Change is constant. How we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death, or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.
-Meredith Grey
"Callie threw a pillow at my head today." Rolling her eyes, she stopped doing her charts to look at her husband.
"Isn't that sad?" She leaned over the counter to kiss him and he grinned. "I'm sorry I had to work overnight. Go, I have rounds with her today and she better not mention the headshot."
"I'll miss you."
"Don't get sappy on me," she quipped and pushed him away. Watching him go, she began stacking charts just as Arizona came up to her. "Hey, Arizona."
"Can you sleep with Mark? I mean, you guys are married and normally being married dictates lots and lots of sex." The woman's blue eyes were pleading as she began walking to the ortho wing. Arizona walked with her and Emily rolled her eyes. "He's everywhere - in my apartment, at work, in my bedroom-"
"Uhm." She glanced at the blonde, eyebrows raising. "Well, I'm too tired to babysit my husband. I'm taking over all of Callie's charts and some of Mark's charts." They reached another nurse's station and she heaved the binders onto the counter before turning to the head of peds, hand on her hip. "He still pulls the 'I got shot pushing your friend out of the way' card."
"Come on - once, twice a week."
"I am doing your girlfriend's charts so she can spend time with you!" Emily sighed at the blue-eyed woman's long face and she allowed a small smile. "I'll see. If the load is light then maybe."
"I mean, your husband is pretty to look at."
"True," she agreed as Callie and Alex came up to them so they could update a boy and their parents about the cancer. The boy had a bone cancer that'd prevent him from dancing. The dad completely botched the way to say pas de bourrée and she pitched in to correct.
"Isn't that what I said?" the dad asked as his wife looked at him.
"You said it in American, Fred. It's French, right, sweetie?" Emily stifled a chuckle. Ballet was something she loved with a passion - something she had to drop once she had reached university. She used to be so good.
"Yes, and it's not something that you really kick ass at. Can we talk about the cancer now? Anything to make them stop."
"Yeah. Um, Dr. Karev?" Arizona turned to her friend who proceeded to explain the case. Jake Fisher, osteosarcoma of the right tibia at the age of fifteen. The day's surgery was a minor bone dissection. Jake asked how long the recovery time was, revealing that he was to perform in 'Swan Lake'.
"Recovery depends on today's scans," Emily explained and at Callie's nod, proceeded to explain. "They'll tell us how much the tumor has shrunk from the chemo."
"Right, so Dr. Moore will be taking you for your scans and then we'll be back after we look at the scans." Emily took the chart as the other three doctors left. The parents talked to their son for a few more moments before leaving, presumably to ask Callie about their concerns. Checking her patient's vitals, she wrote them down before smiling at him.
"Are you a dancer?" he asked suddenly and she cocked her head. "You corrected my dad, remember?"
"Well, if I were a dancer I don't think I'd be here right now," she said, bringing up the rails and beginning to move him out the room. "But yeah, I used to be a dancer - ballet just like you."
"What's your favourite variation?"
"Blue bird from Sleeping Beauty." Jake nodded. "Classic, I know."
"Do you think my tumor shrunk?" She shrugged.
"I'm not sure, Jake. But let's hope for the best." He nodded and settled into his bed uneasily. "I'll be back later. Sit tight."
.
"And that is why I think Mark needs to get out of my relationship!" Arizona exclaimed when Callie went inside to extract their patient from the C.T. machine. Alex scoffed, again not interested in being in any argument as Emily sighed. "He basically went in and booked us a table for three - not including you! I mean, if that isn't bad mannered-"
"Arizona, come on. At least get to know him. He's our best friend," Emily soothed and the blonde rested her head on her hand, pouting. "And that sushi place is fantastic. What've you got to lose?"
.
"You're wooing Altman for surgery?" Emily shook her head as they lined up in the cafeteria. "That's disgusting." Jackson smirked and she rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that look. I've had you look at me before like that, and we ended up sleeping together." He dropped the smolder as she paid for a salad.
"I need this. Look, I just need a surgery."
"I could just ask Mark to put you on his service," she pointed out and he nudged her. "It wouldn't even be a problem-"
"Do not. I cannot have nepotism get me surgeries."
"Oh, but you can get surgeries by being the dumb blonde. Whatever. Come find me when it bites you in the ass."
.
"Did you find it?" She looked over at Alex's work as he scrolled down a website. He looked down at the sources as she wrote down potential sites. He shook his head as the two attendings behind them exchanged ideas. "What about that one?" The brunette pointed over his shoulder and he clicked on it. The two of them read through it quickly, examining the pictures before deciding that it wasn't the right one.
