AN: Finally an update! I was really busy and somehow writing this chapter didn't go so easy =( but I do hope you like it, because I really tried making something of it.
Please vote and comment! I really want to hear what you guys think and having more reads, votes and comments makes me more eager/motivated to write. Oh and on that note I really want to thank the people that read, vote and comment on my story. I really appreciate it and I'm really happy about it!
From now on I'll dedicate a chapter to someone who makes me smile and motivates me to write! And the first will be for Munii, because that was the first person to read and comment on this story and basically motivated me to keep writing!
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“AWAKENINGS HERE WE COME!” Hazza and I scream in unison. With our arms hooked we skip past Liam and Bitch.
“See you soon! BYE!” We yell hysterically, pumped with adrenaline. Because we have VIP-tickets we have a different entry. As a VIP-guest at Awakenings we have the best places in the areas, get each two free drinks, a T-shirt and a gift-bag! I’m so freaking excited! I’ll eagerly take everything I can get, except the great places. We always go with our group of friends and always try to stick together.
Hazza and I stand in line to show our tickets. Seriously, a line for the VIP entrance? What’s VIP about that? And where is the champagne?
As I look in front of us there is a couple licking each other’s faces off. It’s truly disgusting how they lick more like dogs than actual human beings. At the same time, I can totally understand it. If you like someone so much, you just want to touch and kiss that person whenever you can.
My mind automatically drifts off to Zayn. I really, really like Zayn. So much that I want to lick his face just as much as the couple in front of me. And maybe I want to lick even more than his face. I want to be with him and I want to stay with him.
I look over at my right and I sigh. Hazza smiles at me, his widest smile which is only reserved for me. He leans down to give a kiss on my temple. My lovely Haz arranged VIP-tickets for Awakenings and here I am thinking of Zayn! I need to stop this, I need to do something about all of this.
My father basically accused me of having two relationships (okay he didn't actually say those exact words, but that is how he made me feel). I already blamed myself for this mess and he only made it harder for me. I blame myself because I also have questions, just like my father did. I was probably so furious because I understood him.
I know that Zayn is still suspicious about me and Hazza and he doesn’t even know how Hazza and I really interact with each other. Zayn doesn’t know how Hazza and I touch each other. If he knew, he would probably freak out. And just like my father he would think that I am in a relationship with Hazza. But am I in a relationship with him? We might act like we do, but we are not. Right? I’m so confused about all of this, but I do know how I feel about Zayn and about Hazza.
I know I’m in love with Zayn and that I want to be with him. He makes me feel so alive and good. I am in love with him and I long for him. I can’t truly describe how me makes me feel, but most of the times it’s just so amazing. It’s such an amazing feeling.
But at the same time there is Hazza. I know the way I interact with Hazza isn’t quite normal for other people. People don’t understand how we can act and be around each other and just be friends. But they don’t get that Harry isn’t just a friend for me. Like I said before, he is truly my everything. I can’t live without him. I don’t think that I’m in love with Hazza, because I’ve already been there. I might be still in love with Hazza, but it is more than that. It’s another, a deeper, level of love.
Hazza and I never wanted to define what we were for each other. It’s something special, but it is something between us. We didn’t have to give our relationship a name, it was what it was. Maybe it was strange for others, but it was what Hazza and I both wanted and needed. I never bothered giving it a name since then, because it didn’t matter. I didn’t have to explain my actions because I didn’t have someone to explain it to. Now that I have, I owe it to myself, Hazza and Zayn to be honest.
First of all I need to talk to Hazza. I’m not going to tell Hazza about Zayn, I just need to know where he stands and what he wants.
And also what do I want? To be completely honest I don’t know. I’m dreading to talk to Hazza about it. I know it won’t be easy and I know things will change after that and I don’t think I’m ready for change.
Without noticing, we suddenly stand at the end of the line. Hazza gives our tickets and we go inside. I don’t want things to change, I don’t even want to think about what’s going to happen. I’m scared, because somehow I feel like I’m going to lose something or someone.
I can’t think about that right now. I can’t be consumed by the fear of change and the fear of honesty. Right now is the time to enjoy. To forget. Just like I usually do.
