"Tamara? "
Fuck! Fuck! Sometimes l feel like l shouldn't think at all.
"What are you doing here? " That's rude but l really couldn't think of anything else.
"Um.. Needed to talk to you? "
"Was that a question or an answer? Thou it sounded more like a question" l chuckled.
"Please. "
"Look Dime. Right now am more than confused. Like. Am too happy to see you but then again l feel like l should kill you. But if l kill you I'll be left alone and it sucks... "
She cut me off in the most sexiest way. She pulled me by my belt and smashed her lips on mine. Do you know how long I've dreaded this day? Forever. But I'll celebrate this later.
"Fuck off, " l pushed her, " You have the nerve."
"Am..a..am sorry. " She said her eyes looking everywhere but me.
"Sorry? " l laughed a little sarcastic, " For what exactly? Leaving me at the airport crying my heart out like some crazy person? For telling me you don't love? For ignoring me? For leaving? For making me suffer? For making me crave for you? Huh Dime? "
"l...l.." She stuttered.
"Huh? You made me feel like l was the worst person on earth for loving you. It was horrible. Really horrible. And..and you what to do what now? Start over? "
I didn't know l was this angry. Hurt. After half a year. Does this mean I've been holding on to her love. I still love her. That's why it hurts.
"It hurts. It really hurts. " l didn't wanna cry. Not again. I blinked to hide my tears. l wasn't showing her how vulnerable she gets me.
"Tamara?"
"Am Billie. Not Tamara and l want you to leave and please don't ever show yourself here again. "
Turning to face my brother who happened to be here too.
"I'll see you at the gala. Then you'll explain yourself." l slammed my door.
This not how I wanted to end my day. 'Breath Billie. Just breath. ' Getting back into the shower l washed my tears away. Silently l thought about my life. It's been a trap. A trap I've always wanted to free myself from but can't figure my way around it. Two rings from my phone brought me back to reality.
Am suffocating. Am slowly dying inside.
After drying my locks l spray it. Better than oiling. Staring at my reflection. Should l hold them up? Nah. Ponytails are for barbie's. I smiled at this. It was a stupid thing l always told my best friend back in grade three. I wonder where she is. It's been nine years since I last saw her.
*ding*
Picking my phone l check the message. Wait l have five missed calls.
Cate : 6:05 Pm
Excuse me are you forgetting something? Get your ass here.
Ms. Helen : 6:10 Pm
Hello. Your suppose to come pick your performing identification card.
Mum : 6:20 Pm
We are here darling.
My mum texted. Wow. This new. Has she been attending counseling to be come a better mother or something? Calling her l think of how am going to say hello.
"Oh! Hey darling. " She surprised me.
"Mum? Is that you? "
She laughed into the phone. "Of course. I was calling to tell you we got here. "
"Yeah. Okay. I'll see you guys in a few. Where you at? "
"Los Angeles Hotel."
"That's next to the gallery we coming to. Okay I'll see you."
"Okay. Take care. "
Looking at my reflection one more time. I thought l was good to go. Black skinny jeans. Long grey light sweatshirt and black ankle boots. With a white scarf. Huh. Artist herself.
Taking my keys l leave the house ready to explain myself. I really thought about it. My hired car was good for the night. Driving to school first l picked my card and left to see my parents.
After a long ten minutes drive.
"My baby is all grown." She said as she pulled me in for a hug. I have to get used to this side of my mum.
"Hey mum, dad " This was really awkward.
"Hey dear. Don't worry she missed you so much. " This explains it a little.
"Your hair is beautiful. And am loving the grey. " She added.
"Thanks. " l couldn't hold back the smile.
"Wanna eat. We ordered some food. " My dad asked.
"Sure. Am actually hungry. "
Eating while talking was not something l had in mind. I had expected a very bad conversation. Like why is your hand like that? And l'd say. If you don't like it then that's your problem not mine. I laughed at this.
"What's funny dear. " My dad asked.
"It's nothing. "
"Let me guess. You we're expecting me to ask about your tattoos? "My mum asked.
Wow. This lady. I've never understood how she does this.
"Yeah. " l said honestly.
"It's beautiful. Am assuming there's a message in it?" She added.
"Yeah. "
"I love the patterns. It was your choice l have no room to question your decisions." She said as she continued to eat.
That was one problem solved. One more to go.
"The look on your face tells me there's more to this?"she asked.
"Mmmmh.. Yes. I'll tell you once the gala is done. " l want them to react on their way home.
"Okay. "
~~~
The fresh smell of paint and clay filled the rooms. Every section of the room was filled with different kinds of art. From paintings to crafts and drawings.
"This... This amazing. " Cate blurted.
"I know. " I said back.
We walked around some more and returned to our stand.
"But.. Not as amazing as yours." She continued.
"Yeah? " l asked biting my bottom lip subconsciously.
"Yes. I bet your going to get firsthand."
"I love the confidence. "l said starring at her.
She shrugged. Looking back at me. Just then l spotted a familiar face walk by. What is she doing here. I thought l asked her to leave.
"What's wrong? " Cate asked.
"Nothing. Give me a minute. "
I walked in the direction l saw her. Weird there's no one here. Looking some more l don't see her. My imagination is driving me crazy.
"Darling. " My mum interrupted me.
"Yes mum. "
"Take us to your stand. "
"Sure. "
Is it weird l kept seeing her eyes every once in a while.
"Billie." "Yes Kris. "
"She really wants to talk to you. "
"You think? " l blurted rudely.
"Yes. " My mum chimed in.
"Mum? "
"Yes. " She turned and looked at me fully.
"Are you talking to me? "
"Yes. Am saying go listen to what she has to say. Am sure she came all the way here with a good reason. Don't just make her leave. "
This is new to me. All this is new and it's getting me confused.
"Who are you talking about?" l asked.
"You know who am talking about. If l were you l'd think this through without making a bad decision that l'd regret for the rest of my life."
"Mum? "
"What. I know you gay. "
~~
I'll really try to preview before publishing.. You could point out corrections l don't mind.
~♥~