AN Things start to develope between Louis and Zayn...
Please comment or vote if you liked it!
enjoy xx
-----
After two weeks of suspension I’m on my way to school again. I’ve been thinking about school a lot these last couple of weeks. Most of the time I’ve been thinking about Zayn. Even though I tried to get him out of my mind it didn’t help, I kept thinking about him. Mostly bad things, but truthfully sometimes not so bad things.
Apparently Ms. Boonstra is still at home. My mum said that she became ‘mentally unstable’ after the fight. I think it’s just a pathetic excuse to stay home. After all it was just a fight, come on! If I would say that I became mentally unstable because of what happened people would call me a poser. But of course for the teacher it was a traumatic experience… yeah right.
Believe me, if I could stay home I would. I really want to turn around, avoid school and preferably never go back. The idea to go back to school is scary and awful, I’m really nervous for today. People already had assumptions about me, but after the fight I’m sure I already got a reputation. I have to enter the hallways and I just know that everyone will stare at me. They will point at me and gossip and say that I’m the boy who got in a fight with his teacher and a student! He is a racist. And probably a faggot too.
Yeah… I’m totally not looking forward to it.
I wonder if people will also watch Zayn when he enters the hallways. After all, he is a Muslim boy at a high school with mostly Christian people and he also the one that got into a fight. He probably will feel like a black sheep. Zayn and I are black sheep’s. Zayn because he is Pakistani Muslim and I am because I’m a gabber and a fag. That’s just the way it is. People already have an impression of us, assumptions, without even knowing us.
When I say it like this it might sound like I feel a sense unity, a bond, with Zayn, but that is most definitely not the case. There is just a small part of me that understands him, understands him for being different, for having prejudices about yourself. Other than that I hate him. I detest him and I’m still furious that he called me a racist. But from this moment forward it won’t matter. The moment has arrived: Louis Tomlinson has to work with Zayn Malik.
Thanks to Liam I don’t feel that bad about it anymore. I still wish I could avoid it, but just like Liam said: I should try it and give Zayn a chance. That doesn’t mean I didn’t come up with a plan, actually hundreds of plans. All my plans involve as little time with Zayn as possible. I came up with plans in which I won’t have to see him often. My latest idea is to start together on the assignment to divide the work and work on it individually from that moment forward. That is possible right? I just have to see him once or if things don’t work out the way I really want, twice. That is okay. I can handle that right?
-----
When I finally dared to enter the school it wasn’t even that bad. Some people gave me a quick glance, but that was all. But to avoid certain conversations or conflicts I quickly disappeared to the principal’s office. Before I could go to my first class I had a talk with principal Lens and of course Zayn. Great.
Surprisingly everything went okay, until the moment we were alone.
“No I didn’t say I couldn’t, I said I don’t want to,” Zayn responded in a bitter tone.
With an angry stare I looked back at Zayn. “That will mean we will be stuck with each other more often, is that what you want?” I asked mockingly.
“I don’t give a crap that you are frustrated or angry. I want a good grade and I’m willing to do something for it.”
I shook my head. “Then you really have the wrong guy in front of you. It can be easily done in two times and besides I don’t want to see you more often.” I really tried to be nice, but it was like the moment Zayn opened his mouth the anger came back.
“You have to,” he ordered, voice already raised.
I shook my head again, extremely irritated. “You can’t tell me what do to!”
“Alright,” he hissed. “We could work from 7 in the morning till late in the evening.”
“7 in the morning? Are you fucking crazy?” That is not really a question.
“For fuck’s sake Louis, you want to finish it so desperately within two days and then I finally propose something and you start to yell again. Fuck!”
This Zayn guy is really getting on my nerves, but unfortunately he is right. “Alright, alright,” I groan. “Shall we start this Saturday? My place?”
He inhales a sharp breath before he nods. “Okay. You should start looking for some things on China before Saturday.”
“Oh and what about you?” I ask indignant, already a tad angry again.
He rolls his eyes before answering me with an annoyed look: “I’ll do the same. And just so you know, I’m doing this for you so stop fucking whining!”
He drives me up the wall with his demands, but I don’t want to start fighting again so I agree. “Alright,” I mumble.
“See you,” he announces before walking away.
Still slightly amazed and irritated I stand frozen at my place, glaring at Zayn until he is out of sight.
Only after two minutes I’m able to start to move again, going to my first class after two weeks.
-----
The rest of the day went, despite the annoying stares of some students, quite well. The teachers acted normal and all my classmates ignored me as before. Of course I still sat alone, but oh well... that will never change and I’m okay with it.
Overall it went better than I had hoped or expected, aside from a stupid remark from Nick Fucking Grimshaw and the occasional arguments with Zayn know-it-all Malik.
