I step out of the elevator and into the lobby. As I head for the tall glass doors that lead outside, I see Shawn standing there, leaning against a tree against he scrolls through his phone. I push open the door and step outside, and Shawn looks up.
"Hey baby." Shawn says, standing up from his slouch and walking over to me. I smile weakly at him as he pulls me into a quick embrace. Shawn pulls back and asks me, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just don't feel that good." I say as we begin to walk. "Plus, I had the pleasure of being in the elevator with Alex the whole time, so that was awkward considering what happened yesterday."
"What happened yesterday?"
I stare at him for a minute before remembering.
"Oh, that's right. I never told you." I say, and he shakes his head.
You see, I had planned on explaining everything to Shawn, but in the moment I was so upset and angry with Julia that I didn't want to talk about it because I knew it would just make me even more angry. Then, when Shawn came over and I realized how good he looked, one thing led to another and then...
"So are you going to tell me what happened?" Shawn asks, breaking me away from my train of thought.
"Yeah, sorry." I say, and begin to recant the story to Shawn. I explain how Alex lied and flipped the story to make it sound like I was all over her and not the other way around. I explain how she walked into the coffee shop while I was there with Julia, and Julia being Julia, decided it was a great idea to go and ask Alex point blank if she's gay and likes me.
"Well, does she; is she?" Shawn asks. I roll my eyes and groan.
"She said she's definitely not lesbian, so there you go." I say, expecting this to be the end of the conversation.
Of course it isn't.
"That's not a definite answer, Helaina."
"Yes it it, Shawn."
"No, it isn't." Shawn says, and I shoot him a look. "It isn't! Gay and straight aren't the only two sexualities, Helaina. Alex could like boys and girls."
I realize he's right. Somehow, it never once crossed my mind that Alex could be bi or pansexual.
"Okay, maybe you're right." I say, and he smiles at me admitting it.
"I don't know how you didn't think of that. I mean, come on. Your own roommate likes both boys and girls." Shawn says. I nod.
While I had a summer romance with Xavier the summer going into senior year, Kennedy had her own. Through Charlotte and others who stayed friends with her, along with posts to Instagram, I learned that Kennedy started dating someone new: a girl named Jasmine. Even though we were no longer friends at that point, I was still happy for Kennedy for finally accepting who she was and being comfortable enough to date a girl.
Once September rolled around, though, and Kennedy started seeing Ben every day again, she realized her feeling for him never faded. Jasmine and Kennedy broke up in the beginning of October, and Kennedy and Ben got back together at the end of October and have been inseparable since.
"You're right." I say. "Anyway, why do you assume that if Alex really is bi or pan or whatever, why would she like me?"
"Oh, so now you're admitting that you think she likes you?" Shawn says.
"No!" I yell, and he laughs. "I'm just saying that hypothetically, if Alex were to like me, why would she like me of all people?"
"Because you're hot." he says. I roll my eyes but smile at the ground. "Plus, I mean, look at your ass. You're thick as hell."
Shawn grabs my ass before slapping it. My jaw drops and I gasp, and Shawn bursts out into a fit of laughter. I elbow him hard in the side, but it doesn't seem to bother him because he just keeps laughing.
"I hate you." I say. Shawn just leans down and kisses me. When he leans in, I slap his butt back and take off running.
"Helaina!" he yells, but I keep running, laughing.
Shawn chases after me, and when he catches me, he wraps his arms around me and spins me around. I keep laughing, my eyes squeezing shut with joy. He puts me back down on the ground, his arms still draped around my waist. He leans in to kiss me, but just before our lips touch, I turn my head to the side and start coughing. Shawn pulls away, and I cough into my elbow.
"Sorry," I apologize, grimacing. "I think I'm coming down with something. My throat is killing me."
"Maybe it's from yesterday." he smirks as we start walking again.
"Don't flatter yourself." I roll my eyes.
We reach the building our psychology class is in and walk inside. Heading into the lecture hall, I walk up to the same spot we sat in last time until I realize that may not be the best idea. My eyes land on Xavier, who's sitting right where he did last time; right where we did last time.
"Why did you stop?" Shawn asks me, coming up behind and putting his hand on my back. He follows my gaze to Xavier. "Oh."
"Yeah." I say simply. "I'm not sure what to do."
Before I have the chance to think of what to do, though, my problem is solved as a girl slides into the spot next to Xavier. They smile at one another and start talking, clearly already acquainted with one another.
I swallow hard.
Oh.
"Let's just sit." Shawn says in my ear quietly. He puts his hand on my shoulder and gently guides me into the row we're next to. We sit down and I pull out my computer to take notes on.
I know it's ridiculous for me to be upset. I know it's behind selfish for me to feel sad that Xavier is beginning to move on when I'm the one who cheated on him. I'm the one who went and slept with Shawn the same day I broke up with Xavier. I have absolutely no reason to be upset right now with him for doing exactly what I've been doing.
So why am I upset anyway?
"What's wrong?" Shawn asks, leaning in. I just shake my head, not wanting to tell him. I'm sure he already knows; I mean, it's practically impossible that he doesn't. Still, I know him hearing the words aloud would just make it worse.
"Nothing. I just don't feel good, remember?" I ask, smiling weakly. I don't bother to look up, knowing that if I do, he'll call me out. Shawn's always been able to read me like a book.
"You know you can tell me if you're upset. I won't get mad." he says, and I nod.
"Yeah, I know."
"Okay..."
-
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The next two hours pass painstakingly slow. The whole time, I'm unable to focus on what's being taught and instead find my mind drifting back to Xavier and that girl. I keep thinking of the way he smiled at her; the same way he used to smile at me.
"Helaina?" Shawn says, and I look up.
"Yeah?"
"Class is over."
I look around, noticing he's right. The room is being cleared out as students move to their next class. I sigh, grabbing my laptop and putting it back in my bag. I stand up, and as I do so, I glance behind me to see if Xavier is still there. He isn't.
"Do you have a class after this?" I ask Shawn as we step out of the lecture hall and into the main building.
"No, but I have to head over to one of my professors offices right now actually. I have a question on a project already." he groans. "Sorry."
"That's okay, I was going to head back to my room and lay down. Maybe take a nap or something." I say.
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Feel better." Shawn says, kissing my forehead. I smile.
"Thanks."
We step out of the building and pause before going our separate ways.
"Should I stop by after I'm done?" Shawn asks.
"Text me first. If I don't answer, I'm sleeping, in which case don't knock and wake me up because I'll kill you." I say, half-joking.
"Okay." Shawn laughs. "Bye."
"Bye."
Shawn walks off in the opposite direction. I turn and start heading for the dorms. As I walk, I see a familiar figure in front of me. I think for a minute before jogging to catch up to them.
"Hey, Xavier! Wait up!"