20thaugust
I did not get any sleep that night, I spent the entire night writing songs, I am fucking exhausted.if there were not any gaurds in the room or sasaengs running around the hotel , I could have slept .but nooooo , I cant fucking sleep.i had wanted to go on a date with harry today , but fans were still outside and the crowd was only crowing.i was locked in the hotel for the entire day,it was okay as I spent some time rehearsing and planning for the award shows this year.i also received my invitation to the grammys today.
At eleven pm yoona came into my room along with some more gaurds and the camera crew
Yoona: you didn't sleep yesterday?
Me: haha no ...I wrote three songs though.only one will make the album though
Yoona: okay lets go then.today we are flying back to korea, don't forget . its for the "bighit for the community thing".
Me: I haven't I rehearsed the entire night.
We drove to the airport and went straight to the plane.we boarded and left early. I didn't bring any suitcases.once we arrived in korea, I was led out with three security teams. No news reporters were aware of the bighit community thing, we only invited the best of the best people in the business industry .this ranged from proffesors to interns to business revolutionists.we did not need press there today because we were filming it and we would release it ourselves on youtube.
The press were aware that I am coming back to korea, but none knew why .it was quite amusing looking at them act shooked when I came through arrivals. Today lee minho was meant to be coming back from his holiday , the got lucky that I came.i smiled , but quickly rushed to the car.
Once we were at the venue I was greeted by bighit staff and the two other ceo's who would be presenting with me today.we quickly went through our bits and then I went to get changed
my entire outfit was planned and prepared for three weeks in advance , this event will be very important for these brands.despite never being sponsored to wear things, my stylist team and i really care about such events.it is something that people really pay attention to .
the "bighit cooperate meeting with the community began .
basically i have all of bang pd's bits
once we were done with the meeting , i was so proud and happy .there were a few cameras filming me as i went backstage.i only said one thing to them, " my grandfather would be proud of me", i began tearing up .the camerawoman said it would be uploaded by the end of today.
after the "meeting" i drove straight to the dior event. they tried really hard to get me to go..so why not.besides i have two hours until my flight and i am bored.
i didn't really do much. i went , took a few photos, then i grabbed my "goody" bag and left. i did say hi to jisoo unnie.we have always had a good friendship.she congratulated me on my tour and i congratulated her on her completed tour...despite all the lies surrounding it (but that's for another chapter).we took a few photos together and she posted them in instagram.she is literally a goddess , don't get me started. she did also say " i am happy you sold your YG stocks, i heard from a few managers. I'm sorry yg blackmailed you with us. he still controls the company despite what others say....hopefully one day things will go right for us." ... i didn't say anything , i just laughed and moved on.
as soon as i left , i went to the airport and flew to new jersey.
21staugust
i woke up early , even though i had two hours of sleep at the hotel.i took snow for a quick walk and too a few photos.after that i was driven to the stadium and harry took snow for a day out.
rehearsals was okay , but we had a few hiccups with the microphones.they were quickly solved though
I went to to the fanmeeting , as soon as I was finished with rehearsal
The fan meeting was okay
Memorable moments:
- have you see the jennie video?
(I saw the solo music video , it was really good)
- did the you see that guys live video?
( which guy ? I have been sleeping and making songs .ahh jimins live video , I have not watched them yet. The time difference is not helping either)
- best emoji?
(the purple heart)
Once I finshed with the fan meeting I went to the soundcheck and began performing.it was okay but I lost my bracelet on stage or when I was jumping...nevermind I can always buy another one.
once soundcheck was done i went backstage and began preparing for the show.
The fan who won the lottery today was ummm, unexpected.
A lady came up the stairs , holding tha hand of a child.
Me: oh my god hiii
Mother: hi , I am such a huge fan, and so is my son
Me: oh my god , he is adorable
Mother: thank you he is one year old...today is his birthday and he really wanted to come .so here we are
Me: wait he is a fan?????
