[ K A B I R ' S P O V ]
"Kabir-"
"You stay out of it for once!" Shouting at Kriti, I strode to Alina's room and shut the door tightly.
How could she leave like this without a proper explanation? Why she behaved out of nowhere as if I was the culprit without explaining what I had done in the first place? Why was she so complicated?
Swirling, she gasped and shouted, "What the fuck are you doing here?"
I was about to yell, scream and shout at her for always doing what she wanted, never caring to listen to me and running away at the middle of the night like this, but all my voice died when I saw her face.
How do I yell at her? Why couldn't I raise my voice? Why to even yell at her?
"For you," I said. "How could you even say it's over?"
"Because it is!" She screamed, anger wrapping her face but eyes glistened under the weight of lights. "It's over. I hate you. I hate you so much."
"What are you talking about? At least tell me," I insisted.
I thought everything was fine between us when she had asked me to be her boyfriend, everything was fine when she had held my hand through the meeting, and now out of nowhere, she had screamed in the parking lot.
"Kabir, leave," She seethed. "I can't even look at you. I'm supposed to hate you, but look at me, hurting here." She dropped the choker from the neck. "How many times will you break my heart before I stop feeling it? How many times will I let you break me?"
What was she talking about?
Taking a deep breath, I continued, "Alina, what happened? Is this about me leaving you? I thought we were fine."
Before I could gather, she had sunk to the floor. "What you did in New York?"
"What?" I asked in confusion.
She hoisted her red soaked eyes to mine. "How it felt touching someone else? You forgot about me so easily." Laughing dryly, she threw her earrings across the room in anger. "You once said even the thought of cheating on me kills you. But here you are."
Even if her words were pinching my heart, squeezing my eyes to shut down, but all I could hear was the chant of she knows. She knows what I did in New York, she knows how I held some other girl instead of hers, she knows everything.
Didn't I and Jennifer agree that she would fucking close that bitchy mouth of hers?
I sat down in front of her, curling my hands into a fist. "Baby-"
"Don't baby me!" She screamed. "I want to break up with you, but I can't. I want to be with you, but your infidelity is hurting me."
"We were on a break," I said patiently. "I had no hope that we would be together again."
"What if I sleep with someone else?" She chuckled darkly, opened the pins from her hair and letting the curls of them fall on her face. "Why to worry? I can't even let anyone kiss me if it's not you, and you had sex with her?!" She crawled further and caught my collar in her hands. "How she felt? How it felt finally losing your virginity? You must be happy. Finally, you get to experience without anyone saying no." Her lips wobbled. "I'm imagining you and her again and again, and it's making me sick."
As her words ended, I narrowed my eyes at her face. Who did the fuck tell her we slept together?
What was she talking about?
"I didn't sleep with her," I confessed, utterly confused. "Who said that?"
Snorting, she let go of my shirt and inched back. "Now lie as well."
"I'm not." I grasped her shoulders in my hands. "I didn't have sex with her. Trust me. I didn't. We were kissing, but I couldn't do it, so I had left."
"What?" She asked, confused by my statement. "But she said how your body looked beneath the clothes, about your hands, and huh."
"She lied to you," I gritted, clenching my jaw and finding ways to fire her or deport her back to New York. When my gaze settled on hers, all I could see was the insecurity lying in her eyes. "You don't trust me."
"How do I?" She spat, stood up from the floor. "You left me. Remember? Who knows what you did in New York?"
"I would never lie to you."
"But you still kissed her. She saw you without clothes," She said dryly. "Wait. I go to Pranit and get naked."
"Don't even say that," I hissed, took long steps and curled my hand around her left upper arm. "Don't even think about it."
She met my eye, smirking. "Why? You're allowed to kiss anyone and I am not?!"
"We had broken up," I said slowly to make her see that I regretted what I had done, that I was furious at my own self for letting myself kiss her, that I hated when she undid my shirt. "In my mind, we weren't getting back together."
"What if we had fought after marriage?" She pushed my chest, beating against it, thumping her hands. "You would've gone, kissed someone and came back and said Alina we were fighting. I had thought we will divorce each other."
I flinched, stepping back from her. How would I make myself trust me? How would we get through what I had done? She wasn't wrong. If she had done the same thing, I would've gotten angry, yelled, screamed and who knows what else I had done.
"I didn't sleep with her." I lowered my gaze to the floor. "I'm not lying. Let me tell you what happened." Hoisting my gaze, I sat on the edge of the bed. "Can I? I swear on everything in this world I didn't sleep with her."
She blinked her eyes, perched on the dressing chair. "Swear on your mom."
"I swear on my mom," I replied instantly. "How could you think I can do this with someone who's not you?"
"Does it matter?" She brushed her fingers through her corset skirt and I held my tongue to not say her bending was showing her cleavage. "You kissed her."
"I-" No excuses of mine would help here, no excuses of mine would change the turmoil and tension going through us. "Punish me if you want, but don't go away, please."
"How far had you both gone?"
Gathering guts, I looked straight into her eyes, communicating the shame and guilt I felt and yet couldn't do anything about it. Mistakes. Cheat. What had I done? Opening the mouth, I recited the incident to her.
As the coat touch the floor, I didn't care to look down and see her nakedness. Just do and get over it. Touch someone else to forget about Alina. You need to forget about her by hook and crook.
