I suddenly woke up when my phone won't stop ringing on the bedside table. I'm still so sleepy kaya hindi ko na tinignan kung sino yung tumatawag but I reached for it and answer it anyway.
"Yeah?" my voice still sleepy.
"Nasa'n na kayo?" the person on the other side of the phone asked.
"Hotel. Who's this?"
"Were you asleep? It's Carlo. Umakyat na din kami ng hotel. Ang tagal niyo eh. Let's just grab dinner, may buffet sa baba." sabi niya at napatingin agad ako sa phone ko kung anong oras na. It's already 5:30 in the afternoon.
Seryoso? Ang tagal ko namang nakatulog.
"Oh, I didn't realize it was this late." my voice is still raspy. I slowly opened my eyes and scanned the room just to realize that I'm all alone, "I don't know where Kevin is though, he's not here."
"I'll call him, wash up. We'll see you sa baba."
"Yeps, see you." and I hang up.
I took my time to stretch and finally got up. I got my toiletries on top of the dresser at pumasok ng shower room. I took a bath and nagpalit. I just changed into one of my pair of one piece black bikini and wore white shorts. This way it's not too revealing. I blow dried my hair and pulled it into a messy bun letting some of my baby hairs fall down. I didn't wear make up anymore. I just got my phone at saka bumaba sa may buffet area.
I spotted our table and went directly to them pero wala rin si Kev dito. Where is he?
"Hey, sleepyhead." Bati sakin ni Marla.
"Hi, sorry. Hindi ko na namalayan yung oras eh." I apologized to them, "I can see you're enjoying yourselves guys." I tease them. Well, naglalandian lang naman sila kasama ng mga partners nila. Kumusta ako? Well, nobody cares. I just sat down katabi si Marla.
"Where's Kev?" tanong ni Marla.
"Don't ask me, I don't know." nagkibit balikat lang ako.
"I called him but he's not answering." sabi ni Carlo.
"Let's eat," aya ko sa kanila dahil ayoko ng masentro yung usapan kay Kev. I don't even have to worry now because we're not together anymore.
Pagkatapos naming kumain, nagkayayaan kaming mag-bonfire sa beach, mag barbeque and of course, beer. So here we are, sitting around the bonfire.
I was getting another stick of barbeque nung dumating si Kev.
"Sa'n ka galing? Ungas ka magpaalam ka naman." sabi ni Bry sa kanya.
"I just needed to do something." sabi niya lang saka siya umupo sa tabi ni JP.
"Was it work again? Come on, man. Iwanan mo muna yung trabaho sa Manila." JP said.
"Kaya nga eh. Tama bang iwanan si Reena ng walang paalam? Tol, wag ganon." Asar ni Carlo. This guy, sapakin ko to eh. Kevin just flipped him off by raising his middle finger to Carlo.
Pinasahan na lang nila si Kev ng beer, "Inom ka na lang," JP said in a cheery voice.
Nag-usap usap lang din kami ng tungkol sa kung anu-anong bagay. Silly things. Habang nag-uusap sila at nagtatawanan, umalis muna ako at naglakad lakad. The cool breezy air feels so good against my skin kaya naman napapahinga na lang ako ng malalim.
I stopped a few feet away from them, hugging myself with the cloth na dala ko panlamig at tumingin lang sa dagat.
It's so peaceful. Sana araw-araw ganito.
"Wow," I said in a soft voice dahil namamangha ako sa view ng buwan at ng dagat.
"Beer?" He offers me.
Nilingon ko siya at kinuha yung inaabot niyang beer, "thanks." I smile.
"Kailan ka aalis?" Tinatanong niya talaga yan? I really don't want to ruin the night.
"Kev, let's not talk about this. Please? Let's just enjoy this trip. Sayang naman yung gas mo kung hindi natin i e enjoy yung pinunta natin dito, di ba?" I tell him.
He smiles, god what I would give to see him smile everyday. "You know using gas as an excuse is lame."
"It worked though. So let's just enjoy this. What do you say?"
He didn't say anything instead he just clinked his bottle of beer to mine.
"I'll take that as a yes." I smile. God, I can't help it.
"It's my first time here, it feels nice." I said saka uminom.
"It's not bad." He shrugs.
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"One can just say yes or no but when it comes to you, laging "siguro" "hindi masyado" "not bad." I tell him.