Mother: yeah he is.he dances and sings to your songs.
The kid stops holding his mothers arms and looks at me
Me: hi , I am diamond
He steps forward and I crouch down to his height, I wave at him and he runs towards me. I hold my arms out and he hugs me tightly.
Mother: he Is so shy with strangers, this is odd
I stand up , holding him in my arms. He puts his head on my shoulders and I began patting his back
Me: I am so bad with kids , honestly I am struggling . but what is your question , or is it your son who can ask the questions?
Mother:he cant speak yet , but since we are on the subject of children, would you ever have a child?
Me: honestly , I don't know. Maybe one day.but for now , it is so soon I cant decide yet.maybe later on in life once I am ready and I have fulfilled my dreams.
Once it was time for them to go , a staff member hads the mother the merchandise bag . I try putting the baby down but he doesn't let go of me.after abit of a struggle he gets dragged off by his mother .lmao that was cute
The rest of the show went well and once it was over I went back to the hotel as usual.i held a fifteen minute vlive video and once it was over , harry came to my room . we were having a small dinner date today .but nothing fancy. We spoke about everything and anything ...but once he brought up the conversation of the fan onstage today , I got akward
Harry: so would you ever wants kids
Me: probably , but only if my partner at the time does too.
Harry: are you going to get married before having kids or?
Me: probably. I think I am more certain about marridge than kids right now.
Harry: I would want kids, they are cute
Me: same .
Harry: do you think we will last long? Do you think ten years time from now, we might get married?do you think we might have kids?
Me: hollup i am questioning everything right now.haha. I don't know if we will last long, I would hope so, but nothing is set in stone.what about you?
Harry: I really hope we do last long.we are nearly at our 1 year anniversary.where will we be then?
Me: Umm , japan I think.it will be fun, what should we do that day?
Harry:depends on your schedule to be honest...
Me: I have literally nothing planned for our anniversary. It is the day before my Day 1 on Osaka .
Harry: oh okay , that's great then. How about we go shopping , because we both love it. any other ideas
Me: yeah lets do that and we can go eat out and walk around
Harry: yeah great , but lets be back at the hotel by 10 pm because you need to sleep before the concert.
Me: Im going to sleep because I have another concert tomorrow
Harry: sure , I will stay by you until you fall asleep , I am still not comfortable with the gaurds on the balcony..i mean come on , are you ?
Me: honestly no...but I am safer that way.especially due to the large increase in gun useage.you can stay , they will be there until I leave in the morning.yoona unnie practically threatened me , she feels really worried.i though the gaurds at the door would be enough
Harry: originally it was only meant to be for the last day in Chicago , but oh well.
Me: I know , im sorry
Harry: it is not your fault , you should get to sleep
I closed my eyes and soon I was in a deep sleep
22nd august
Yoona: get up you idiots, your lucky no one else is with me
Me: what?
I tried to get up but something weight me down, harry's arm was on waist.he woke up to my movement
Harry: morning
Yoona: yeah morning, get up and get changed, harry ...you promised you would leave at night.it has always been a rule , diamond usually get filmed for these things, today you were lucky..
Harry: sorry , I seemed to fall asleep beside her.we didn't do anything bad. we just fell asleep
Yoona: if David was here, he would have thrown you out the balcony by now.
Harry:sorry.it wasn't diamonds fault , I promised would stay until she falls asleep .turns out we were both just as exhausted.
I was soon out of the room and in a car , heading to rehearsals.
Yoona: the official statement for the hong kong show has been released, there are no hate comments , but people are comparing you to LAY of EXO.the statement was " we are hoping the current situation in hongkong gets better, we pray for peace and wellbeing for fans. Diamond was heartbroken and she is constantly reading articles and papers regarding hong kong. After much disagreement , we decided that if she is able to hold the concert a week before the dates , it will be held.but if it is not any better , we will unfortunately have to cancel the shows.if the show is to be cancelled, we may consider re arranging the concert dates and allowing the previous tickets holders to come with the tickets from that date.if it Is cancelled and unable to be re arranged , refunds will be paid .we apologise for any inconviniece this has caused.we will try to do our best next time".also the "meeting with the community" is about to be uploaded.
