bars and her fathers came to her side. "Okay, Kayla. You know what to do, right?"
"Right. I got this!" she cheered. Emily crouched at the end of the obstacle as Kayla took her first step carefully. The five year old nearly fell and her father reached to catch her but she shook them off, regaining her balance. Emily clasped her hands in front of her mouth, smiling wide when she took another successful step.
"You're doing it, dumpling!"
"You can do it!"
Emily didn't say anything as she got into the rhythm. Kayla got overconfident though. She began to walk faster, faster than her new legs and her body could handle as she tripped over her feet. Letting out a wail, the blonde fell to the ground. Emily immediately got up, walking the short distance as her fathers tried to help her up.
"It's okay, sweetie. You can get up and try again." Gale tried to soothe his daughter but Kayla was crying, face red as she tried to get up but by now, she couldn't control how her legs moved.
"I can't! I can't!" she yelled and Emily felt the cries speak to her soul. Feeling her throat tighten, she bent down as Kayla twisted to look at her. Blinking, she tried to ignore how the tears burned at her eyes. "I have no legs. I can't get up!"
"Dumpling..." Gale tried to help his daughter by carrying her but was immediately batted away.
"No, Daddy! I don't have legs! I don't have legs and I can't get up!" The brunette crouched down as Dr. Handler grabbed a tissue box.
"Dr. Moore." Jackie looked helplessly at the doctor and Emily scooped up Kayla in her arms. She ignored the fierce screams in her ear, carrying her until they reached the table where she had put on the sleeves in the beginning.
"Kayla," Emily began soothingly. "Kayla, hey." She tried again when the child kept throwing her tantrum. "Kayla."
"I don't have legs." She sniffled and the brunette gestured for the tissue box which was placed in her hand. Offering it to Kayla, she smiled and patted her thigh. "It's so hard to walk."
"I know," she assured, "I know. But I need you to try. Remember what I said?"
"I'll be a superhero."
"That's right. Superheros are strong and brave. And they don't give up, right?" Nodding, Kayla sniffed and Emily wiped the tears away with a tissue. "And your daddy and papa are trying to help." Her pager blared and she saw it was an emergency page from Lexie. "I have to work, okay? But I'll be right back."
"Please, don't go!" Hugging the small child again, she patted her hair and put a smile on her face.
"I will be right back. Soon as I can." Pulling away, the woman approached Dr. Handler who was speaking to the parents. The three looked to her as she walked up to them.
"She's fine - just frustrated. This is going to be a long road for her, and she will stumble, but you guys need to be there to catch her.."
"Thank you, Dr. Moore," Jackie murmured and took his husband's hand, tugging him in the direction of their daughter. Dr. Handler watched them go and Emily sniffed quietly, wiping away invisible tears.
"Uhm, I have to answer a page. I'll be right back."
"Yeah, go." As Emily left the PT room, she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down from the terrible hormone rush hearing a tiny child cry gave her.
.
"You paged?" Lexie looked away from the glass door and turned to her.
"Oh, uh, I need a favor. A nurse hates me."
"You're a resident. I'm sure they all hate you." Emily turned around to return back to what she was doing but Lexie grabbed her arm. "I was in the middle of a PT session."
"I know, but, they love you. Some might say you're their favorite resident." The younger doctor gave a bright grin and Emily raised her eyebrows.
"You couldn't have asked Taylor?" she asked sourly and the brunette pouted.
"Well, I could've but he's doing an exploratory laparotomy and I didn't want to pull him out of a surgery when he's saving a life... so..."
"I am exhausted! And working with a tiny child who has no legs and is trying to learn how to walk again. So, I don't have time for this." She was about to leave when Lexie grabbed her arm again.
"Can you please just talk to him, smooth things over, so that when I go to take my patient back to radiology and get his drain put back in, he doesn't make a scene? Em, please." Realizing what it was about, Emily sighed.
"Is this about the gallbladder removal through the mouth?" she asked tiredly. Kayla and the crying and the making the baby, it all really took the strength right out of her. Lexie nodded guiltily and Emily sighed. "Fine. But tonight, you're taking over my shift."
"Fine." She glanced over her shoulder and Emily followed her line of sight to a tanned man, well-built and with dark hair. "Oh god, okay, there he is."
"Eli?"
"E-"
"And if I ever get paged for anything I don't want to do, you're the one they page. It includes ulcers and removing outpatient masses, and all that."
"Fine." Emily sighed, opening the door and looking back at Lexie.
"Stay here and out of sight." Approaching Eli, she put on her most charming grin. "Eli, my favorite nurse." The man turned at the sight of her and she snapped her fingers. "Okay, so I don't want to really step on your toes but if I make a big show out of talking to you, then Dr. Grey over there—" She watched as he glanced over her shoulder— "will cover my shift and do all the crappy shit I don't want to do for a very long time. So can you make a big show, maybe mention how highly I think of her so I can leave and get back to work?"
