"You know, if you are feeling horny, we could have sex tonight," Emily said idly as they did chart work. Mark raised his eyebrows and she smiled slightly. Her fingers ran through his hair as she closed the binder and nestled in beside him on the on-call bed.
"Really?" She nodded and he sighed. A frown crossed her face and she silently asked him to look at her. "It's just, my NYC shrink said I use sex as a way to mimic the feeling of being loved 'cause I have daddy and mommy issues."
"Oh. Well, I have abandonment issues so, honestly, it's probably not a good idea to have sex so early in our relationship," she said with a shrug. "The crippling anxiety of you possibly leaving me is there."
"I'm not leaving you, jailbait."
"Yeah, well, it hasn't gone well in the past."
"Ah, so we're a pair of fuckups." Humming, she tilted her head up to kiss him.
"Essentially," she whispered as her hand fidgeted with the edge of his scrub shirt.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"My last serious relationship was more than five years ago. I've been celibate since." He raised his eyebrows and she closed her eyes, resting on top of him. His hands sat on the small of her back. "It helps focus on the work. I've thought about it, though. The first few months after the relationship broke off. I thought about how I could hurt him back. Sleep with his best friend, sleep with his sister, sleep with anyone at a bar because I wanted to show him I could move on as fast as he could."
"He cheated on you?"
"Yeah. With medicine," she said listlessly and he kissed her forehead. "It just wasn't working out and I depended on him more than I should have. That's what really messed me up, falling back to square one and being alone." Her chin on his chest, her eyebrows knit together when his eyes narrowed.
"Wait, did you say sleep with his sister?"
"Too much of a dick move?"
"I just didn't know you were into girls," he said and she wrinkled her nose at his chest, tilting her head up to kiss the column of his throat.
"Well, I'm into you now, so don't worry your pretty little head."
"Oh, I won't."
The rain pounded down on her as it splattered like thunder. She shivered, sucking in a quivering breath as her hair plastered to her head. She could barely see but there were was something warmer than the rain trailer her cheeks.
The blood stain was still there, and this time Sara was here too. The past few days Emily had left and came, the woman wasn't anywhere in sight, but this time she was. Sometimes they clashed. It was always the same spot.
"Sara, you should go inside," Emily managed to say between puffing breaths. Sara squeezed their joined hands and looked to the brunette beside her.
"I'll go if you go," she said with a barely concealed sniff. Emily wiped hair away from her face, trying to see clearly but found she couldn't. The rain blurred her vision - or was that her tears - and she merely stared at the slowly fading stain. It was there, ingrained in her memory. She just couldn't let it go. She needed it gone.
It felt like hours passed before the rain stopped over their head. It still thundered around the two women but when Emily looked around, she saw Mark holding an umbrella above their heads. "Come on, let's get you two inside. You're freezing." The two women glance at each other before they turned around. Mark followed after them, umbrella in hand.
"Dr. Torres, can we move the arthroplasty up an hour? Mark needs Kate for his surgery." The Latina snapped out of her daze to gaze at the resident where they stood before the O.R. board.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Hey, Mark told me you're bi." Blinking, she turned her head slowly towards the orthopedic surgeon. The statement was so blunt it caught her off guard completely.
"I - uh, excuse me?"
"Do you like girls and guys?"
"Yes?"
"Okay, I need your help." Emily didn't like where that was going.
"How's Cristina?"
"In the morgue," Alex replied as he inserted money into the vending machine. "The Burke thing's got her messed up."
"I mean, can you blame her?" she asked quietly as the nurses pointedly ignored her boyfriend. It wasn't her problem especially since she had to convince nurses to work with him and was kinda sick and tired of them all complaining to her as if she had any control over what he did before when they were just friends. He walked after Rose and disappeared from her sight, past their hallway as Alex reached down and grabbed the bag of chips. "Are they still boycotting his surgeries?"
"Yeah. He's been trying to get people to talk to them for him. Maybe you should, all the nurses love you. Especially the Sapphics." Whipping around, she shoved him casually.
"No, because I did that before we were together and I'm sick of it," she remarked and Alex knuckled her head affectionately. "Is Ava staying with you at Mer's?"
"How'd you-"
"Izzie. Heard she was knocked up too. Great job. So?"