"A rotationplasty?"
Callie rejected the idea: "No, no, it's not possible with this part of the leg." Alex went back to the main sight and scrolled down slowly, reading all the article titles carefully. Arizona tried again.
"Fibular grafting?"
"Oh, no. Cancer's seeded to his fibula." After a moment, there was a deep sigh. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Callie resting her chin on her hand, pen balanced between her fingers. The Latina looked at Emily incredulously and, shrugging, Emily turned back to look over Alex's shoulder.
"Hey, click on that. Cadaver bone replacement for osteosarcomas. Try it." He moved the mouse over it and it loaded a article that was recently published by someone from Baylor. Meanwhile, Arizona and Callie were still having their dispute.
"What?"
"You don't like Mark. Admit it."
"I like Mark."
"Liar."
"I like him. I do. We're just, you know.... We're different." Laughing in disbelief, Callie raised her head.
"Oh, my god. How are you different? Just tell me, 'cause I don't think you actually are." Arizona made a disagreeing sound and Alex looked over his shoulder at the couple. "What?"
"Should I leave?" He asked in a blunt tone and Emily nearly laughed.
"I second that-"
"Shut it. I'm waiting." Callie's voice was sharp as she turned to look at her girlfriend. Arizona scoffed and turned to face her girlfriend.
"Look... it's not that I don't like Mark. It's just that he's... Mark. You know, what you see is what you get." Emily balked and turned around, hands on her hips.
"Offensive!" She called out and Callie nodded in agreement. Stretching a hand towards her student, the Latina looked at her girlfriend with a slightly smug tone.
"Thank you."
"Besides—" Arizona shrugged as if the resident didn't interrupt— "you like him, so what do I care if his abs are where his soul should be?" Ignoring the blonde, Emily read the article she had pointed out. Alex raised his head when it showed scans of a leg that had once been infected and after, tumor-free.
"Alex, we found it." She grinned as Callie persisted the argument. Alex stood and turned to the two attendings just as the ortho surgeon threw her hands into the air in exasperation.
"Oh, my god."
"Found it right here. We don't have to cut off his leg," he exclaimed, pointing at the screen. Smiling, Emily wrote down the website as Callie and Arizona crowded around the computer.
.
Entering the resident's lounge as soon as Altman left, she watched his half-naked form sit down.
"Hey, Jackie." He turned around and she sat by him on the other bench. Folding her hands in her lap, she cocked her head at him. "She wring you out?"
"Yeah."
Emily sighed at his answer and placed a hand on his knee. "Look, you want attendings to like you for your skill and for what you can do. Not for your looks." He rubbed his forehead and sighed, leaning forward. "Jackson,"
"Yeah?"
"Put on a shirt." He looked down at himself and got up, taking his shirt out and straightening it out. "Look. Worse comes to worse, I'll talk to Mark. Just, please, I know the shooting knocked you out of the game but we have to pull it together. We're surgeons. We can't get left behind." He nodded, poking his head through a shirt and she rubbed his arm.
"Thanks," he whispered and she stood, patting his head. Her cubby, right next to his, was emptied as she pulled out her bag. Changing into a hoodie and jeans, she pulled out her hair from underneath her hood.
"I'm going home. Text me if you need me." He promised he would and she smiled as she hitched up her bag on her shoulder.
.
When she got home that night, she was greeted immediately with Callie on her couch. "Uh, I thought it was sushi night?"
"Mark took Arizona and left. I thought they'd be back by now but apparently they're going to Joe's for drinks."
"Oh." She closed the door and plopped on the couch next to her friend. Resting her head on the woman's shoulder, she closed her eyes and leaned into the couch. "Does Arizona know that Mark knows that she doesn't like him?"
"He knows." Her mentor affirmed. "I'm glad they're getting along though." Opening her hand, she waited as Emily stared at it in confusion. "Let me see the ring again."
"You've seen it before, Callie."
"I wanna see it again - it's so beautiful. Mark had me help him pick it out." Unclasping the necklace from around her neck, she slid the ring into the open palm. Sighing, the Latina pinched it between her thumb and index finger. She held it up to the light as it glimmered. "See?"
"Yeah."
"You should wear it at work," Callie murmured, handing it back to the newlywed. Raising her head, Emily looked at it for a moment before sliding it onto her fourth finger.
"I do. I just have been working for forty-eight hours and I got too distracted. I am exhausted."