"But what do I get out of it?" Thinking fast, she remembered the Seahawks tickets Mark had been gifted from a patient. He hadn't wanted them anyway... she was sure he wouldn't mind if she promised them away...
"Seahawks tickets, Sunday. Box seats."
"Parking?"
"Naturally." She shrugged and Eli raised his chin, narrowing his eyes.
"Fine.
"Now, begin." Her hands planted on her hips as he begun, in a louder voice, to announce that he couldn't put the drain in.
"I don't care what you say. Dr. Bailey has to give the go ahead with the drain before I can even consider doing it. I don't care how good of a resident you think Dr. Grey is, I'm not doing it." Smiling, she patted Eli on the arm.
"Thank you." He nodded. "You're a good man." He chuckled as she turned around to go back to Lexie. Making an innocent face at Lexie, she stood before her. "I tried my best, but you know what? No luck! Too bad. Gotta go." She pat Lexie's head and headed off, knowing that the younger woman was scowling after her.
.
She sucked in a breath as Connie squirted the ultrasound gel onto her flat abdomen. A warbling sound accompanied the wand as it landed on her skin. Mark held her hand, sitting beside her, and Emily looked to the monitor, watching as the woman spread the gel around with the wand.
"Boy or girl?" she asked and Mark brushed hair away from her forehead. Turning her head to him, she smiled. "Do you want a boy or a girl?"
"Either is fine." Narrowing her eyes, her smile grew.
"He wants a boy, Connie. And I know it's too early to tell, but it'll be very nice if we have a boy." The O.B. smiled as a soft thud began to fill the room, overtaking the warbling. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes trained on that tiny little thing in her uterus.
"It will be, but for now, all I can give you is their heartbeat."
Emily turned to Mark and his mouth opened and closed before he looked to her. Bending their intertwined fingers towards him, he kissed her knuckles and pressed his forehead to their hands.
"I love you," he whispered and she smiled fondly at him, reaching over to run his hands through her hair. "I love you, so much."
"I love you, too."
.
Emily watched the TV numbly as Mark held Lexie close to his side. She stood beside Jackson on the staircase and swallowed difficulty as the reporter continued to explain the situation. Someone... opening fire on students - kids. Her stomach felt hollow and her heart dropped down to her gut as she held Jackson's hand tightly. He looked at her briefly but didn't say anything.
Owen and Teddy came in, asking what happened but none of them could reply, unable to rip their gazes away from the TV.
"There are at least twenty victims." That caused a collective gasp and Owen snapped into action, calling for all the surgeons to get to the pit. Lexie was crying but she tried to hide as they put on trauma gowns and rubber gloves.
Emily watched her go as the Chief stepped in front of them. All around her, she saw people holding back tears and she looked down at the pavement.
"People... people. Our own trauma is fresh and we are going to have feelings today. And there is no shame in that. What I want to say is, what we went through six months ago, they are going through right now, which makes them our brothers and sisters..." the sirens wailed in the background, signalling the fast approaching ambulances. "Which makes them fellow travelers, which makes them our own, so to the very best of our ability we are going to do our work first and you're gonna have your feelings later."
Lexie wiped at her nose, trying to stall tears as the ambulances rounded the corner. Emily placed a hand on her shoulder, "Lex, go see if the pit is stocked." she suggested softly but the brunette refused, raising her head.
"No, I'm fine."
"Grey," Taylor glanced at the tiny brunette. "Call the blood bank. Tell them to give us all the O-Neg we have, alright?" Swallowing thickly, she looked up at her boyfriend before caving. The brunette wiped at her eyes before entering the E.R. again.
Tires screeched to a halt as they made a way for the gurney to pass. Watching the blood staining the bed, she felt the urge to throw up but swallowed it and leapt into action for a woman who could barely breathe.
"Lena Keller, twenty, G.S.W. to the chest through the fifth intercostal space and no exit wound." Nodding, she helped push the gurney into the hospital and into a medical bay.
Unwrapping her stethoscope from her neck, she listened to the heart and lungs just as E.R. staff swarmed in to hook her up to monitors. "Okay, we need labs, blood work, and a chest x-ray," she ordered. "On my count, one, two, three, lift." They transferred him to the bed and the gurney was pushed out of their way. The pulse was strong but her lung sounds were weak. "Start an I.V." She ordered as the woman's eyes darted from side to side.
"Right away, doc."
"Where am I?" She asked, muffled by the oxygen mask.
"Lena, you're at a hospital. Now, I need you to hold still, okay?"
"I was shot," Lena breathed painfully. "I was shot!" Heart rate began to spike and she turned to a nurse.