"It's implied. When I say "not bad" the answer's already there."
"Yes but you like simple things. That way, it's just complicated."
"The only thing that's complicated in my life is us." Well, ain't that the truth?
"I can't argue with that." I smile.
After a while, bumalik na din kami sa kanila.
"It's getting late. Maybe we should head back in." Bry stood up.
"Can't wait?" Natatawang sabi ni Kev.
"Can you?" Natatawang sagot din ni Bry.
"You guys. Shut up." I flip them off.
Bry just raised his hands in surrender and went back in the hotel. Nagpaalam na rin yung iba. So kami na lang ni Kev yung naiwan.
"Ayaw mo pang umakyat?"
"I like the cold breeze."
"I like hot things, hot people..." He smiles
"I can see you're being naughty tonight." I tease him.
"Can't help it if you're gonna keep wearing clothes like that." He shrugs and looks at my chest.
"Maybe I should keep wearing them then." I challenge him.
"I can always take it off of you." His perverted smile is plastered on his face.
"You'll like that. Wouldn't you?" My voice is getting raspy because of the cold breeze.
He didn't answer me instead he just leaned in and kissed my shoulder. With that one gesture, I immediately had goosebumps. He felt my body respond to him. He slowly leaned in and kissed me on my lips. I didn't held back. God how I missed this guy. I kiss him back putting my arms on his neck and his hands wandering around my body.
"I missed you," I hear myself say and he kissed me harder.
"We don't seem to get our shits together." He said in between kisses.
I can't say anything but, "no." I don't want to stop kissing him but I have to because otherwise, I'll be lost in this moment. I will dig deep and plant myself my own grave.
I just stopped kissing him and without saying anything, I stood up. I did a combination of walkathon before I got into our hotel room. I'm a fcking idiot and I know it. I know I shouldn't have went that far but I did. I know we'll just end up hurting each other if we do this.
Dumeretso ako ng CR. I can't face him. I locked the door behind me. I wasn't waiting long when I heard him enter the room. I heard his footsteps coming near the door.
"Reena, buksan mo tong pinto." He was fiddling with the doorknob and pounding the door.
I really pray not to wake the people on this floor.
"No," I said.
"Are you gonna keep doing this?" He raises his voice.
"Will you keep your voice down? You'll wake the people on this floor." I reprimand him.
"Fuck them. Open this door now." He demands.
"Why do we keep doing this? We both know how this is going to end!" My frustration is getting the best of me.
"I don't! So stop this nonsense and open this door now."
"I'm leaving in less than a week! You said so yourself this isn't gonna work!"
"We haven't even tried!" He answered me and that made me open the door for him.
When I saw him, his face is confused, full of uncertainties. He's so vulnerable right now and I can see right through him. He's not hiding anything right now.
"What did you just say? You'll actually try and make this work?" I unbelievably ask him.
He opens his mouth to say something. I was hoping for anything. I should be surprised but no, I'm not anymore. I just smiled disappointedly. How many times have I let myself be disappointed by him? And I never learn.
"Let's stop this bago pa tayo magkasiraan at magkasakitang dalawa. I should've known that this would eventually end this way pero pinilit ko pa rin." I tell him meeting his gaze.
"Why can't you just stay here? Fck." He closes his eyes in frustration and looked deeply into my eyes.
"We've been over this a countless times and I'll say it again. I can't live my life in regrets. Marami pa akong gustong gawin pero ayaw mo naman akong samahan. I told you we can build our worlds together kahit na magkalayo tayo pero ayaw mong i-try. I know that you have a life here and as selfish as it sounds, hindi ba pwedeng gumawa na lang tayo ng buhay nating magkasama? Yung tayong dalawa lang?" I explain my side.
"It doesn't work like that."
"Then what does? Huh? Tell me para alam ko kung paano ko iintindihin yang baliko mong utak." I am so frustrated right know.
"I don't want to be a part of that world Reena. Ayos na ako kung nasaan ako ngayon. If that's not okay with you, wala na akong magagawa." He really wouldn't even try? Fuck.
"To hell with your excuses, Kev. If this is how you want it to be then fine. Don't stop me. Let this be the last time I beg you to help me make this work. I've done my part."
"I did the best I could do." His face remains emotionless.
"Yeah? Keep teling yourself that." I tell him before I walked away from him. Let this be the last time.