Me:fucks sake, we had to cancel it....i really want to re arrange the dates though.okay what are some comments?
Yoona: "lay could never be as genuine as her, he still believes in one china", "she managed to stay on the fence and not tell us her full opinion", " I feel bad for her , she really likes performing", " which idiot decided to hold the world tour now?", " even hong kong would come to a standstill for her", "I don't like her music , but this is why she is popular .she cares for everyone and maintiains her professionalism .look at lay and jackson , they lost fans because because of their personal views..."
David: it was a good choice, it is not safe
Once we were at rehearsals, everything went smoothly and we finished on time.
The fan meeting was so peacefull.no one was crying , no was panicking .it was a literal dream.
Memorable questions
- what is something that made you cry recently?
(ahh.. I don't like telling people about my emotions , but cancelling the hong kong shows and reading articles about what is happening there)
- what is something special you are planning for this year?
(the award show performances, the end of year suprises, some are suprises so I cant say them...shhh)
- have you ever considered smoking?
(NEVER.i can't breathe around people who smoke, I feel like someone has chained my lungs. I don't care if other people smoke, but ..please don't smoke around me , do it outside away from large crowds and children...<3)
- what is some things you bought recentlet that you really like?
( an gaming company and a suncream ...two very different things.keke <3)
I finished the fan meeting and now I am at soundcheck.i sang some songs and was at the last song. I was looking at this fan and he was clearly having a panic attack.i looked away so he would calm down a bit , but still keeping an eye on him through my provisional sight.once i turned back to look at him , I saw him faint. I dropped my microphone and jumped off stage, I landed badly .i might have twisted my ankle but I got up... I was limping and people were filming.i ran to the fan
Me: guys please step back , the medical team will be here soon , but I need to open the fence so that they can access the patient.
The fans moved back , some were crying because I was really close to them .no one really grabbed me, instead they were helping me open the gate.security gaurds rushed towards me accompanied by the medical team
Securitygaurds: PUT YOUR PHONES AWAY
Me: that is not important right now, this guy has fainted.
Medical team member; what happened?
Me: he was having a panic attack and then he fainted, lack of blood to his head is probably the main issue. aswell as some low blood pressure.
The medical team put him onto a stretcher and carried him to a ambulance, I jumped back on stage . security gaurds went round ensure all phones were put away.
Me: I am so sorry about that, I hope he gets well soon.but can we re do that last song , it might make you guys leave a little late, but you can leave now if you like.
I re did the song and soon left the stage.i headed straight to the buffet and grabbed a few milkshakes before going to get changed , when I was getting my make up done the camera crew came to ask me about recent events
Filming
Cameraman: explain the hong kong shows.
Me: today the statement about the hong kongs shows was released. I was in the car as I was reading them ... I was in a really bad mood. I am worried that my fans might be getting injured or they are stressed right now.umm
I ebgan tearing up , I lowered my hat .
Me: honetley , each show is really important for me.i hate having to cancel shows or delay them.its unprofessional. Its like , making a promise but then not following the promise.im sorry
Me: also a fan fainted today at the show, I felt really bad for him.
once we were done with the interview , i was also done getting ready and it was showtime
the show went well...but my ankle was not.
every time i was backstage i would limp . also the heat was not helping at all.
*backstage, during one of the vcr's*
*cameras filming *
Medical staff:you need to stop dancing or take it easy
Me: ill just put an ice pack on my ankle and hope for the best. I wont stop dancing
Me: I – I – I – I –
Medical staff:SHES FAINTED. GET SOME ICE WATER AND SPRAY IT ON HER.
After a minute of them struggling , they wake me up again..
Me: wh—whe—why—oh my god the show.
