Stampy's POV
My hand shakes uncontrollably as I reach out and grasp the main home phone. I press the thick, cold metal next to my ear as I nervously bited down on my thin nails. I was so distracted by doing so that when the nurse on the other end of the phone answered I ripped all of my nail off. Small flecks of blood flung themselves all over my bed sheets. I couldn't care less though. I just had to find out what was wrong with Sqaishey. Once I had found out then I could realx. Unless it was something bad...Unless something similar happened to what happened in my dream. I ran my fingers through my hair as I quickly told the person on the other end of the phone Sqaisheys details. When she put me on hold and the gentle music started to play, I breathed out. I hadn't even realizing that I had been holding my breath. It must've been a natural reaction or something. I leaned up against my wall, tugging at the covers hastily. I was getting more and more scared by the second. Squid wasn't with me anymore. He was in the kitchen, making me some tea, as well as getting my sleeping pills.
Right at that moment I could hear the distant wails of Kendal. Fear started to build up inside of me. Why was he crying? Was he hungry? Did he miss me or something like that? I swung my legs over the side of the bed, pulled myself up from my bed and started to make my way towards the living room. It was only when I opened the door a crack I remembered the clothes that I was wearing. Even though nobody had noticed me I still blushed hard. But before I ran back to my bedroom I watched as Squid ran from the kitchen and into the living room to try and calm Kendal down. For some odd reason within seconds he was fast asleep.
I left the door as it was before running back to my bed and diving underneath the covers. The phone that I was holding got lost underneath the covers as soon as I did so. I trashed around wildely, trying to find it, knowing that it was the only way that I was going to know if Sqaishey was still healthly and happy or not. When I did eventually find the phone I pressed it up to my ear only to hear the sound of sobbing coming from the other end. Sqaishey's sobbing. My heart skipped a beat. Why the heck was Sqaishey sobbing? Was she in pain? Why the hell was she in pain?! What had the hospital done to her? I knew that she was stuck on a bed for the next year or so but it couldn't be that bad...Right?! It must be uncomfortable for her but it couldn't be painful! Surely not! I wanted to say something to break the sobbing but when I opened my mouth the sound of Sqaishey vomiting from the other end of the phone could be heard. It made me want to be sick myself yet I somehow managed to hold back the small amount of food that I had in my stomach.
The whole of my body was starting to shake uncontroablly as I listened to the wails and cries of the person that I loved most in this world, apart from Kendal. I couldn't love anything more than I loved Kendal. But it was like Sqaishey had answered the phone, put it on her bedside table, and just carried on being...being sick.
"H-Hello..." It was Sqaishey. She sounded sicker than ever.
"Sqaishey!" I practially yelled. From the other end of the phone I could hear the disgusting noises of her being vioently sick. "Ducky?" I said, more quietly this time. She coughed.
"Stampy...I'm so sorry. I've-I've gotten worse. Everything in my body hurts. Every-everything..." Once again, she vomited loudly. As she did so small whimpers came out of her mouth. "Please don't be mad with me...Pl-Please...It's not your fault that I'm...I'm dying." That word started to flash in my head wildely.
Dying.
Was Sqaishey really dying? How the hell could she be dying? What had happened to her? Ugh, there was really no time in finding out details. I was more concerned on the fact that the nightmare that I had was becoming real! I needed to see her in hospital...No matter what the nurses or doctors said to try and stop me. I jumped out of bed, trying my best to ignore the loud cries and vomiting that was coming from the other end of the phone. It was starting to reduce me to tears. I ran as fast as I could towards my wardrobe and started to change as quickly as I could. I chose one of my best 'casual' outfits. A black and blue striped shirt and black skinny jeans. Once I had changed I tugged on my trainers and ran into the hallway, bumping into Squid. He yelped out as boiling hot liquid got splashed all over him. Before he could look back up at me and ask me why I had ran out of my room or something like that I spoke out.