Nick asked me how my ‘vacation’ was. Of course he tried to fuck with me, make me angry, but I decided to ignore him. I even paid no attention to him when he said that if I ever wanted to work on my anger issues he has some ways to help me. He said it with a big, nasty smirk on his face. It was repulsive and disgusting. Apparently I wasn’t the only one that thought that, since this guy of my class suddenly yelled that he should keep his big, disgusting mouth shut. I chuckled and internally I was cheering the guy on. Frankly, I don’t think he said it to help me, he only said it because he finds Nick as irritating as me, but it doesn’t really matter to me; it was a very nice moment.
Zayn know-it-all Malik and I made a few stupid arguments whenever the teacher asked one or the other. We need to argue with each other, somehow it feels quite normal. It feels nice to take my irritation out on him and I think he feels the same way. I think he likes it just as much as I like it. It’s not like I really like it, but it does make me feel good. It’s such a wonderful way to express my feelings and it works, for both of us. We can’t stand each other on one hand, but on the other we also find it amusing. Somewhere in one of our heated discussions I saw a little grin on his face. He so enjoyed it!
Please, don’t get the idea that Zayn and I have a love-hate relationship or any kind of relationship for that matter, because we have absolutely no relationship or whatsoever.
----------
“What on earth happened in here?” my mother questions as she inspects the room. “It looks like a bomb exploded!”
“I know,” I reply hastily as I sort through my different shirts.
The doorbell rings and thankfully my mother decides to open the door as I quickly put on a shirt after changing for at least 3 times. I’m nerves as hell for today. I don’t really know why, but my body is a block of nerves.
While I put on my shirt I walk downstairs where I hear my mother introduce herself to Zayn. She sounds polite, but not as warm as she normally does. I think she is still cautious. After all, this is the boy who called me a racist and gave me a concussion.
“Good afterno--, I mean good morning,” I hear Zayn stumble on his words. He seems very nervous and somehow it makes me relax. I’m not the only one who thinks this whole situation is weird and kind of nerve-wrecking. I’m halfway on the stairs but decide not to move any further so that I can secretly listen to their conversation.
“I’m Zayn,” he introduces himself. “But you probably already knew this.”
“I did,” she states stern, probably looking at him with her eyes narrowed suspiciously.
Zayn goes inside alongside my mother. I hear him take a deep breath before he starts his apology. “I’m really sorry about Louis, about what happened between us. It was never my intention to hurt him and I’m genuinely sorry about my behavior.”
I’m completely baffled by his apology, but quite frankly I only believe half of it. He isn’t genuinely sorry for his behavior, it certainly didn’t seem so the last couple of days at school. He never apologized to me, but now he is sucking up to my mother. How repulsive. Thankfully my mother is always on my side.
“Thank you for apologizing. I understand that the fight was the fault of both of you. So hereby I forgive you, but don’t ever let it happen again okay?”
My mouth falls open in complete surprise. What?! Our fault? He was the one that said he didn’t want to work with me! He was the one who called me a fucking racist! AH! I feel like screaming or better yet: fighting!
“Thank you so much Mrs. Tomlinson,” he replies so well-mannered that it makes me barf.
“Louis!” my mother shouts from the hallway, probably thinking I’m still in my room.
I wish I was still in my room, I wish this day would never have to happen.
“I’ll go check on him, why don’t you sit down in the living room, it’s straight ahead.”
“Alright, thank you,” he answers as polite as ever.
My mother walks up the stairs and is almost instantly met with me, her irritated son.
“Oh there you are, aren’t you coming?” she raises her eyebrows at me.
I want to whine and sulk at her for not defending me, but I know it won’t make this day any easier. It also won’t make it go by any faster. I just have to deal with it.
“Yeah, yeah I’m coming,” I mope.
“You should really give him a chance. He looks nice and seemed sincerely sorry for his behavior.”
I can’t hold in my laughter anymore. Ha! If she only knew how he really is!
Ah well, in a few hours she’ll probably think differently.
A few minutes later I go into the living room. “Sorry, I wasn’t quite ready.”
“It’s alright,” Zayn nods. “I got tea.”
It’s alright? Well Zayn it wasn’t really an apology.
“Come on, let’s start quickly. I’ve already searched some things on China, but there are still a lot of things I don’t know.”
“Do you have a computer we can work on?”
I nod. “Mum, can I use your computer?”
“Why?”
“Because…” I start, but truthfully I don’t have a good reason. I can’t tell my mum that I don’t want Zayn in my room; not with him beside me. I don’t have another choice than to be with him in my room. My messy room full of hardcore CDs and other stuff. Oh, what a joy it will bring…
“Never mind,” I shrug. “Come, we’re going to my room.”
Zayn nods before walking with me to my room.
A weird feeling creeps over me as we walk upstairs. It’s probably the nerves again.
“Don’t mind the mess,” I say as a sort of apology.
I quickly start my computer and grab an extra chair so we can sit next to each other.
He begins to talk about his research and suddenly I burst out in laughter. From the nerves, excitement and just overall feelings that erupts in my body.