Clutching her hips tightly under my grip, I moved back to the bed and let us fall. My hands were on her waist, skimming my fingers through it. I smiled against her lips, ignoring the feverish hands working to remove my shirt. Her laughter would come in a second, complaining why was I trying to tickle her, but all I heard was a moan.
Confused, I parted my lips and stared at the brunette girl. Alina. Where was Alina?
We broke up.
Shaking my head, I kissed her again, forgetting about any Alina if it was possible. My hands tangled in her hair and confusion swept me again. Where was the long and curly hair?
I love you.
I placed my hand on her hip, frowning at the bony structure jabbing when Alina never felt like that.
Kabir, shut up. You left Alina.
You're my star. You light my whole world.
I trailed my lips to her neck, sniffing but all I found was the fragrance of leaves irritating me.
You're cheating on me, Kabir.
Her words thrashed back and forth in my mind, creating a havoc I had never felt. There was no laughter, confused sloppy hands on where to place her hands, no teasing of her words, no love flicking through her eyes.
Hands pressed against my stomach.
"Some hot piece you are," She gasped.
Alina, never uses such words. She would curse me for working out.
Troubled by her thoughts, I inched downwards with my lips.
I love you.
I'm in love with you.
Don't leave me.
Her face reflected at the back of my eye, her laughter echoed in my ear, her stupid little habits of annoying me made me smile.
And when I opened my eyes to Jennifer, a disgusting feeling ran through me. How to do this when all you could see was the disgust? How to do this when you couldn't stop thinking about her?
She wasn't Alina. With Alina, everything felt fun and exciting. It felt disgusting at this particular moment.
"You're not Alina," I whispered against her lips. "I can't do this." Without waiting for her reply, I stood up, buttoned back my shirt, snatched the coat from the floor and left her room.
What had I done? What was wrong with me?
Alina's expression didn't change, her hands remained still at her side, her eyes narrowed at me.
"You're lying." Again, the same sentence. "She saw you without clothes."
"I'm aware," I confessed. "Once she came in my penthouse. I was roaming in my briefs and she saw it." Seeing her expression, I added quickly, "I did yell at her for disturbing my privacy. I changed the code too. I didn't know she knew about it. She purchased the penthouse. I should've been aware."
"But you kissed her." She clutched the arms of the chair tightly. And that was the reason I didn't want to tell her. "I can't stop imagining when you kissed her." She dragged a long, shaky breath before facing me, turmoil residing in her black eyes. "You wanted to forget me?" With reluctance, I nodded. "Was I that bad?"
"No, I just love you too much," I replied honestly. "Wouldn't you have done anything to forget me?"
"True." Standing on her toes, she trudged to my side, caught my face in her hands and inched it closer to hers. Her breath fell on my lips. "How do I forget that scene?"
"By creating another worth remembering and cherishing," I whispered.
The soft pant of her chest rising and falling, the steady breath, the anger flickering through her eyes was enough for her to push me down on the bed. Laying, I found her smirking face.
"Punishment, huh?" She bit her lower lip. "You hate eating fat, isn't it? Remove your shirt. I will be back in a minute." She glanced down at her dress. "Make it twenty. I need to get it removed."
I placed my hand behind my head, going through her black and red corset dress and felt the heat again. Damn, this gown was a sinner for me.
"I can help with knots."
"Not even think about it." She caught the night dress from beside me. "Kriti can help. And baby, you're staying here tonight."
"In your bed?" I arched my lips with a smirk. It had been a long time since I held her close to me, wrapped my arms around her and saw her when I fluttered my eyes opened.
Rolling her eyes, she brushed her hands across the chair, removed the other earring and placed it on the table. "No, just wait, Kabir. You love touching and kissing others. You want punishment."
Fisting one end of her gown, she flurried out of the room, her dress trailing after her and I bit my lip at the threads waiting to be untied. One day, bookworm. One day I would remove them and then you would realize the pain of seeing you in it.
Staring at the ceiling, I smiled at the possibility of her forgiveness. She didn't want to break up with me even though I deserved every inch of it. I had gone with the intention of sleeping with Jennifer. I had kissed her over Alina. I had endeavored to forget my girl.
I can't stop the images.
I too wouldn't be able to stop the images of her and someone else. Heck, I couldn't forget the time she and Pranit spend in a room, and neither she had been ready to disclose about it. The whole night, I kept on thinking what they could've done in his room. What type of things they both have done.
All those thoughts halted only when she confessed she didn't love Pranit.
I darted my gaze to the door as she entered the room. Her dress was changed to her nightwear and I curled my lips from the edges to see her mickey mouse pajamas. She still wore them. As if she knew what I was staring, she glared at me.
"Remove your shirt."
"Want to look at me?"
"Remove it," She said again. "Or else I will break up."
"Fine." I sat on the bed, shed my coat before moving to unbutton my shirt. "Don't give that warning. The word breakup is my hard limit." Removing the shirt, I placed it on the bed, waiting for her punishment.
"Stand up." Placing my feet back on the floor, I waited for her cruel punishment. "You hate chocolate?" I nodded, confused by her question. "But I love it. So." She revealed a chocolate syrup box and a glass from her back. Standing opposite, she opened the lid of the box and started dripping it on my head. "Just wait and watch."
