After Hazza and I pretty much made up, I felt so much better. I felt so relieved and it felt like I could breathe again. I know things are not perfect yet, but they are so much better. Probably even better than the last few months have been. It was me who made all this mess. I lied to Hazza for so long with the idea that I would have lost him otherwise. I panicked and before I knew it I didn’t know how to change things. It felt like I lived this double life.
Now, everything is in the open. I don’t have any secrets towards Hazza anymore and that makes me feel so good. I can finally be around him without feeling guilty. Without feeling like I have to hide something.
I fell asleep within minutes with Hazza closely by my side. I needed him so much, needed to know things were okay and needed to know that he still loved me. And it did. It worked out after all. All thanks to my wonderful Hazza.
I obviously haven’t forgotten the fight that happened two days ago, but I don’t feel that upset about it anymore. As terrible as I felt, I know things are okay. At least I hope so.
Hazza was already gone when I woke up, but he did left a wonderful note:
Hey beautiful, didn’t want to wake you. I went to college. Hope you feel better. I love you and I just want you to be happy. Call you soon. Love, H. x
As I rolled out of bed, feeling weak because of the lack of food and water in my system, I finally dared to look at my phone. I had ignored Zayn for the last two days, not able to speak or see him. The messages on my phone increased quickly and they changed from just casual, sweet messages, into worried messages and calls.
After a quick shower and some food and water, I finally replied. I apologized for my absence and told him that I wanted to speak to him. I proposed that he would come to my house after school, since I wasn’t fit enough to go to school. I instantly got a message back that he would come as quick as possible.
I smiled. I smiled because of Hazza and I smiled because of Zayn.
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When Zayn finally arrives I immediately explain what happened. Of course I let out some of the details, knowing it would only make things worse. I mostly just tell him the good news.
At first he seems a bit apprehensive, probably still a bit irritated about the fact that I have ignored him for two days. But as I keep telling him about what happened, his mood seems to change quite quickly.
“He just wants me to be happy and if that’s with you, he is okay with that.” I say with a proud smile, feeling immense love for Hazza. He would do anything for my happiness.
“I’m so happy.” Zayn hugs me tightly. Normally whenever I even mention Hazza I can see Zayn’s mood change. It’s like he is suddenly Grumpy Cat, looking extremely annoyed. Now though, he can’t be more excited. A huge smile plays across his face.
I’m drained and exhausted from everything that has happened, but overall I feel good. Really good. You have no idea how happy it makes me that Hazza wants to give Zayn a chance. When he said those lovely words it felt like a heavy weight fell off my shoulders.
“This is good.” Zayn smiles as he squeezes my hand. “One less thing to worry about.”
I nod in agreement. Although for me it’s not just one thing. It is everything. Hazza is everything. I knew from the get-go that if Hazza didn’t want me to be with Zayn, I simply just wouldn’t be. I know that’s just plainly harsh, but it is the truth. As much as I am in love with Zayn, Hazza is more important to me.
But Hazza is okay with it. He wants me to be happy and that makes me feel so wonderful. So wonderful, that I don’t even care about the rest anymore. I don’t care about Zayn’s suspicious mother or the fact that Zayn’s friends might never know about us. Okay… knowing myself, I will have problems with that eventually, but right now I honestly don’t care. I just feel so good, so at ease. I just feel so lucky with both of them.
“Do you want to meet him?” I ask carefully. As much as Zayn may be delighted that Hazza basically gave his approval, I’m not quite sure if Zayn wants to meet Hazza, and vice versa.
“Who?”
“Who do you think? The Queen of England course!” I say sarcastically.
“The Queen? Nah I’m not a big fan of the Royal family.” Zayn replies teasingly. “No, I would like to meet Hazza… I think.” He slightly frowns.
“I would love for you to meet him.” I smile at him. I’m not going to tell him that I’m scared shitless of them meeting each other. Today is not a day of worry. Today is a day of happiness.
