1st october 2019
i have just arrived back in seoul.i have gotten off the plane and i am now going back home. i had plans to go to london for a few hours to see my parents , but i couldn't afford it due to the award show season coming up.i was still in the clothes from the chanel show and it caught a few eyes in the airport...im sorry , i work 24/7 i really dint have time to get changed. on the plane i had been editing and re reading my "bighit community talk/speech" thing and it is officially done , just waiting of a few more statistics .we had picked up our luggage and are about to reach the doors to leave the airport.all artists have one staff member that we call "the checker" , the go ahead to see if anyone is at the airport doors or if anyone is outside our homes/offices/carparks(ect.)we had implemented the "airport photography ban" and in all honesty , it worked really well at the paris airport , there were no fansites (the took pictures at the chanel event) and there was only a french paparazzi at the airport (but he was dealt with and he never took any photos , turns out he didn't know of the ban so he apologised and left calm ..we stan).the checker went ahead of us and as we reached him and the door he sighed before saying the words i dread "it is packed.no fansites.a few saesangs.13 news companies.2 paparazzi"....i sighed and looked at security. we have no choice , i have an interview in two hours ....fuuuuuckkkk meee.we moved forward. we barged our way past everyone , i didn't even have a face mask or hat on which is just fucking great is it not.once we reached the car...eventually , i ringed yoona and gave her each and every single name of the saesangs , news companies and paparazzi there.she wrote them down and began emailing them (that they are no longer invited to any future bighit held events and that they will be sued next time they take photos of me in a airport when it is not permitted).
i arrived home and i had an hour to relax before the interviewer arrived.as promised with anna wintour today and a while ago , i was going to do a "73 questions with diamond" interview...and this is my only free time right now so i had to fit it in.
during the hour , i had taken a shower , redid my makeup and had gotten changed...it was not that productive , but at least it was something .
it was exactly 7:55 when i got a call from he guards at the gate that they had arrived . as soon as it had hit 8 , the interviewer was knocking on my door. we had planned for this to only be one take , good or bad as i really have no spare time.the interview began
interviewer: hey diamond , so lovely to see you , may we come in ?
me: yes, that was question 1 ?
interviewer: yes , it was .okay so first question . do you like your new house?
me: yes i do , very much
interviewer: the building had finished earlier in the year , and for most of the year you have travelled , but how long would you say you have spent in the house so far this year?
me: this is embarrassing , but maybe around a week.i rarely stay at home... i am either on a plane , at the office or somewhere else..so.do you want to follow me into the kitchen?
interviewer: yes , sure of course.now rumour has it in the fashion world that you rarely stay for more than five minutes after the models have finished on a runway at a fashion show, is this true?
me: yes , it is. for fashion shows i have a very rigid schedule to follow. i go there right on time or few minutes early , i watch the runway , i meet the designer then i leave.
interviewer: why?
me: well i watch the show , because that is what i am there to do. then i leave before everyone else because everyone else there is there to socialise and i need to get back to the hotel to practise for concerts or ceremonies.i wish i had the time to stay....but unfortunately i don't
interviewer: is it true that you have a pet dog with you even when you are travelling?
me: it is true that i have a dog , she is a pomeranian called snow. she sometimes travels with me , but recently she fell a bit sick and i had her brought back to be looked after by a few of my friends whilst i was working . now that we are in the kitchen , is there anything you would like to drink?
inteviewer: whatever your favourite drink is , i will have that.earlier today , in paris , you were with anna wintour , our editor in chief , and she told us that you told her that you have watched all of our "73 questions with interviews" is this true ?
me: yes it is actually , my favourite has got to be the one with CL unnie. or maybe the one with kendall jenner..i don't know i am indecisive
i opened the fridge and saw that it was empty aside from an entire stack of starbucks double expresso shots canned drink.
me: i am rarely home , and i only have this drink which is acctually my favourite .so here is a double expresso shot
interviewer: thank you. a while ago you went viral for being a night time person , do you know why this might be?
me:....... i did...oh ...i dont know why ..but i umm..yeah...i dont know , i just dont function in the day.okay lets go into the dining room
interviewer:when you were building your house , did you use an inspiration or and help from interior designers?
me: no ... i couldn't be bother for one so i just arranged it all myself , ordered over the phone and then had a few of my friends help me unpack.
interviewer: is your creativeness in designing your own home also reflected in outfits you wear?
me: i am not creative , but i do choose what i wear most of the time.
interviewer: what are you wearing right now?
me: well , an oversized jumper , leggings , socks and no shoes cause no one wears shoes in this house . and thank you so much for taking your shoes off at the door.