"Alina, damn." I closed my eyes as the liquid dripped down my head, flowing through my nose and seeping down my neck. Her hands moved to my chest, squeezing at the back and front. After a minute or so, the irritation pricked. "It's irritating me."
Snorting, she said, "Open your eyes." Opening them, I saw her blank expression. "You're staying with this whole night. Get used to it. More is coming." Before I could gather what she meant, something else was poured from my head. "You hate salsa sauce. Go on, baby, stop me." My lips twitched as she spread it on my chest with an amusing smile. "Now garlic paste. I hate the smell."
And all the paste was joined by ginger paste, mayonnaise, chili sauce, mustard sauce, salad dressing, caramel syrup and at the end, whipped cream.
"Now drink this." She presented a drink to me. When I stared at the contents, I almost vomited. No way in hell, I would drink the mixture of everything she had pasted to my body. "Drink whole of it. You love kissing someone else."
"Bookworm, it's going extreme."
"My mind is making extreme images too. Drink it."
"I will vomit."
"Bathroom is that way and you'll clean it." She pointed her finger at the other brown door, standing next to her dressing table.
Already the smell and feel of everything on my chest and the sticking of chocolate on my face were getting on my nerves. When looked down, my trousers were spoiled as well. Some tormenter was my bookworm. But her punishment was funny, but I controlled my smile and took the glass from her right hand. Smelling, I almost gagged.
"Can I close my nose?" She nodded. "Some girlfriend I have."
Pinching the top of my nose with my thumb and index finger, I placed the glass in my mouth. Hoping she would retract her words, I waited for a while but nothing from her face exposed the joke. Fuck it. Drink and get over it. Gulping the drink she made, I controlled the reflex to vomit, felt the burning in my throat, cursed at the bitter taste it left behind my tongue.
Everything. It was everything.
The ginger, garlic, chocolate and worse was the salsa sauce.
"You put pepper in it?!" I shouted, the burn of the pepper left in my mouth.
"I did?" She feigned ignorance. "Oops. My hand slipped." She sat on her bed, crossing her legs. "Now give me your phone." Now what? Why the fuck I had to kiss someone else? Why the fuck couldn't I control my actions? "Phone." Slipping my hand into my trousers pockets, I passed my phone to her and uttered the passcode. She clicked some buttons and smiled. "Now do sit-ups and say you're sorry for what you did and you love me the most in the world. And I'm the best girlfriend in the world."
"Why?"
"Oh, nothing." She pointed the camera of the phone at me. "Just sharing our moments on snap chat, insta and facebook."
What the fuck?
"You'll make me do it?" She nodded, letting her hair bounce. "Will it tone down your anger?"
"Depends. Now start. I don't have an apple charger. I changed my phone three months ago."
Breathing heavily through my nose, I clutched my ears and started doing sits up. "I'm sorry for what I did. I promise I will never do this, baby. I love you and just you in the whole world." A smile arose on her face and it made my efforts worthwhile. "And you're the best lover in the world." She gasped at the change of my word. Girlfriend felt too small for her. "I'm lucky to have you. I'm sorry."
After a minute, she nodded me to stop and made the video viral, and within seconds, my phone had started ringing with all the notifications.
"You're very cruel," I said, the irritation of the paste sticking to my skin, and there was the whole night left for me to go on. "Now I've to stand whole night?"
Her eyes softened. "Shower."
"I've no spare clothes." I stared at my ruined trousers.
She bit her lower lip. "I've your night clothes." I restricted the grin rising on my face. Before leaving, I had left one of them in her closet, remembering her habit of wearing my shirt after a nightmare. It was wrong, but I wanted her to remember me, to remember us. "I couldn't leave them. Go. I will give them to you."
"Where will I sleep?" I asked softly.
She pulled her lips into a smile. "Where do you want to sleep?"
"With Kriti? She looks amazing." Chuckling at her glared face, I leaned my head to her height. "A place I missed for past three months. I wish we were living together."
"We can do it," She whispered lightly. "I hate this place." She gazed around her room, a sad sigh leaving her lips. "It's too lonely. I'm too alone in my flashbacks and nightmares." She traced the figures on her pajamas. "But I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"What if you left again?" She cocked her head to the side. "Won't I be a joke?"
"Who said I'm leaving?" Ignoring the paste spread through my chest, I bent down on the floor. "Move in with me, or if you want, I can move in with you."
"Here," She whispered. "I miss our home, not this." She shrugged her shoulders in disgust. "My books are still in your apartment."
"I know." I quirked my lips in a smile. "And the teddy bear too." Which you hugged, but didn't take that day.
"I hadn't gone back there after you left. Kriti and Dhruv had gotten my stuff." She paused, assessed my chocolate covered face. "Why you break something that was too great?"
"Because I was a dick." I curled the strand of her wavy highlighted hair around my finger. I missed her midnight hair. "I was stupid. I forgot that what we have is much more worth keeping than anything else."
If I hadn't run away, she would've been my wife rather than girlfriend. Everything would've been too great rather than the insecurities and the fear of me leaving her residing in her eyes. Time. Only time could solve this.
"Shower." She nodded at my hair. "I will get your clothes." Standing up, she opened her wardrobe, fished her hands inside and brought my nightwear.
