"What did you just say?" I ask holding my breath.
Did I hear him correctly? There's no way he said what he just did.
He said he wants me to go harder.
"You didn't hit a nerve." Jimin answers swiftly, lifting his head slightly. "I'm alright." His back muscles tensen up indicating that he is either embarrassed or nervous and his reaction mirroring mine.
Curse my corrupted mind for changing every normal situation possible into an inappropriate one.
I decide to let this slip and silently oblige to what he requested by stroking his back with both hands, applying pressure to his tolerance following the direction of his muscle fibers with circular motions. Jimin immediately relaxes but from his breathing I know that he is still anxious about what he blurted out earlier.
"If you want me to increase or decrease the pressure I apply you can tell me." I say trying to lighten up the situation, pretending as if what I just heard my dirty mind didn't process it differently. "I don't want you to feel cramped up or unsatisfied afterwards so let me know."
He gulps tightly in response. "You're doing great. Thank you."
I can't help the smile that plays on my lips when that praise leaves his mouth and after a few more minutes of silently kneading, rolling, cupping and stroking his back, he lets out a long sigh and that concludes the back massage.
"Alright, now flip." I say.
"Flip?" He pipes.
"Yes, so that I do your front." I clarify and Jimin presses both of his hands down and lifts off the bed. "I'm gonna do your chest and legs now and then set you free."
"Oh, alright." He mutters and lies down on his back with his hands on his sides. I grab a tissue from my bag and wipe the excess oil from my hands before squeezing some body lotion on them. Jimin averts his glance as my hands roam his chest, spreading the cream all over the rippled surface starting from his collarbones and traveling downwards to his chest cavity. I can feel his rib cage and his chest heaving, his plump lips forming the tiniest 'o'. He's still looking away. His eyes are focused on literally anything else but me. Not that I would prefer it if he were eyeing me because intense stares are creepy and make me feel awkward, but he doesn't have to be this vexatious.
My fingers feel his washboard abs and then move towards his stomach. A line of hairs is spreaded right under his bellybutton and when I rub the lotion on the specific area they stick on my fingertips in the most satisfying way, the hairs following the course of my motions. His Adonis V is protruding and I bite my lip when my fingertips come across those lines. I let them hover towards his abdomen and his breaths quicken.
That's when his body spasms.
How is he so sensitive?
I run my fingers tentatively over those lines once more and he gasps almost moans at the contact. Strangely enough, I like that he's voicing out what he's feeling in such a genuine and raw manner and it is all because of me.
Is the abdomen his erogenous spot?
There's no lotion on my hands, but I continue to touch that area because part of me is reveling on the effect I have on him.
Suddenly, his arm jerks up and grips my wrist. His eyes flare up in an instant with an expression I cannot decipher. Is it confusion or perhaps is it anger because I somehow violated his comfort zone. In the short time that I know him, I've never seen that look on his eyes.
Shit. That wasn't very professional on my part.
His cheeks are flushed red and his chest seems heated up as well. I notice a thin layer of sweat course on the area of his neck that meets his shoulders and near his forehead as well. Jimin's chocolate brown eyes once looking delicate and gentle now they're on edge and there's this liquid shine to them that does something to me.
"What are you doing to me?" he utters, his eyes slicing through mine and its my turn to become a sweaty nervous wreck. Out of nowhere I start panicking and I avert my glance as his hand is wrapped around my wrist. His hold on me isn't tight but I can't exactly break free from it either. My eyes fall on a hill that's located in his middle. The white towel is covering that effect my touches have on him.
My lip is tugged between my teeth and a metallic taste floods in my tastebuds. All I can think about is that Jimin sure isn't as small as Sam claimed he is.
"I—I'm sorry," I stammer and his grip tightens around my lips a little and just when I thought he was gonna get up and scream at me for harassing him he shakes his head intensely.
"No, I am sorry Nox—shit," he cusses.
Wait what? "What are you sorry for?"
"Um, I think it's pretty obvious here." He gulps looking down at his towel. "Does this happen to your other customers?"
It happens all the damn time to my male customers. "It's pretty common, don't worry about it."
"Sam kind of warned me about you, but I assumed he was joking around as usual." Jimin says shyly.
"Okay," I mutter. "So, do you still want me to do your front or do you feel awkward?"
"I think that decision is up to you." He returns.
He's a man with respect alright. I like that. "It's your body Jimin. If I make you uncomfortable you we don't have to proceed."
"But I'm not uncomfortable." He chimes. "I liked the massage so far."
Yeah, it figures.
"Are you uncomfortable though?" He inquires, that sweetness finally restored in his eyes.
Why is he turning the tables to me? That's frustrating. I've had my fair share of clients like Jimin. But what I don't understand is why his behavior is upsetting to me.
"No, Jimin. I am not uncomfortable." I say quickly. "But having you here acting all tense and strained makes me question myself what I'm doing to make you feel that way. Now that makes me uncomfortable."