"Come on." Callie patted her shoulder and Emily let her head drop again back on the woman's shoulder and let her eyes close. "Rest on me." Letting out a sigh, she was in a deep sleep within minutes.
.
"So, what's your plan for the million dollars?" Emily asked as she regarded herself in the mirror. Mark was changing in their bedroom as she stood in the bathroom. Straightening out her hair, she let the curtain of brown cover her face before tucking it behind her ear.
"Why are you straightening your hair? I love it in curls," he murmured, coming up behind her and kissing her neck.
"Million dollars," she sang as she unplugged the iron and set it aside to cool down. His whole body formed against hers, pressing her to the counter and she sighed playfully. "Mark, not now."
"It's been weeks," he complained and she turned around to kiss him. His hands on her waist slid down to her bottom, squeezing gently. Her legs widened and he stepped between them, mouth capturing hers. Her arms tossed around his neck, she kissed back hard as he lifted her up onto the bathroom counter, swiping away all the toiletries away. Just as he was about to pull her shirt up, she pushed him away.
"Mm, wait. You have the meeting with the Chief. When you get the million dollars, we'll celebrate then." He pulled back with a groan and she smirked at the flushed cheeks and his gaze that seemed to dart between her lips and her breasts. Winking at him, she looked down to his pants before she took his face into her hands, kissing his lips in promise.
.
"Oh, hell yeah. We're attendings." She ran a hand over the dark scrubs but frowned at Cristina' lack of energy. "Cristina?" Meredith settled a hand on her shoulder and she looked at her. Her green eyes said, 'Leave it to me' and Emily sent a concerned glance at the two before making her way to April. They went to the main nurse's station and asked for charts as Jackson and Alex approached them.
She thanked the nurse as she got handed a chart. Opening it, she noted that it was on the peds floor. Jackson opened his lab coat to show off his scrubs and she rolled her eyes, nudging him. "No need to show off," she quipped and he smirked. April chuckled as Alex bumped into her.
"Hey!" She shot a playful glare as they went to their separate cases. Alex and Emily went to the elevator, waiting for it to go in. When it finally opened, they stepped into the steel car. Mark was already inside and he greeted his wife with a kiss.
Hey." She pecked him on the lips and he smiled. "What're you doing here?" She stood beside him and his breath fanned across her cheek. Smiling, she tilted her head to kiss him again. His hand made its way to settle on her hip and she leaned against him.
"You look good in navy scrubs," he murmured and she chuckled. "You better make good on your promise." She looked up at the elevator floor indicators. They had one more floor. Alex cleared his throat noisily but she rolled her eyes.
"When do I not?" she teased as the doors opened. They all exited but she turned left as they continued down the hall. Callie was just arriving and they went into the room where she looked at the two dads worrying about their daughter. Callie pushed her forward and, sending a sour look over her shoulder, Emily opened the chart. "Kayla Lennel, five, in for a..." She trailed off and sighed. "A double amputation to treat her congenital talipes equinovarus - clubfoot."
"Dr. Torres, are you sure that this is the right call?" One of the dads asked. He was a large man, fit and probably had a job somewhere along the lines of a builder. "I mean, if-"
"I'm sorry, Jackie but I'll have to defer to Dr. Moore." Startled, Emily looked at Callie with wide eyes. The Latina nodded encouragingly and the brunette turned back to her patient with a fake smile. After a moment, she dropped it and sighed.
"The pain won't get worse but it will never get better. Your daughter's condition would've been easily treated if she were a baby but-" Jackie cut her off, desperation etched on his face.
"The parents - they didn't... they just put her up for adoption. We, we couldn't afford before-"
"Sir." She felt a pang of sympathy as she made a calming gesture. "You're making the right choice - never doubt that." She allowed a small smile. "I'm going to do everything I can to give your daughter the best life possible." Emily turned her gaze to the girl on the bed who was hidden beneath the covers. Approaching, she pulled back the covers gently. "Hey, Kayla."
"Hi." The girl teased a part of the blanket between her fingers, eyes wide. "Are you my doctor?"
"Yep." The dads approached Callie, something akin to distrust in their eyes. "Oooh, cool shirt. Can I see?" she prompted when she spotted the white t-shirt, markers all over it. Kayla nodded, inching up higher so she could see.
"Are you sure Dr. Moore can do this? I mean, why can't you?" Gale asked.
"Dr. Moore is extremely talented and I'll be there the whole time."