Presenting a smile, I stood up, took the clothes and strode to her bathroom. Shedding the rest of my clothes, I entered the shower and cleaned the disgusting things sticking to my body. When I checked for a shower gel and shampoo, I found the girly stuff and sighed. Looks like I would be smelling like her until the morning.
As I was washing my hair, all the previous month we had spent together started biting my places. She was too distant from me. Her words seemed to be held and assessed carefully. Maybe moving in with me would change everything, maybe we would be different then, maybe we would back to our love life.
But what about the insecurities? How would I solve them?
"Kabir, are you done?" She knocked the door. "Was I too harsh? Is it not removing? Do you need my help?"
"Yes, it's not removing!" I shouted back, smirking. "Help me."
"Tie a towel."
Looking around the shower, I grabbed the towel from the upper shelve and tied it around my waist. "Done." My eyes remained glued to the door as she opened it up and entered, looking all cute in her PJs.
She narrowed her eyes at my chest. "You didn't even use a scrubber." Paddling, she opened the glass door and entered to look down at the grey towel tied around my waist and gulped. "You're big." My eyes widened at her comment. "And I said it loudly. Damn, my thoughts." The blush rose to her face or the blush was on my face. I had no idea. "Forget it?" She asked innocently.
I nodded, smiling.
She took the scrubber, poured a bit of shower gel and started rubbing on my chest. Her hair getting wet, her white shirt becoming transparent but my eyes were stuck at her face.
"My towel is wet and it's slipping, Alina."
"Then hold it," She challenged back. "I'm not sleeping with a man smelling like this." Her hand moved to my shoulders, cleaning or maybe she had forgotten cleaning because her chest was rising rapidly. "She saw you in briefs." No more punishment. "Tell me you're firing her."
I couldn't. I almost said. Dad would kill me. Jennifer had the knowledge to help me, without her I had no one to guide me neither I could tell him what I had done. Some details were better if they kept secret.
"Of course. I'll send her back to New York." I assessed her wet face. "You're getting wet with me."
"Without any nightmare," She remarked. "I loved your hands on me, do you know that? I felt safe. I waited for the fear, but it didn't. It was weird. I wish I could have that trust again, that peace of mind." Open us, yes, open up to me, bookworm. "I just knew nothing bad would come to me." She placed her chin on my shoulder as the water washed the dues of the soap. "Remember how in the last months before our breakup you couldn't leave me alone?"
Because of the nightmares and flashbacks becoming too frequent. Once I had come home to find her kneeled on the bedroom floor, breathing rapidly.
"I hated myself of how childish I had started acting, of how I was holding you with me. You complained not even once. I screamed, you listened to it silently. I get away, you smiled. I get a flashback, you would hold me close and said you love me. And then you left." Her voice wavered. "I thought I did it. My behavior did it. Don't deny. Handling me is like handling a child." But I didn't mind it. "It still is. I'm still the same. I'm not healed. It will take time. I don't even know how much."
I placed my free hand on hers, slipping my fingers into the space in them and tightened my hold.
"And I'm here," I whispered. "Always here with you."
"You're not supposed to love me this much. It's wrong." She shut off the shower and tied her arms around my waist. "Everyone kept on saying I was wrong, that you never loved me, and I screamed at them. I shouted at Misha in front of her husband to fuck off."
"You did?" Chuckling, I played with her damped hair, sticking to her back. "And then you say I love you too much. You forgave me so easily."
She laughed lightly. "Easily? You gave me flowers with book subscription boxes. You read my favorite novels and repeated the lines you thought I love. You came with me to NGO because you knew I love it. You made that whole shooting thing to get my anger out. And today, you did everything. I saw your messages." She laughed. "Everyone is laughing at you. Especially Rahul and Rupika. And your sister, she showed it to mom and dad."
She still called them mom and dad? Nisha had said Alina came to meet mom and dad in summers and mom had said bad things about me to her. Some mother I had.
"Let them." I snuggled my nose in her hair. "I got your forgiveness."
"And we're back to ourselves."
"Back to ourselves." I grinned. "You should change your clothes. Otherwise, you'll get sick." Her hands broke from my body and she stepped back to leave. "And bookworm." She turned. "I wasn't joking when I said the thought of cheating on you kills me. That night, I had beaten someone in anger. I was in prison the whole night."
To my surprise, she said something else, "Your clothes."
"Burned. That was one expensive suit."
"Who bought your closet?" She asked, leaning on the glass door. "Of all formal suits."
"Jennifer."
She arched her brows. "We can't burn all of them. Let's sell them and give the money to charity." I must have heard wrong. I wasn't giving away my clothes, but nothing from her face exposed the joke. She was serious. "I told you I'm very weird."
"In my entire life, you won't let me get dressed by a girl?"
"Not from the ones you kissed and sleep with, baby. I will help you with your new one. I promise. I will go to shopping with you tomorrow only."
"And you won't whine?"
She shook her head. "I won't whine at all." She paused. "And all formal suits?" I nodded absently.
"You don't make me spend on you, but I've been spending a lot on myself lately."
"Don't make me feel bad now," She pouted, crossing her arms over her transparent shirt. Finally. It was too distracting. "It's your mistake for asking her help."
"And now I'm asking your help. Go and change. I can't stand wrapped around a towel whole night."