"I'm not tense nor strained." He defends lamely.
"Sure you're not." I snap furiously. "Your freaking chest is heaving up and down like you're sitting on an electric chair!"
"Okay now I'm tense because you're yelling." Jimin says calmly. "I was a little anxious before because I am not used to having another stranger touch me so freely."
"Is that so? What about when you have sex then? Do you get queasy when a girl touches you?" I blurt.
"You know what?" He starts. "Maybe you should fix that attitude of yours, because you're acting like a total bitch." Jimin says and gets off the massage bed.
What. Did. He. Just. Say.
"You think I haven't seen you looking at me with that samurai glare of yours from your car? I only waved at you and you looked like you wanted to tear me to pieces!" He heads towards the hanger where he snatches his boxer breifs, a white T-shirt and jeans.
"I was not looking at you with a samurai stare!"
"You're looking at me with that exact expression right now." He counters.
"That's because I'm pissed at you dumbass." I huff.
Jimin runs a hand through his hair obviously as aggravated as I am while I cross my hands in front of my chest.
"Why are you so angry all the damn time?" He asks sitting straight.
"Because—" I don't trust anyone. Because I lost all the faith I had in humanity. Because everytime I give someone something I end up getting hurt in the end.
Nothing comes out.
"Is it because of Elijah?" he flares. "Is it because he fucked you up so bad that you can't bare to even look at another guy?"
"What the hell do you know about me and Elijah?" I ask coldly.
Jimin rushes to put on his shirt as he's still wearing the towel around his hips. "I know you suffered a lot with him."
I move past the massage bed in order to get closer to Jimin and look at him in the eye. "Two days ago, we were in the laundry room. You were trying to say something to me about Elijah raising his hand at me. What do you know about me and that son of a bitch?"
Jimin opens his mouth but before he says something I proceed.
"Don't lie to me." I snap. "Because I know that you know a lot more than you should."
Jimin takes a step forward and I only have to tilt my head a little so that our eyes meet.
"I think its obvious that the guy is violent considering he was banging the fence for about fifteen minutes." He says, his brown earthy eyes losing that shine they had earlier.
"I consider myself an expert at catching liars." I snap. "Someone told you about him. Our relationship was no secret. When I moved to Portland and got the job as apartment manager the neighbors knew about my toxic relationship with Elijah because we were still together at the time. People talk Jimin and you've been here for a week or so. Who told you that Elijah was being abusive towards me?"
"I told you it was obvious—"
"Cut the shit and tell me who told you." I say firmly.
"Is that the reason why you're angry at me?" Jimin inquires. "Because I know about what that scum did to you?"
"I'm angry because someone decided that it's okay to overstep boundaries. I'm mad because that 'someone' is probably an insensitive prick that thinks that what I went through is an interesting story to share with the new neighbor." I say frowning. "My suffering isn't gossip."
That glimmer in his eyes returns and his lips pout slightly.
"I'm sorry," he says to me. "It wasn't my intention to hurt you."
"I know," I mumble. Jimin hesitates to say anything but I continue "I know that what happened in the past stays in the past but that doesn't mean that it doesn't scar you afterwards. I'm angry all the fucking time like you said because—I never know what will happen. I will never know who will turn their back to me, or treat me like shit after showing me a mask of a smile. And... I know that most people that live in our neighborhood still gossip about what happened back then. Most neighbors even believed him over me. Saying that I'm the one who's unfair. I'm the one who hurt him and just like that his actions are justified." Saying all of this to him just makes my heart and eyelids heavy. I turn around to swipe the tears from my eyes with the roof of my hand. "It's not easy being human you know?" I say in a whisper before turning around to face him.
"Nox," he says softly.
"It's fine if you don't want to tell me." I murmur scratching my arm nervously. "Not like that's gonna change what happened." I add then begin closing the caps of the body lotion and the almond oil. I shove the bottles in my bag before slinging it over my shoulder. "I'm sorry I didn't wave at you from my car." After getting all of this out of my chest, I walk away from him and exit Sam's room, leaving Jimin all alone.
This is the first time I bail on a client for personal reasons and I loathe myself for being unprofessional. Oh well, it was either option (a) suck up my pride and cry at Jimin for all the shit I've been through and complete my job or option (b) bolt out of the room and curl up in my car while experiencing another wave of self hatred.
Since I'm a coward, I choose option (c) none of the above.
I shuck my phone out of my pocket and dial the number I rely on for moments such as this. I let it ring four times and then hang up. I cry out and scream while hitting the steering wheel with both hands like a maniac. People come and go as I'm going through my self-hating phase. Tears are streaming down my face when I call him again. He finally picks up on the third ring.
"Nox?" He says, his voice raspy.
"Jungkook?" I say between sniffles. "Are you free?"
I can feel him grin wherever he is. "You know I'm always available for you."
"Great. I'll meet you at your place in a half hour."