"Yeah, until I get enough for a security deposit. Whatever,"
"Yeah, whatever. You're just becoming a dad." Her smile grew at his red cheeks and she jabbed her elbow into his ribs. "I'm kind of proud 'cause you're taking responsibility."
"Thanks."
"He forgot he had sex with me?"
"Am I allowed to sit here?" Emily asked as Alex left. "Great, he leaves without me. I even got him a box of apple juice. I - what's this?" She directed it to George who held out a blue and white form. "Sexual relations?"
"For the Chief."
"Uh...." she trailed off.
"Pen?" The brunet offered her a writing utensil and she looked up, shocked. "Come on, Em. Have you even slept with Sloan, yet?"
"No."
"Then, what's the problem?"
Again, Lexie repeated her statement causing people to look at her. "Lex, you alright?"
"Alex Karev forgot he slept with me."
"That's low, even for him." Emily agreed, offering the apple juice. "Will this make you feel better?" The younger Grey took it, opening the package with the plastic straw. "There, sip it, drink it in. Better?"
"Yeah, thanks."
"I need your-" George coughed awkwardly- "form." Smiling and shaking her head, she clicked the pen.
"Oh, shut up George," she grumbled, signing it quickly. "Have your stupid, stupid form."
"Okay, hold on to that tendon... good. Now, I can repair the rotator cuff easier." Callie said casually and Emily felt uncomfortable as she looked into the pair of magnifying lenses.
"Callie, remember when you said you needed my help?" she prompted and the woman made a noise of recognition.
"Right, okay. So, I am confused." She manoeuvred the instruments carefully, repairing the muscle as Emily nodded slightly. "Like, I don't know what is wrong with me, I don't know what I should do... I just don't understand. When Addison was here-" The woman's voice lowered- "she made some comments about Erica and I as - as a couple and now it's been awkward and I've been avoiding her and-"
"So? You being confused is part of the process," Emily said as Callie moved to the next muscle.
"See? You just proved my next point. You know exactly what's happening and what to do and I don't." Realization dawned on the brunette and she drew back and stared at the older woman incredulously.
"You - I - so, wait. You want me to-"
"Emily, please."
"Well, it's really sudden and I didn't even know you were going through this and I don't really know you so it's kind of awkward to ask."
"You're dating my friend."
"Don't use Mark as your leverage," Emily said and returned her gaze through the microscope. "You used Mark as your leverage," she sighed, moving the retractor slightly. "Whatever. Fine. All aboard." She could hear the smile in Callie's voice as she ordered her to take out the instruments.
Emily saw the mass congregation of nurses and looked over the balcony to see the Chief Resident and her boyfriend standing in front of them. Bailey was saying something as she leaned over, listening in.
"This man is a whore, has always been a whore." Mouth dropping open, she could barely contain her smile at his shocked expression. "But, I mean, that's not a secret. He's not keeping it hidden. You all knew who he was before you got involved with him. And now you want to be all, 'Woe is me, he doesn't call me back, he's dating other women.' He's nasty, but he's a doctor here and a pretty good one. So let us all close our knees and get back to our jobs so he can get back to his jobs and help the people who really need it." She could clap for that speech if she could. Mark looked up and saw her, making a puppy-dog face and she shook her head in amusement. "Disperse."
As the nurses did as told, she descended the stairs and up to him as the Chief Resident sent an appraising glance over the two of them. They blushed as he wrapped an arm around her waist, sharing sheepish looks.
"Why am I not surprised you two found each other?" They didn't answer as Bailey continued, "Take him home. He's a mess."
"Of course, Dr. Bailey."
"Leave." They jumped, turning around and walking away as fast as they could. When they finally walked around a corner, they shared a look and began laughing. She rested her head on his shoulder, smiling as he kissed her.
"I think I saved a bunch of nurses from you."
"Mmm, maybe you did but I don't need them. I've got you." Despite his flimsy comment, she frowned at the dark glint in his eyes. Cupping his face, she frowned. He was an open book to read.
"Are you okay?"
"All my surgeries got cancelled, and it just felt like crap."
"Mark," she breathed, running a hand through his hair. "Mark, do you wanna talk or... I don't know. I'm asking as the best friend here."
"Later?" he asked and she nodded, extending a hand.
"Okay. Let's go home."
Home. The word felt strangely right on her tongue despite living in a hotel room. She knew it was right.