As she withdrew out of the bathroom, I completed the shower, dried myself and donned the clothes she had kept to herself. "Should I come out?" I shouted.
"Come," She shouted back.
Hanging the ruined clothes along with the towel on the hook, I left the bathroom to meet her already laid down on the bed with a book in her hand.
"Leave it," I said, laying next to her and turned off the lights. In a second, she switched on the lamps and I groaned in protest.
This reminded why I used to get annoyed at her in the first place. Her habit of reading late nights, not caring there was a person sleeping next to her who was getting disturbed by the light.
"Just one more chapter," She mumbled. "Let me finish it."
"Aren't you tired?" I asked, peering at her engrossed interested in the book.
"Just a bit. And shut up."
Rolling my eyes, I draped the blanket over my body and snuggled in the bed to take sleep because I was damn tired after the party. But nothing worked as the frickles of light kept on disturbing on eyes. Changing the position, I tried to sleep and cursed the time I thought of spending my time with her.
At least, I could get a better sleep in my apartment or go to some other room if she read late night. I couldn't get up from here and barge in Kriti's room.
Annoyed, I checked the time on my phone. "For an hour your one chapter hasn't ended?"
"It is." Then why the fuck wasn't you shutting the lights off. "But it ended on the plot twist. I'm reading the sequel. You sleep. I will sleep later. Tomorrow is Sunday."
"Today is Sunday," I gritted, snatched the book from her hands and placed it on the side table. "Sleep." Before she could protest, I shut the lights off and circled my arms around her to stop her movements. "I'm tired, Alina, please sleep."
"But," She grumbled. "You didn't put a bookmark in it. I don't know the page number." She wriggled in my arms, breaking my grip and turned on the lights. Standing up, she walked to my side, grabbed her book and went through the pages. "Huh, what have you done? I need to see where I was." After going through the pages, she placed her bookworm and closed the book.
"Now can we sleep?" I exclaimed. "You need to change this habit of reading late night."
Without replying me, she laid back on her side and faced her back to me. Now she was annoyed at me. Great. Why was she such a drama queen someday? Why I loved her stupid habits?
Damn, I missed her dramas.
Curling my lips in a smile, I shut the lights, snaked my arm around her waist and pressed her back against my chest.
"I'm here after three months and you're pouting," I whispered in her ears. "Bad thing, bookworm."
"Will you tell me one thing?" She asked in a small tone, almost a whisper. "In the party, I overreacted in the parking lot."
"A bit." That I had shouted at the staff to pay attention to their work before following her to the apartment. "Next time try to talk first before yelling."
"You're not embarrassed, right? I told you not to take me."
"I don't feel embarrassed. I think everyone felt jealous of you." I pressed my lips to the curve of her neck and smiled at the shiver of her back. I still affected her. "You looked beautiful. You've no idea about the things I was thinking. Especially the knots. Don't be so irresistible."
She chuckled softly. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For not feeling embarrassed of me. My mom said to dad once that she feels embarrassed of me, of how I act and my behavior." My hands tightened around her. Should I tell her about how her mother still talked with Rishi? How would it leave her? Not believing was one thing, but realizing your mother talked with your rapist was another. Good thing they weren't close. "As per knots, I will wear the dress again."
"And you will let me untie it?" I asked softly.
She didn't reply for few seconds. "I will," She whispered. "Kabir." I hummed, nuzzling the tip of my nose into her neck. "About your assistant." My hand tensed around her waist. What about her? "Was she a good kisser?"
What?
"Alina, what type of question is this?" I asked hardly.
"Tell," she insisted, still not turning to face me. "Was she better than me?"
"No," I argued. "Not at all."
"Did you see her naked?"
I hesitated before answering, "Yes."
"Was she hot?"
From where those questions were coming? Who fed these questions to her? If it was Kriti, I was going to kill her.
"Yes, she is," I replied. "But she wasn't you. Now don't ask. I don't want to talk about her."
"Suppose twenty years from now, I get fat, have wrinkles and you have a young assistant. Will you still love me?"
"Why are you asking this?" Confused, I uncurled my hand from her waist, sat on the bed and turned on the lights to look at her confused face. "Is there something you're not telling me?"
Without facing me, she responded, "Remember dad's affair?" I nodded. Who didn't know about it? It was a sensational topic for the moment it lasted. "I had seen them together in bed," She mumbled quietly. I knew about it. She had written in her journal. "I wanted to tell mama and I did tell her, hoping they would divorce now. I really wanted my parents to get divorced because I was tired of their fights. I couldn't understand why they didn't divorce each other. I thought it was money and reputation."
"But Misha told me I was wrong. She stayed for us." She covered her eyes with her elbow, ignoring my stare on her. "For me and Misha, she handled all of this. It's messed up. She loves me, isn't she?" She doesn't, Alina. A mother who loves her child doesn't go behind her back. "But she's wrong. Staying together with dad hurt me more. If only, she had divorced him, I wouldn't have to see those fights."
"Anyway." She shook her head. "You won't do this? If one day, you think you don't want to be with me, just tell me. Don't go behind my back. I will leave. And do it face to face, not alone."
"Your dad was a douche. I am not." She gave me a stare. "Sorry. And it won't happen." I tugged the hem of her shirt. "I love you, only you. Just you." Grinning, I brushed my nose against her. "I don't love your body. I love you, the real you."
