Ladonna (SZA) POV-
Nothing was simple out here. I tried reaching Bry, but my efforts was relentless making me a boss look like a fool. Hub, had some good friends.
They were always there for both of us.
I should have never saw Bry as cute, or fine, or a way to come up on more than I already have. My mistake.
Now everything I worked for is defined by my fuck up, and his reluctance to own up to what we did.
Now Hub, wants to kill him. Why I ask him what will this solve. Nothing that he wants to talk about though. He doesn't want to hear it. He says the baby is his no matter what. And keep my mouth closed. Meaning no friends in my business. This is gone to far.
Bry was just a couple of nights of passion. I mean Hub was with Teresa I didn't say a word. I just did me, and now he mad as hell, but love should've had his ass home with me, like Toni said. How can I stop this?
Hating Amber was at the top of my list, Hub would have tried Bry if chances wouldn't been I showed up.
The nerve in me. Not afraid of anything. Men do this dirty. Women just fight or keep fucking your man until one of us leaves. Bitches. All the same course of action. Doing bad.
Real bad for now I couldn't focus on trying to ruin Amber, that slut will get the time of her life one day she is in the way of me and my grind. Before it's over Bry would see no other choice but to get me on the industry.
I'd make more money than most. My style is so unique. All these r&b's newbies sound alike, look alike, no one is original so what do I care of her she won't stop me. Another face to move.
Nothing at all. Just one tiny but huge catch to this though. I may need Amber help if I'm gone save my baby daddy and future. I love Hub, but this is way too personal now. He is a man.
Shouldn't he know how it feels to take a real nigga off the streets and let his kid miss him forever, and then plan on raising our kid. I'm not theat9type of woman at all. I could not look at him. If Hub goes through with this.
Maybe dirty is what it will take for me to get over any of it, not by my watch.
Amber, Amber, Amber, why couldn't Bry wake up? Maybe opposites really do attract Amber is a wild card I am a boss. Amber has issues, I am level...
Maybe her life will turn around that's what he wants for her. But what about us? He never would say. Thinking this is Hub's baby. But, it's not The only man I had been with.
Out here everybody has something to need, or want, and get rid of. The main connection on all the goods.
Hub, didn't even want out of doing dirty deeds. Never did I want to just take a man life, but to these goons this shit came easily day by day. Take after play. The cops just didn't give a fuck.
Where we pay you better not even try to call for help anyway. Not from them. You did it you felt it we dealt it,
No matter the cost the bigger the toss.
Perfect surroundings for my new one to grow up in, I think not. Which is why Beverly Hills Bry ass better act like he know it's not enough to live.
We won't live here especially when the controversial talk starts, whose baby is that? Niggas will hurt us too.
Its all about this territory respect loyalty honor and distance. If you not from around here keep your distance. Niggas that's from around here keep their distance too. Hub was major.
Bread coming out the ceilings, but if I was a hit man he better the price of that bullshit is high no matter how he slice it, I pray it's a place in the realm somewhere for him though. Shoot.
Look like old niggas was popping up from no where lately too I couldn't breathe, with this fake love I had once escaped in love. Morning sickness.
Now it all starts I realise I have a baby inside me maybe two. And I am smoked out paced with the finest of the finest of the California life.
Should I feel shame? Maybe I don't because I'm use to doing and being me it's my creativity. Its my right.
Born Ladonna "SZA" Whitman to a mother I never met. I hear she skipped town with some big name in the game of what I call so lame. Pimping ain't easy but my life had to change. So my dad raised me until he couldn't anymore. I been with Hub ever since. How it hurts that he knew I would not sit still and now Bry pays.
Such a trade if ever we promised each other we would never get jealous but somehow that changed. Crazy is who I see in my bed now. A crazy man.
Lust is going to get somebody hurt, and I don't want to deal with it, I got a bag packed. Hopefully the drama will end once I'm gone, and my baby is mines alone. No matter what Bry might come around. Or, maybe he will be one of the ones we talk about on Wendy. Yea, I love the sound of it.
Every hood hoe knew they couldn't get to me at all. My daddy had me so fresh and clean Hub noticed me instantly above all others out here.
Why would he do this? My guess is men just do what they want to do.
My plan is to give my baby up for adoption and come back for it. Tired of sitting back and I won't be done other Niggas statistic, taking care of us, cause I'm no longer with the big.
Done with it all. Why not. My songs will never be heard like this. Not ever.
Not telling anyone im leaving. I'm on my way to better for myself. If these Niggas end up shooting each other up I won't be here to get caught up in it.
This is the last time I cry. No limits.
Make me suffer. I was born to win, as I flip my hair up, ponytail style I know it's gone be the last time that I regret anything that I do. They'll see me soon. First I have things to take care.
I set it up smooth called Bry left an imoression. Never mind what I said you'll know soon. Hub, was left the same but a very enduring freedom he needed. It won't hit his ass until he comes back and sees that no one makes my life decisions. My mistake for ever thinking someone would be real, and I sit back and watch a war.
It wasn't this serious but like Kevin Gates said we supposed to be in love. I can't help it but feel that is some real shit somehow and I got to know how it feels to him, I was always down I stayed real him. Like I was supposed to do I split the meals with him. Gave up on every nigga that wanted feels with me. Just him and me.
He gone lose it when I'm gone but I can't help but be me. This is ain't my life. Done had a lot ups and downs and a lot of fights to just live and breathe. Held my own still ain't fold.
Can't sit by while he murder me. Control me make good money and I still gotta go I still gotta make me. Me.
I let the door close and I lock it. But hold on to the key right grip on my hand before jumping in Chanelle ride to get out of California. What's done is done it will get ugly first before better.
Am I wrong? It has to end. This situation. Chanelle was right on time.
Girl don't cry it's fine het6better when you get up out this place. Call me When you get there though. I'll always be here. Chanelle told me just like that. She lit a blunt of gas she had rolled for me to relax on the trip.
That's my girl the only one who I ain't have to worrying about saying nothing.
So you think I'm gone really make it? I asked Chanelle while we puffed o, our way the sky was beautiful. Like it was saying yes baby girl you finally on your way. Plus, Chanelle pointed it out to. We laughed and told each other old memories promising to never remember them again. Just let go. How the fuck do I let go? Ain't none.