"Sqaishey's dying! Squid, my dream was real! It's real! Please, drive me to the hospital! I need to see her!" Squid stared at me as if I'm crazy. "Please Squid! I'm begging you! Please just drive me there this one time! Please!" I stared at him, tears rolling down my face as muffled moans coming from the phone broke the deafening silence.
"Fine. Get in the car." Squid mumbled. "Nicole! I'm going out! See you in thirty!" With that we both ran out of the apartment, down the multiple flights of stairs, and out into the cold, dull winter evening. I spot Squids car at once. We both jump into it and, as he starts to drive, Sqaishey starts talking once agian.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry Stampy. I'm going to die...They say that I am. My nurse, Crystal, is taking out my drips right now. I won't last long without them. I'm sorry Stampy...I love you...I love you." There was a loud and violent cough before phone cut dead. I sat in the seat as Squid drove around the multiple twists and turns of our town, scared. Shocked. Horrified. Nervous. Why had Sqaishey just randomly put the phone down like that? There was no way that she would do something like that unless...No...She couldn't have...died? I shook my head, trying to get rid of the thought. Of course she wasn't dead...She can't be dead. There was no way that she was dead. Maybe Sqaishey just accidentally pressed the end call button because she was distracted by getting her drips pulled out...Yea...That did seem likely. Even with this thought in mind I still felt terrified.
I kept up my silence for the whole drive. I could sense that every now and then Squid was looking over at me yet I tried my best to ingore him. To be honest I was much more concerned about the life of my girlfriend. Ugh, what the hell would I do if she did die? I would have to tell her parents...Now that would be pure torture. Ringing up your somebody's mother that you didn't know that well only to tell them that their daughter is dead...And it's your fault...If I had never put Kendal into an orphanage Sqaishey wouldn't have burst into tears and made her cancer worse. Yet I did. Yet she did. That was something that I was going to have to deal with for the rest of my painfully long life. And I would have to tell Sqaishey's relatives exactly why it was my fault. Then they would be bound to hate me until the day that they died. The crazy thing is that I wouldn't blame them. Because it was my fault. I closed my eyes tightly to try and get rid of the tears that were filling up inside of them. I couldn't cry. I had to be brave! Not just for Sqaishey or her relative's but myself! I kept my eyes closed for the whole of the journey until Squid pulled up outside of the hospital. The hospital where my lover was most likely to die.
As the both of us got out of the car I felt a gentle pat on my back. I glanced over at Squid who was, much to my shock, crying. Well, he was sobbing or anything. Just silent tears were stuck to his face. I shot a weak smile back at him before making my way past the automatic doors and walking up to the reception. My heart pounded horribly behind the shirt that I was wearing. I felt as if I was having some sort of heart attack. Right now though it did seem quite tempting to just...die. It meant that I wouldn't have to go through the pain of watching Sqaishey go. I walked up to the front desk and they let me go through the doors that led to the rest of the hospital at once without me having to say a single word. Maybe they already knew what was going on...At least I didn't have to speak to them. I had a feeling that if I did so I would just burst into tears. I was nearing doing so anyways. The hallway that I was walking down suddenly seemed endless. As if I was never going to make it to Sqaishey in time. But I was going to make sure that something like that didn't happen. I clenched my fists tightly and broke into a sprint. My shoes squeaked on the hard, tiled ground, causing echos to spread all around me. Nobody was by me to give me a weird look though. Which I guess was a good thing.
After years of running I fianlly found myself outside of Sqaishey's hospital room. Coming from behind the door I could hear loud crying. Sqaishey's crying. I couldn't help but feel ever so slightly relived even though I knew that she was in pain. At least she was alive. I placed my hand around the door handle, pushed it down, and opened it up a crack. Sqaishey was sitting up, no longer bound to the bed with metal braces. Tears, vomit and blood stained the bed sheets and her hospital gown. Who I guessed to be her main nurse, or 'Crystal' was leaning over her with a cardboard tray. Inside of the tray was multiple tubes, most likely the drips that she was talking about earlier. I slipped into the room and started to make my way over to the bed. I felt as if I was in some sort of horror movie. That when I stood next to the bed that her heart monitor would just flat line and that would be it. Her nurse suddenly made eye contact with me. She weakly smiled at me before turning her attention back to Sqaishey, who was looking more and more sick by the second.
