Chapter 11 : Jimin, I'm sorry.
"I-I don't know." I stutter, turning back to the window. Mark sighs, sitting on one of the bean bags in my room. "Don't." He says. I looked at him, confused. "Don't like me. I'll just end up hurting you. I've already told you. I didn't want you to think that I liked you so I distanced myself." He says, repeating what he said in the grocery store. I let out a deep breath. "Well, It didn't work." I say, as I tapped my nails on my desk.
"So you like me?" Mark asks. "Didn't you already hear what I said? Yeah." I ask, raising an eyebrow. "Hmm.. You really are special. Girls usually freak out when their crushes find out." He says, folding his arms in front of his chest. I scoff. "You're not that big of a deal." He smirks as I say this. "I clearly am, If you've been thinking about this for the past few days so much." He says. "Wow you really are an asshole." I say, rolling my eyes.
His expression drops. "Okay. Okay. I'll be nice. Only because your my best friend's sister." He says, letting out a sigh. "You were nice at the barbecue. You were nice before Joan came." I mumbled. "Hmph. Are you really going to spend the time complaining about that?" He asks. "Then what do you suggest we do?" I said, looking over to him. "I don't know. But I like your room. It's peaceful here." He says, he went from staring at the ceiling blankly to smiling. "Why are you smiling?" I asked.
"Because I didn't know that you'd have a crush on me, again." I chuck a book at him, hoping to hurt him. He lifts his head, catching the book. "Then what do you feel about me?" I asked, chewing on my bottom lip.
"Honestly, at first I didn't see much. And now, I'm not sure of what I see." He says, answering vaguely. "See how irritating it is?" He asks, laughing at my expression. "Mark, are you bipolar?" I asked, looking at him with concern. "Why?" He asks. "Sometimes you're really happy and you do cute things. Then you're upset and you become really introverted." I said, spinning my chair round and round slowly. "Did you just say that I do cute things?" Mark asks, laughing. My eyes widen. "No." I mumbled.
•
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I put on the dress and black chuck taylors with my hair in a ponytail. "I'm heading out!" I called, earning 'Okay's for a response. I started making my way to the park to see Jimin. I didn't want to give him false hope because I didn't want to hurt him. I'm using today to tell him.
"Hey!" Jimin calls, waving to bring my attention to him. I smile and wave, walking over to him.
"So, what do you have planned?" I asked as we started walking. "We're going to the tree." At first, I was a little confused as to what he was talking about. Then I remembered.
When we were young teenagers, we carved our names into a tree and made it ours. We ate sandwiches under that tree and talked under it as well, sharing our thoughts and dreams.
We reached the tree that no longer had leaves on it. Not because of the seasons but because it was dying. Maybe this is a depiction of whatever Jimin and I have. It lasted for a long time, but ended up dying. To me, Jimin will always have a significant place in my life. It's just that I no longer have the feelings I had for him.
He laid out a mat which we sat on, in a comfortable silence as we ate ice cream. We even talked about how sad it would be for the tree to go away. And it would soon be replaced by a new one. "So how was America?" I asked, trying to make up a conversation. "It was.. alright. I don't regret going.. but I wish things would've been better for us." He says, looking over to me. I sigh, chewing on my bottom lip. "I know you probably don't feel the same way anymore. But I want you to know that I'm not giving up on you. Take my heart and break it. A hundred times. A thousand times. Even a million. I don't mind Emily." He says, taking my hands into his.
"J-Jimin.. I'm sorry. But I can't do this to you. I can't let you hurt yourself like this. I don't want to give you hope over something I know will never come back. I hope we can be friends." I say. His expression said it all. He was hurt.
"I-I can respect that.. Even if we're friends. Just know that I'll love you. Even if you don't love me. And whoever gets to have you, whoever it is, better cherish you." He says, a tear escaping his eyes. I smile and punch him playfully. "Yah.. Since when did you become so sentimental." I said jokingly.
•
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I started walking back home, happy that he accepted the possibility of us just being friends. I crossed my arms in front of my chest as I walked into the house, looking for the boys. "Emily, we're in the kitchen!"
Kitchen? That's weird. "I'll go change!" I rush up my room and take off the dress, changing into a long sleeved shirt and shorts. I comb out my hair and tie it into a messy bun. I check my phone for text messages and indeed there was.
new group chat !
Jb : welcome to the chat em!
Jr : where is she?
Mark : she's out with Jimin
Jackson : I'm hungry :(
Youngjae : Let's cook something that isn't Ramen please
Yugyeom : Agreed
BamBam : I'll eat whatever.
I smiled at how care-free they sounded. Relaxed and calm. I went down the stairs and into the kitchen. Immediately, the scent of tomato sauce hits my nostrils. "What are you guys cooking?" I asked, sitting on one of the stools. "Spaghetti." Yugyeom answers. "Can I eat it too?" I asked, as I let out a yawn. "Of course you can." Jb says, letting out a laugh. "Huh? But you told me that if I didn't help out I wouldn't be eating." BamBam says with a frown. "That's because you literally sat at the couch, waiting for us to finish without bothering to help." Mark answers bluntly. "Okay Okay, Don't fight." Jr says.
"Em. Come taste the meatballs." Jackson says. I stood up and made my way over to him where he was cutting up a meatball. He picks it up and asks me to open my mouth. I bite down on the meatball, a burst of flavours exploding in my mouth. "That's seasoned well." I said, giving him a thumbs up. "Can I have the rest of it?" He nods. I take it and shove it into my mouth, smiling in delight.
"Can I help with anything?" I asked, looking at the boys. "You've made tacos for us and you cooked the meat for the barbecue so, no." Jb says, giving me a smile. I nod and return it. "Gyeom, we're almost done. Go set the table." Mark says. "Unnie, do you want to help me?" He asks as he carries the plates in his hands. "Sure."
I get the cups and cutlery while Yugyeom makes space for the pot of noodles and the sauce which Junior and Mark bring over. Soon, the meatballs are added to the sauce.
"Thanks for the food guys." I say, smiling at them. "No problem." Youngjae says. I start eating in silence and they have their conversation. "Unnie. Where did you and Jimin go earlier on?" Yugyeom asks. I poured some water into my cup and said, "The Park. We went to the tree we used to hang out at when we were younger." Jackson lets out a sigh. "What did you guys talk about?"
Well, there wasn't much of an interesting conversation Jackson. "We talked about the same thing we had a conversation about when he was at our house." I stayed silent after that while they talked. But soon, they included me into their conversation.
"Do you like Jimin?" BamBam asks. My eyes widened. "N-No." I answered, taking a sip of water from my cup, avoiding the burning gazes i received from the boys. "Then who do you like?" Youngjae asks, his concerned expression transitioning to excitement. "Aish. Guys, stop asking so many questions." Mark says, gently nudging Youngjae. He's probably only doing this because he doesn't want them to know that I like him.
"Gaga. Where's Mom and Dad?" I asked, changing the subject. "Probably still at work. They said they'll be home late. So after we eat, let's cover the food for them." He says. I nod, continuing to eat.
•
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I brushed my hair as I looked at myself in the mirror, a tear dropping down my cheek.
If I lead Jimin on, I'll be a bad friend. If I like Mark, I'll get hurt. And if I stay silent, I won't be happy.
I took my phone and saw that Jimin had texted me.
Jimin :
I respect your decision. I hope that whoever it is you like, will care for you and love you. I'll see you around. I hope we can go back to being best friends. I missed talking to you. :)
Me :
I hope whoever it is who ends up with you, will be able to return your love for them. See you when I see you. Take care
I sighed and pressed my cheek against my dressing table, shutting my eyes.