Belle took time off from her job hoping that her job would be there when she was ready to return, if not she had a sizable saving on her own plus money Maggie left her.
Landon had come over a few times since she moved in, so had Jade but for the most part, it had just been her and the kids.
She was sitting in the large fenced in backyard watching Seth run around and play on the swingset, She had a blanket laying on the grass where she was sitting and Olivia was playing with a few toys.
"Aunt Belle?" Seth called still swinging?"
"Yeah?"
"Is Uncle Landon coming over tonight?"
"No, he has to work."
"I like when he visits," Seth said.
"That's good."
A car door echoed from the front of the house and Belle felt her heart skip a beat. Every time someone knocked on the door or the phone rang she became afraid it was someone coming to take Seth and Olivia away.
"Someone is here," Seth said climbing from the swing and rushing around the house.
Belle reached for Olivia balancing her on one hip as she followed Seth around the house. She froze in the middle of the yard not prepared for whos he saw.
"Uncle Alex!" Seth squealed reaching for the tall man.
Alex beamed down at him lifting him up and tossing him into the air playfully. Belle shifted uncomfortably as she watched Seth giggle happily, he didn't open up for anyone like he did Alex.
Landon tried spending one on one time with the boy but he clammed up, Belle put forth everything she had and yet he was reserved and quiet always more concerned with Olivia than himself.
Only with Alex did he open up and be free, only for Alex did Seth revert back to being a happy kid.
She took in his appearance he looked good, better than when she had seen him last. His hair was cut and neatly combed, he was clean shaved and he looked like he was sober. He was wearing blue jeans and a red button-up shirt.
He set Seth down and the little boy gripped three of his fingers in his tiny hand dragging him into the yard.
"Hi," Belle said lamely.
"Hi, I...I'm sorry for just dropping in. I wanted to see the kids, I hope that's okay."
"It's fine," She said with a shrug.
As hard as it was to see him, be near him again she knew that it was important the kids have a relationship with their family members. She remembered how happy Maggie was that the kids would be meeting him.
"Thanks." He said following Seth to the swingset at the small child's insistence.
She waited a minute then turned and followed them when she reached the backyard Alex was pushing Seth on a swing and the little boy was rambling about a million little things.
She watched for a minute a huge weight lifting off her shoulders, finally able to breathe easy now that Seth was opening up.
She walked over and settled Olivia into the baby swing next to Seth and gave her a small push. She giggled happily all toothless grins and drool and Belle smiled.
"How are you holding up?" Alex asked after a few long, silent minutes.
"It's...hard," She admitted.
"I know it is."
"Seth...I worry about him."
"He'll be okay, Belle. I know you can do this."
"There's no way you know that," She said shaking her head.
"Yes, I do, because I know you, Belle."
She snapped, the anger she'd been pushing down for years towards Alex bubbled to the surface, mixed with the stress of his parents breathing down her neck, the worry for Seth, the pain of losing Maggie. It was all too much.
"No! Alex, you don't know me. You haven't known me for ten years. Ten years! Alex....do you even realize what those ten years meant to me."
He didn't reply he dropped his head but remained silent, Belle took a shaky breath fighting back tears that had been building for days. Then she turned and walked away leaving him with the kids.
She made it into the kitchen and grabbed a glass walking to the sink she filled the glass with water. Her hands were shaking her throat closing with the urge to cry.
She took a shaky drink and then the dam broke. She let out a cry setting the glass down and gripping the sink as she sank to her knees with a sob.
Sometime after her affair with Alex was leaked and he went to prison, Belle developed severe anxiety and although it had been years since she had a panic attack she felt one building now.
She pressed one hand to her chest, gasping for air she couldn't seem to take in more sobs tearing through her frame.
"Aunt Belle!" The door banged open as Seth sprinted inside.
She took a gasping breath and he froze in the doorway. She couldn't focus on him or what was happening but she heard Alex's voice.
"Seth go upstairs."
"What's wrong with Aunt Belle!? Is she sick!?" he cried.
"No, no it's okay."
"Seth..." she managed more panic rising when she realized how upset he was.
"Go upstairs," Alex said again giving him a small shove.
"I don't want her to die!" Seth cried.
"She won't," Alex promised.
"She'll go away like Mommy!" Seth wailed.
"Listen to me, she's not going to die. Go upstairs now," Alex said gently.
Seth wiped his nose on his sleeve before obeying and rounding Belle to head upstairs. Alex moved passed her as well to set Olivia in her high chair.
"Belle," He said her name quickly.
She felt the panic clawing up her throat, closing it off. Her vision was swimming and she couldn't get her heart to slow. She curled into the fetal position on the hardwood floor.
Alex knelt beside her gripping her upper arms and pulling her upward, she briefly braced her arms against his chest and tried to push him away. She knew it was childish to fight him when he was trying to help but she was still so angry.
"Calm down, okay? breathe for me, come on."
She tried to listen but her body was turning on her.
She let out a small whimper and a choked wheeze and he stood sweeping her up into his arms and carrying her to the living room. He settled on the large sofa placing her on his lap and holding her against his strong chest, rocking as if she was a child.
"Shhh, just calm down. It's okay. it's okay." He soothed.
It took a few long minutes, a few shaky breaths and gasping cries and then like some miracle the tightness began to ease. Her lungs started to fully expand and she began to breathe.
"It's going to be okay Belle," He promised his chin resting on top of her head.
She calmed down enough that other than some heavy panting and quick sniffles she felt better.
"I can't do it, I...I can't." She said miserably.
"Yes, you can." He said, not missing a beat.
"You don't understand, you don't realize...what all I went through."
He moved to set her off of his lap and onto the couch next to him, he reached out and wiped away a few tears.
"I know I wasn't there for ten years, I know that but you have always been such a strong, beautiful, talented woman. I have no doubt you can do this."
"I didn't expect that she would...leave me and let me with them. I...I loved her so much and..."She wiped her tears.
"I know, so did I."
She leaned forward burying her face in her hands, this was a life she used to want. A house, Alex a few kids but it was taken from her and now she was going through the motions of someone else's life.
"I want to help with the kids, I want to be involved with them if you'll let me. I know you're engaged and you have a great man but they're my niece and nephew."
She gave a small nod, a part of her never wanted to see him again but she couldn't deprive him of his own niece and nephew.
"Let me get dinner, you relax. Okay?"
She gave a small nod and he stood, allowing her to lay down on the couch, he covered her with a thin blanket and she realized now how bone tired she was. Her eyelids felt heavy and almost as soon as the warm weight settled over her she was asleep.
The last thing she was aware of was Alex leaning forward to brush a soft kiss over her forehead.