The meadow floor was strewn with daisies, geraniums and other flowering plants. A light breeze was blowing, slightly caressing the tall grasses of the meadow. A girl was sitting on the swing, a boy standing behind her. The boy pushed the swing, and girl went up in the air. Short lengths at first, slowly reaching higher. The girl laughed, her long ebony hair flying out behind her. The boy chuckled at her delight, pushing her higher. Then quite suddenly, the girl rose too high in the air, and left the swing behind. It seemed like she took a leap of faith, and her white clothes transformed into wings. She became a bird, with long wings, and flew away. Away from the boy who was left behind, calling out after the girl, the bird, crying as he ran after the bird, trying to bring her back......
Omkara woke up from the dream, his forehead sweating.
He looked outside his window, dawn was breaking through the sky.
It was just dream, in reality the girl had left the boy long ago, she had walked away from him many days ago, but today was the day he would stop chasing her.
He would give up, because she asked him to, because that was her wish, and her wish was his command.
******************************************
"You look upset, Gauri" asked Richa.
They were rubbing their palms together, to dust off the dry mehendi residue. They had left the mehendi to dry overnight, after retouching it with lime water and oil.
"Look Richa, your mehendi has come out so dark. That means Mukesh ji loves you a lot" giggled Gauri, trying to distract Richa from her question.
"Yours is dark too, in fact, darker than mine. That might be because I have heard that mehendi's color actually signifies how much your mother-in-law loves you, and everyone knows about my mother-in-law" Richa rolled her eyes.
Gauri smiled weakly.
Of course, her mother-in-law loved her. Except that Jahnvi Maaji, was not her mother-in-law, and would never be.
But whoever is married into the family as her daughter-in-law, would be so fortunate. Gauri indulged in a moment of self-pity. She wished the situation was different.
"I better get ready. There is work to do. Not you, this is your day. You pamper yourself, and order me" laughed Gauri.
Richa giggled too.
************************************
The rest of the day went in the last minute preparations.
Richa's uncle had set up the wedding pandal (a sort of tent house) in the open ground a few paces away from Richa's neighborhood. The whole neighborhood was lighted up like a bride.
"You looked sad" said Omkara, coming behind Gauri, as she was supervising the bhog (a sort of lunch organized by the bride's family).
"Its nothing" said Gauri.
"Hmm...Richa is marrying a person who she likes and respects, she will be happy, don't worry" said Omkara.
"I wasn't thinking about her. I was entertaining some rather selfish thoughts" said Gauri.
"Selfish? I don't believe that" said Omkara.
"Richa was thinking about her future mother-in-law this morning. I was wondering Soumya and whoever you marry in future, are going to be so lucky, they are going to have Jahnvi maaji as their mother-in-law" sighed Gauri.
"Yes, Soumya is very lucky, if I might say so myself, my mother is a gem. But its only Soumya. I think I will stay away from attachments, they are not for me" said Omkara.
"What will you do? Retreat from the society? Become a recluse? A Jogi?" mocked Gauri.
"Probably" said Omkara, not riled by her goading. "What will you do Gauri? After the wedding gets over?"
"Spend some days here. Then move to Delhi, and live with my uncle. I'll convince Jahnvi maaji, she'll be upset but....I'll shift my schooling there, finish my education there. Then get a job in Delhi, and bring my mother there to live with me. Jiji would not like it, but thats the rule of the society, I can't live with her, in her sasuraal. She can visit me and Mamu in Delhi sometimes" said Gauri.
"And when you get married?" asked Omkara.
"I never had dreams like that, Omkaraji. It was always Salman Khan, but now that I have seen the glamour of Mumbai, I think I enjoy it better from afar. I'll cherish the memories of the city, and live out the rest of my life with my mother and uncle. Mumbai didn't work for me" said Gauri.
He would never see her again, thought Omkara.
Never. It felt like a knife was slowly, and torturously piercing through his heart. It wasn't stabbing him in one go, it was sadistically drilling through his heart slowly.
"Gauri beta, can you help with the bhoj?" asked Richa's uncle.
Gauri broke out of her morose thoughts, to pick up a ladle and serve food to the guests. Dilpreet ji also joined her, in serving the guests.
Of course, he would help, for that was his nature, to be kind and caring, thought Gauri.
Gauri swallowed back a sob, Omkaraji had made her like himself. She was so scared to trust, that she would rather cause herself, and him, unbearable amount of pain, only due to the fear that what if he misunderstands her again.
**********************************
Gauri surveyed her friend in the mirror. She pulled the dupatta over her head, adding the final touch.
"Wait" said Gauri, and took some kajal (kohl) from her eyelashes, to press it behind Richa's ear. "Kisi ki nazar na lage (protecting someone from jinxes). You are looking gorgeous" said Gauri.
"So are you, my friend" said Richa, smiling at her best friend in the mirror.
"Are you girls ready? Chalo, its time. Mukesh and his family have arrived at the pandal. We have to walk down to the mandap" said Richa's mother.
The girls nodded.
Richa, held by her friends on both sides walked towards the mandap.
As she reached the pandal, Richa's male cousins took over, holding a heavy bridal dupatta over her head. Dilpreet ji was among that group.