"Push two of morphine." Removing the gauze from the wound, Emily scowled when she saw blood oozing from it. Grabbing scissors, she cut it open when stats began to plummet. Listening to the lungs again, she heard decreased breath sounds. Lena was unconscious by then and blood was quickly filling the bed. Asking for an ultrasound, she placed it on the woman's chest, watching the image as it loaded. "Come on, come on."
It was a hemothorax. Blood was filling the cavity as she went to the side and found the intercostal space.
"Lidocaine." A nurse squirted it all over the area and she extended a hand. "Okay, scalpel." It was placed in her hand and she took a deep breath. Her hand shook as it held the scalpel and she closed her eyes for a moment. This isn't Mark, this isn't Mark. She repeated it like a mantra as she made a small incision.
"Scissors." She held up a hand for it as soon as she finished the first cut and dug them into the muscle. Slicing through, she bit her lip as Lena sprung awake, screaming. Straightening up, she made Lena look at her.
"Lena? Lena! Hey, okay, I know this hurts but you're gonna have to tough it out. You've got a hemothorax and if I don't put in a chest tube, you won't be able to breathe. Okay?" Lena's wide eyes found hers and she reached up a hand to touch the oxygen mask. "No, don't move. I've got you." Her hand fell back to the bed and Emily bent over once more. "I'm about to put in a chest tube, okay?"
This isn't Mark. This isn't Mark. This isn't Mark.
Emily shoved the tube into her chest and blood gushed out. Vitals stabilized as an E.R nurse took over from there and she backed away, gloves stained with dark red. Ripping them off, she took a huge breath.
She could feel every bone trembling and she looked at her hands. They were shaking so frantically that she couldn't stop. Click-boom.
"Dr. Moore, what do you want us to?" Snapping back into the present, she looked blearily up at the person in front of her. A scan was shoved into her hands and she raised it to the light, seeing the bullet lodged in the liver. Clearing her throat, she narrowed her eyes.
"Okay, we need an O.R. to repair this liver."
"There are no O.R.s available."
"Crap, crap, crap," she muttered as Owen ordered for the Chief to perform surgery in the trauma room. Jacks ran past her with surgical kits. He ducked into the Chief's room before coming out and handing it out to the other beds. "Jacks, I need a kit here!"
"What's the damage?"
"Bullet to the liver and there might be more internal bleeding. Had to put in a chest tube." She reported and Taylor grimaced. "What?"
"You're going to have to take her to outpatient recovery. Anesthesiologists are waiting for you there."
"What?"
"I know it's extreme but it'll have to do. It's like a MASH unit. Hey! Someone help Dr. Moore move her patient to outpatient and prepare a bed." Raising the rails, Emily took hold of the I.V. stand and began to move her patient as a nurse helped her push.
"Lena, you're going to be fine, okay?" Turning to the woman on the bed, she managed a smile. "We're gonna knock you out and when you wake up, you'll be just fine, okay?" Lena managed a nod and Emily let the smile drop as the elevator doors opened.
.
"Red!" She called and April paused, looking for the source of the sound. "I need some help over here." Emily handed the suction over to her and began to help her see. Hearing Lexie yell in the background for a neuro consult, she looked over her shoulder before returning back to Lena's open body.
"I see the liver lac. Hand me 3-0 Prolene." April's gloved hand dove into the cavity as the nurse handed her the thread. Vitals plummeted. "Oh, come on, come on."
"What's going on?"
"Its - there's more than one. Put your hand where mine is and then move it an inch to the left. My left," she clarified and Emily nodded, using her right hand to suction while her left hand found the second tear. "Okay, okay. Can you-"
"April. You can do it," Emily murmured. "Hurry. She's losing blood." April nodded almost to assure herself as she stitched away the tear and when she felt fingers nudge her hand, Emily moved her hand away as stats became stable. Bleeding was controlled as the brunette suctioned away any excess and they began to close. April laughed shakily and Emily smiled.
"We did it."
"Yeah, you did," Emily affirmed and April pulled off her gloves. "Go on. I'll close." The redhead ran to tend to other beds as someone asked for a crash cart. Closing the cavity with her sutures, she made sure they were all neat and even before bandaging up the wound. Letting out a breath of relief, she backed away as a nurse took over. Closing her eyes, she felt everything melt away for a moment as a squirming feeling coiled in her abdomen. Flinging off her gloves, she rested a hand on her abdomen and walked away. She needed a moment.
.
Standing beside Arizona who she greeted briefly, she watched as Cristina looked at the temp in the room. Teddy looked up at them and nodded. The surgery was a success.
"We saw twenty-six patients. Twenty-six victims... and we had no casualties. No one died today." Everyone tried to stifle their quiet sniffs and crying. The breathing was getting heavier and Emily settled a hand on Arizona's shoulder when Derek started laughing. Which spread to Meredith, which spread to April, Lexie and Jackson. And soon, they were all laughing. Emily leaned against the wall, laughing so hard her gut ached as the Chief shared a few quiet words with Arizona. Feeling her phone buzz against her leg, she sobered up and looked at it, frowning at the text.