interviewer: why no shoe inside the house?
me: i was raised like that , asian households and also it would freak me out if anyone came into my house with shoes.
interviewer: ah i see. now you have a house in london and seoul...are you planning on buying any more houses?
me: not in seoul or london. i have a few apartment blocks here so there really is no point in that..in london i dont want to right now and dont think i ever will..but i have had my eye on a place in tokyo and los angeles for a while now ..although i am still debating on its benefits and usage ...
interviewer: for someone who is so successful in the business industry and estate industry, lets move away from that , into the fashion industry again. have you ever been sponsored?
me: well yes of course i have , i am sponsored by nike right now , i was sponsored by hyundai , i was sponsored by a few more brands and companies...and right now , between you and me , i am getting ready for a few more sponsorships and collaborations.
interviewer: have you ever been sponsored by a luxury brand ?
me: haha , well officially no. but they tend to associate themselves with me , i don't accept sponsorships from luxury brands for various reasons , but i do love to keep up with their latest releases and i often get packages from them , which is honestly taking over my garages but i am gonna get through them in the coming month ...i hope anyway.
interviewer: you garage is filled with packages? can we see it please?
me: we will have to go outside to see it because the door won't open from the inside as it is barricaded from inside the garage.
we began walking to the from of the door and they walked through
me: okay i have the keys , let me just open it
i pressed "open garage" on my keys and as the garage door lifted up
btw on chapter 6.3 it shows what the entire house looks like
the garage door lifted up and it showed the entirety of it being filled with boxes .
me: yeah , that's why i couldn't open it from behind ...but it is quite satisfying looking at it so perfectly lined up like that.
interviewer: wow , standing from here , you have a beautiful house and honestley even i have have never seen anything like that .
me: yeah , its a bit cold and i can't get ill , lets head back inside .
"beep beep"
we turned round to see a mercedes benz van standing still
me: i dont know which group that is to be honest with you . let me just look at the plate , oh yeah it is BTS... i think
the door opened and a tall figure dressed in all black walked out .
rm: hi there.
interviewer: oh wow , is that kim namjoon?
me: i think , i cant see from here cause i dont have my glasses on but from the figure and voice i would think so
he walks towards us and waves .
we give each other a hug and he keep this face mask on to hide from the camera
me: this is vogues 73 questions
interviewer: can we ask him a question to?
me: yes of course
interviewer: what are you currently most excited for?
rm: oh , so many things , but right now i am most excited for getting back to the office and finish learning the new choreo . also didn't you just get back from ..india was it ..or london ..i swear you were meant to be in london for a day?
me: i was meant to be in london for a day , but umm...plans changed i guess. you better get back to the office , also please leave the 3 demos on my assistants desk for when i go after this .bye
he waved goodbye and ran back to the car.
interviewer: now that we are back in the house and warmth , can i ask where your favourite place to tour is?
me: the world , how can i choose one , it is like asking a stylist which is your favourite clothing brand
interviewer: now that we are going upstairs , let me ask you some quick fire questions, black or white
me: have you seen my wardrobe ? black all day every day
interviewer: kpop or western pop?
me: literally the same concept except for the language
interviewer: shoes or boots?
me: misconception , boots are a form of shoes
interviewer: favourite biscuit type?
me: ohh shortbread and digestives , with milk of course...but recently i have taken a disliking to biscuits and confectionaries
interviewer : what do you normally have for breakfast?
me: i dont have breakfast to be honest and it drives my nutritionist on tour absolutely insane ( HAVE BREAKFAST ALWAYS!!), but weird fact , ddi you know cereal was made to be had with water and not milk
interviewer: not until now , no.what songs are on your playlist right now?
me: ahh , let me just get it out for you. cause it would take me an hour to recite it.
me: although i cant show you the rest cause they have not been officially released yet .
interviewer: ah , fair play , how many songs are there under you name official released
me: ohh , a long list , just under 700 , cause i make loads for other artists too so that counts .
interviewer: oh my goodness , wow ...that is a lot .will it reach 700 with the next album release
me: no , it will reach a little more than 700 , cause other idols are having comeback too and i made some of them too
interviewer: what is one artist that you would recommend people to keep their eye on?
me: boy group would be Ateez , definitely . girl group would be twice , i love them so much you dont even understand.solo would be , our one and only queen and saviour chungha unnie.
interviewer: is it true that you are planning on taking exams this summer to continue your education?