“Awakenings is the most amazing party of the year. We are going to have so much fun! PARTY TILL WE’RE DEATH!” I scream the last words as loudly as possible.
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“BITCH! LIAM! OVER HERE!” I wave my arm until they see me. They walk towards us with beers in their hands.
As they give all of us a beer we take our cups. “Cheers!” We scream as we bump our plastic cups together.
I don’t think it will take that much effort to forget my problems. The music with the loud bass is already overwhelming me and the most amazing DJ’s haven’t even performed yet! The best DJ’s from all across the world will come tonight. Although my favorite DJ of all time, Endymion, won’t be here tonight, I’m still so excited.
Bitch is mostly excited about Tieum. He is a France DJ and Bitch is absolutely fond of him (oh yeah and of his music).
“Ready for Tieum?” I practically scream in her ear.
She nods thoroughly and she screams above the music. “I brought my good camera and Hazza will take the picture. Since some people can’t even take a decent picture.” She says it with so much anger and through gritted teeth as she points at Liam.
I laugh as I recall that moment. It was over a year ago. The five of us were at a considerable small rave party in which Tieum would spin. I had never seen Bitch so extremely excited. She was so high on excitement that she didn’t even want some XTC or other stuff. We were all in a great mood. It was such a fun party with great people.
When Tieum arrived for his set Bitch yelled from the top of her lungs. I knew girls could scream loud and I knew that for a boy I could scream loud too, but this, I have never heard. She tried to be as close to him as possible, squeezing herself through the crowd and danced liked a maniac on crack. It was hilarious to see her like that.
When Tieum almost ended his set Bitch came back to us and said that she wanted to take a picture with him. She tried to drag me along, but I was too fucking wasted to move. So she forced Liam to come with her. As Tieum ended his set, Bitch immediately walked over to him with Liam behind her. Liam could barely walk and stumbled behind her. He had taken 2 pills, a joint and he had drunk I don’t know how many mixed drinks.
Nialler, Hazza and I laughed at the sight in front of us. We couldn’t hear what they were saying, but just from the looks we could guess the conversation.
Bitch basically forced Tieum for a photo, pressing her phone almost in his face. He agreed and with the brightest smile I have ever seen she gave Liam her phone to take a picture. But the thing was, Liam was so fucking strunk that he couldn’t make a good picture. He tried to make a picture, but his hands were shaking. After he had taken the picture he gave a thumbs up and Bitch was smiling from ear to ear.
Bitch squealed happily and jumped up and down as she walked over to us. She proudly wanted to show us her picture, but the expression on her face changed into a mix of incredible sadness and fury when she looked at the picture herself. The picture was shaky and blurry. She was so incredible pissed at Liam for taking such a bad photo. She yelled at poor Liam, who didn't even really knew what was going on.
That is Bitch. She is a very loyal and intelligent friend, but she can be really nasty about some stuff. The day after Liam apologized and that was the end of it. It was all good after that, but I still think it’s an hilarious story.
“Ha, I think that’s a great idea. You know you can trust Hazza with anything.” I smile up at him, feeling immense proud of him and being with him. Not with him like I’m with Zayn, but just being with him. Fuck. I really need to work my shit out.
“Hey! I can be trusted!” Liam says fake outraged.
Bitch rolls her eyes. “Yeah when you are sober.”
We all agree with laughter, but something is missing.
“I wish Nialler was with us. He always brings a party to the next level.” Liam says with sadness in his voice.
“Yeah, let’s drink on Nialler!” Hazza proposes as he raises his cup.
“Nialler has his own party.” I say with a soft smile, thinking about Nialler.
All three of them look at me quizzically.
“I gave him my I-pod and put over 500 songs of music on it.” I explain.
Hazza’s eyes shine in the lights as he looks at me. He leans forward and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “You are so sweet Lou.” My cheek glows from his affection. As if his love goes right through me. Hazza and me. That’s for sure. That will never go away.
“We will always be together!” I cling myself firmly against his body and pamper his face with little kisses. Okay, this might not be the best plan while I’m figuring everything out, but right now I don’t care. I need my Hazza.
