January 16, One whole year since my dad had passed away. 365 days of not hearing his voice, his laugh.
Today was Saturday, meaning I didn't have to get up and go to school, or worry about missing assignments. I just wanted to lay in bed and not move.
*Flashback*
"I promise I'll be home by 8, I have to stay a little later tonight to finish up a presentation I've been working on"
"Just be careful coming home tonight it's supposed to start snowing around 4"
"I will, I'll see you tonight"
*End of Flashback*
I was shaken from my thoughts by a knock on my bedroom door.
"Come in"
Sarah walks in and sits down beside me, giving me a gentle hug.
"I know today's gonna be tough, just remember that all three of us are here for you"
"I miss him so much, I can't believe it's been a year"
I cried hard as she hugged me, she gently rubbing my back trying anything she could to comfort me.
"He would be so proud of you, you've come so far this last year"
"Thank you, I hope that I continue to make him proud"
"You will, no matter what, he'll always be looking down on you. So proud of all you've accomplished, you've made honor roll the year and a half we've been in high school, you've found a great group of friends who care about you and you've got a boyfriend who loves you unconditionally, Your dad would be so proud of you for all of that"
"You're right, I have accomplished a lot, especially this last year"
"How about we invite the guys over? We can watch movies, and eat junk food"
"That sounds perfect, I need a day with my best friends"
"I think we both do, First semester exams were really stressful"
"I know, and we haven't spent time together with just the four of us in a while. Zack comes over after church every Sunday and we spend all afternoon together, until he leaves for youth group"
"Do you ever think you'll come back to church and youth group?"
"Yeah, I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I miss being around my friends all the time"
"Everyone misses you too. Pastor Evan and Grace ask about you all the time, they really miss you"
"I miss them too, wanna have a sleepover tonight and we can go to church together tomorrow?"
"Of course I do"
"Let's surprise the boys and not tell them I'm coming back,"
"I love it! We can stay at my house tonight,"
"Yay! I can't wait"
"So how's your relationship with Zack, you guys have been together almost 7 months right?"
"Yep, a week and a half away from 7 months. I love him Sarah, more than I've loved anything in my whole life. He's been the kindest, sweetest, most amazing guy I could have asked for. He's been there to support me the last few months, even though I wasn't the greatest girlfriend for a while. He loves me despite my scars and flaws"
"You're beautiful inside and out. I'm so proud of you. I'm glad you haven't self harmed in a while. I hated seeing you go through that pain"
"It's been a month and a half. I couldn't have done it without you, Luke and Zack by my side. Its definitely been hard, but I'm glad I stopped"
"We are too, Luke was really worried about you,"
"Why?"
"He didn't know about your past with self-harming, and to hear that you started again broke his heart. You're like a sister to him"
"Zack was worried too, and I know he still is"
"He loves you"
"I know he does"
"Reach out to him or Luke if you need to talk, you know they'll listen and do whatever it takes to help you feel better"
"I don't want to bring back memories for Zack though. It's only been 2 and a half months since he lost his dad"
"You still have Luke and I though. We may not know the pain you've been through. But we'll sit here and listen, hug you and pray with you, we love you Lila"
"I love you guys too"
"I just texted the boys and invited them to come over,"
"Just don't mention anything to them about today being the anniversary of my dad's death. They know it's in January, but I never told them what day"
"Deal, I won't say anything. Unless you start crying. Then I'll have to explain what's wrong"
"I'll try not to breakdown in front of them"
"If you do it's okay, you shouldn't have to hide your emotions"
"I have to make myself look presentable"
"You look gorgeous Lila, don't worry about changing"
"This is what I wore to bed last night though"
"I'm wearing the same thing I slept in too. I love wearing Luke's sweatshirts. He always sprays them with his cologne before he gives them to me"
"Zack does the same thing and I love it. It helps me feel like he's right there even though I'm alone"
"They should be here any minute"
I heard the doorbell ring, "Or they're here now," Sarah and I run downstairs, I open the door and let the boys in.