Director:SIT DOWN .the heat did too much damage.
Stage co Ordinator:30 SEEEECONNNDDDSS
Me: leave it . I can still perform.
I get up and limp towards the platform, my head is soo dizzy I can barely see where i am going
.but once I am onstage, I hid everything . no thing is visable.this is the bit before the fan comes onstage.and I have the dance cover right now....fuck ...i drank some water as soon as i was walking to my position and then i closed my eyes.
once i was done , i was os out of breath , i stumbled a bit as i went to get my water.
the fan came up and he was wearing on of my tour hoodies and an ariana grande hat
him: oh my god..what were the chances that you would cover an ariana song and i would come up?
me: so you must be her fan haha
him: yeah.i became a fan of you through a friend actually.she isn't her tonight though.
after we spoke for a bit he got to his question
him: okay so im like...really confused. how were you in korea yesterday , but in the use today?like...dont you ever rest?
me: hahaha , of course rest. i slept last night...for like two hours until i got up to walk my dog.but yesterday was a event that i could not miss. the meeting with the community" is something that we have planned for , for over a year. it was unmissable .no matter the cost.
him: okay so like. im also a BTS fan , do you have any funny storied with them?
me: ummm.there are loads , but om thinking of which on to say..okay , so there is one. when its were on their world tour , i was there of course for the press conference. one of the members got really bored on one of the nights and asked me to show him around. i had arrived that day and didn't have anything planned , but i also had to wait for my things to arrive at my house. so i had some free time to kill.now at that time we went out , we ate , we took phots and whatever. they did there own thing.but there really wanted to go on a london bus, the double decker ones.so we did.by the way this is at like 3am.so as we are preparing to get off at our stop, i always get up early cause i stress about the doors closing ...so i get up as the bus is at a red light and im at the top of the stairs.as i go to take a step down , the bus zooms ahead and i go flying.i manage to land on the lowest stair.but the funny thing is , my body gaurds that were with me literally panicked.half of them were already downstairs and the other half upstairs and as i go flying they all do "diamond !!!!" , screaming from the top of their lungs.once i land, i look to my left and half of them are like "are you okay , are you okay" and this girl that is sitting on the bus downstairs, goes " go my goodness, diamond just fell down the stairs" .me and the bts member that were there look at each other and we start cracking up .turns out he was going to film me going down to put it in one of my future projects, but he filming me falling and everyones reaction.
him: ohh my god, what did the fan do?
me: oh nothing much , i took a photo with her and we got off at our stop. she was so nice and i will always remember her saying "oh my god diamond just fell down the stairs".she didn't even laugh or smile, it was monotone which made it funnier.she was so shocked and because it was so late at night she was clearly reaalllly tired
him:hahahahhahhahahhahaha erboeipvepvnoev ioihbuhojbh.
we finished off the conversation and he got his merchanise bag and left. he was quite funny , not too stressed , not to jumpy.
the show carried on , but once it was over and i was backstage .panic spread through the staff.
as soon as i was offstage , i couldn't hold myself up anymore, my legs gave up on me and i fell straight to the ground with my eyes closed. the medical team rushed me onto a carrier and took me to the medical room.
the cameras had filmed all of this , but i wished they didn't .oh well , thats show business for you.
yoona: is she up ?
david: not yet
i open my eyes to the commotion.david and yoona rush to help me sit up.
medical nurse: you need to get to a hospital so that they can do a checkup on you.you ankle will be fine by the next city if you don't walk at all for two days.
me: haha that is not happening, i have already had to cancel the hong kong show.i need to rehearse for the award shows and the concert dates
yoona: your really helping aren't you?
me: ha, besides i can't go to a hospital , i need to finish off my songs by today ..oh and Jungkook is sending me his new GCF and rm is sending me some songs .pdogg is sending me some lyrics he wants me to redo for him.jimin is sending me his melody for his song that he wants to out onto soundcloud... soobin is sending me a few ideas he wants me to work on . ..and ..and i need to sign the papers for that company i was going to buy...i need to finsih off the outfits for the award shows i- i - i-...my flight is literally in three hours..WE NEED TO LEAVE
david: do all that in the hospital then. YOU NEED A CHECKUP.
