Half of the Kingdom(ft. comme...

By GadSul

297 18 276

My NaNoWriMo novel from November 1st 2016-June 8th 2017 ft. My 2019 self's astute critique. ~~ Miryanna Heols... More

Author's Note
~Nov 1
~Nov 2
~Nov 3
~Nov 5
~Nov 6
~Nov 7
~Nov 8
~Nov 9
~Nov 10
~Nov 11
~Nov 12
~Nov 13
~Nov 14
~Nov 15
~Nov 16
~Nov 17
~Nov 18
~Nov 19
~
~Nov 20
~Nov 21
~Nov 22
~Nov 23
~Nov 24
~Nov 25
~Nov 26
~Nov 27
~Nov 28
~Nov 29
~Nov 30
~Dec 1
~Dec 2
~Dec 3
~Dec 4
~Dec 8
~Dec 22
~Dec 26
~Dec 27
~Dec 28
~Dec 29
~Jan 2
~Jan 3
~Jan 4
~Jan 12
~Jan 16
~Jan 19
~Jan 30
~Feb 2
~Feb 4
~Feb 16
~Feb 17
~Feb 18
~Feb 20
~Feb 21
~Feb 28
~Mar 3
~Mar 6
~Mar 7
~Mar 9
~Mar 10
~Mar 11
~Mar 13
~Mar 14
~Mar 15
~Mar 16
~Mar 17
~Mar 20
~Mar 21
~Mar 23
~Mar 27
~Apr 14
~Apr 24
~Apr 25
~Apr 26
~Apr 27
~Apr 28
~Apr 29
~June 8
~??

~Nov 4

8 1 29
By GadSul

Miryanna awoke slowly to a pounding head. She was lying in something rather hard and her surroundings were unfamiliar. The last things she remembered was... Andarin and the dark one in the alley! She sat up, only to lie back down when her head started pounding painfully again.

"Miry?" It was Andarin's voice.

"Andarin!" She exclaimed, "Where am I? Where's father? What happened?"

He held up his hands to slow her down, "Calm down, let me explain. Last night you overheard me and another agent of Ergli talking. Roric, the other agent, is distrustful of pretty much anyone outside this group so he insisted on kidnapping you lest you speak of what you heard." Was his explanation.

Again, roric please take a chill pill

She frowned. "I'm still confused. What is this 'Ergli' as you call it?"

as much as it pains me to say this.. i don't know

Andarin sighed, "If I tell you, there's pretty much no way you'll ever be able to go back home." he said gravely. "The people that run this don't really trust outsiders. It's a wonder they even let me be a part of it."

it kinda is

Against her will tears formed in her eyes and threatened to spill over. She stubbornly brushed them away. "So, since I don't know about what you do, can I go home?" She asked with a slight quaver in her voice.

Another voice, the low voice she'd heard last night, came from the back of the room where the door was, "That depends on whether or not you swear to never reveal anything that you've seen, and whether or not the leaders decided to be gracious and let you go. Tears again threatened, and where it not for the entrance of yet another person, Miryanna was sure she would have broken down right in front of them .

RORIC I LOVE YOU B UT

"Oh , now child, what's the matter?" A female voice came from the doorway. It was a woman who looked to be in her early thirties, with blond hair, blue eyes, and peasant garb.

"Wis, this is none of your concern." Roric dismissed her

wis doesn't need that from u roric

also i need to change her age. when i wrote this i though early thirties was a matronly age and yeah it could be, but also.. early thirties? really?

The woman called Wis glared defiantly back up at the tall man. "Now, Roric, how can you be like that. You've kidnapped her, ain't that right? She been stolen from her home and now she has little hope that she can return. Now what's that suppose to do to a person?" It was rhetorical question and she didn't give Roric a chance to answer. She swooped down on Miryannna like a hen over her chicks. "Now, child, what's your name?"

and now we establish the sweet, stable, maternal character. you know she's a peasant because she uses words like "ain't" and take the g off of words that end with a ng

"My name's Miryanna, but everyone just calls me Miry." Was her soft spoken response.

not everyone

Wis smiled. "That's a lovely name, Miry. As you've heard, my name is Wis. I'm also a part of the band of scallywags," here she glanced back at Roric, "that make up this little group of misfits we call Ergli. And I take it you're a friend of Andarin?"

