Always Is Not Forever (Breaking Myself - Part II)

37. The One Where It's Over

[ A L I N A ' S P O V ]

"Can we talk?"

Kriti swirled her face to stare at me, the shock apparent visible there. For three weeks, we hadn't talked with each other even though I had shed off the anger. I couldn't carry the guts to go to her and apologize for my behavior on how I had acted with her for past few months.

She had nothing to do with my life and past, and I had been venting out on her without caring how she must be feeling. I was back on the track of pushing people out of my life because I thought it was easier that way. Less people, less trouble.

But I missed her.

Nodding, she stood up from the chair and cocked her head to the door. Sparing a glance at Kabir from across the canteen, I followed her to the benches resting outside the canteen. Sitting next to each other, we avoided looking and stared at the floor.

What should I say? How should I confess about the apology bubbling in my throat?

Just go for it, Alina. Get over with this.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, pulling my head in her direction. She paid her attention to me, expecting more words. "I shouldn't have poured my anger on you. I was wrong. You were trying to help me and I started pushing you away."

She twisted her lips, chuckling darkly. "Are we even friends? You tell me nothing except the fact which I see. I know I'm not Nisha to whom you tell everything. I mean you both have a common thing. You're dating her brother. But at least, tell me what's wrong with you." I hung my head down.

Why do people expect to share in relationships? Kabir expected the same. We both had fought too many times on my closed off behavior. Didn't they know less the people knew, more better it would be? Telling hurt. It made people pity you, show a sorry figure on how sympathetic they were for your past. Didn't they understand telling could be much darker than hiding?

"It's not Kabir that troubles you. You're back with him." I bundled my skirt in my hands. "Friends share things. I tell you everything but you don't."

"I tell you everything," I said.

She gave me a look. "We both know it's a lie. Fine. If you want forgiveness, then tell me what's wrong."

"Why do you want to know?" I exasperated. "Why don't you get my life is too dark? My world is not good. Have you forgotten you kicked me out for the same reason?"

She narrowed her eyes, but a bit of hesitation appeared on her face. How could I tell her anything when I know she couldn't handle it? When once she had asked me to leave because of my screams? I know they were vicious and they scared her and nothing was her fault. And that was what I had been trying to do, not make her see how messed up my life could get or it already was, I didn't care.

My life wasn't a sensational news to spread about.

"And I had asked you to come back too." Because you felt pity. "I know I shouldn't have done that. I was just scared. New town, new people." She knocked her shoulder with mine. "Friends share things. Trust me for once."

"Fine." I placed the bag on my lap. "Remember Meena Aunty?"

"She died in the summer. Are you sad on that? Of course, you would be. How stu-"

"She knew," I cut her off. To remove her confused face, I added further, "She knew about everything. About Rishi and she hid it for money. She helped him." Kriti gasped and sat back. "I told you my world is fucked up. It's too dark."

She showed no emotion for few minutes and I was scared where she had gone. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I shook her to bring her back to reality. She flinched a bit and shrugged my hands off.