Cold Comfort [Lesbian Story ]

Chapter 25

"Tamara? "

Fuck! Fuck! Sometimes l feel like l shouldn't think at all.

"What are you doing here? " That's rude but l really couldn't think of anything else.

"Um.. Needed to talk to you? "

"Was that a question or an answer? Thou it sounded more like a question"  l chuckled.

"Please. "

"Look Dime. Right now am more than confused. Like. Am too happy to see you but then again l feel like l should kill you. But if l kill you I'll be left alone and it sucks... "

She cut me off in the most sexiest way. She pulled me by my belt and smashed her lips on mine. Do you know how long I've dreaded this day? Forever. But I'll celebrate this later.

"Fuck off, " l pushed her, " You have the nerve."

"Am..a..am sorry. " She said her eyes looking everywhere but me.

"Sorry? " l laughed a little sarcastic, " For what exactly?  Leaving me at the airport crying my heart out like some crazy person?  For telling me you don't love?  For ignoring me?  For leaving? For making me suffer? For making me crave for you?  Huh Dime? "

"l...l.." She stuttered.

"Huh?  You made me feel like l was the worst person on earth for loving you. It was horrible. Really horrible. And..and you what to do what now?  Start over? "

I didn't know l was this angry. Hurt. After half a year. Does this mean I've been holding on to her love. I still love her. That's why it hurts.

"It hurts. It really hurts. " l didn't wanna cry. Not again. I blinked to hide my tears. l wasn't showing her how vulnerable she gets me.

"Tamara?"

"Am Billie. Not Tamara and l want you to leave and please don't ever show yourself here again. " 

Turning to face my brother who happened to be here too.

"I'll see you at the gala. Then you'll explain yourself." l slammed my door.

This not how I wanted to end my day. 'Breath Billie. Just breath. ' Getting back into the shower l washed my tears away.  Silently l thought about my life. It's been a trap. A trap I've always wanted to free myself from but can't figure my way around it. Two rings from my phone brought me back to reality.

Am suffocating. Am slowly dying inside.

After drying my locks l spray it. Better than oiling. Staring at my reflection. Should l hold them up? Nah. Ponytails are for barbie's. I smiled at this. It was a stupid thing l always told my best friend back in grade three. I wonder where she is. It's been nine years since I last saw her.

*ding*

Picking my phone l check the message. Wait l have five missed calls.

Cate : 6:05 Pm
Excuse me are you forgetting something? Get your ass here.  

Ms. Helen : 6:10 Pm
Hello. Your suppose to come pick your performing identification card.     

Mum : 6:20 Pm
We are here darling.    

My mum texted. Wow. This new. Has she been attending counseling to be come a better mother or something? Calling her l think of how am going to say hello.

"Oh! Hey darling. " She surprised me.

"Mum? Is that you? "

She laughed into the phone. "Of course. I was calling to tell you we got here. "