"Thanks for letting us crash girls night" Luke says
"It's more fun with you here, we talked about you guys most of the afternoon anyway"
"It's true, when we're together we talk about you guys and how amazing you are"
"What do you guys want to do?" Zack asks
"We had planned to watch movies and eat junk food all night, but we're open to suggestions"
"You guys feel like going out tonight? I wouldn't mind going on a double date" Luke asks
"If we do that I'm changing. I look like I just rolled out of bed" Sarah says
"I think that sounds like a fun idea, what do you think babe?"
I shook my head, "I don't want to go out tonight"
"Everything okay?" Luke asks
"Yeah, I just feel like having a lazy day at home"
"Come on babe, it'll be fun," Zack says
"You guys can go if you want, I'm going to stay here"
"All we do is watch movies though, I'm kinda tired of doing the same thing every time the four of us hang out" Luke says
"We didn't invite you over to complain about everything"Sarah says
"You asked us to suggest stuff and we did"
"When Lila said no, that should have been the end of that discussion, not continue trying to get her to change her mind"
"You're right, I'm sorry babe, we can just stay here and watch tv or movies"
"What do you guys want for dinner?" Zack asks
"I'm not hungry right now" Sarah says
"I'm not either"
"At least think about what you want to eat, I'll have my mom bring us dinner" Zack says
"I'll think about it while we watch the first movie"
"What are we watching?"
"Disney movies"
Both of the boys groaned. "Not Disney movies again"
"I've seen way too many Disney princess movies the last 6 months" Luke says
My heart broke a little, Sarah could see that I was upset, "Both of you stop complaining"
I stayed silent, I knew if I spoke, I'd end up crying.
*Flashback*
"Where is your father, he was supposed to be home by now,"
"Maybe he's still on his way, it is snowing pretty hard outside and the roads are getting bad"
"I'm sure you're right,"
We waited for another two hours, but he never came home. When I heard my mom's phone ring, I thought he was calling to check in. When I heard her sobbing, I knew something was wrong
"What's wrong Mom?"
"He's gone"
"What?"
"Your father, He's dead"
"What? How do you know"
"The hospital just called, he was killed in an accident, a drunk driver hit him head on. They said he was killed instantly"
I dropped to the floor and sobbed
*End of Flashback*
I hadn't realized that I had sat on the floor and started crying
"Lila, what's wrong?" Luke asks
"She's having a flashback" Sarah says. She sat down beside me and hugged me tightly.
Zack and Luke looked on, not sure what to do. I had only had one flashback with them around, Sarah had seen it a lot more. She knew exactly what to do and how to help me feel better.
After a few minutes, I stood up. I knew I had to tell them why I had been crying
"It's been a year since I lost my dad, today has been really hard,"
Both Zack and Luke wrapped me in a tight hug.
"I've been having flashbacks off and on today. I knew I needed my friends and boyfriend by my side to get through today"
"We're right here Lila, and we're not going anywhere" Luke says
"Let's go cuddle on the couch and watch Disney movies,"
"You sure? You guys didn't want to watch them five minutes ago"
"You know we'd do anything to make you happy, and see you smile again. I know Disney movies are one of the things that make you happy"
Zack wraps his arm around my waist as we walk down to the basement. Zack pulled me into his lap and hugged me tightly.
"I don't want to crush you," I got up and sat down next to him
"You weren't crushing me, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable or anything"
"You didn't, you're trying to comfort me, I feel better now that I'm cuddled up with my favorite person,"
"Good, I'm glad I can help, let me know if you need anything or want to talk, I'm here for you"
He gently kissed my lips and wiped away the few stray tears.
"Thank you Zack,"
"You don't have to thank me babe,"
As I laid my head on his shoulder, I could feel my eyes getting heavy. I closed my eyes, quickly falling asleep