Zayn slightly moves until his leg is brushing mine. He turns his head towards me.
He sighs with a sad expression. “I’m sorry.”
Without him having to tell where he is sorry for, I know what this is about. He is sorry for not doing the same thing. For not telling his friends about us.
“Hey.” I say as I tilt his chin up to meet my eyes again. I move towards him until I’m just a few inches away. “I know you’re trying and I’m really thankful.” I know how much he is trying, like when he introduced me to his family. I know he tries, but he needs to take it slow, one step at a time. He once told me that some of his friends suspect he is gay, but it’s something they never speak about. It’s a secret and it’s supposed to be like that. It’s something that has to be kept silent. I can’t even imagine how it must feel to be in such a position. To know that who you are is something your religion, your culture and your friends, don’t want to acknowledge, don’t agree with.
I briefly smile at him before I give him a lingering kiss on the lips.
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Yesterday I decided not to go to school (surprisingly with permission of my mum) and instead I visited Hazza after he was done with his lecture. It was good to see Hazza again and to feel him in my arms again. We hugged each other for a long time, just as last time. It’s like we needed to be together, feel each other. He sighed in my embrace and somehow it felt a bit sad. I ignored that feeling, wanted everything to be okay again. So we did what we do most of our times spent together; watch a movie on his beanbag with his cat and cuddle together. Although I wanted everything to be normal, it didn't feel like that. Things are still a bit odd between us and that is extremely weird. Never have I felt unfamiliar when it comes to Hazza. Never did it feel weird. Yes I know that in the eyes of other people our relationship is bizarre, but we honestly don't care. We knew what we were and it felt right. It felt wonderful. It felt as if we belonged there, just how things were.
But as much as I don’t want to acknowledge it, things have changed. The fight is still in the back of our minds. And probably more importantly things really do have changed; I have a boyfriend and Hazza knows about it. Somehow it does change us. It’s not really that something has happened; it was a feeling that lingered in the room. An awkward, painful feeling.
I basically knew this was going to happen and I hate it. I hate that it has to affect the relationship I have with Hazza, but I have to deal with it. I have to deal with the fact that things are different now. Somehow, unspoken, we have to make new rules and new ways of interacting and being with each other.
As much as I don’t want to change things, I know we will be okay. I still have my Hazza and I can finally be with Zayn without feeling guilty. This is not the perfect way that I hoped for everything to work out, but this is reality. And as much as that hurts sometimes, it’s also very wonderful.
And today I finally went to school again, but I wasn't able to concentrate. All I wanted to do is touch Zayn. That isn’t something new, but the big difference today was that Zayn couldn't concentrate either. He couldn't keep his hands of me and instead of paying attention to the teachers in front of us he kept glancing at me. Looking at me with so much desire it made me wanted to ravish him right there. I wanted to jump on his lap, kiss him violently. Groping his body and grinding myself against him. Luckily I could control my thirst at school and mainly kept it at teasing him.
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We practically run up to Zayn’s room, giggling like little school girls. Since our talk about Hazza, it’s like something is different between us. It’s like we both feel this huge relief which results into lust.
Luckily we both could hold in our lust for a couple of hours at school, but when we know we are alone in Zayn’s house (Zayn thoroughly checked his whole house), we can’t.
The moment I close Zayn’s bedroom door he is suddenly behind me, pressing his body against me, kissing my neck. He softly nibbles at the skin, making me hum in pleasure. I'm pleasantly surprised by his forceful behavior, after all it is his house. We are alone, but still.
His hands trace my body, softly feeling every inch of my body. He lingers on my waist and slightly pinches it.
I yelp in surprise, body twitching.
He chuckles before he gives my neck even more pressure, sucking on the skin.
I feel his warm touch linger inside me.
His hand moves back to my waist and they slowly trail down. His warm hands carefully move under my shirt, slightly lifting my shirt up in the process. Making my body shiver from his touch and the cold air that hits my bare skin.