"You never know about future."
"But I know about my heart, and right now, my heart is screaming to sleep. So, shall we?" Before she could reply further, I shut the lights off, curled my arms around her and put her to sleep.
I was tired to do anything else or add words. I needed sleep more than anything.
"Kabir, I'm scared of him, not you. Never you. Okay?"
"Okay," I whispered, smiling. "Now sleep!"
She chuckled softly, but nevertheless, slept.
Staring ahead at the scene, I smiled and tapped my fingers on her arm. She turned with a smile and slipped her hand around my waist.
"I missed you."
"You did?"
"Yup," She grinned. "Don't go again."
Laughing lightly, I was about to reply when her figure disappeared from my arms and all I could see was the face of her house perched in front of me. What was I doing here? I was in our apartment, meeting her after a long time.
A hand tugged on my shirt. Peering down, I stared at the girl.
"Kabir, save me." Confused by her statement, I wondered what she was talking about me. "Save me, Kabir," She cried, thumping her hand on my chest. "You promised you'll save me. Save me now."
She took a run inside the house. Frowning a bit, I followed her inside, took the flight of stairs and entered the room I hadn't been into for past three years.
Wasn't it burned? Wasn't it locked?
My feet thumped on the old familiar room, looking for the small girl but, all I found was Alina standing at the corner, staring at the bed.
"Alina," I mumbled, sauntering to her side. "Why are you here?" She didn't turn, her gaze stuck to the bed. Changing my gaze, I gazed at the small girl laid bare with a body on her top.
I controlled the horror spreading through me.
"Alina!" I shouted. No longer was the small Alina, but my bookworm in there. "Get off her," I shouted, kicking and flying at Rishi but nothing happened. My hands passed through nothing.
"Save me, Kabir." The tugging started again. "It's hurting me."
I tried to kick, fly my hands, but all I found was nothing in the manner he forced himself in her again and again. Her face remained stoned, her tears slipped silently of her eye.
My bookworm. My love.
"Save me, Kabir!" The shouts increased. "You promised to protect me! It's hurting. Save me! Save me!"
The scene changed, swept through my feet until I was staring at the cluster of white-clothed people. Weaving through them, I gawked down at the pale face and my knees buckled.
"Alina." I touched her face. "Alina, wake up!" I shouted, shaking her shoulders. "Bookworm, why are you sleeping?" Desperately, I looked at Nisha, who shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "Why isn't she waking?"
"Doctors couldn't save her."
"What? No. No." I caught Alina's face in my hands, but all I felt was the coldness instead of the warmth of her body. "Baby, wake up." Inching my gaze to her body, I saw the blood pooling around her wrists, the redness of it soaking the white sheet.
"You didn't save me." The distant call made me turn my head. "You didn't save me," The child screamed. "You liar! You left. You didn't save me!"
The words thumped in my head, the feel of her cold body laid in my hands, the pain of losing her screamed further.
"He raped me!" She shouted. "Times I couldn't remember. He raped me again and again! I hate it!"
"Alina," I cried. "Alina! Alina!"
Save me, Kabir.
Save me, Kabir.
Jerking out of the sleep, I blinked my eyes rapidly to remove the fatigue of the nightmare clutching to my body. Passing my hand through my sweat soaked hair, I glanced at the empty side of the bed.
"Alina!" I shouted, the terror rising in my stomach.
Removing the blanket, I jogged to the empty bathroom and ran outside the room, shouting her name.
"In here!" The voice of her made me sprint to the kitchen and halted at the sight of her.
She was safe.
She was here.
You didn't save me.
He raped me.
Swallowing hard, I covered our distance and wrapped my arms around her waist. "Where were you?" I buried my face in her hair. "Don't go like this."
She chuckled lightly. "Sleepyhead, I woke early. See even after reading, I woke earliar than you. Are you okay?"
But before I could reply, the nightmare reeled back and I clutched her tighter to protect her. Nothing bad would come to her as long I was here. I wouldn't let it. But the cold fear didn't dissolve, the cold fear of seeing her dead body lashed and gripped my bones.
My bookworm.
"I love you. I love you so much," I cracked at the end.
Her hand rested flat on my chest. "Are you okay? Are you crying?" She stepped back, her hands coming to my face. Her thumb brushed at my cheek. "You're crying. Is everything okay?"
Was I?
Why was I crying?
I shook my head in reply. She cleaned my tears, slipped her hand in mine and took us to her room. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I peered at her soft expression.
How would I explain my dreams to her without scaring a part of her? How would I explain about the things I had seen in New York and the things I had been through? How would she handle all of this?
"Kabir, what happened?" She pestered, her hands clutching mine in a gentle grip. "Talk and share."
Every time she shared stuff with me. This was my time to show her that's how we both worked by sharing and solving problems together.
I dragged a shaky breath. Pressing my lips on top of her head, I said, "Just a nightmare of your accident and past on how I couldn't save you."
She tensed beneath me, but nevertheless, replied, "You didn't even know me that time. And it's in past, Kabir. You can't save me from things that aren't in your control."
"I know," I whispered. "But it's scary, bookworm. It was just a nightmare. You're alive and here."