Home. How long had it been since his girlfriend actually went to her own apartment? There were clothes littered everywhere in his hotel room, both hers and his and her scent clung to everything. It made it home. He'd never really had a home. His house with his parents wasn't really a home, not without the people he loved under its roof. The flat with Derek during their residency was barely occupied by both of them at the same time. His condo in New York when he became an attending screamed single man. But now, in the most unlikely place did he find a home. A hotel, where most people used to have a place away from their own.
It scared him and excited him at the same time. She made him the happiest he'd ever been for a long while; she was a constant he needed. She was... she was. There was poetry in her smile and secrets in her eyes and he ached to find out every single one slowly as they grew together.
For the first time, Mark Sloan wanted to marry a girl, for real.
He swallowed as the elevator doors opened, trying to pulverize the fear and stoke the joy. After all, they were in a good place - he was in a good place. But then he thought back to his ways, his... womanizing ways and thought of how Bailey came to his defence. He was like that, and she wasn't. They were two ends of a spectrum and maybe that's why it somehow worked. Why the power balance to destroy each other was equal in each other's hands.
What if he cheated? What if she broke his heart and decided he wasn't enough anymore?
A terrible balance.
"The most refined, professional, ladylike doctor in this hospital came to my defence tonight. The best she could come up with was, 'He's a whore.' I'm a whore," he admitted softly, turning to look at Derek. He stared straight ahead, thinking of what to say next before his head rotated to look at his best friend.
"I slept with her. The whole time I was thinking about Meredith." Mark felt his resolve melt slightly at the defeated tone of the neurosurgeon. "Who's the bigger whore?" His eyes flickered to the floor before facing forward again.
"I'm scared I love her."
"That's not something a whore would do." Derek remarked softly and he nodded slightly.
"Yeah." He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets as the doors opened. "See you,"
"Bye."
The doors opened and he saw her waiting there, all pristine and in that cream-colored coat. Her hair was up in a bun and she had a slight smile.
"Hey, Mark," she said as Mark got off the elevator with a peck to her forehead. Turning to Derek, she offered a smile. "Goodnight, Derek."
"Night, you two," he replied as the doors closed. Mark sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as they started the walk to his car.
"As your best friend talking, it's not healthy to keep it in." She looked up at him as they reached his car. The night was an inky black but the moon was yellow today instead of its usual pale white. It was warmer than a few days ago when it was pouring and the wind was gentle in their hair. "And as your girlfriend, I want you to be able to talk to me and because I adore you as both my boyfriend and my best friend."
He had nothing to say to that and he brushed hair swaying into her face behind her ear. Kissing her nose, he knew that she was right. "I adore you, too," he said before opening the door for her. The expression on her face was one of heavy doubt but she reluctantly allowed him to drive both of them home.
"You've been in there for thirty minutes," Emily said into the steamy air. She was turning away from Mark in the bathroom as she brushed her teeth. The mirrors were all fogged and she used her free palm to wipe away the moisture. When she noticed he was just standing there in the reflection, she rinsed her mouth and turned around, leaning against the marble countertop.
"Mark."
He turned his head and wiped the glass to look at her and she flushed heavily. They weren't the people to be together naked yet, and she didn't know where to look besides his eyes. When she didn't say anything, he resumed to leaning on the wall with his arms, letting the water run over his back as if washing away the day. If he stood there any longer and the drain was clogged, he'd probably drown.
She sighed and pushed off the counter, placing a hand on the knob.
"Mark, talk to me." When he didn't answer, she decided enough was enough. Gathering her last strands of courage, she undid the knot of her pajama pants and pushed them off her hips so they fell to the floor Underwear soon following, she pulled her shirt over her head. Her clothes in a pile on the ground, Emily swallowed and pushed apart the doors before stepping in. The heat of the shower slid over her skin and coated her as she tried to prevent her eyes from straying.
The pelting water stung but as she forced herself to stay in the hot stream longer, she found herself adjusting as she wrapped her arms around Mark's middle. Her cheek against his back, she closed her eyes.
"If you want me to go, all you need to do is say it," she whispered over the quiet hiss of the shower. His back rose and fell with each breath as he finally let out a heavy sigh, straightening up. Her hands fell away as he turned around, hair plastered to his face. She brushed it away, not knowing whether the shower was hotter or her face.
"Stay," he murmured, cupping her face and she nodded, fingers wrapping around his wrists. Their foreheads pressed together for a moment before he moved his head down to her shoulder. His hands slid to her waist, holding her close and her hands came around the nape of his neck, stroking the tiny tails of his hair. "I'm a whore."