me: ah my education... here is the things with my education , i will go all the way to the end of the system no matter what . i dont personally care about the university or college , and neither should anyone else , because to continue your education is an achievement in itself.but the exams i am taking in summer are really long and In my opinion extremely hard , so for that two months or so , i will not be in contact with many people and i will mostly be focused on the exams.
interviewer: are they in the uk or korea
me: in london , i was raised there and have been prepared for those specific exams so it would benefit me to follow that through.
interviewer: ah i see , we wish you the utmost best from everyone at vogue , and to carry on the question 31 , what is this floor for ?
me: well the second floor has a gym , a pool ,4 rooms for my stylists , a makeup room and a dance room.also the guest rooms and a room for my housekeeper, who is moving in today , essentially it is so that i get ready at my house and go to whatever event that i need to straight from here.
interviewer: wow so many rooms could we see a guest rooms?
me: yeah sure , it is at the end of the hallway.
we walked to the end and i opened the door
(a/n: you can seee the rest of the house on chapter 6.3)
me: i have had a few guests until now, my parents were ere once to see the house and their friends...
fuck harry too, i - want to see him...
interviewer: we are staying till the last day of your concert , is it okay with you for us to stay here?
me: i would be honoured , but i am so sorry , i have other guests that are coming over.i am so sorry , but hey you can come to last concert for the tour .
interviewer: oh my goodness , we would be honoured where is your room in the house?
me: lets go up to the third floor
interviewer: speedy stair questions again?
me: sure
interviewer: is it true that you have a pet
me: yes , you spoke about her earlier....
interviewer:what pet?
me: a dog
interviewer: what breed?
me: a teacup pomeranian
interviewer: where is she?
me: for the last half of my tour , my close friend came to my concert and she took snow back with her cause i thought that would be the best for her
interviewer: forever?
me: no , i am going to collect her this afternoon
interviewer:is it true your friend and employee , kim taehyung of bts also has a pomeranian?
me: it is true , tan is a male black and brown pomeranian who mostly stays with tae hyung and his family
interviewer: have the two pomeranians ever met?
me: oh yeah loads of times , tae hyung sometimes asks to look after snow for me and sometimes at the office they see each other
interviewer: do any of the other members of bts have pets?
me: yes they do , jungkook hyungs parents have a maltese dog named gureum.jhope has a dog who mostly stays with his family and it is a shitzu called mickey.namjoons family look after rm's american eskimo dog who is called rapmon.yoongi hyung has a poodle called holly , also looked after by his family most of the time.jin hyung has two sugar gliders , they are mostly in the dorm but often with his parents.and jimin hyung doesn't have any pets because the passing of his pet dog when he was younger made him really upset.he gets on the best with animals out of all of us , especially with snow.
interviewer: do you ever want to have any more pets?
me: not right now , no but give it a few years ...yes.
interviewer: the third floor has three doors ,which is for your room?
me: three doors on the hallway.one is my room, and that is this one.the room requires a pin to get to , turn around haha
the cameras and interviewer turned round , i put in the pin and the door opened
me: okay you guys can come in
interviewer:is it true that you personally selected every item and designed the house yourself?
me: yes , yes it is . that is why each room has a specific purpose and it fits to the aesthetic that i like.it also help my stylists too easily get me ready.
interviewer: you can see the whole of seoul from here, is it also true that the crystal was built upon two old football stadium grounds?
me: yeah it is , it just seemed more sustainable to build it here than on a greenfield site.
after seeing my room we went to the office and the recording studio and by that time we reached question 50
afterwards , he continued to ask a few questions and i said we should go downstairs and sit somewhere. so we left the recording studio
interviewer: do we take the stairs again?
me: no it is okay , lets take the lift ... i am too lazy for stairs tbh.
interviewer: you have lifts?
me: yes behind these doors...
we used the lift to go downstairs and by that time we reached question 55 and i insisted we sit in the conversation pit.
interviewer: not to get to the depth of your fashion beliefs , we would like to know , what luxury brand do you prefer to buy from?
me: oh wow... umm...i normally really like chanel and louie vuitton, but recently alexander wang and balenciaga have just been hitting different.but YSL and dior have neverrrr disappointed me , so i always buy from them.
interviewer: what would you say is the best era of fashion?
me: can i be honest...90's runways killed it. these past few years have either been okay or bad..only some have been jaw dropping. sometimes i look at pictures of old runways and they make me cry because of how beautiful they are.
i then got out my phone and showed him a few pictures of 90s fashion runways.
interviewer: do you have a deep love for fashion?
me: absolutely , i do.
interviewer: would you ever consider starting your own fashion brand?
