Every time l pass out l regret the moment l wake up. It's so painful thinking about anything that could or might happen to you in that state.
This is how l met Dime and every time that it happens l open my eyes thinking I'll come face to face with her again. And I get disappointed always. So it became a nightmare for me.
"Are you alright Billie? " Blue asked.
"Yeah... Yeah.. Am perfectly fine. " l said turning to face the other side.
"What's wrong. Are you ashamed of something? "
"Why would l be and what makes you say that? " l said with hints of attitude.
"Hey. Am sorry. I was just trynna help. I'll peace off. " She said and left even before l could say anything.
~~~
"You have been sick for awhile and decided to visit me today? That's what you saying?" The doctor asked, "The last time you came l asked you to book an appointment."
"Yeah l know. Am sorry l just felt ...Mmmh.. Unwelcome."
"Unwelcome. This is a hospital Billie." she chuckled, "Find a better lie. I asked you to do a bit of meditation. "
"I can't concentrate. The moment l close my eyes l feel attacked inside. It's like someone's trying to struggle me. Then it's dark and l loose it. "
"Come on let me help you. Do exactly as l say. Sit comfortably,relax your body and l want you to close your eyes and think about something or someone you like. "
This is going to be hard. Therapy took a month for it to at least help. This is just but the first day. She's have to do better.
"Is it your love? Exams....."
Dime. Yes I've missed her. I want to see her. Her big round amber eyes. Her gray hair and long arms. Her smile. She left me crying yet l miss her. This is really heartbreaking. Do spells work? I think she's poison Ivy. Why am I still thinking about her. Am sure she already forgot about me. And doesn't even wanna see me. As much as l want to see her.
"Family? Friends.. "
Shit l tuned out. What is she even saying. I can't hear her clearly. So my problem is dime? I hate her.
"Stop." l shouted unintentionally. At myself but l think l startled the Doc.
"Sorry l lost it."
"No. It's okay. You've found the source of your discomfort. Now you just have to accept it and look for a way to help yourself. Or you'll be stuck in that darkness. "
"I don't even know what you mean. What source. I don't know how to help myself. That's why l came here. For you to help me...."
She cut me off, "Billie." She paused. "Am a doctor. The only way l can help is by making you accept your mistakes or any negativity. I can't get into your head. That's your take. I wish l could but l can't. Please come again after two days."
"Yeah. I get it. Thank you doc."
"It's my job nothing else. "
~~~
"Could you please just listen to me. " She's really acting up and it's getting on my nerves.
"Fuck off Bill. I won't bother helping you next time.. since you have a tendersy of waking up with some attitude all the time. "
"Am sorry. It's never intentional. Look am sorry blue l promise l won't do it again. "
"Yeah whatever. " She banged the door behind her. She's probably going to some pub.
It's been almost a year. Yet my mind is stuck in one place. It explains my painting. I got the role. I'll be presenting my work at the gala but now l don't even know how I'll do it.
'You need a work name,now it just can't be Billie can it' Ms. Helen said earlier. 'Love affair gone wrong' lol. Fuck. I won't stress on that.
It's been long since l visited my stud friend Shon. I think l should. I need some relaxing aura.
"Hey. Hello man am kinda bored need some company? "
"Hell yeah. You've been gone far too long you need some ass hopping. "
"Yeah. Am coming. "
"Sure. You'll be coming. "
~~~
"Am sorry l know l... " She cut me off by kissing me.
"Damn girl take me slow. I ain't going nowhere. "
"I ain't no girl. " She smirked then pushed me to the counter.
Lifted me and placed me on top. I never thought I'd let this happen to me but here l am. Slowly tossed my clothes away and hers. Then without a warming sucked on my core.
I needed this. This feeling never gets old.
"You alone." she said.
"Yeah? "
"Yeah. "
"I don't think so boo boy. " l said.
"You'll have to find out then. "
I need to call dime. This is getting out of control. Why am l thinking about her at the moment. This is rude. Shit. Fuck you dime. Fuck you.
"Fuck me?" She asked. Thinking am here with her. If only. I feel bad for her but l can't do nothing about it.
"Yeah." I said as l now put her on the stand. We have to both dominate.
I'll have to stay away from her for a while. For me to bring my shit together. Do it before my parents come. They are coming for the gala l don't want to loose it. Like I've been doing of late.
This just reminds me. I have a lot of explaining to do. The skin on my left hand is barely even seen. In just 30 days.
Shitty ass life.