He grins at me and shakes his head with a chuckle. I know what he is thinking at this moment. ‘You are crazy, but I love you so much.’ And I love him so much.
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As Tieum is being introduced the whole area goes wild. Everyone is screaming, shouting and grunting. It’s so funny to witness.
“HOLLAND ARE YOU READY TO PARTY?” He screams.
Bitch is right beside me and she screams from the top of her lungs. Her eyes twinkle and although he hasn’t even started the music she is already jumping.
People dance with their arms in the air, they jump, they look like they have a seizure and people are hakken. Hakken is something you learn in a heartbeat. It’s actually very easy, especially if you listen to the right kind of music. Like Tieum. You just feel the beat, you feel the bass and your body automatically moves along with it.
The fun part about Hakken is that it doesn’t involve other people. It’s just you and the music. It’s the bass and the beat. You in a trance, because you really are in a trance when you dance on the bass. You can just focus on the music and forget everything around you. That is probably why I love it so much. I’m always thinking about so many things and this way I can easily forget. It’s like an outlet. It gives me so much energy.
I think Hazza and Bitch mostly enjoy it so they can dance like idiots without people judging how they look like. Liam is more like me in that way. He also thinks too much about stuff and his outlet is partying or going to the gym.
I dance with my friends and happiness surrounds me.
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It’s six o’clock and I cannot feel my legs anymore. I am tired, completely drained from all the dancing. I look to my right and see Hazza sipping his beer as he nods his head along with the music. If you know Hazza like I know, you know he is tired. When he is excited, especially for such a party as this, he can’t stop moving. He has such a weird way of dancing, it’s so funny but lovely. But when he can’t actually dance anymore, but doesn’t want to stop he just moves his head. It looks even sillier than his dance moves.
I look just a little further and see Bitch and Liam jumping up and down with big smiles on their faces. They are still as active as they were a few hours ago. Which mean they must have used something. At every party they have a ‘valid’ reason like ‘I had a busy week’, ‘this is such a special party’. I really don’t care if they take something, it’s their choice. They have more fun with it. Normally I don’t need it and I enjoy it without something, but sometimes I really do crave for it. Just like Hazza. Just a few hours ago he practically begged me to take something. And I know it’s just so that he can take something. I told him no and after a few pleads and pouts that was the end of it. I know Hazza and he doesn’t want me to be the only one who is clean. So he didn’t take anything himself. Seriously, he would absolutely do anything for me. And I would do it for him. No matter what he asks of me, I would always do it. ‘If he jumps, I jump’. That’s it and we know it.
With an exhausted sigh I lay my head down on Hazza’s shoulder and whine. “I’m exhausted."
He turns around and holds my waist as I now reposition myself until my head falls against his chest. “Me too.” He says.
I look up at him and smile. “But the party was amazing!”
“It was, wasn’t it?” He grins.
“Thank you Haz.” I say and I’m not only saying it for this party, but for everything he does for me. He is my rock and I don’t know what I would do without him.
‘Shall we go home? I really don’t have any energy left.” Obviously, home means Hazza’s house.
“Yeah you sure?”
I nod. “Yeah I should be home in time for the children’s party.”
“Oh, you give a children’s party? In honor of what?”
“Jerk!” I say as I smack his chest. “You haven’t forgotten!”
“Of course not.” He says with a smirk. “I’ll go get Bitch and Liam or at least I’ll try.”
“Thank you! Oh my dear Harold!” I say dramatically. “What should I do without you?”
“Oh my dear Louis, you absolutely can’t live without me!” He grins at me and he walks to Liam and Bitch.
He doesn’t even realize what he just said. It’s absolutely terrifying, because it’s true. I can’t live without him. But what will happen if we have ‘the talk’ and more importantly what will happen if I tell about Zayn?
I can’t talk to him right now, now is not the time. I don’t want to break this amazing moment, this amazing night. I will talk to him later. Preferably never.
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Info: Hakken is a Dutch word, I explained it before.
I don't know if the right term for a combination of drugs and alcohol is Strunk, but it sounds fantastic lol.
And lastly: Awakenings is a real party, but it is actually a Techno party (but just pretend for this story that it is a Hardcore party, the music kind :P)
Have a nice day =)