:come to the lobby. There's someone you need to see but dont bring Callie:
:why?:
:im not sure she wants to see who im talking about: Furrowing her brow, she slipped away from the gallery and went down the stairs. Spotting her husband still in his scrubs, she walked up to him cautiously.
"What's up?" she asked, unsure. He raised his head and immediately reached a hand for her arm. Letting him pull her towards the waiting room, she sent him a confused look until she spotted a tanned woman sitting there. She was reading some magazine when she heard their footsteps. "Mark..." Emily trailed off, uncertainty laced in her tone and the woman looked up. The brunette was taken aback by the dark eyes, rich caramel skin and bright, megawatt smile that hit her right in the face.
"This is my wife, Emily Moore." The woman stood - she was just a bit shorter than Emily - and stretched out a hand.
"Hey. Wow, even prettier in real life." She sent a wink at Mark at the tease and Emily rubbed the back of her neck. "And you're a surgeon. You're a whole package deal." They even had the same slight accent as Emily shook her hand. "Dr. Sloan's told me a lot about you.'
"Who are you?"
"Aria Torres, Callie's sister. She doesn't know I'm here but I need the best of the best."
"What?"
"Your brother recommended me here after telling me that Dr. Olivier was out of the country."
"He is? Er, Noah did?" She was still struggling as Mark settled a hand on her shoulder. "Mark, I'm not even an attending. I'm sorry, Aria, but there is no way I'm not telling Callie. You're her sister-"
"She doesn't know I'm here. Please,"
"Aria-"
"She has osteosarcoma," Mark suddenly cut her off and surprised, Emily stared at Aria who didn't look away. In fact, the woman raised her head slightly as if to say she was proud she was still standing.
"Your sister is an orthopedic doctor," Emily repeated but her resolve was weakening. "Aria, I'm not - I'm still learning." She took a glimpse at Mark but his head was lowered. "If you want help, you'll have to ask your sister. Because believe me, Aria—" She met the younger woman's eyes— "she is the best of the best."
Mark sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Aria, she's right."
"But-" She broke off when her eyes drifted over her shoulder. Looking over her shoulder, Emily saw Callie, her eyes wide and mouth dropped open in shock. "Oh, great." The attending came over slowly, gaze raking over Emily and Mark.
"Aria... what are you doing here?"
"Hey, Cal." Aria rubbed the back of her neck and smiled sheepishly. "I was just dropping by to visit." Scoffing, the woman turned to her two best friends.
"Callie-"
"You don't just 'drop by', Aria." The temperature dropped a few degrees. "Especially to visit me. I mean, the last time I called you was what, two years ago? And that was you disowning me for being gay." The silence was frosty and Callie's eyes were steely as she looked at the woman. "So, Aria, what are you doing here?" The younger Latina looked at the couple to her right desperately and Emily decided to jump in.
"She needs help." Callie sighed, looking at her student. The tanned woman seemed done with the situation.
"Really? Now you're begging me for help? How much do you need, a thousand? Two?" Before the words could become even more poisonous, Emily stopped her.
"Not that kind of help. Callie—" She looked at Mark who nodded— "she has osteosarcoma. She needs medical help."
"What?" Callie looked at her younger sister and raised her eyebrows. "How long have you known? Don't you dare lie to me, Aria."
"A month. I got scans and bloodwork and, uhm—" She fumbled with her bag. Aria took out a big, thick envelope and handed it to Callie who immediately took out the scan and held it to the light— "I know, it's bad."
"Does Mom know?"
"No. I didn't tell her because she'd freak because I'm kinda, uhm-" Aria rested her hand on her abdomen. "Anyway, it's out of wedlock and she'll freak. And, I don't have anywhere to go since my boyfriend kicked me out of his house."
"How far along?"
"A few weeks."
"Okay, no wonder Mom would freak." Callie smiled briefly at her sister before looking at the scans. The smile dropped off her face and she sighed. Sliding the scans back into the envelope, Callie offered her hand to her sister. "Come on, Aria. Let's admit you then we'll run some scans."
"What? Really?"
"Yeah. I may hate you right now but I'm a doctor and you need help. Come on." Aria beamed at her older sister and Callie allowed her mask to slip. "It's kinda good to see you though, Aria."
"You too, Cal." Emily looked at Mark who had wrapped an arm around her shoulder as the two Torres' began walking away.
"You think they'll be alright?" she asked and he kissed her hair before resting his head on hers. "Things got a little icy for a few minutes."
"Yeah, they'll be fine." He took her hand and began leading her to the resident's lounge. "Come on. Let's go home."