"I'm alive," She whispered back, slipped her hands around my neck. "I'm always here with you. Just calm down. The accident happened three years back. I survived. Rishi isn't here and I can protect myself now." We remained there, breathing each other, diving in the silence and feel of both of us. We were together. She wasn't dead. "Breakfast." Standing up, she smiled down at me. "Your favorite breakfast. After my nightmare, you cook and feed me. Today is my turn." A grin crossed her face. "Come on."
Clutching my hand, she dragged us out of the room. Feeling Kriti's gaze on me in the kitchen and leaned against the counter as Alina moved around to make the breakfast.
My gaze turned to the white marble. "When are you moving with me?"
I needed her beside me. I needed her with me.
"How about in a week?" She asked. "I called dad." She placed the potatoes in the cooker and closed it shut. "I wanted to talk about the same." She placed the cooker on the stove and started to cut onions into small pieces. "How much did your apartment cost?"
Confused by her sudden question, I answered, "Nine crores." Ignoring Kriti's gasp, I faced Alina. "Why?"
"Dad's going to half of the money to your dad."
"Why? What?" I demanded, shocked at her behavior. We had been living before. It wasn't something new for us.
She placed the knife on the tray, ignoring my stare. "It's wrong. Your dad paid for it and I live there." She gulped, pushing the strand of her hair at the back.
Not again with this dad thing. I was tired of hearing it. What problem she had with my dad's money? I didn't mind using it.
"You're not paying," I seethed. "Not even an ounce. You're my girlfriend."
"Still," She insisted. "It's not your wish. Papa is doing it. Shut up."
"Fine then." I uncrossed my arms. "I will pay my dad back." She gasped, skidded her gaze to me. "I earn. I will give him. You don't mind using my money."
"How much you earn?" Kriti interrupted. "I mean-"
"Enough to pay him back," I cut her short. "The apartment is already in my name. Now no need to pay." She gave me a look, and I didn't mind returning it and make her see how stupid she was being. Not everything was about money and right now, she was making us about money and I hated it. I despised it. "I'm serious."
"So am I. You're not my husband." I would've been. "Just let dad do it. We're sharing an apartment. We share expenses too."
"Kriti, will you leave us?" I didn't dare to turn my head to her side. She didn't move. "I'm serious. Leave us alone. It's private." Giving a beaten sigh, she stepped out of the kitchen.
"Kabir-"
"No," I cut her off. "Stop making everything about money in us." Taking quick steps, I caught the knife from her hands and handled her work. "When you're there with me, I don't consider it as mine, but as ours. It was our home, Alina." She peered at the long slices. Rolling my eyes, I started shortening them. "If it bugs you, I will pay dad from my side."
"The money is still the same," She chuckled.
"Do you want me to?" She shook her head. "Stop worrying about money, me spending and this and that. If I wanted, I would've said."
She twisted her lips. "I feel like I'm using you." That's new. "With your wealth-"
A laughter burst out of me at the trail of her words. "Babe." I placed my hands on her shoulders. "Don't mind, but why you keep on forgetting who your father is?" She shrugged my hands off. "You're very weird."
"What do you mean?" She turned off the stove.
"Just I'm lucky." Damn fucking lucky. "Now let's leave it, okay? Leave this tension of money and paying, and whatever it is. Sell this apartment and come with me."
Snorting, she opened the lid of the cooker. "Who said about selling? I need assurance."
"Of what?" I asked absently.
"What if you left again? Where will I live? Go-" She caught her words, but it was too late. The insecurities were still there, the fear was still present and I had no idea how I would remove it and we both would move on from it.
"It's okay. The food," I changed the topic. She passed me a tensed smile and worked on the breakfast.
Assurance, huh.
I would make you see that you needed no assurance.
I wasn't leaving. My assistant was.
***
"You!" Shouting, I shut the door of her cabin. Jennifer looked up from the files. "In my cabin now."
She raised her eyebrows in amusement and nodded. Who told her to tell lies to Alina? I got her teasing on me, I accepted it but feeding lies to her wasn't acceptable. I was an inch away from losing Alina again. Inch away to destroy all the progress we both had made after getting back together.
Taking a deep breath, I entered my office and turned to face her. Yesterday, I had spent all my day to get new clothes before selling my old clothes and helping Alina with the packing.
She was moving back with me. Good. I could see clearly how she was scared of me.
Jennifer stepped in. "Now that's the Kabir I know. Angry and dominating one."
Rolling my eyes, I nodded my head to the money placed on the table. "You're leaving India in next twenty-four hours. This is your pay. You're no longer my assistant."
"I answer to your father, not to you." She crossed her arms over her chest. "He sent me."
"And I don't need you," I hissed. "I think we agreed you will close that bitchy mouth of yours. We're having sex?! Since when that happened because I don't remember it."
"I was just teasing. You left in between. We were having a good time," She laughed. "I needed to see if Alina loves you the same way you do."
"Who are you to see?" I asked, curling my hands in the fist. "That's my girlfriend."
Snorting, she sat down on the chair and I sat on the table. "You used six million dollars for her. I covered your tracks." I raised my brows. "Your dad keeps on asking about the reason. I just spiced up things."
"By lying?"
"She doesn't trust you. She accepted it." Because you had no idea how many times I had messed up with the same thing. You didn't know how her mind worked. You didn't know how hard it was for her to trust people after everything. "I showed you the true picture." Her expression softened.