"Dilpreet ji, I am so glad that you are part of this too. I know you for barely two weeks but it feels like years. Its very rare that we come across such joyful, caring souls. I hope you are always this happy" whispered Richa, as they walked towards the mandap.
"Aho Richa ji, tussi are making emotional. I wish you the best of happy married life ji" said Dilpreet ji sounding emotional.
Gauri entered the pandal with the other girls.
Omkara admired Gauri from afar. Her radiant beauty outshone the moon, hanging in the sky, if the cliche fit. But that wasn't something new. She avoided looking at him.
Richa smiled at Mukesh as she sat down next to him in the mandap. The affection between them palpable, whatever Mukesh's family issues.
The Pandit ji commenced with the mantras. It was going to be a long ceremony, as it took nearly three hours to recite the mantras and perform the rituals. Richa and Mukesh had exchanged garlands before they sat down, now the Panditji held their joined hands together, as he performed some rituals.
Gauri was glad that Ajay was standing away from her, she had no wish to engage with him, when her heart was breaking into pieces.
She stood in a group of Richa's friends, all the time her soul feeling Omkaraji's eyes on her, from the opposite end, but not looking up to meet his eyes.
Soon, the couple got up for the pheras (circling around the sacred fire).
Gauri finally met Omkaraji's eyes across the couple encircling the fire, their eyes wet at what was about to come, as they showered the couple with flowers in their hands.
Finally the pheras got over, and Mukesh filled Richa's maang (forehead) and tied a mangalsutra around her neck.
Everyone clapped and cheered, while Omkara smiled, and turned to leave.
He walked away from the mandap, the pandal, all the time wiping the tears flowing from his eyes.
Gauri saw him retreating from the gathering, and the dam broke. She masked her tears as happy ones at her friend's wedding and bidaai (when the bride leaves her natal home). Since, everyone from the bride's side cried with Richa, no one found Gauri's tears odd.
Only she knew the immense agony that those tears carried with them, as they sped down her eyes.
*****************************************
Gauri returned from the wedding, as soon as she could without arousing suspicion. Most of the people from the neighborhood were busy having an extremely late dinner, but Gauri wasn't hungry.
She passed by Dilpreetji's empty room, and decided to enter. The room was devoid of Omkaraji's belongings, but his essence was still there.
She sat down on his bed, trying to absorb his scent, his feel, from the thin blanket he folded and kept on the bed.
For the umpteenth time, Gauri wondered whether this self-imposed punishment was worth all the pain she and Omkaraji were going through, and would probably suffer in the coming weeks, months, years?
Blinking back a tear, Gauri noticed an envelope with her name written over it, kept on the table.
She was strongly reminded of the last time Omkaraji had got a present for her. Her hands shaking, she picked it up and opened it.
Inside was a letter and a sheaf of legal papers. Gauri read the letter first.
My Dear beloved, (Gauri noticed that he had struck out the word 'My')
I had hoped to surprise you with these papers in person, to gift this, when we made up. I know I might sound complacent but I had sincerely assumed that I would gain your trust back, win your affection back. Guess I didn't realize the depth of my folly. You didn't ask me why I came to Delhi that day. Remember many months ago, when you reunited with Annika bhaabhi? You told her of how your father saved you from the human trafficking ring? (the words were smudged, probably his tears had fallen here, thought Gauri)
That day I couldn't comfort you, but I thought of something. I contacted my advocate, rather a family advocate, and we co-ordinated on it, and worked on it for months. Finally, one day I received the call that all the formalities are done, and the initiative is ready to be launched. I was so ecstatic at the news, that I wanted to share with you immediately, but then I remembered our 'break'. Then again, I thought, forget the break, I will lay my heart bare and confess my feelings, and then present you this. And so I went to Delhi, to tell you, but well, that didn't go as I planned.....anyways, however, this gift still stands. Maybe this is my last gift to you. I wanted to gift you this with my own hands, but khair, you asked me to leave, and thats what I will do.
Yaar maange mujhse toh, (if my love asks from me) qadmo mein imaan rakh doon. (I'll keep my faith at her feet) jaan bhi rakh doon, dil bhi rakh doon, (I'll give up my life, I'll give up my heart,) dil ke sab armaan rakh doon.(I'll relinquish all the desires of my heart.)
Yours Omkaraji
Gauri folded that letter and with trepidation, moved onto the legal papers, the 'gift'.
She read through the papers, it was about the establishment of a foundation for women, who were rescued from human trafficking, to rehabilitate them......the foundation was named after a Shankar Kumar Ssarma, Gauri's adoptive father, who had saved Gauri and many other kids from being sold into slavery so many years ago.
How did Omkaraji find out about her adoptive father's name? For she had never told him. Probably from Maa.
And then it all burst down upon her......the weight of his gesture, his feelings which weren't new, he had cared for her for so long, for months, but he kept it to himself, unsure of his trust, not because of her, but due to his fate.
Should Gauri also disappoint him, betray him? Not like others before her, but by not showing faith in his love, when he had finally let go of his insecurities?
Should she hesitate from taking a leap of faith?
Gauri collapsed on the floor, surrounded by her misery.