When I was a few steps away from the bed Sqaishey stopped crying and stared at me, her pale blue eyes glistening with tears. I jogged over to the bed and wrapped my arms around her thin and boney shoulders. Seconds later she lifted her thin arms up and hugged me back. When I pulled away I sat down on the chair that was right next to the bed and placed my hand inside of hers. We both just stayed in silence for what seemed like years while the pungent smell of vomit made me mentally gag. I didn't want to say anything though. That would just be way too mean. A few minutes of us just staring at each other in silence passed before Sqaishey straightened her body up and brought her knees up to her chest. Even her knees looked pale. With all my heart I wanted to say something but nothing came to mind. What the heck was I meant to say right now! I couldn't say anything about her health. I just knew that she would just burst into tears if I said something like that.
"Stampy...I'm so sorry." She whispered out of the blue. Sorry? Why the hell was she sorry? I tried to ask her about this yet all she did was chuckle weakly and stare down at the ground. "Because I ruined half of your life...If not the whole of it with this stupid illness...and Kendal. If I had just took in all of the symptoms that I would have just got rid of him before I gave birth...Not because I don't love him but I don't want him growing up without a mother! Do you know how...how bloody horrible that would be for him." She did have a point. It would be bad growing up without a mother. There was no certain proof that Sqaishey was going to die though, even though when she spoke it came out as a mere whisper and small specks of blood flew out.
"You might not die! There is still a chance that you will live! It might not even happen!" I said, bringing her closer to my body again. She rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. Small, wheezy, sharp breaths came out of her mouth. She weakly shook her head and laughed again.
"True...But if I do...You know that I..." She flopped down onto the bed and curled up in a ball. I placed my hand against her forehead. It was freezing cold. Just like it was in my nightmare. Was it seriously going to become real?! It can't be! It was just a stupid, fake, nightmare that I had. Not a real one! Nightmares weren't supposed to become true! I shook her slightly, my heart starting to pound with fear. She couldn't be dead. No way she could be! I opened my mouth and yelled her name as loudly as I could to try and stir her but with no avail. She was more still than a statue. There was only one heart monitor that only showed you the heartbeats without making any sound at all. The thought that at any second I would look up at that machine and see a flat lined was now my brand new phobia that I didn't want to face.
At that moment the door opened a crack and Sqaisheys nurse walked in. For a split second she looked happy until she looked up an inch. Her expression changed at once. Why did she look up...Shakily, I craned my neck around and glanced upwards. The heart monitor was still showing wavy lines, meaning that her heart was still beating, but instead of being a plain green button it was now a bright red colour. Both me and Crystal stare at it for a second until it hit me. Every so often the line would go completely flat before being wavy again. Her heart was literally skipping beats. I turned back to look down at Sqaishey. She seemed worse than she did ten seconds ago. Her face was pure white. Sweat poured down her face. Her eyes were open slightly, showing off her completely white eyelids. I had a horrible feeling that she was going to die but now that it was actually happening...I didn't know how to react. I placed my hand on the side of her face and shook her slightly. If I had shook her hard then it would have most likely hurt her even more.
"Sqaishey...Please wake up. For me, ducky. For Squid. For your subscribers. For my subscribers. For your own, beautiful son. Wake up!" Nothing. Nothing happened. "S-Sqaishey? Wake up? Please! I am begging you! Wake up!" I felt a arm wrap around my arm as I got pulled away from her. At first I thought it was the nurse, by the touch of the hand though I knew that it was Squid. That and the fact that Crystal was standing over Sqaishey, pulling something over her head. Why was she doing that?! She wasn't dead yet! Her heart was still beating! I looked up at the heart moniter for proof of my thoughts...And that was when I noticed it. There was a thick, black line across the red screen. As well as that there was a faint beeping sound. No...My heart stopped. I stood still, not wanting Squid to move me any further. Was it really true...Was she...d-d-dead...I felt my legs get weak as I slipped to the floor, brusing my knees in the process.