His fingernails gently scrape on my torso and my back arches into the touch. Feeling needy and wanting.
I turn around until I'm at eye level with Zayn. He stares at me with an enticing look, making my stomach flip.
I move towards him and give him a small kiss on the mouth.
The kiss gets more heated, more touching of skin and before I can control myself I let out a long, whiny grunt.
All of a sudden Zayn detaches his lips from mine.
“Shush!” He whispers, eyes slightly widen in panic, hands frozen on my hips. “I heard something.”
Abruptly, the heated moment seems to be lost.
Zayn moves away from me and I want to whine from the sudden loss of contact and warmth of his touch and body.
He looks so stressed and panicked, just by a single sound. I know why. We are in his house and the last time I was here, I couldn't even hold his hand. Besides the immense feeling of lust, Zayn probably also feels cautious and slightly jittery. He is worried that someone will catch us making out.
Zayn opens his door again and he listens intently. “Hello?” He screams.
No answer.
“It’s probably nothing.” I assure him.
“Hold on.” He whispers and he walks out of the room. I hear him walk downstairs and I frown. Is he seriously that scared? It’s not like we wouldn't hear it if someone would come upstairs… but apparently he needs to be really sure.
In a heartbeat he is back, looking a little better. “The coast is clear.”
But instead of taking up where we left off, he moves past me towards his desk. He slightly bends over the desk, opening his laptop. Is he seriously just letting this go? Does he really expect me to just forget about my cravings and instead go watch a movie together?
“What are you doing?” I whisper. I'm not entirely sure why I am whispering, but I am.
I move towards him as I see him searching through his series and he eventually clicks on House M.D..
“House?” I ask in surprise. Is he fucking serious?
“Yeah, just in case someone comes home. We need to have something on, so they will think we’re watching a series.” He says in all seriousness.
If I wasn't so horny I would have been completely bewildered by his crazy plan. “You really thought this true huh?” I ask in amazement as I push my body against his slightly bend body.
“Yeah.” He breathes out and adds. “House is definitely not sexy.”
“House isn’t sexy?” I reply as I graze my fingernails on his arms. “Have you seen his eyes?”
Zayn chuckles and turns around. “I meant the series.”
“Oh.” I smile in adoration. What a weird boy.
“I chose an episode that doesn't have any sexual content in it.”
I roll my eyes. “Way to kill the mood.” I say dryly.
He chuckles, moves his laptop until the screen is pointed towards the bed and turns around to me with a soft smile.
“What about a real date?” I suddenly propose.
“A date?” He questions.
I nod. “Yeah… We’ve never been on a real date. It’s always us in my or your room.”
“I kinda like it.” Zayn smirks at me and attaches his lips to mine again.
I automatically kiss him back, as if my lips crave to be touched by Zayn’s.
Zayn detaches his lips from mine as he speaks. “Yeah.” He breathes out. “I would love that.”
I smile. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He nods as he trails his fingers down my arms.
The heated moment seems to be on full speed again. Before I know it we are kissing roughly, fighting for dominance. It’s a sloppy and eager kiss and the roughness of his stubble occasionally scratches my skin. But it’s so wonderful.
We break the kiss for a short moment as we lie down on his bed. I crawl on top of Zayn and continue to kiss and touch him. We are rutting our bodies together, going further and wilder each time. Our movements almost violently, making me a panting (attempting in silence) mess.
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I have mixed emotions about this chapter... but yeah... I updated again! And I do hope you liked some heated ;) Zouis moments.
I want to thank the people that are still reading this and have voted and left comments! That really keeps me motivated to write! I'm glad some people stick with my story and I really love the comments (you guys really are so amazing <3) and I always love/appreciate votes! It makes me so happy when I know people enjoy this! I hope more people will read/vote/comment on my story but I'm already so happy with the people that do =)
If you want a dedication just leave a comment on this story!
I guess that's it for today; have a good day (night)!