"But on my baby girl-"
"You heard what Dr. Torres said, Gale. We just have to trust her," Jackie murmured. Emily tried to block out their conversation as she looked over at Kayla's shirt. Some of the messages were to get well soon and Emily grinned when she spotted one that said that they hoped the doctor wasn't mean and scary.
"They're from my friends."
"I don't think I'm scary. Do you?" Emily asked and Kayla giggled, shaking her head. Her dads went to her bedside and took her hand as the patient beamed at her parents.
"Daddy, the doctor isn't mean!"
"That's what your papa said, dumpling." Gale said and Jackie rubbed the back of his head. "Okay. Dr. Torres, you can do this for my daughter - just please, I need her alive." Jackie pulled his husband into a hug and Emily grabbed Kayla's hand.
"Do you have any questions?"
"Will it hurt?" she asked and the hazel-eyed woman half-sat on the bed. "What if people call me a freak?"
"You know what? It'll hurt just a little bit but I know you're really brave. And, the other kids will think you're so cool because you'll be like a superhero. You can walk even after this surgery. Okay? So you're going to be just fine and I'll be with you every step of the way." The brunette smiled when Kayla seemed to be put at ease. "But now, I have to work. Do all these boring adult things that you don't have to do." She scrunched up her nose, causing another giggle and Emily stood. Looking at the parents, she offered a small smile as she held the binder to her chest. "Just ask me if you have any questions."
"Thank you, Dr. Moore."
"Of course."
The two doctors backed out and Callie gave her a signature mega-watt grin. Writing down that the surgery would be half-past two, she could feel her friend's stare on her.
"What?" she complained and looked at her. "It was just a scared kid who's built up the stereotype that doctors are terrible people. Besides, she's a kid. If you're mean to a kid, something's wrong with you."
"So there are no plans to have a baby?" Callie prompted and Emily rolled her eyes and shoved her away. "Ooh." The brunette couldn't help but smile, the thought of tiny babies infecting her head.
"Can you get away from me!" Emily laughed as Callie pouted jokingly, heading back to stand beside her. "I have to finish up her labs and make sure she's comfortable before surgery."
"Okay, but, babies." Callie's hands sprung open in a pow gesture before sneaking away. Her hazel eyes followed after her mentor before returning back to the chart, scribbling in as the lead surgeon on the case. Despite her smile, she couldn't help remember the day the world fell around her.
Her stomach turned and she closed her her eyes, taking a deep breath. She was out of there now. She was fine.
She had to go run labs.
.
"Hey." She wrapped her arms around Mark's neck from behind and kissed his cheek. He smiled, turning his head to kiss her back. "How'd the presentation go?"
"He told the Chief he was a build of raw power because he's horny," Arizona informed with a bright smile. Raising her eyebrows, she looked to her husband in confirmation and he looked away.
"Seriously?" Callie laughed at her disappointed question, trying to hide the devilish glint in her eyes.
"It's your fault, you know?" Mark turned to Callie who raised an arched eyebrow. "You psyched me out." The Latina faked innocence as Teddy took a bite out of her sandwich. "And you!" He turned to glare playfully at his wife. "You played a part."
"How so? Arching an eyebrow, she stared at her husband.
"I'm horny and sad." Patting his shoulder, Emily kissed his head and drew arms away, hands resting on his shoulders.
"Well, we'll see if we can fix that tonight," she murmured and he grinned, catching her wrist and pulling her into a kiss before letting go. His hand brushed over the ring on her finger and they both shared a smile before she walked away to prepare Kayla for surgery.
.
"So, can I wear my scrub cap?" she asked Callie who nodded. Taking out her Milky Way scrub cap, she ran a finger over the silver words that she'd written and Mark's signature. Tying it around her bun, she looked down to Kayla. Placing her hands on the rail, she smiled at the kid. "Hey, there."
"You have a pretty hat," the girl said honestly and Emily chuckled. Kayla's eyes drifted to her ring and she reached for it. "And a pretty ring! Did a boy give you that?" The brunette lifted her eyes to Callie who beamed and she nodded.
"Yeah, this boy I love very much. He's a very nice doctor and very funny," she said and reached around her neck to unclasp the necklace before sliding the ring on. "But this has to hide away so I don't lose it."
"Okay." Kayla pouted at the thought of the ring disappearing but it disappeared when the doors opened. Clasping the necklace around her neck again, Emily tucked it under her shirt and went to the scrub room as Callie pushed the bed into the O.R. Tying the mask to her face, she began to scrub in when the door to her left opened. Looking up, she expected Callie but realized that if the ortho surgeon wanted to come in, she'd have used the door to her right.