i sighed.i grabbed my laptop and a few pieces of equipment and stuffed them into a bag. i sat on the wheelchair and went to the car , i was driven to the hospital. there were a few sasaengs trailing our car ,which was really fucking annoying. but oh well...
once we were at the hospital , i was greeted by the doctors and taken straight up to a private room.she plumed me into a few machines and began taking a few dodges of blood.
as i was waiting for the response and diagnosis, i asked everyone to leave as i was finishing some songs i dont want people to hear or leak. the camera crew stayed in and filmed, they were in the corner.a few body guards were outside the doors and not letting anyone in.
after half an hour , a nurse came in and put few drinks on the bedside table.
nurse: i cant believe i get to see you?
me: sorry what?
nurse :i am a huge fan of you..im on the night shift and i just got back from the concert...i didn't know you were injured or tired...are you okay?
i closed my laptop and smiled at her.
me: yeah im great ...its just a routine check.
after a bit we carried on talking , but she was called back to another room ...i am glad i saw her...but i hope i dont see her again.she might tell people i am here...
a while later , doctors came in and yoona followed behind along with other staff members and my medical team.
doctor 1: she is severely malnourished, her BMI is below 15 .she needs to gain a few kilograms. also she has low blood pressure .her dehydration and malnourishment alongside the heat stroke caused her to faint a few times today.Also , she needs to sleep very badly . lack of sleep is giving her major headaches.
doctor 2: of you can , please get a few blood tests done to check on her vitals and what she lacks..but i am guessing , vitamin D and magnesium.my daughter is a fan of her and repeatedly tells me about you go from country to country on a daily basis..yes?
yoona: not exactly.. she goes from country to country every few days..its tour season and she has a lot of shows and events.
doctor 2: often flying is dangerous -
me: yes , i am aware. continuous high radioactivity cause malfunctions , which leads to cancer...
doctor 3: yes, i specialise in cancer. we are aware that no one in your family has cancer, thankfully . the chance are low, but please refrain from flying too much every year.
head nurse: we recommend that you stay overnight for three days until you vitals are stable.
me: i wish i could. but i need to get to the hotel , i have a guest and more work to do
after a few minutes i packed my things back up and got off the bed, i am so dizzy i can barley see things . i hold onto yoona and make my way out.
bodyguard: a fan or sasaeng leaked that you are here.. there is a small crowd of sasaengs outside. people are posting about it online .we need to gt you out of here asap...about 10 people or so
david: she walks too slowly , get her on a wheel chair and we can take the back exit
doctor 1: we will guide you there.
the cameras turn off , so that no one notices me.
as i walk past a corridor i spot the nurse that was my fan , she has a group of people behind her...all wearing my merchandise, she points at me and the crowd runs towards me
yoona: DAVID control the crowd.
bodygaurds block them from going down any further in the hospital, but they still took photos of me from behind .
as soon as i was in the car , i closed my eyes and slept . as we drove out of the hospital car park exit , the fans took photos of the vans.
on our way to the airport.yoona began reading some of the insta fans posts
yoona: here are some of the posts. the sasaeng from hello counsellor was there ,and her pictures and videos went viral.
me:but it has only been like ..an hour since they saw us in the corridor
yoona: ahh, dont be silly.they have a large following and all their posts go viral.here are some of them: there is a video of you being wheeled down the corridor, another of you coming out of the lifts, another of you getting into the carbon of us driving out of the parking.
me:what are people saying?
yoona: comments? "she is literally like jungkoook and jimin, she overworks herself", " ha, what did she expect ...", " wow, she must really care about her job to end up in hospital, YG cant relate"
david: there is an article up about all the events you have gone to.it says that you do the most things compared to others.