Miryanna nodded, "Yes,"

"Aright, now. How exactly did you come to be here?" Wis asked.

Miryanna found it very easy to talk to this older woman, so she began in her short little story of how she eavesdropped in a conversation not meant for her ears. At the end of it, Wis turned an indignant look at Roric. "You didn't have to kidnap her, you know. You could have just made her swear to never speak of what she heard and disappear into the night.

listen to wis, roric. honestly the fact that you brought her to your secret hideout when your whole issue was with her finding out stuff about you was probably the dumbest thing you could have done. you could have whisked her to another alley. literally it could have been that simple. but no you had to knock her out and bring her the whole 45 give or take mintues away to you secret hideout. i really can't believe how dumb that was. nice job, me.

"But her father was also coming down the alleyway. Where we supposed to wait for him and make him swear too, or kidnap both of them?" Roric protested. "No, Wis, I'm not taking chances with this noble." He jerked his chin at Miryanna.

She decided instantly that she did not like this rough man clad in dark clothing. Upon further inspection, she found him to have a sword on his back, along with a bow and arrows in a quiver. He had a scar along his cheek and his general appearance was hardened as if by weather and many battles.

dark clothing, swords, weather-beaten, sounds like a discount aragorn. *stage whisper* which is exactly what he is except without the whole Noble thing

Wis was definitely more friendly looking . Her clothing mainly consisted of a dusty blue color that matched her eyes beautifully. She had a leather strap tied around her waist for a belt and on it was hung a pouch, and a knife.

that's a really lame belt. maybe it's just a replacement until she can get a new one

Andarin was in stark contrast to them both, with this rich noble's clothing and fancy looking rapier at his side. why does andarin have a rapier? why a rapier? we just had that discussion about longswords and scimitars. what is andarin going to do with a rapier? Miryanna was still very puzzled as to their purpose and the purpose this infamous group called Ergli. Wis, Andarin and Roric all got involved in a conversation that revolved around her which gave her a chance to contemplate what had happened. She thought back to the conversation she heard, ...Growing stronger... Rather fight against the king than for him... with such a king, it's little wonder... She strained her brain to think of what this all meant, which was rather hard, considering her headache. The note in her room! That had to be somehow connected to all this. The symbol. The growling lion devouring the sneering serpent. 'Never fall asunder'. She again looked at the threesome, but this time she noticed something about Roric that she hadn't noticed before. On his hand, right on the fleshy part between thumb and forefinger, was a tattoo. She sat up and put her feet on the floor, ignoring her aching head to get a better look. It was the growling lion and the sneering serpent. She pointed and cried, "You have it!"

wait how did she notice a tattoo on his hand? why would he get a tattoo if it's such  secret organization? why don't andarin and wis have tattoos? also, said tattoo is never mentioned again

All of them stopped their argument and looked at her, puzzled expressions on their faces. Miryanna blushed. She hadn't meant to call this much attention to herself, but now that she'd started she had to finish. "Um, your hand," she pointed at Roric's hand.

He pulled his hand inside his shirt sleeve, but Miryanna continued, "I've seen that symbol before. 'Never fall asunder'."

not mentioned, but given my tastes at the time, i am pretty sure roric is wearing gauntlets which are not very conducive to hand pulling inside

Wis came a little closer to her, "Where did you see it, child?"

Miryanna glanced at the others. "It, it was on a note left in my room. It was was crudely written, but it said 'prepare for trouble, it's right around the corner. And on the back of it, it said 'tell no one' with that symbol of the lion devouring the serpent with the motto of 'Never fall asunder'." She finished.