"I can see the true picture myself. Leave," I gritted, my jaw clenching. "Be in New York. And remove this fake American accent. You're from here only. Dad just promoted to New York."
"What to do? I am the best."
"And I don't care!" I shouted and she flinched. "Get out. Leave! I will face dad myself!"
"I will expose about six million dollars," She threatened.
"Who will believe you?" Smirking, I stared at her in amusement. Did she think I was that stupid? "Police? You'll be held equally responsible for trying to remove the crime. Rishi? I don't think he's in the state of speaking anymore. Don't forget we're hiding your tracks too." Kneeling to her level, I curled my lips. "Expose mine, I expose yours. My dad covered a murder six years back. Case is closed. I can get it opened."
"You wouldn't," She hissed, anger wrapping her face.
"Six million dollars is not a small amount. Well, it is for me, but that's a separate thing. I made use of that money too. Leave India. Be in New York. Have a life." Hesitating, I softened my expression. "I'm firing you. Don't trouble me. I won't go down. I will take you with me too. Don't test me."
Sneering, she stood up from the chair and left my cabin. Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair to control the anger coursing. I couldn't leave for her place in anger. She didn't need to see my anger and question it or scare her further.
She's scared of anger.
Her therapist suggestion revived.
Kabir, your anger is her trigger. Be careful.
Just stay calm. Don't get angry. We had to talk about the root of the problem why she thought me as Rishi even if her therapist said it happens. But I didn't want it to happen.
And within ten minutes, my phone rang. Knew it. Answering the call, I spoke up before he could scold me for my behavior, "I had to do it."
"Fire her?" Dad asked. "You blackmailed her?"
"I had to do it." Or else she would've blackmailed me. I couldn't trust her. I had to shut her mouth somehow and someway.
"Whatever I did was for a reason."
"And I get it," I exasperated. "I couldn't work with her. I've my reasons, dad."
"What reasons?" Nothing just I was going to sleep with her and my girlfriend had gotten too angry at me. I couldn't push her to the edge when the insecurities between were too much. "You don't blackmail the employees. First that six million, now this. What are you playing at, Kabir?"
"Nothing. Personal stuff."
"Give me one reason I let you work now. You're not listening to me. Jennifer guaranteed you'll get good guidance."
"No, dad, Jennifer guaranteed I don't make a mistake. Jennifer guaranteed your watch on me. I can't keep her with me. Send someone else, but not her."
He sighed on the other end, "Why? Either you tell about Jennifer or about six million."
He wouldn't leave me alone. "I won't tell any. Dad, give me some credit. I need to make my own decision without you hanging over my head. I did this because it was important." And necessary.
"I hope those six million were worth it," He said. "Next time, try to cover your tracks better." My eyes widened in shock. He knew about it. He was toying with me by riling me up to confess. "Jennifer answers to me, not you. You don't need to blackmail her to shut her mouth."
Fucking hell.
"Dad, I-"
"Did this because it was important," He completed my sentence. "We're not invincible, Kabir. That was a highly risky thing you did. I was hoping you'll tell yourself but you didn't. Going after him, torturing him?! Since when you became this evil?!"
"I had to!" I argued. "You know nothing, dad. I can't tell you, but trust me, what I did was right."
"Her father is alive."
Snorting, I stared out the building, at the IT buildings, at the sky. "Is it about six million dollars? I will pay you back."
"Have you gone mad? Do you think I care about money?!" He hissed. "It's about your safety. I know what happens with Alina is wrong, but revenge is not the answer."
"In this case, dad, revenge is the answer. I don't want to talk about it," I said, vexed at his intrusion.
He hadn't seen those videos. He hadn't heard Alina's screams and cries. He hadn't seen her breaking down in the middle of the day, rubbing her hands over her body as if it would remove something from it. He hadn't seen how she fights every single moment.
"Next time, better inform me first. Anything else I should know?"
"Kind of," I grinned. "Alina and I are moving together. Unlike, last time, I'm telling you and I will call mom too."
"Oh." I closed the blinds. "Shekar knows?"
"Yes, Alina told him. And dad," I licked my lower lip. "Thank you for helping."
"Don't get her pregnant," He said out of nowhere. Not again. Before leaving, mom and dad had lectured me on the same thing, taking Dhruv's condition. I wasn't stupid like him. I knew how to take precautions. "I'm serious. If she gets-"
"I have to marry her, I know," I completed his sentence. "No excuses of mine will work and I will happily marry her too."
"You should think about it." What? "People get married at this age." I know. I was going to propose, Alina. We were going to get married but not anymore. We had more important to things to cover out. But still, I wanted to get married to her. I wanted to propose her. "I don't think Shekar will have any problem."
"Huh, dad, too early," I lied. "Just leave this decision on us. Let me study first."
"As if you both listen to us," He said dryly. "Don't make a mistake you're not capable of handling. Your dad will not always be there to protect and cover you."
I know. I had a dose of it years back when my one recklessness had cost a life.
"I will keep in mind. I need to go."
"And Kabir, congratulations on the deal. You're not bad."
"Obviously," I smirked. "Whose son I am?"
_______________
How many of you forgot Destroying and Betraying Myself?
I was hoping one of you will see but I loved toying when you couldn't. Sorry!