"Well, if isn't the big shot ortho attending?" a voice drawled. Grinning, she saw Mark holding his scrub cap as she kept on scrubbing. "Damn, I want to peel those off, and do you right now," he murmured and she looked away, trying to focus on Callie prepping the patient. His voice went right to the parts of her body it shouldn't have as he came beside her, voice husky. "Bend you over, do you right."
"Stop. I can't perform this surgery if you're gonna make me bothered," she protested and he kissed the spot just below her ear. "Mark-"
"Sh... I'm helping you unwind." His hands shifted the shirt down the plane of her shoulder, exposing more skin as he kissed a hot trail. "You nervous?"
"Kind of," she admitted and his hands rubbed up and down her shoulders as he breathed her in by her ear. "I mean, this is on a kid and I'm cutting off her legs. Doesn't that seem wrong?"
"Well, if they'd fixed it earlier-"
"But they couldn't, Mark," she sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as she grabbed a towel and turned off the sink. "She was put up for adoption and it was too late by then when her parents got to her."
"Damn." She turned to him and saw the inside of his cap flash with silver. Smiling, she looked up at him and sighed helplessly. "But..." she began hesitantly, "I'd never do that to our kid. Because I'd love our kid no matter what, whenever they come." The silence was palpable and she swallowed, feeling silly.
Bundling her hands in the towel, she was prepared to turn around to leave the embarrassment but when she began to turn, a hand roughly turned around. Then, her mask was torn off and Mark pressed a smoldering kiss against her lips. Wincing, she clenched the towel in her hands, grateful that it prevented her from having to scrub in again as she kissed back passionately. His lips glided over hers as his hands settled on her shoulders and he trailed hot kisses down her neck.
"What was that for?" she breathed and he beamed, stroking her cheek. "Mark?"
"You're a brilliant surgeon - I mean, you're changing this girl's life. But I know you'll be a just as brilliant mother," he murmured and she felt her heart beat rapidly against her ribs, warmth filling her head and making her dizzy. "And I will always love you more than I ever thought possible. Now, I've got to go for surgery but we can talk about this when we got home."
"I thought tonight was date night," she reminded and he sighed, content.
"Maybe after date night," he allowed and Emily grinned as he leaned forward to peck her cheek. "I'll see you later. And if this surgery goes badly—" He shrugged— "I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."
"That's enough for me." He smiled, tying a new mask around her. Turning her around, he made sure it was fit before kissing her forehead.
"Go. Kick ass."
.
"So, kids," Mark approached the subject carefully. Emily sighed and kissed his back, hugging him from behind. "We'd have to see the O.B. for that. See if your hCG levels are okay."
"Oh, I know. I, uh, booked an appointment after surgery. It's in a few days. You can come, if you'd like."
"Of course." He turned around to hug her tightly and she held on to him as tight as she could. "How many, do you think?" Emily smiled against his chest, pondering it over.
"Can never tell. First I think two would be good, but then I remember we're surgeons, so-" She stopped and then looked up at him, kissing his chin. "How about you?"
"Three."
"Three?" She laughed, legs tangling in his. Their skin-to-skin contact had the feeling in her chest spread into her bones and she thought she could stay in this cocoon forever. "That's a lot."
"Two boys and a girl. Keep the house loud. I want a loud house. A home full of life."
"Fair enough." Humming, she pressed her lips together and looked away. "Uhm, what about adoption? I wanna adopt a kid, maybe." Mark's eyebrows rose and fell as he nodded.
"Okay. Sure." Smiling, she nodded and snuggled up against him. "We can adopt. Maybe get a cat so it can take care of itself."
"A cat?"
"Yeah. An old cat. Grumpy. Grr." He bared his teeth and she chuckled, kissing his lips. "Anything you want."
"I could be down for a cat. But first, the O.B. appointment."
"Yeah, of course."
Pulling away, she turned off the lights and punched her pillow to fluff it up. "Goodnight, Mark." Sighing, he rolled over and tossed an arm onto her stomach as she shifted to sleep diagonally across the bed. Her legs kicked into his and he scowled at her although her eyes were already closed. He took his arm back, hugging a pillow to his chest as he flipped to his side away from her, eyes closing. Their legs woven together as their only contact, Mark knew somehow he was going to end up in her arms and her in his. Somehow. And he didn't exactly mind.
"Goodnight, Em."