Andarin and Wis glared over at Roric. He backed up so he was right by the door, with maybe a sliver of guilt on his usually not guilty features. "So?" he said defensively. "You said put it in the castle, you didn't say which room."

hah. classic roric. I will get into how dumb that move was soon.

Andarin and Wis both sighed, and Wis rolled her eyes. "True, but we assumed you were smart enough to know that it needed to go in the king's room." Wis said, unimpressed sounding.

"For all we know, she's told the king about it and it got accomplished anyways," Roric argued.

alright, roric getting defensive after being so intense about everything sort of lessens the previous intensity and makes it seem more like he was just paranoid, and so he wasn't quite as cool. it was a good move and dare i say it gave him a little more character and made way for  even more.

"But if it says 'tell no one' on it, doesn't that say that she's not going to tell anyone?" Andarin said this time.

*gesticulates wildly*

Roric let out a harsh breath, "So I failed. So what?" He growled, raising his forearm in the air.

YOU DID MORE THAN FAIL GYAAHHH AIGHT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED the erglis suspect something is gonna go down at the palace and they want to warn the king. They send in their trust Roric. Roric does not ask an actual literate person to write this rather important note. He says "tell no one" on it when the whole purpose for the note was to warn people and you can't really warn people when you're supposed to tell no one. He drops it off in a random room. He leaves the device of the erglis on it. the secret device of the secret group. if the king knew about the group then maybe it'd serve as an idk trust thing but the ergli's strength is in secrecy and you can't be secret if you're leaving loaded notes all over the place. In short, I was high-key not thinking rationally. I was thinking oooohhh coool secret noteessss intriiiigueuee hoohohoooo and nothing else.

"Well, I guess you'll just have to plant another note." Wis said, "This time in the right room," She added.

yeah now that there are some more braincells on this

Roric pursed his lips, and said quietly, "I don't know where the king's room is." He admitted.

i would make a sarcastic comment about why didn't he say that in the first place, but roric doesn't like to admit any weakness so if it was just assumed he knew where the king's room was, he wouldn't want anybody to any the wiser.

Andarin laughed, "Well why didn't you say so?" he clapped Roric on the back, "I've been inside the castle numerous times. I'll show you where the king's room is."

He went back to Miryanna, who had just stayed silent during this time, and took her hand. "I'll be back soon. Meanwhile, Wis here will look after you. If you need anything, she'll be right here." He kissed her cheek and went out the door of the small room with Roric.

okay so cheek kissing is okay. or maybe it's because dad's not around. who knows

After they left, it was just Miryanna and Wis. Miryanna, again aware of her aching head, lay back down to relieve the dizziness. Wis was right by her side. "What's the matter?"

"Oh, just my head. It's been aching ever since I woke up after being kidnapped," Miryanna replied.

"Ah, well if that's the case, I'll be right back. I've a tried and true remedy for aching limbs and heads. Just wait right here." She said, and was out the door.

Before long, she was back with a bowl of hot liquid and a cloth in hand. She dipped the cloth in the water, "Put this over the spot where it hurts, and inhale the steam from the water. It has steeped herbs in it." She said, handing the cloth and bowl to her. Miryanna drape the cloth over her forehead and with only slight hesitation, breathed in the steam. She felt better almost immediately. "Thanks," She said to Wis, who was sitting right next to her.

i would love to hear what herbs they are but i guess not

Wis smiled. "No trouble at all. Now, tell me a bit about yourself. You're no common person if you wear clothes like that everyday," She pointed out.

Miryanna laughed, "No, no I guess I'm entirely a common person. I'm the daughter of lord Dominic Heolstor." She explained.

Wis' eyebrows went up. "Why, that would mean that you're the king's own niece!"

so the peasantry are aware of the relationship of the royal family. or maybe just wis and maybe because she's a part of this super special organization.

Miryanna nodded and shrugged, "I guess it does," she said simply.

Wis also laughed, "Well, that makes you more suited than ever to join our group,"

Wis opened her mouth to say something else, but Miryanna interrupted her, "But what exactly does your group do?" She asked.