"No, you're not." Her reply was instant, instinct. She believed in this, she really did. "Look at me. Look at me." He raised his head and she smiled up at him. "You aren't if you're in this with me. If you are in this with me, then you're in a committed relationship and you don't let them define you. And, so what? So what if you are? Does that stop you from being the same man you are now?"
"Who I am now? Who is that?"
"You are... Mark. You are the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. You are the best plastics surgeon I've ever seen. You are the man who will change the face of surgery with your facial reanimation. You are smart, and funny, and you make me laugh even when I don't want to. You being a whore doesn't change any of that for me because I know you. I know your heart." Her smile grew as his eyes softened. She brushed his face with her knuckles as her other hand fit itself to his cheek.
"And before my boyfriend, you are my best friend. And I love the best friend who buys me coffee every morning he can. I love the best friend who now holds me to sleep at night but used to stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep. I love the best friend who knows all my favourite things. Being a whore doesn't change that. Being a whore isn't even a bad thing because you're still a person; you're a person who goes beyond for his friends. I don't care what the nurses say. Because, Mark Sloan, I want you, and damn it if I'm gonna let a couple of nurses make you think you're less just because you have a lot of sex. I don't slut-shame. They shouldn't either because it's none of their business anyway."
At this point, Mark had fallen into a total silence and she frowned, hoping that her words didn't stun him into silence. She realized how close they were to each other, how bare and naked she was, and she couldn't remember the last time she felt like this. So obviously shy.
"You're the most perfect woman," he managed to say and she opened her mouth to retort that no, no one is perfect, but before she could, his mouth smashed against hers. Arms around his neck, she deepened the kiss as she was scooped up into his arms and pinned against the wall.
Mark knew sex. That was just fact. He knew fast and hot and exhausting. He knew rough and hard and emptiness. He knew in and out, leave before morning, and ghosting.
But with her, it was... it was slow. It was warm, instead of hot, exhilarating instead of exhausting. As her fingers curled over his hand, her throat bared as a quiet sound escaped her throat, Emily crooned and praised and whispered under her breath.
It was soft, and tender, and fulfilling. There was a tension pulling in his chest, aching for more contact as her hand flew to his back, arching into his chest. He took in her face, pretty eyes shut and face shining with sweat, as her legs bent and she pulled him closer greedily.
Their movements were unsure, still trying to acquainted with each other, but each movement had a purpose, there was nothing wasted, as he pressed kiss after kiss against her throat and face and mouth. He was drunk off the sight of her in his bed and in his arms, brown hair a mess and cheeks rosy.
His hips rolled as he tasted mint on her tongue. The hand on his back trailed down his neck to cradle his jaw as she squeezed their joined hands. His head was light and his heart was in his throat and in his stomach all at once. As her abdomen tensed and her legs snuck around his waist, crossed at his back, she mumbled something about how close it was. Hoisting her closer, he heard her hitched breath in his ear as he bit down on the juncture between her neck and shoulder. He let go of her hand and it joined the other at the nape of his neck, holding him to her collarbones as he buried one hand into her hair and the other gripped her waist.
She gasped his name, arching so perfectly to fit him as he wrapped his arm around her waist and held her to him, trying to chase the feeling. Her hair spilled like a tumbling waterfall of molten chocolate and he groaned, biting her shoulder.
Their pants fill the air, and the haze of after-sex made both of them glow like gods. She sunk deeper into the bed, eyes finally prying open as he lazily pushed twice more before lying down beside her, fingers tracing absent circles on her taut abdomen. She turned her head towards him dazedly and he kissed her swollen lips
"Good?" he whispered against her mouth because he hadn't ever done this slow, this tender, this fulfilling, ever before. She nodded, dream-like, and winced when she moved a leg too quickly.
"Very good," she said quietly and he laughed against her mouth. Her leg slid between his as he gently nipped the shell of her ear. Smiling devilishly, Emily pushed him onto his back and rolled on top of him. She leaned over, her hair a curtain over one shoulder as she kissed him, sweet as nectar. "Then, we're good for round two?"
"Of course," he said with his trademark smirk. She matched it with one of her own as their hands joined together, fingers squeezing.
Mark Sloan knew sex, but he didn't know what lovemaking was until that very night.