Amber POV
The Psychi Black Boi Dreaming
For a beginner, I was able to move through the dope holes. Still clocking ends and a lil 2% boyfriend wasn't no better. I needed him to move these streets, but he was also trying me too.

I just believed I was made to handle any situation. And that's what I did.
I turned his customers into my own. They pulled up on me now. And owed me at least 50 on every borrow. I didn't give a damn about loosing. Period. But my career. What about it.

Like damn he was on the nose candy; all of that nose candy foolishness. He couldn't never keep no real money only all the gold he gave me them people pawned to him for a hit. A hit of crack. He turned a 50 to 100 and 100 into 300 and then gave that back to the same nigga for his own high.
Little niggas, Wow, I thought the big man had it sweet. Sure he'd throw him extra he gone get it all back and move two products off this Lil nigga. Coming up bad.
I found out why.... the day I caught him with this bitch who use to drop through acting like she wanted some dope. He pretend like he had to take to her to get it, but I would think while he was gone. Is he the run around? Or using this to come up on pussy? Silence made me think and ask the question, what the fuck am I doing? Am I a bum. No but he is.

I was square as hell at first. No matter what he said. I would counter it with "okay baby." and wait all cool till he get back. Because I made the money now. I wasn't a square to the game, or the streets. When he left, it's my trap. I didn't mean to take over.
His ass being in the street and me tired of him missing money when he would be gone, and leaving the older working class users to blow up the phone. I served them. Made my own rules. It was smart though and Black Boy wasn't doing numbers. Sitting at the house with only 3 people I allowed up, Bry if he ever found out would flip.
They were older working class people that got high after work.
The one man who called twice a week and once to borrow till payday had to return 140.00 off of borrowing a 40.00 piece of crack from me for 1 day. I told him. Your taking away from what I could have flipped man. But I was sweet and he agreed mainly his habit deluded his mind.
As long as I was checking the traps he had to come back home. But I was not thinking what they ass is doing while he gone. With a bad bitch in my car. Ikr. One day I opened her eyes, and was like..........

Picking up on vibes though has always been a trump card. Shit wasn't looking right. Like why i was upstairs in our room inside of the bathroom with him. That ended that shit. That life. I bust in that shit like what's up. What you smiling with. She ran out and he was like "baby this is a sell."
Me and this big mouth said, anything, perhaps the mouth was in charge, and my thought, and action followed. Whatever I said, is exactly what it means. My hardest trials was the yes's. Don't say yes to me constant.
"Nigga sell your ass then." waving the 9 milli till he ran out too. I then jumped in my car and took off. He came back later, and it was done mentally. I had already dumped him in my mind, he was sushi, and eaten up. Still I played that position.
I wasn't like your average girl. Back then I did not check a man's phone. & because you better not check my shit. I didn't smell drawers and watch nut sacks float in water.
That wasn't my style. Did you know if you don't do that shit tho yo dude will think you don't love him. Real talk. Men.... I knew I didn't need them, a non loving mother and a father that never gave hugs had me in my feeling like I needed love. Not this.
I ain't have time for that. But her, and Black boy we lived together. One thing about that life is even when you don't want to be caught up in it. I was still caught up all in it. Where he was gone take money too? Another bitch! Shit no! Haa. No.
As long as I lived in that house with him. My needs came first. So anyway...... He come up with some shit about him and his dad going out of town. Even though his dad's business was up the block literally I could have walked up there or rode to see if black boy was gone. It was no use, while he left, and got played sure I stayed behind and took care of everything in the house, and got paid. No niggas to serve up. But I made sure he hooked me up with the plug before going all ratchet, and loosing. Had to break.
But I knew he was gone and also knew he wasn't with his dad. The same bitch I once had pulled out on with my 9.mm was the same bitch who picked him up. Yeaaa Latreese, that was tricks name. Anyway I let him leave but he didn't leave from the house, no he had better since, I didn't play caps I let them loose, even though I've never had a record of it. Often thanking God, that was who i was and never having to prove it and coming close often.
He said he was going to the fruit stand, well shit that's his daddy's shit, and a lie didn't care how much it sounded ridiculous, but neither did the fool telling it. Lost was not a word. It was a while before I let herself go ahead and move.
A while for me was that same week. I told him I said it was over.

& waited until they got back to pull the bitch you think I'm dumb rant. He had been with the fat bitch in apt 5. Too.
Needless to say black boy was using her to get him the cocaine he wanted using her for her ride. He was loyal to me when it came to the money and the pawns. Still this wasn't my life.
However, they play I was number one always if not their was problems that was when the problems and me no longer mixed. Game over for cute niggas like him. Or his parents.
On the block. I was on the block. Well dressed, but in the block. Still I was illuminated. What people saw was a star, abused thru life, and abused in love, makeup all over.

It was not my imagination right now I would be singing doing my thing, moving forward to singing right in the same place with my ex husband. The same man that added to all my addiction back then. It was now that I noticed all i actually had gone through. Just trying to be somebody. My problem. Replacing family for street love. Water for coffee, and people for faith like nothing else.
There was something in Anthony's eyes that night. He wanted to talk, but we had to hang up. My success was more important & no one but Bry, helped me work for it forward.
Motivated me to write my own music at all times and copyright. I couldn't tell for sure. He seemed bothered. Sierra, and him must not be getting along.......
I pulled her up. Just curious about her. As news has it their was no news for her to try to add on i thought, but a link changed all that. When i clicked on the link. Hmm. What do I have the heck here? It was a whole lot of things so I bookmarked it and saved it for later. My appointment with my girl, at the salon was more important. So I had to get up.

He better treat me right.
Or ill be in somebody he knows that's On
bed tonight
Oh no they love the
bad Bitch
I should just stop it
I
I
I
I can't ride with the slide that
beefcake is designed to be mines
Mines I won't share & it's my habit
say something anything it dont matter
I'm saying all that mouth @ hoe it still won't matter if I had to I would just ratattataa.............. Fuck that lyric.
I just stopped on cue of not having anything else to say.
But to remember the verse so I sang it and flipped it around all the way to my destination. Bry, would have to wait. All of them would have to wait. Tired of demanding a few things in life that no real woman should have to ask for. Simple respect. Instead I saw the baggage with baguettes. The real with the fake. All hate on the low.

No odyssey just a very enhanced, life full of things most people would be dead from going through and learning to cope with. But I survived.
Now was when I missed my therapist Julie, but then again no one misses being asked If you need crisis or not. She's human.
Walking into the salon I spoke, and so did the women. This is what women did to maintain who God made them. But, I still felt like I got charged more for the same technique Quita can do at the hood hoe price.
Rolling my hair in my fingers I sat down preparing to get serviced and throw away 1,000 dollars. This is what I went through to look natural. But she deserves it, And anxiety was winning. It always did. From since an early age, I never wanted to look like what I was going through. Who would? Would you? I really sold that shit once before, turned up. So what.