Sqaishey couldn't be dead. No way on earth something like that would happen. I always said that she would die but...I never actually thought about what I would do when it did happen. Well, that was a little bit of a lie. I had thought about it. I never actually thought about what I would do the second after I knew that she would never come back again. Most people would have thought that I would cry. Apart from the tears that I had on my face from earlier, no tears were to be seen. I didn't really feel upset either. I just felt empty. Lost. Like I had just lost a limb or something like that. I closed my eyes shut and tried to see if this was another nightmare. Another horrific, horrible nightmare that I would soon wake out of. Maybe if I just counted to hundred and back again then I would open my eyes and I would be back in my bedroom, sweaty and scared from the dream. I had to do this...I had to. Squid started to tell me to get out of the room as they had to prepare her for something but I just blocked the sound of his noise out until it became white noise. I needed to do this...For Sqaishey. I started to count, my head feeling light at once. Even with my eyes closed I felt as if I was getting spun around multiple times. I had to ingore it...Just keep counting.
I got to hundred and back again. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. There was a black sheet over Sqaishey. The heart moniter was turned off. No...Did I miss a few numbers. I was about to close my eyes again when Squid dragged me upwards and out of the room. The second the door shut was when I started to cry. Not silent crying. Full on sobbing. I fell to the floor, pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face into them. I sensed that people were looking at me but I didn't care in the slighest. I needed to cry. I cried and cried until I couldn't feel my lungs anymore. For some odd reason I liked the sensation of this pain...Yet I didn't like the fact that Sqaishey wasn't here anymore...I wished that she was...I wished that I had treated her better while she was here. All of the bad things that I had done to her over the few months were starting to quickly rush back to me, forcing more tears and wails to come out of my mouth. What was worse was that I knew that I was the cause of her death.
Sqaisheys POV
The room was dark. I could feel somebodys hand placed over mine. As well as voices. Not just one but mutiple ones. Just flying all around me. I wanted to open my eyes but the whole of my body felt like it was stuck, even though my stupid restraints had been taken off this morning because it was predicted that I was going to...going to die. Was I dead? Is this what being dead felt like? Did people just sleep when they died? How the heck didn't they get bored? I suddenly felt my body being pulled up. Slowly but firmly. I tried to open my eyes again. This time it actually worked. The place that I was in was a brightly lit room. The lights didn't hurt my eyes though, which I found slightly strange. I stared down at the ground. It was like the carpet that I had at my old house. What...Why? Was I at my old house? I started to walk, feeling nervous, even though my body showed no signs that I was.
Was this really what dying felt like? I suddenly realised the place where I was. At my house. The place where I grew up. I quickly ran into the kitchen when I saw him. Stampy. He was sitting at the table, crying quietly. Squid was sitting next to him, rubbing his back gently. Both of my parents were sitting oppistite them. I walked up to them and placed my hand on Stampy's shoulder. He shuddered for a second, looking around. Was I some sort of ghost? I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. Was I serisouly dead? No! I couldn't be dead! I couldn't be!
"Stamps...Just say it." Squid mumbled.
"N-No...She isn't dead Squid...I just know it. She can't be!" Stampy said, sobbing his eyes out. I wrapped my shockingly pale and thin arms around his shaking body. He shuddered again. This time he looked around as he did so. "Yes, her heart moniter flatlined but-but she is alive! I just know it!" Tears were now pouring down the sides of his face. Tears were also going down Squid's face, my mothers face and my farthers face. Did Stampy already tell them that I had died? How did they go to them so quickly? How long ago did I dissapear out of this world? Stampy suddenly stood up, ran towards the back door and went into the dark back garden. I stayed by the table for a few seconds, watching the three people that were left. None of them spoke a word. Sighing, I made my way towards the back door. I seemed to float through the door itself, just like a real ghost would....I was a ghost....But I didn't feel dead.
......................................................................................
A few more chapters until the end!