“Why are you laughing?” he questions irritated.
You see? His polite attitude is gone the minute we are together. I should be careful or otherwise we’ll start arguing or fighting in no time. I want to make it through this day without a new concussion or bruised hand.
“It’s nothing.”
He opens his mouth to say something back, but changes his mind.
We both sigh deeply and stare at the computer screen in silence.
I break the silence with a question I actually already know. “Why do we have China?” “Because it was the only country that was still available, at least from the countries we could choose from.”
“But China is so big!” I complain.
“You think?” he remarks sarcastically. “I think it only makes it easier for us, there is so much information about China.”
“Or too many,” I reply.
“Yeah,” he nods in agreement.
I open the document that I started on while I see his eyes wander around my room. His gaze stops as he looks at one of my Lonsdale shirts.
“Why do you look at that?” I ask, already in defensive mode.
‘Why not?” he argues back.
I want to sigh again; how is this ever going to work?
“Okay,” I speak up. “We really have to work quickly now, otherwise my plan failed.”
“Oh yeah that’s right,” he replies bitterly. “I’m like this thing you want to get rid of as soon as possible right?”
I know I sound like a real dickhead, but seriously; is it so hard to understand I don’t want to see him more often?
“Yeah well… no, shit I don’t know. I just thought it would be better for us.”
“Just look up the climate of China,” he demands with clear irritation in his voice.
My first reaction is to argue, to shout. He shouldn’t be talking to me like that, in my house for fuck’s sake! But I try not to yell at him, I try to stay calm. Just breathe Lou, breathe.
After a few heated arguments we are finally starting on our project. We only talk when it’s absolutely necessary. And surprisingly it really works this way; we already have a lot of information!
“Bah, they literally eat anything,” Zayn points out in pure disgust.
When I turn to the side to look at him I can’t hold in my laughter anymore. He looks so funny with his nose scrunched up from disgust.
“They also eat whale,” I explain.
“No way!” Zayn blurts out.
“No seriously. My uncle has eaten whale there once.”
He frantically shakes his head. “I don’t believe you!”
I shrug. “Then don’t.” I say to end the discussion, although I kind of love this harmless argument.
Apparently Zayn isn’t done yet as he speaks up: “can you prove it?”
“You can call my uncle? Or you can go to China?”
He laughs. “Okay! We’re going to China,” he says excitedly with a lovely smile on his face.
It’s the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him and I have to admit it looks great on him. He should smile more often.
I laugh along. “Okay we’ll go and we’ll go eat whale together!”
“That’s a promise,” he announces with a big grin on his face.
What a tool, I think to myself, while I chuckle at him. We are laughing and joking: together! It’s a fucking miracle!
“Alright,” I agree with a smirk. “But I’ll pay the meal if you will pay the tickets.”
“Ha-ha,” he smiles along with a phony laugh, but I detect a hint of a genuine smile.
I laugh once more before returning my focus on our project again.
“We should really go actually,” he marvels. “We could learn the culture, get a better grade and maybe I’ll get to know your nice side. You must have one,” he teases.
My mouth falls open from astonishment. Seriously? “Thanks,” I reply cynical.
“You’re welcome,” he beams.
For a brief moment our eyes connect as we stare at each other. I stare at his dark eyes, with those very long, gorgeous eyelashes. His eyes bore into mine and my body shivers from the intensity.
Shocked, I turn my head. Did I just feel something? No it can’t be, it’s impossible! Right?
Zayn clears his throat. “Can I go to the toilet?”
“Huh what?” I ask disoriented.
“The toilet?” he asks again.
“Oh yeah right,” I shake my head. “Go downstairs, first door on the left.”
He nods and quickly emerges from the room.
I’m still amazed and perplexed. What the fuck just happened? Zayn looked just as confused as I did. Did he feel something too? No… it can’t be. We can’t feel anything for each other; we hate each other.
-----
The rest of the morning was extremely awkward. There was this unnerving vibe and I honestly didn’t know how to get rid of it. I tried to ignore any confusion that I felt inside of me by focusing on our assignment, as I planned.
After hours of working on our project my mother called us for lunch with her and my brother Thomas. Zayn seemed utterly surprised when he saw Thomas. He obviously didn’t expect a black kid in this house. What is he doing in a house of a racist? That is what Zayn thought, I’m positive. If he knew me, really knew me, he would have known that I’m not a fucking racist! But as most people do, he has prejudices. And it really pissed me off, but I kept it to myself this time.
Besides the moment that I wanted to shout at him, it really wasn’t that bad. During lunch he mostly talked with my mother and little brother while I sat there pretending to listen. Thankfully they didn’t include me much in their conversation. I had absolutely no interested in getting involved since my mind was racing with different thoughts. And if I’m completely honest with myself I once in a while glanced at Zayn. I hate his guts, but as a gay man I obviously noticed that he is attractive. Really attractive. Almost unacceptable handsome.