yoona: im reading it now, it supporting you and shaming others though. should we take it down?
me: no .we have never been a company to take away articles.leave it up.
yoona: there are rumours going round about why you are in hospital. it ranges from cancer to pregnancies to fainting to overworking to being stabbed .the legalities team and press team are awaiting you instruction
me: wow , wish i had that kind of imagination when i do my english exams. haha. tell them not to do anything. let the rumours fly.but put out an order to staff to ensure that any fans who win the lottery to come onstage, dont mention anything to do with the hospital.
yoona: yes miss.
me: woah.get rid of the "miss'.we have always been friends. come on
yoona: haha aight .ill get to it
we carried on driving to the airport, we made jokes and reacted to fan posts.once we arrived we went to the lounge as our luggage boarded the plane.the cameras were recording me playing BTS world.
me: i am still on level 6 and i am pretty sure that i have lost all remaining brain cells and dignity trying to pass this level."keke net marble" ohhh how those words remind me of the trauma .haha , the doctor told me i should fly less , but here i am , an hour later...at an airport.
after a few minutes , the cameras turned off and they went to go board the plane before me.as i got up , harry entered
harry: diamond!
he runs up to me and hugs me tightly cause me to trip back a bit.
harry: oh my goodness what happened. by the way i am sorry that i got here late. i went to get you some water from duty free.what the hell happened? i saw everything on instagram.
me: umm, well.... i ....
david: she fainting a few times , got heat stroked and twisted her ankle.all in one day.in the time span of 7 or so hours.
harry held me tighter and stroked my hair, he look me in my eyes and sighed.
harry: explain.
me: so , a fan fainted at a concert today
harry: yeah i saw the video, you jumped off stage?!!
me: yeah and that jump, twisted my ankle.then afterwards i was so exhausted and tired as fuck....when i was backstage i kinda just like ..turned off and then was back onstage and once the show finished and i got off the swing , my body just gave up and i was forced to go to a hospital.
harry: what did the doctors say?
yoona: malnourished, underweight , dehydrated, heat stroke , overworked, overstressed, take a blood test when you get back,unstable vitals-
harry: how many more things?
yoona: a few more
harry: eunha....seriously.
he pulled me closer into his chest and stroked my hair.i held onto him and teared up...im thankful it is only me yoona , david and harry here.
me: im tired. im hurt. im injured. im overworked.im under eating. im exhasted. im dehrdryated, i know.but come on im doing my best. its making me happy
harry: is it . is it really?
me: well...yes.
harry: where are we going now?
me: japan. i have two concerts in osaka first.
harry: okay lets go then. i cant be bothered to stay here. you need to sleep.
harry held me hand and we both left the lounge. we both had masks and hats on so hopefully no one would see us...but i say that every time.as we were walking a few people saw us and all the bodyguards and staff we had and pointed at us , trying to understand who we were. i dont think anyone here was really a fan apart from apart from this person who tried to take photos, but she was quickly stopped by security.
once we boarded the plane i got my computer out and ran through the preparations for my next comeback and the diamond festa (celebrates my debut).i also finished off and authorised the outfits for the award shows . as i was eating i got an email and when i opened it i cried.
the camera crew were filming me working but didn't expect me to cry
harry: hey you okay?
me: i - i-
yoona:what ?
cameraman: is she okay , she seems to be panicking...?
me:i-
yoona: wait , its nearly award show season right?
harry: what does that mean?
david: oh my god...did you get a grammy email?
me: im nominated , for "best solo pop performance" and "album of the year"
everyone began freaking out and i was in tears.
me: i cant believe it . isnth this a first for a kpop group?
yoona began crying as she hugged me tightly
yoona: im so proud of you.
after a while everyone calmed down , but we were all still in shock.harry held me hand a squeezed it everyonce in a while just to remind me that im to dreaming.
omg.
i did it
i got nominated for something no one would even dream about
i did it
....
but am i going to win it