me: i have and i still am. i want to because i have great ideas and designs in mind ..but i also don't want to because i do not want to stick my name onto an outfit and then have it sell out purely for having my name on it...do you know what i mean....like i want it to sell out because it is gorgeous , not because it came from me.so i might start a brand...but not under my name....or at least hide that from the public maybe....i am not sure
interviewer: is there a specific trend that you dislike?
me: some , what was that tide pod trend i saw a few people doing ? that was beyond foolish , do not mess with household chemicals they kill!
interviewer: is there a trend that you did like?
me: oh yes , so many .like the ice bucket challenge to raise awareness or the
interviewer: do you ever feel lonely living alone?
me: yeah , always... i love being by myself and travelling by myself . but the thing is , i travels with staff and despite being so close to them , i am not very ....you know...'close' to them.like we keep the boundaries at times , so like i can't go out shopping with my security guards as if we are best friends , they are busy looking out for me and its just kind of sad sometimes ...yeah....but as for living by myself, bro it sucks . i really dislike the idea of living by myself at this time right now because we are nearing christmas and i have no one and everyone is with their families. thing is... i -i-i- have this extremely mature sense or responsibility and independence (to the point where sometimes my social battery runs out really quickly and i want to be in a dark room by myself) but i am also a person who loves to hang out with people and close friends...which is why i am always talking to fans and on fan cafes.
interviewer: do you now hang out with the housekeeper that you mentioned earlier?
me:thing is , i am meeting her today and although she is a lovely person , she is going to leave for america in the holidays to see her daughter so i will have a security guard at the door and a takeaway at the dining table.
interviewer: have you prepared any christmas gifts?
me: yeah , i ordered them on the plane today actually , they should arrive throughout this week and i will probably keep them in a garage or a room and then one by one hand them out to people.
interviewer: why buy them so early?
me: cause honestly , it will get to christmas and i will forget it is christmas.
interviewer: do you celebrate the holiday season?
me: i guess so , not so much the religious aspect , but i still get a tree out and some decorations ... but i feel like i might not at home this year cause it is just too much effort.
interviewer: how will you be spending the holidays?
me: well , honestly in pain. i will be in the dance practise room for the entire holidays cause we are going into award show season in korea and then after the korean award show season , it is the american award show season.so i will just be practising and rehearsing and redoing through plans and meetings and ahh , too much too soon.
interviewer: will you be going home to spend time with your family this year?
me: no this year , no. i have too many meetings and rehearsals to attend to , also this year is set out to be the biggest year of my carereer so i have to prepare for that.
interviewer: is that hinting a possible comeback?
me: hahahaha , it is up to interpretation.
interviewer: to finish off the interview on our way back to the door , we would like to go back to the speedy questions , dresses or skirts?
me: oh wow , dresses , cause you can tailor them to be skirts
interviewer: favourite YouTube?
me: david dobrik , hands down . i watch every video of him and i even have his merch.
interviewer: favourite actress or actor ?
me: oh , umm ...well...there are too many option .
interviewer:favourtie singer?
me: from the kpop industry , my one and only queen chungha and probable twice ...from the western industry , demi lovato sabrina carpenter and conan gray. my top artists.
interviewer: favourite comedian?
me: hassan minhaj , when i say i love that guy , you won't even begin to understand me.
interviewer: most memorable moment of your carereer?
me: when i was walking the grammy carpets last year and the fans were holding our lightsticks and i took picture with them first.
interviewer: to finish off the interview , we would like to congratulate everything you have achieved in you career and everything that you achieve as we see a extremely bright and successful road for you here at vogue, also , as personally requested from anna winter herself , please could you be the cover of the vogue international for april of 2020?
me: oh my goodness of course , thank you so much for the opportunity and anna thank you so much , i cant wait to see you again , bye.
i waved as the interviewers left and the door closed behind them on their way to the car that would lead them to their hotel. holy shit , i-i- vogue....april!!!
as i carried on with my day a lot happened . i met the housekeeper who was going to live with me , on top of that i finally got snow back from seoulhyun unnie. then i went to the office and trained for the rest of the day.the next few weeks were just utter practise and preparation for the award shows , but most importantly , for my last concerts of this tour. we also finalised the detail for my next tour and the bts tour and production for merch and both albums have began.
