Cold Comfort [Lesbian Story ]

Chapter 26

This so far has been a long tiresome weekend that l don't think l'd ever want to repeat.

I sold all my paintings just as Cate had said and won a few gifts. Among the few is a ticket to an art gallery in Paris after Christmas. Am still thinking about it. Christmas is in a few weeks.

After my parents surprised me on Friday l haven't been able to do a lot. I couldn't help but feel like there watching me or something.

My mum explained to me that the reason she had been so hard on me is because she thought l wouldn't turn out to be gay.

When l was young l'd spend extra time with my best friend and she started suspecting our relationship as friends. One time she found us kissing and that was the last time l ever saw her. I don't have that memory with me thou. I was told by my mum. I don't know how or why l don't recall shit. I just don't recall most of my childhood. Even my best friends name.

"Hello. "

"Hey darling. You coming for Christmas. Right? " My mum asked.

"No. I don't think I'll come." Am still slightly mad at her.

"Okay." She said with traces of saddens in her voice.

"Am going somewhere. And l don't think I'll make it back in time." This was partly true.

"It's okay. I guess will see you when you see us? " She chuckled.

"Maybe. Okay. Bye. "

"Bye Billie. "

I don't know why or how l got to the doctor's place but l was there. Waiting patiently for my session.

"Good Afternoon Billie. It's a surprise you here." She smiled a little.

"Good Afternoon. I just needed to see someone l guess. "

"Okay. Well am at your service. "

Don't blame me. But that sounded hella sexy.

"Don't be like that Billie. Am married with three children. " She raised her eyebrow eyeing me and l couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Sorry. Anyway. Help me out please."

"That's basically my job. Now tell me what bothers you. "

"I don't know. "

"Okay. How was your weekend? "

"Long. Tiresome. Boring. Regretful.." I trailed off as l remembered the awful encounter.

"How long.. "

"I met Dime. You know, it's so weird how at the very moment l saw her l wanted to just beat the hell out of her. I wanted to squeeze air out of her to just watch her in pain.. But at the same time..l.. I wanted to hug her and beg her...beg her to never leave me... I -"

"Those are not nice things to think about. You can't think about them because sometimes we do thinks unknowingly and think afterwards," She paused and wrote something down,"You only met her and nobody else?"

"My parents visited me. And something l wasn't expecting happened. My mum said she's okay with me being gay. That she's always known. I was happy but then again angry. She let me live with her for what? Eighteen years. Thinking l would never be accepted by her. The fact that she kept it annoys me-" I kept trailing off. My thoughts overtaking my words.

"You mad at her. You didn't want her to know? You wanted to keep it a secret? Because that's what am getting. "

"No. I..l... Am just mad. Am mad that her and Dime treat me like am a child. Like l can't handle things on my own. It's like they are keeping things from me and it upsets me every time I see both of them."

"Your mad because you have something in you that you haven't figured yet... You care abo-"

"See. That's the problem. They know l care about them so they are taking advantage of my caring heart. They...they make me vulnerable and l hate being vulnerable. I hate showing people how affected l get about anything. "

This hurts, knowing well that what she said was true. I had something in me that l was scared to face. But avoiding the topic as l was still scared l blurted other things.

"I can't cry in front of anyone because it makes me look weak. I know people say the strongest are those who show emotions but...after everything that's happened to me. I can't. I just can't." Then l felt a tear drop. I didn't mean to cry, heck l hate crying. But thinking about everything and at the same time feeling like am not coming to a conclusion.

Fuck this life!

"Think about your brother. "

"Huh?"

"I want you to think about your brother. The best memories you have of him. Since you were kids. "

I smiled a little. Wait...

"I don't have any memory of him...he was 10 and we had visited the zoo. From then on backwards l can't remember anything. How's this. I don't. I don't get it. "
"Relax Billie. Think about it. The best gifts you ever received as a kid for Christmas."

"I don't recall anything. " l said in the lowest tone ever. I don't really recall. How come it's never occurred to me.

"Am sorry Doc. I have...l have to leave."

I walked out fast. My mind racing. My eyes watery. Everything seemed blur. I need to go home. Home. I need to go..

Home.