Wis glanced around before answering, then leaned in close. Miryanna also leaned in closer.

"I can't tell you, or you won't be able to go home." she answered simply and in a soft voice.

then whyyy did you tell her she'd be good for it?? Are you a part of the recruitment division where they make it all top secrety and entice the curious pageantry into the mess?

Miryanna huffed and leaned back again, "Why?"

Wis shrugged, "It's a rule that we have." She explained. "We only take people when they've overheard our private talks. When we take them, we make them swear to never tell a soul what they heard. Most of them take the oath and go home, but others are too stubborn and keep asking what our purpose is. Of course, some of those escape and go back home but there's not really anything we can do about it." Finished with her explanation, Wis also leaned back and they both let silence reign for a few minutes.

wow okay i'm pretty sure the reason you have so few members is because it's really hard to join. like whoa good grief. that is.... i have some concerns about those methods.

"So," Miryanna broke the silence, "if I swear to never reveal what I heard to anyone, I can go home?"

Wis looked up from her reverie and nodded. "Yes."

Miryanna thought about it for a bit more, having been taught by both her father and mother to never swear lightly. After a bit more contemplation, she nodded. "I'll do it. I don't see why I shouldn't."

Wis shrugged, "Alright then. She stood up and Miryanna with her.

"Where and how do I do it?" Miryanna inquired.

"It's fairly simple, you just have to stand before two or more Ergli members and just say the usual, 'I so-and-so solemnly swear to do this-and-that... blah blah blah," Was Wis' simple explanation.

Miryanna giggled and nodded, "Sounds simple enough,"

It was at that moment when Andarin and Roric came back through the door.

"Roric, weren't you going to deliver that note?" Wis asked.

"I'm waiting for cover of darkness," He replied.

tokoyami, is that you?

"Alright, all good. Now, boys, Miry here will take the oath," Wis stated.

Andarin grinned, "Good. Your father probably has half the kingdom looking for you by now,"

Roric glanced at him, then at Miryanna, then at Andarin again. "Don't tell me her father's influential!"

roric u ought to know stuff like this

Andarin laughed at this, "It depends on your definition of 'influential'. Her father, the lord Dominic, is the head ambassador."

Roric closed his eyes, "Oh no,"

roric you are a whole idiot aren't you

Andarin shot an 'I told you so' look in his direction, but said no more. He turned back to Miryanna and Wis. "Shall we get on with it?"

"Yes, do let's," Wis put in.

And so Miryanna swore never to reveal what she'd heard in that dark alley, and she was let off. To get her home, they had to blindfold her, so she didn't see where that base was, and was picked up and put in a cart to be escorted, by Andarin, back to the alley where she was first taken. When he took off her blindfold, she was surprised by the red and purples in the sky that told her how long she'd been gone.

"Have I been gone for a whole day?" She exclaimed.

"Shh, and yes. You were taken last night, and now it's the evening of the next day. Now go find your father, quick. I'll see you later." With that, he disappeared back down the alley and disappeared from view.

daaang

She lingered only a few seconds before dashing back out into the street and going to the castle as quickly as she could. The guards recognized her and let her in promptly, knowing that she'd been missing. She dashed to the throne room where she saw her father talking in perplexed tones to her uncle who was doing his best to soothe his upset brother-in-law.

"Father!" She called and ran to her father's arms. He embraced her back and it wasn't until the questioning began that she realized she'd forgotten to make up a story as to how and why she'd been gone for so long.

In the end she formulated a story that went like: When she entered the dark alleyway, she was confronted with two men talking. They grabbed her, and before she knew it, she was in the back of a moving wagon. It wasn't well guarded and wasn't moving fast, so she leapt out and ran back to the city, which wasn't terribly far away, and ended up it the alleyway she'd originally been taken in, and from there, made her way back home.

yeahhh no biggie

She felt bad about lying, but she had to honor her oath. If she had it her way, she'd tell her father everything that had happened to her, but she also knew that her father would want her to keep her word. She made another promise to herself that she'd do her best to never lie in this way again.

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