14th october 2019
i woke up early today , something was just off... i cant quite put my finger on it though. i carried on with my practise and meetings per usual...but in my gut i just had a feeling of sickness . then it hit me ..
headlines :
"SULLI FROM F(X) HAS PASSED AWAY"
"SULLI OF F(X) HAS BEEN FOUDN DEAD IN HER APARTMENT IN SEOUL"
"SULLI FROM F(X)HAS COMMITED SUICIDE"
"F(X) MEMBER SULLI KILLS HERSELF"
"F(X) INTERNATIONAL STAR AND MODEL HAS PASSED AWAY, FANS HEARTBROKEN"
me: what kind of fuckery is this.
i was in the dance rooms at bight when the news broke out
me: guys , guys stop all the music right now, seriously turn it off.
everyone looked at me confused
me: umm , all dancers and choreographers take the day off , go out or have a rest i dont care, just leave please.
everyone packed up in utter confusion and whispers began to circulate the room until it was empty.no one came up to me as they knew i was in a bad mood and that something has happened. i sat on the floor and began weeping. what the fuck is this bullshit.sulli was my friend and someone i grew up with. when i trained at sm , she looked after me and she adored me , i looked up to her and she protected me from everything. when i debut, she was one of the first congratulating me , every time a news article bashed me or rumours went around about me , she was the first to make sure i am okay and that i am happy.she worked so hard to get to where she was , her father was abusive and an utter disappointment of a human , yet despite all this , she worked hard , she sent him money , she looked after her parents and her brother.she was a major activist and feminist who believed in everyone rights and equalities , she -she-she is gone . all cause of what ? her shitty company . SM have done it again , they killed another person , yeah the fans and the media hated her , but SM could have prevented this so many times .they could have sued everyone who said bad things about her , they could have helped her get proper help. but no , no they didn't , they let haters ruin her and abuse her as it gave her public attention and more and more people searched her name up which then meant more and more people knew her and everyone began hating on her and and and and and
and now here i am , in a puddle of disappointment , my tears. my friend , my senior , one of the people who raised me , my sister , one of my role models is fucking dead.my grandfathers death, sulli is dead and watch how someone else dies too. fuck this. i am so sick and tired of this all.
the door of the dance practice room opened
i didn't even bat an eye
a lone figure walked in and sat next to me. i didn't say anything and neither did they .
tears rolling down my face my hand and legs shaking in utter dispair.nothing but emptiness filling the gap between me and the figure.
jimin: i am here for you , speak to me whenever you like.
he wiped the tears of my face with his bare hands and went to reacher my hands to comfort me , i got up and looked at the door , avoiding eye contact with him.
me: get back to practise.
jimin: you are clearly upset , you were so close with her and she loves y-
me: i said get back to practice , the concert is only a few weeks away and so are the award shows, never mind the comeback.
i walked towards the door and jimin stood in shock as to how i replied.
i went straight to my office and ignored everyone's demands for me to sign this and do that and write this and monitor that. i went into my office and locked the door. i sat on my chair and weeped. nothing but memories are left with me now. i cant even process what to do. i was on of her close friends .after a few minutes of crying like a river , my phone began blaring . i turned it off and left my office, my assistant was waiting outside.
me: hey
her: ma'am are you alright , we have a psychiatrist waiting for you.
me: get me one of the burner phones
me: miss lee , we have a ...
me: you heard what i said , get me a burner phone , i am calling hara unnie and i cant use my phone cause as soon as it is turned on it will blow up with calls.
her: ma'am we tried calling her already , her phone has been turned off.
me: get a car ready for me , i am leaving .
her: yes ma'am. if you head downstairs security team 4 a will be there for you.
me: thank you so much .
i began walking down the corridor and i took the lift downstairs to get my bag , it was still in the practise room.i grabbed it and as i was walking past the other practise rooms , i had noticed that BTS' practise room was silent. i opened its door to see the members sitting on chairs talking to each other and everyone else on their phones.
me: what is going on here?
namjoon: ah , eunha ... we were just shocked by the passing of miss sulli and we are just taking a break and...
me: get up.
namjoon: what?
me: i said get up.
everyone stared at me , and i sighed.
me: you have a comeback coming up , there are millions of award shows coming up , both in korea and internationally.on top of that , you have a few concerts coming up. get back to work.
namjoon: eunha we are just.
me: i said practise till 7 didn't i?
namjoon: but we..
me: 8.
namjoon: i see.
i sighed and left, wait ..what am i doing.
i curled onto a ball on the floor and began weeping , as i heard the practise door open again i got up and walked away , not even caring who it is. i then took the elevator downstairs and was driven to hara unnies house.
once there she eventually answered the door and let me in.
i walked inside and we just looked at each other.she was broken. utterly broken. they literally grew up together , soul mates , sisters , family.i had to be there for her.
i spent the night at hers to ensure that she didn't do anything , but i knew that this would take her years to handle....if she could even begin to handle it